Cast:
Vida: The heroine of our story. A cross dressing guy.
Tiffany: The evil person out to get Vida
Magenta: A showgirl who assists Tiffany in her plot against Vida.
Janitor: A janitor
Manager: Tiffany's manager
Lips: Introduces the play and is a showgirl.
Showgirl: A showgirl
Disclaimer: None of the songs are ours. Nor is the rocky horror picture show stuff. Vida& Tiffany and Janitor and Manager are. So is the basic script. GET YER FILTHY CLAWS OFF!
Lips: I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. This is the story of one, a young....
Janitor walks on stage, sweeping the floor. Lips whispers something to her and the Janitor argues for a second before getting pushed off stage.
Lips: As I was saying, a young Tiffany DeMoore, who puts on a performance at the fifth anniversary of her theater. But alas, upstaged was she. Please enjoy the performance.
Tiffany walks on stage with her showgirls behind her.
Tiffany: Welcome, welcome to the 5th anniversary of my glorious theater. Tonight I will preform my first song ever, "I Will Survive".
Tiffany lips synchs with the music. At the words " And so you're back" Vida come on stage, singing along with the music. As the song continues, Vida keeps trying to get Tiffany off the stage, and Tiffany attempts to get the audience to help her. May also interject with shouts of: "get off the stage!!!" "Hey!!! That woman is wearing my dress!!! And those are my shoes!!!!" "But this is my stage......" Song ends, Tiffany crying on the center of the stage.
Vida: Oh thank you, thank you. Ignore the trailer trash all weeping on the stage.
Tiffany makes a swipe at Vida's dress
Vida: Oh be careful, my dress tears easily. Not like yours, which you need a bull dozer to tear through! Oh and honey?
Vida licks the tip of her finger and plants it on her thigh, Making a sound like water evaporating. "SSSSsssss..." The showgirls and Vida walk offstage.
Tiffany is crying on the stage. Magenta walks out.
Magenta: Tiffany...Tiffany, get up.
Tiffany: oh, Ok.
Magenta: Now I know you are very upset about this situation with that Vida woman trying to be queen and all that. However, I think I may have a solution.
Tiffany: well, what is it????
Magenta: There are two options. One, You could be her friend, and reign, hand in hand as queens.
Tiffany: No, bad, no good, no. What is... the other option????
Magenta: Well....You could have been friends or.....
Tiffany: What? What?
Magenta: Or..... you could kill her.
Tiffany: Kill her? smile evilly Yes... Kill her.....
Magenta: But you will need help. And a plan. I shall provide the plan, you provide the help.
Tiffany: Help? Help. Yes, Help. Well, there is a lot of help out there... Spreads her arms toward the audience.
Magenta: Now here is the Plan....
Tiffany and Magenta walk off stage, Magenta whispering, And Tiffany nodding
Vida walks on stage
Vida: Oh, everything will be so perfect for my show tomorrow! The audience will simply adore me!! Looks up Oh dear... Manager! Oh Manager!
The manager walks on stage with three other people. One of them is the Janitor.
Vida: Manager, this row of lights is out. Would you please have them replaced?
Manager:Turning to Janitor Fix the lights!
Janitor walks off stage and turns the lights back on. Walks back to stand by Manager
Vida: Also, did you get the CD of 'Dancing Queen' for tonight's performance?
Manager: No, did you get it?
Vida: YES, I got the CD, now go get it!
Manager tells Janitor to get it who goes and announces that they found it, then walks back on.
Tiffany: THAT IS IT!! I am sick of you trying to control MY stage crew! Out! Out!
Tiffany forces Vida off stage. Turns to Manager & Janitor.
Tiffany: You don't LIKE that Vida woman, right?
Nod heads
Tiffany: Well then, I have a job for you. I would do it myself, but you know how hard blood is to get out of dresses...
Manager: What SORT of job?
Tiffany: Umm... for you to sort of, maybe... Kill her?
Manager: well, there is the uh... rubs finger together, indicating money
Tiffany: Oh sure. Any price. Ok?
The two nod.
Tiffany: Great. Now, Here's the plan....exit stage right
Vida walks on stage, the showgirls following behind her.
Vida: Oh, thank you, thank you. Also, my lovely showgirls, let's give them a hand, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, I will be preforming my favorite song by ABBA, "Dancing Queen"!
Vida starts singing along to the music. Halfway through the first verse, the Janitor and Manager walk out on stage and pretend to throw confetti for a bit, and then pull out fake knives and try to stab Vida. Both miss, but the Manager's knife hits a showgirl. Tiffany, who has been walking around the aisles with a fake gun, pops a balloon and the Manager falls down "dead". The song continues. The Janitor talks to Tiffany, shocked. They say "I'm out of here" and Tiffany shoots them on the edge of the stage. Tiffany pops more balloons, and the other showgirls die. Finally, she yells out
Tiffany: STOP THE MUSIC!!!! ALRIGHT YOU STRANGE WOMAN, WHY WON'T YOU JUST DIE??????
Vida: Calm down, Tiffany. I have to tell you something. takes Tiffany's hands, and Tiffany is disturbed
Vida: Tiffany....I AM YOUR FATHER!!! pulls off wig and Tiffany pulls her hands away, shocked even more
Tiffany: You can't be my father, cause last time I saw him, he was, you know, A GUY.
Vida: Well, dearie, you don't get like this overnight.
Tiffany: Ok, I see that, but...Where did you come from??????
Vida: faces audience A Time Warp.
Everyone else: A Time Warp???
the music starts up. Vida sings with Riffraff, Magenta with, well, Magenta; Lips just dances like the rest, and Showgirl sings with that one girl.... I forgot her name. The music ends. Everyone slumps down in apparent death. Like in the movie after the Time Warp
This script was written by me, the play was thought up by my SYP improvisation Acting class of 2000. I take almost no credit. They came up with the main part of the script.