Learn To Do It
An ArchieSonic Song Parody
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: I loved this movie, even though I heard several stupid jokes about my name when it was first released. I never did and never will answer to 'Anya'. I don't react as strongly as the Warner Sister would if you called her Dotty, but there were times I was tempted to adopt her policy as my own. Somewhat inspired by the Archie Sonic comics, this is just a silly 'what if?' montage that has Sonic and Bunnie trying to instruct a no-longer comatose but amnesiac Antoine on how to behave like the chivalrous coyote that he is. The song lyrics have been re-worked from the melody "Learn To Do It" off the Anastasia soundtrack.
[SONIC]
You were born to a noble family
[ANTOINE]
I'm from nobility?
Could it be?
[SONIC]
Yes, that's right.
You held a sword when you were only three.
[ANTOINE]
Sword fights? That was me?
[SONIC]
And the blade...
[BUNNIE]
Shone so bright!
[SONIC]
You made souffle and cried out when it fell
[BUNNIE]
Laughed at Geoffrey's smell!
[ANTOINE]
Was I wild?
[BUNNIE]
I won't tell.
[SONIC]
But you tried to prove your father raised you well.
[BUNNIE]
Imagine how it was!
[SONIC]
Your long-forgotten past!
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
We've lots and lots to teach you and the time is going fast!
[ANTOINE]
All right... I'm ready!
[SONIC]
Now jacket's on and tie that belt
[BUNNIE]
And do not walk, but march in place.
[ANTOINE]
I feel a little foolish.
Am I marching?
[SONIC]
Do an about face!
[BUNNIE]
You see the girl
[ANTOINE]
My head's a-whirl
[SONIC]
That stops when you get kissed.
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
Don't forget the life you missed!
[SONIC]
If I can learn to learn to do it, you can learn to do it.
[BUNNIE]
Something in you knows it-
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
There's nothing to it!
[SONIC]
Follow in my footsteps, shoe by shoe!
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
You can learn to do it too!
[SONIC]
At a party, dress for success
[BUNNIE]
And tell a joke, but get it wrong.
[ANTOINE]
I am s'posed to say it wrong?
[SONIC]
That's something you've done all along.
[BUNNIE]
The dance floor
[SONIC]
Come back for more
[ANTOINE]
Then I hold her all night?
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
As long as you've got this right!
[SONIC]
If I can learn to do it
[BUNNIE]
If he can learn to do it
[SONIC]
You can learn to do it!
[BUNNIE]
You can learn to do it
[SONIC]
Pull yourself together
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
And you'll pull through it!
[SONIC]
Tell yourself it's easy
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
And it's true!
You can learn to do it too!
[SONIC]
Next, you must memorize all the Acorn royalty.
Now here we have crazy Max
[BUNNIE]
Led fierce attacks
[SONIC]
And broke his back.
[ANTOINE]
Oh!
[SONIC]
Poor Prince Elias lost his appeal-ias
[BUNNIE]
Got it Sugah?
[ANTOINE]
No!
[SONIC]
The young Emerson
[ANTOINE]
He was...?
[BUNNIE]
Killed!
[SONIC]
Queen Alicia
[ANTOINE]
Was she...?
[BUNNIE]
Skilled!
[SONIC]
As for Sal...
[BUNNIE]
She was my best pal.
[SONIC]
I always said she's quite the gal.
[ANTOINE]
And we shall soon see her again!
[SONIC]
...He doesn't know about our friend...
[ANTOINE]
If you can learn to do it
I can learn to do it!
[SONIC]
Don't know how you knew it
[ANTOINE]
I simply knew it!
Suddenly I feel like someone new...
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
Antoine, you're a dream come true!
If I can learn to do it
[ANTOINE]
If I can learn to do it
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
You can learn to do it!
[ANTOINE]
You can learn to do it.
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
Pull yourself together
[ALL THREE]
And you'll pull through it!
[SONIC]
Tell yourself it's easy
[ALL THREE]
And it's true!
[SONIC AND BUNNIE]
You can learn to do it
[ANTOINE]
Nothing to it!
[ALL THREE]
You can learn to do it too!
~~~The End.
Author's Note: The accent's are absent from the song just for simplicity's sake. But if you're an avid fan I think you can imagine how Jaleel White, Christine Cavanough, and Rob Paulsen (original SatAM voice actors) would sound together. I think the last time I heard Rob Paulsen sing I was babysitting for the neighbor's son. We watched a hilariously well-done and over-the-top number in one of The Land Before Time films. I didn't know they had so many sequels before Evan showed me his dinosaur collection. In a way it's more terrifying than anything Michael Crichton could ever envision, heh.