Voldemort Takes Therapy
Disclaimer: Would JK Rowling have the initiative let alone the low brain capacity to write something like this!?
A/N: I was checking my reviews and this idea hit me and I wanted to write a fic that I could use to make fun of Voldemort with. And so, read on, send reviews, make fun of it, do whatever you want!
Chapter 1:
Voldemort walked up the last flight of stairs. He turned right and strutted down the hall, just glancing at the room numbers. 380 381 382 383, he stopped at the door that read:
Room 384
Doctor Crane
Specialist in Evil Followers, Dark Lords, and Ex-Wives.
Voldemort knocked with his left fist; his right clutching the handle of his wand.
"Come in," the therapist called from inside. Voldemort pulled on the handle but the door wouldn't open. He raised his wand and the wood shattered into the room; along with a mysterious Push sigh. Voldemort stepped in. "Dark Lord formally known as Tom Marvolo Riddle?" Doctor Crane said looking at his clipboard. He didn't seem to even notice that his door had just been shattered.
Voldemort was walking around the room studying the titles on the spines of the many books. A Study of the Evil Minds, Resist the Pressure to Join the Dark Arts, Letting Go of Your Evil Ambitions for Dummies, It's Okay to Blame Your Ex-Husband. "Formally, yes," Voldemort replied.
"Now known-"
"And feared," Voldemort corrected.
Crane studied Voldemort's expression, than scribbled down on his paper, takes pride in being feared. Crane then finished his original sentence, "-as Voldemort."
"Yes," Voldemort said, not looking back at the therapist. He was flipping through a book called Killing Doesn't Bring Happiness as Crane scribbled a few more notes on his paper.
Voldemort sneered as he put the book back on the shelf. He whole heartedly disagreed with the title.
"You can have a seat if you like," Crane offered smiling. Voldemort looked across the room at a long chair that's back didn't go up that high. Voldemort walked over to the chair and sat, or more, laid down. From this position Voldemort had a giant window on his left and Doctor Crane on his right sitting in a normal chair.
Doctor Crane looked up at the door, or what was left of it anyway. "Is that how you normally enter a room?" he asked with a very calm voice.
"Only if the door won't open," Voldemort said more to the door than to Crane.
"It certainly will get the attention of whoever's in the room," Crane said chuckling.
Voldemort looked up at him and smiled rather evilly, "I think I should be noticed when I enter a room."
"Why do you think that?" Crane asked intrigued by Voldemort's reply.
"Because I'm special!" Voldemort smiled even wider. Crane wrote down a few more notes. After a moment Voldemort asked, "Isn't Evil Followers, Dark Lords, and Ex-Wives and odd combination to study?"
"I find they all have a common problem," Crane said.
"What's that?"
"They all seem to be out to kill someone, either a traitor, an arch enemy, or an ex-husband."
A/N: That was really, really, really not good. I have way funnier ideas for this fic, but I had to get it started so hopefully the chapters will get better as the story goes on. The ex-wife thing I came up with on the spot, so that's really random. But randomness is good! I was actually just writing this as I went, so yeah. Please send reviews and feel free to send in ideas because I have a very open mind when it comes to my fics. Oh, and thanks for reading, more to come soon!