1.
It had only happened once.
Even then, it was most pleasant from the very beginning, when he had had less of an idea of what Rabi was doing, and Rabi could pretend there was a welcoming human softness in his lips. But beneath his own mouth he'd felt the slow tightening of a scowl, pulling flesh taut over teeth.
Kanda was a hard kisser, he found out. It might not have been useful enough for a Bookman to record, but Rabi learned that even terms for the most base, trivial things can have unpleasant double meanings.
Of course only Kanda would be cold enough to make that relevant.
2.
Rabi never thought Kanda would have been able to even say the word "sex". It was so silly and passionate and intentionally attention-grabbing and Kanda was none of those things.
Kanda had said, if you want love, go to Lenalee. If you want sex, go to Allen.
He said it and left, picking up his tray. Mugen was on his hip because he was leaving for a mission.
Rabi wants to say he's doesn't have to be as knowledgeable as a Bookman to have always known Kanda wouldn't give him either.
He's not quite smart enough to know what would happen if he told Kanda he'd never cared.
3.
Tch.
Kanda sees his own grumpy face in the eye of a level three akuma and his tic makes him do it again.
Tch.
4.
Rabi doesn't take what he said personally because it's not like Kanda would give those kind of things to anybody.
It doesn't mean Rabi's not as brash as before because that was what he had been when he had done it and Kanda hadn't even been nice enough to be angry about it. He'd only stood and let Rabi weaken by himself, the weight of realization dragging Rabi's shoulders away from Kanda's body.
Rabi's state afterwards while Kanda is gone makes Lenalee fret prettily and smack him with her clipboard, scolding him to cheer up. It makes Allen desirable with his sincere inquiry about what's wrong, because things like other people's happiness really does worry him
Kanda was completely right. It makes Rabi miss him.
The hurt of the reality Kanda predicted keeps Rabi company while he is gone.
5.
When Kanda comes back, another petal is missing from his lotus and all is well.
Of course that means that he's asleep.
The akuma that had been terrifying the town has been neatly halved and exploded courtesy of Mugen, the innocence has been retrieved and safely stowed, and Kanda will wake up in just a little bit because he doesn't die like normal people and all will be the same as it was before.
All Rabi has to do it wait and see if Kanda will have anything to say to him and if he has something to say to Kanda.
5.
A few weeks pass.
Lenalee's freakishly loving and tough heart is still ticking away, keeping her as warm and loveable as ever. Allen is still a little younger and slender, his innocence keeping eyes wide, words naïve, and overall being attractive.
Rabi stays with them until he hears that Kanda has woken up. He still stays with them after because they want to see him too, but when they get to his room his eyes are dark seams of lashes on his face.
Lenalee and Allen leave, disappointed and wondering if Kanda only regained consciousness for a little while.
Rabi stays behind, explaining even as he does it that he wants to look at the flower in the hourglass on the table. Intellectual curiosity, he says. It is.
It's the only thing close to decorative in Kanda's room, but for some reason it doesn't even feel like that.
He hears breathing quicken and knows Kanda's opened his eyes again.
6.
Kanda is lying spread eagle on his bed, looking sloppy from his splayed limbs to asymmetrical bandages to loose streamers of dark hair slipping off his pillow as he turns his head.
Yo, Rabi says, placing his hands on the hour glass because his insides jerk when Kanda looks at him and gives him the crazy impulse to do something physically, anything, just to survive the moment.
Don't touch that! Kanda hisses.
He sits up incredibly quickly and something completely contradictory to Kanda's frosty composure happens. When he felt the pang of pain he could have swiftly laid himself back down with a curse, which would have been more in keeping with his character. But the lotus is more important and Kanda doesn't even stop even when the pain hits.
His shoulder cracks on the hard stone floor.
Laughing or shouting his name both seem theatrical and Rabi doesn't feel the inclination to either. He freezes.
Kanda doesn't move for a while anyway.
7.
Rabi manages to remember to help Kanda. Kanda's expression is sullen but he doesn't snap at him.
Yuu, there were no Noah, Rabi says. There's a grunt in it as he takes on Kanda's weight, which is considerable, being an adult male's. But Rabi's careless and doesn't make the statement conversational. A rhetorical question, or a bright exclamation. He didn't manage either.
The report was wrong. Lenalee and Allen, they…
Here, Rabi's voice hitches and guilt prods him as he pictures Lenaless supportive smile and Allen's sweet anxious face, even though he hasn't done anything all this time besides look.
They were worried, he finishes, dumping Kanda only a little too roughly on his mattress.
Kanda doesn't say anything and keeps his attention focused in the opposite direction, the empty room.
Yuu, I…Congratulations. On getting the innocence.
Of course he did. That was his job. Rabi got innocence himself all the time.
No, I mean…Welcome home.
He didn't get to say that. He was almost a Bookman. He was all over the place doing his duties, he wasn't an established fixture making the Order good to come back to, like Jerry, or Lenalee, or Komui, or…
I apologize.
As Kanda says it, all of a sudden his eyes are glassy and dark and fixed frankly on Rabi's face and Rabi doesn't even know when that happened.
Then he feels the drops on his hands and understands why he kept his head down and missed it.
For what I said, Kanda says.
8.
But I didn't like what you did.
Rabi watches his mouth, the one that made their kiss hard and dead, move as the words come out. Kanda's tone is flat. People think Kanda is indifferent in general, but Rabi knows from years of experience that Kanda is never really indifferent. His temper makes him take offense to everything, and that's hardly indifferent.
When Kanda speaks and is truly emotionless, that is when something is off.
I don't…Kanda forces it through like one forces it through gritted teeth, but it's just a little kinder. Tightly pressed lips. Lips that compress with each pause, Rabi notices.
Kanda's lips seem to have a hard time staying soft and inviting. Rabi'd went after them anyway, knowing.
I don't dislike you, Kanda finally says.
9.
Kanda is well enough to walk around and terrify the Finders with his cruel diatribes once again. Allen seems so endearing when he comes to their defense, putting himself between the finders and the notoriously foul-tempered Excorcist. Lenalee is so sweet, when she takes them aside in tears after Kanda's harsh words and murmurs how appreciated they are. Things have been harder at the Black Order these days, so Kanda is more brusque, the Finder's feelings are more tender, and Lenaleee and Allen have been working harder.
Rabi takes it all in, tired and jaded. He has enough hyper outbursts to keep everyone satisfied and unquestioning in a time when things are strained in general.
When Kanda explodes again and tells the Finders that they're useless, that all they're good for is getting Exorcists killed, Rabi says from the side, his head on the table,
Yuu-chan, give it a rest.
Kanda's been so awful that almost all the Exorcists have intervened at least once to stand up for the Finders. Rabi has never said anything about it before and Kanda has never attacked another Exorcist. But suddenly Kanda's hand has Rabi dangling from his throat and the other is taking out the Mugen from its hilt.
Lenalee and Allen are in the room but far away. Rabi hears Lenalee scream and Allen shouting for his innocence to activate so it can separate Rabi's neck from Kanda's fingers. Before that can even happen, Rabi forces through pressed lips:
I'm over it.
Kanda drops him.
Lenalee cries because things have gotten so bad even between the Exorcists. She slaps them both, but looks a bit more tragic and confused when she does Rabi. Allen says Lenalee! as if he doesn't think she's entirely wrong and then puts his arm around her.
Kanda doesn't say anything.
10.
Sweat trickles down Rabi's neck where Kanda is biting him. The salty taste isn't enough to make Kanda close his eyes completely, which are still hard.
Yuu, that hurts.
Don't call me that.
Rough fingers reach around and into Rabi's mouth, probing. Rabi can feel fingernails on his tongue. He looks straight out and sees the lotus. He wishes he were seeing something else completely.
Yuu, stop for a moment.
You stop.
Rabi twists around and pushes him off. With slight hesitation, he lays hand on Kanda's cheek and closes the distance between their faces. He catches a glimpse of twisted petal markings before Kanda jerks him from his wrist and onto the bed.
Only for you, Kanda says afterwards. Once.
End.
A/N: Because I love Denwa's post-apocalyptic D.Grayman fics and committing academic suicide at 4 in the morning.