I don't own anything

This came to me when I was watching My Sisters Keeper

I don't understand. You always knew that one day I was going to die, you knew I was a horcrux. So why did you let me be happy. Why did you let me have friends, why did you let me play quidditch, why did you let me fall in love, why did you let me do all the things that me make me happy. Why did you let me find reasons to live if you were going to let me die.

I feel so stupid why I didn't notice. First year those tasks were so easy the stone was so important and the tasks to get to the stone were meant to fend of Tom Riddle yet three first years were doing just fine, they were never meant to stop him.

Second year, why didn't it occur to me when I walked into that office and saw you. You weren't even looking for us. Fawkes and you have a special connection, you knew were he was and you didn't come, you just left it to me. I almost died, but you knew that.

Did you know Sirius was innocent? I feel like you believed us so easily when we told you. You didn't even protest. Did you keep him in prison so I would stay at the Dursley's?

The tournament saw terrifying. I wasn't ready, but you let me fight anyway. You say how everyone hated me, you saw how alone I was. Did it bother you? What was it like seeing me bleeding all over the grass, sobbing? What was it like bursting into the office and stopping Barty Crouch from killing me?

You didn't come anywhere near me. Was it because you saw him or did you not want to see me suffer? What did it feel like when I begged you to kill me? Why didn't you? What was dying then to dying now? I wasn't in love then, and I would have been happy to follow Sirius. You didn't get angry when I yelled or destroyed your office. I think you knew you deserved it. I don't understand why you didn't just tell me then. It was never your secret to keep. You were never apart of it, unlike me you could have walked away.

It felt wonderful to fight beside you. I liked the fact that you trusted me. I didn't mind being your man through and through, I accepted the title with pride. Letting my blind faith for you guide me. I hated watching you suffer and apart of me died when you did. You were , I don't know what your were to me but I know I will keep you in my heart forever, sometime with hate or love.

What was it like seeing me and knowing? Was it hard to see me walk into the great hall for the first time? To see me make friends? To see me grow? To see me find family? To see me fall in love? To see me laugh, or cry? Who were you going to have do it? Were you going to kill me or Snape or did you always plan to have me run to Tom and have him kill me? That's what I'm doing now.

I see you.

I hear you.

I understand you.

I'll never understand.

I miss you.

I love you.

I hate you.

I'm leaving you.

I will see you again.

It was never you secret.

Why did it have to be this way?

Did you have regrets?

Do regrets matter after you die?

Will I live?

Will I die?

Thank you.

How could you do this to me?

I will never understand but that's ok because I live, I die, and I will live again. After being there in that place it doesn't matter. I feel at peace. I looking forward to seeing you again.

Never pity the dead, pity the living.

I will live.