Clarke had taken to sleeping in the engineering section since making contact with Bellamy at Mount Weather. Raven had kindly offered to stay there instead, but Clarke refused.
"No, you go on to sleep, Raven. You deserve a break. You've worked really hard." Clarke always responded. "And, uh, I want to hear him for myself, you know?"
Raven just nodded her head, giving Clarke a tight lipped smile, and turned to walk from the room. Before she reached the door, she turned and said, "He'll be okay, Clarke." Clarke didn't trust herself to respond. Once she was alone, she turned the volume of the radio up a little higher, to ensure that she would hear Bellamy if he called for her. Then she dragged an old cot across the floor to rest near the work bench and settled down on it, covering herself in a thin blanket. Her heart ached with worry. While she felt stronger now that she knew Bellamy was okay (for now), she couldn't shake the constant nagging fear that he would be caught and killed. It made it impossible to sleep well and every time she ate, her stomach churned in discomfort.
The sound of static felt like a constant reminder that her friends were in danger. Oddly enough, the low buzz became somewhat comforting. She couldn't stand blank noise anymore. The silence was a reminder of the absence of those she cared for. And so she always kept the radio on, buzzing, keeping her company. She had not heard from Bellamy since that night, but she refused to lose faith. Bellamy would pull through. Again. He always did.
She began to drift off, the noise lulling her into a comfortable state between waking and sleeping when she heard it: the signal cut out for a moment, the buzzing stopped. Her eyes snapped open and she raised off the cot, staring at the radio, hard. All she could hear was static then-
"Clarke? Is Clarke there?" A gravelly voice sounded out in the darkness. Clarke nearly fell in her hasty attempt to get to the radio. She grabbed the walkie talkie in her hand, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. It was like finding out that he was alive all over again.
"Bellamy? It's Clarke. I'm here. Are you okay?" Clarke said, quickly, her relief turning to worry.
"Clarke," He breathed, sounding relieved. "I'm fine. Everything's fine…other than everyone being trapped and Dante's insane son taking everything over…we're fine."
Clarke smiled to herself. "You're doing good. Just…lay low as much as possible. Have you found a way to disable the acid fog?"
"We're working on it. Bit difficult right now, but we've got everything under control. We'll have it disabled soon. I promise. We'll get our people out of here, Clarke. If I have to die trying."
"Don't say that." Clarke said sharply. "Everyone is getting out alive. Including you. You don't get to give up yet. We still need you, Bellamy. I still need you. So, get the job done, and get back here. Okay?"
She was greeted with silence.
"Bellamy, did you hear me?" Clarke asked, urgently.
"Yeah, yeah. I hear you." Bellamy answered. His voice sounded odd, almost strained. But, why, Clarke couldn't tell.
"Are you doing okay?" She asked pointedly.
"I'll be okay when our people are safe and we're all out of this damn mountain." He said, roughly.
"Bellamy?" Clarke asked, quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Will you stay on the line a little longer?" Clarke's cheeks flushed and she was happy that Bellamy couldn't see her.
He didn't answer for a moment, and Clarke wanted to take her words back, swallow them up, and pretend that she wasn't hurting so badly, that she wasn't missing him more than she could have imagined. Then:
"Yeah. I'm right here Clarke. I'm not going anywhere." He said gently.
Clarke blinked and a tear escaped down her cheek. She wiped it away, laying down on the cot, still holding the walkie to her mouth. "Thank you." She whispered.
"I never wanted to leave you." Bellamy said, so quietly that Clarke almost missed it. Clarke began to cry harder, taking her thumb off the switch so that Bellamy wouldn't hear her. For one selfish moment, she desperately wished that she had never sent Bellamy away. She wished that she had hugged him. She should have kissed him. She should've told him how much she loved him…But she couldn't. Not after Finn. She had to stay strong, and be the leader that her people needed. But, she wasn't sure that Lexa had been right when she said that love was weakness. After all, wasn't it her love for her people, for Bellamy, that pushed her to stand up to her mother and take charge, to take action?
She sniffed, took a steadying breath and pressed down the button, saying, "I'm going to get you all out of there. Okay? Once the acid fog is disabled and the grounder prisoners are set free, we'll be there to bring down Mount Weather…We can do this. Even if I have to go in there and get you myself. I'm not losing you."
"Brave, princess." Bellamy responded, echoing his own words from a time that felt impossibly far away. Clarke laughed through her tears, wondering if she would have met Bellamy Blake on the ark, if they would have been friends, if things would have been different for the two of them. It didn't matter though, they were here, now, and Clarke wouldn't take back the hard weeks they'd had on earth for anything, if it meant giving up what she and Bellamy had now. Whatever it was. She wasn't completely sure anymore, and that felt okay for now.
For a few moments, they sat in silence, both comforted by the fact that the other was there, even if they were out of reach. It felt as though they were both floating on the same wavelength, not touching, but still feeling close.
Clarke fell asleep like that, holding the walkie in her limp hand. Although she didn't know it, Bellamy was doing the same…
He was sitting in the dimly lit room, under a tangle of wires, his hand limply holding the walkie that he had pulled to the floor with him. He was relatively safe there. Maya had assured him that hardly anyone ever came in there except for her. He sat there until he began to doze off, then he reluctantly pulled himself off the ground, and covered the gaping hole in the wall, feeling as he did so, that he was physically cutting himself off from the ark, from Clarke.
"I'll be home soon." Bellamy whispered, not sure rather he was trying to reassure himself or the woman he loved that couldn't hear him.