A musing/drabble inspired by a review left on Argue Me Tender byKyo's Favorite Kitty. It got me to thinking about Hermione and Severus, and her thoughts on fairy tales and rom coms. It's not exactly in the YMKtB universe, but I'm kind of hoping it'll fit in well enough. Enjoy!

Hermione had always been more mature than the other girls her age. She was more interested in knowledge and books than in boys. Even when she did sit up and take notice of the opposite sex, she was far too practical to expect or even want a fairy tale romance.

She did eventually fall in love and get married to a man she could see herself growing old with, and that was as much as anyone could hope for, she thought. He was in no way a Prince Charming, but she was hardly a princess either. Hermione always resented that the bookish, smart character was forever cast as a sidekick, and most often a wise animal or some inanimate object come to life. There was no place in fairy tales for an intelligent, pragmatic and merely nice to look at heroine.

Hermione was an intelligent woman. She knew that even though she'd never be classified as a great beauty, she was still attractive. All through her years at Hogwarts, she resisted Parvati and Lavender's attempts to slather colors and creams all over her face, yet she still managed to win the man she wanted. She'd rolled her eyes when the giggling 17-year-old girls claimed to have found the 'man of their dreams', knowing that their delusions of romantic grandeur would soon be shattered.

In fact, Hermione was at her most practical when it came to matters of love. In her seventh year, after seeing the girls at Hogwarts fall for boy after boy, she decided that she wouldn't allow herself to act so foolishly when it was her turn. Knowing that all common sense flies out the window the second love comes knocking, Hermione resolved to make sure to have a back-up plan in case that happened to her.

One year for her birthday, one of her great-aunts sent her a book describing 'the rules' of romance and dating. Intrigued, Hermione read the book cover to cover in one sitting. Upon finishing it, she snorted and threw the book over her shoulder with a flourish. Hermione had no doubt that many girls used the hard-to-get routine and 'trained' her man to do certain things, but there was no way in hell Hermione wanted a lapdog for a partner.

Hermione saw so many classmates get their hearts broken (some who were obviously following the 'rules'), but she also saw the relationships that worked out wonderfully. Not one to skimp on research, Hermione observed both categories of people. Then, taking into account her own personal values and the values she knew she required in a partner, she made her own list of rules for herself should she ever fall in love and find herself unable to make reasonable decisions:

Rule #1: I will never claim to love someone before I can fill out the attached form (see page 4) convincingly and in full detail.
(The form included questions such as "List five things you love about -insert name here-", "Describe three instances in which -insert name here- has demonstrated each quality" and "What is his favorite color?")

Rule #2: If I am not happy in the relationship, something is wrong. This means for a prolonged period of time and excludes any emotion described after a traumatic event such as a big fight or a death. If I am seriously unhappy with a person and my relationship with him, I will deal with the problem accordingly until I am happy again, or I will get out. If I routinely fluctuate between happy and significantly unhappy, then the first option becomes void.

Rule #3: Infidelity is impermissible. Even though it will most likely be a major turn-off so early on, make this clearly known at the beginning of the relationship.

Rule #4: The silent treatment is only to be used for ten days maximum. If absolutely no attempt to save the relationship has been made by the other party involved, the relationship is over. If an attempt has been made, my partner shall be given a second chance (whether it means giving him the benefit of the doubt or swallowing my pride).

Rule #5: How well I already know a man before starting a romantic relationship with him will be directly related to how fast said relationship should move. Dates meant to 'get to know one another' no longer serve their purpose in cases such as these.

Rule #6: In matters of love, getting is just as important as giving. Respect for one another is key to a good relationship. As such, inequality is unacceptable. He must show that he cares about me. Whether or not he says 'I love you' often is irrelevant.

Rule #7: Banter and sarcasm are good. Words meant to hurt are not. A man claiming to love me should be able to recognize the difference.

The list went on and on, spanning several long rolls of parchment. After several edits, Hermione was finally satisfied with the results and placed several charms on the list to make it impervious to harm and impossible to lose. Hermione made sure to make each rule reasonable enough that she wouldn't be temped to bend her rules in a sticky situation, but flexible enough to allow for many different kinds of romances.

However many years later, Hermione found herself even more proud of her list than she was when she originally wrote it. She was pleased to say she had never deviated from it (despite occasional temptation) and she ensured that she didn't act like an idiot.

When she was nineteen, an argument with Parvati Patil had given her pause, though. Perhaps her list shut out any possibility of an epic romance? But then Hermione realized that she was the one who yelled at stupid heroines in movies and novels. She didn't want an epic romance. For all the happy endings, there were a myriad of avoidable mistakes along the way that she had no interest in making merely for the sake of dramatic suspense.

This was fortunate because her relationship with Severus Snape in no way resembled a fairy tale. The common plot twists of the modern romantic comedy would have driven them mad long before bringing them to a happily ever after.

In the beginning, he had to make a supreme effort not to see her as his student any longer, and she (while admittedly attracted to him) was untrusting of his motives towards her. However, after months of awkwardness and uncertainty, Hermione took the plunge and kissed him. Immediately afterwards, though, she outlined the expectations she would have if they were to enter into a relationship. At first, his nonplussed expression made her doubt her small speech, but his responding (and thorough) kiss soon banished all thoughts from her head.

After a courting period of two years and a marriage of nearly one, Hermione was pleased to say that both she and Severus had followed her rules and expectations perfectly. Well, he didn't fill out her "Am IReally In Love?" questionnaire, but it took him an entire year to say the words, even though Hermione knew his feelings long before then.

In fact, about six months into their relationship, Severus had admitted that just about everything she did made him "inexplicably happy". He hadn't quite understood what her beaming smile meant, but to Hermione, that confession was better than him saying "I love you".

All in all, Hermione was glad she didn't have a fairy tale love life. They were pretty much a toss-up, anyway. There were an equal number of tragic romances as comedic ones, and Hermione really didn't want to take that chance just for a good story to tell at dinner parties. She was, as her husband called it, inexplicably happy with her life and her choice of mate. And what more could any know-it-all want?