I should not be laughing, cackling even. Moments like this, heavy with heartache and pain, are far from funny. Moments like this define a person. My definition is darkening to a black not unlike pressing a Sharpie as hard as possible in paper. My definition, and its facade, are cracked so deeply. Nothing can repair this type of damage, and I don't want to be fixed.
She never saw it coming.
The illusion of goodness, of safety, had been shattered in an instant. An instant so pre-meditated, it borders on pre-destination. The last few months have been similar to quietly playing chess against a toddler. Complex moves downplayed as simple motions. All signs pointed to goodness on an angelic level, yet it's all an act. My existance in this God forsaken town has been a grand illusion from the first word.
She never saw it coming.
She never expected her trust fall experiment to backfire so epicly. She never knew I could be cruel, dark, soulless. I waited, so calm and sure. Awaiting the sickening thrill of taking her by surprise. Months, days, hours- all lead up to today.
She never saw it coming.
The reveal- an attempt to "hide" so obvious, it's highlighted in neon. She stares at the opened envelope, surprise written across her furrowed brow and widened eyes. Her eyes tell me everything. Betrayal? You knew? Oh, honey, I know everything. Have known everything. Already know everything that is to come.
I should not be laughing, should not be grinning so deeply, dimples pop and crack across my cheeks. I should not be enjoying this, but how can I not?
She never saw it coming.