Note: This takes place after Thirty Days in a Second and the TFPrime episode Partners.
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A Lie by Omission
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"...and whenever you tried to hurt me,
I just hurt you even worse
and so much deeper..."
-Pandora's Box, "It's All Coming Back to Me Now"
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No moon shone this night. Clouds choked everything. Cool rain wicked across the driver-less motorcycle's chassis.
Arcee found no comfort in the weather.
She didn't want the rest of her team asking questions. They didn't know the depths of her pain. If she talked now, everything would pour out. Her encounter with Starscream cut more than her armor.
Memories flashed over her CPU. Long fingers and a low voice in her audio. A promise made-and now, in her mind-a promise broken.
She pushed her engines until her tires became numb to the wet tar. Her headlights barely penetrated the darkness.
The person she came out to meet landed in the middle of the road. Even after transforming she barely stood chest high to him. For a moment she could only stare down at his pointed high-heeled feet. The pain in her Spark knotted like a fist behind her chest plates.
Her side still ached. She touched it gingerly.
"I can buy your 'who's Tailgate?' line as a cover up for our time-travel trip." Arcee said, clenching her fists. "You killed Cliffjumper. You killed him!"
"It's war, Arcee." Starscream replied simply. "And it's past tense. It happened long before we came together."
"Don't give me that scrap!" Arcee met his eyes. Her blue optics glared into his red ones. She watched the rain pour over his features like tears. "All that time, and you never told me!"
Starscream arched a well-formed brow. His tone remained nonchalant. "You never asked."
Arcee turned away so he wouldn't see her lips tremble. "I can't forgive this. I can't. Your pathetic act while cuffed, complete with whimpering and begging. You had me fooled, Starscream. Right up until you slipped about Cliffjumper. Right up until you tried to kill me."
"Arcee, I hate to sound like a broken playback chip, but this is a war. I thought we agreed not to let our personal feelings get in the way of that."
He came closer. So close she heard the rain hitting his armor. The weight of his presence pulled against her back. His hands settled on her shoulders, his fingertips colder than the chilly air. Hours ago, those same claws ripped into her side. Did he really expect her to forgive and forget?
"You really had me fooled," Arcee went on without acknowledging the gesture. "Back when we were trapped-was it real? Was any of it real? Or was it all just an act?"
Starscream's hands slid forward to her chest plates. His touch sent heat straight down the center of her body. Despite her anguish, she leaned back against him. Nothing he did now would hurt as much as knowing he took Cliffjumper from her.
She remembered how hard it was to disguise her shock at him asking to join the Autobots, and how much she'd hoped they didn't have to wait for the end of the war.
And, with a few traitorous words, he'd shattered that dream. His actions afterward? They only twisted the knife deeper.
You knew it when you got into this. He's a 'con, and they go against everything you believe in. Arcee told herself. Her eyebrows rose and she bit her bottom lip. This is as much your own fault as it is his.
"I wanted to believe you were a good person deep down," she said. "I wanted-"
"I probably was, once." Starscream's forearms rose and fell slightly with his shrug. "I learned to do what was necessary to survive."
Rage and self-loathing slammed together somewhere above Arcee's Spark. She shrieked a curse, seized Starscream's wrists and flung him down on to his back. He landed with a clang on the wet road. She dropped herself onto his stomach and pinned his wrists above his head. His optics became the size of saucers.
Arcee got down in his face. "I trusted you. I made a promise to you. I meant it when I made love to you. Did you? Or was I just a free interface port? Were you ever going to tell me about Cliffjumper? Huh? Were you? Or did you only say what I wanted to hear to make sure I helped save your sorry aft? A lie by omission is still a lie, Starscream! You lied to me!"
Starscream narrowed his optics. He spat, "Stop acting as if you are the only person in this war to lose people."
"Yeah, yeah, your trine."
"Compared to them, Cliffjumper had a merciful death."
Arcee released Starscream's wrists and pressed her forearm blade to his throat. "Liar!"
Suddenly, Arcee felt the world spin. The cold, rough road dug into her back. Starscream planted his knees on her wrists, pinning her arms. He laid his hands flat on either side of her head, lowered himself down and glared at her.
"You're so ignorant, Arcee!" He roared, his voice making her flinch
"Then enlighten me!" She roared back in his face.
"Biological weapons." Starscream said. He narrowed his optics. "Test subjects are needed for an operation like that. Megatron developed the Cybonic Plague long ago. I received the formula that cured it. They didn't."
Arcee flashed back to Optimus groaning in pain. The rust rash on his face and the energon leaking from his joints. It was an ugly, agonizing disease.
She shoved it out of her mind. Starscream would not manipulate her into pitying him again!
"Boo-hoo. I watched Airachnid slit Tailgate's throat. I was tied up, and I couldn't save him. I watched him bleed to death." She choked, her optics stinging at the bitter memory. "He was looking at me, and I all I could do was watch him die."
"Hah!" Starscream's optics flared. "See? You were helpless, just as I was! It's the same pain. How dare you imply that I don't know-"
"What about Cliffjumper?" Arcee growled. "How did you do it, Starscream?"
Starscream moved his knees off her wrists. "I don't see how that's-"
Arcee smashed her fist into his left side, doubling him over. She used her legs to throw him off. Starscream landed on his hands and knees. Arcee jumped on his back, causing him to collapse into the mud beside the road. He waved his wings up and down, trying to buck her off. She hooked her arm around his neck and put her blaster against the side of his head.
"Tell me!" She snarled. "Or I swear upon the Allspark, I'll shoot you right now!"
Shrieking, Starscream squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay! Okay! Th-The Eradicons brought him t-to me. He was beaten and damaged." He whimpered when she powered up her weapon. "I-don't shoot me! I-I stabbed him in the chest with my c-claws. He bled out in seconds. He would have died of his injuries anyway! He-w-was defiant to the end! I swear it! I swear it!"
Starscream's whining tightened the knot in Arcee's fuel lines. She bashed his head with her blaster. While he was still dazed, she stood up and kicked him in the chin. The blow launched Starscream back into the middle of the road. He landed with a crunch and lay still.
Arcee stomped through the mud and stood over the fallen Seeker, both blasters aimed at his face. Starscream's optics were half-closed and dark. He wasn't faking this time. He lay in a twisted heap with his head thrown far back, exposing his delicate neck. Somehow, he landed in a way that folded both of his wings over to one side. His legs were bent so his knees pointed straight down, and his hands rested up by his head. He looked fragile and vulnerable, a marionette someone cast aside as useless. Blue-tinged energon oozed from the corner of his open mouth to form a small puddle under his cheek. It spread quickly on the wet ground.
For a Spark-beat, Arcee wondered if she killed him. The quiet hiss of his intakes told her otherwise.
She gazed down at his unconscious body. He looked so pathetic that way. Pathetic, just like his lies.
Hatred choked her intakes. Her optics stung. She inhaled and powered up her weapons.
Starscream didn't move.
Arcee envisioned it happening. The discharge of her blasters could shoot right through Starscream's helm, blowing it apart in a spray of metal and energon. His fuel pump would run uselessly for a few minutes, bleeding his entire supply of energon all over the road. Touch was the last sense to fade when a bot died. She wanted his last sensation to be the same pain he caused Cliffjumper.
She could do it. She knew she could do it.
The rain fell heavier. Arcee stood poised, steam rising off her weapons. Starscream wouldn't be out for long, so she waited. She wanted him to see it coming.
Starscream's optics flickered. Arcee prepared herself.
And then her own traitorous thoughts surfaced.
This won't bring Tailgate back. It won't bring Cliffjumper back. It's just one more life lost to this stupid war.
Images haunted her. Starscream's face contorting in overload, followed immediately by his mad grin as he slammed his elbow into her back.
His hand caressing her, then the same fingers ripping into her side.
The sound of his voice gently waking her, and his nasty taunts about Tailgate and Cliffjumper.
It hurt more than she ever imagined. The promise he made to her...
"Now we go back to war."
"And when it's over?" She asked.
"If we're both still here..." He smirked and brought his hands together around hers. His eyes pierced her Spark with a promise from the depths of his own. "I'll be waiting."
She embraced him. He awkwardly returned it.
"Whatever happens, we can remember."
Starscream moved his head. He mumbled something.
Arcee's optics refocused. He was peering up at her. His eyebrows were tilted upwards. That same stupid, pitiful look he used while handcuffed.
She growled at him, "What did you say?"
Starscream spat out more energon. He coughed and whispered, "The cave...when we interfaced...that was real. When I thought I was going to die in the void...that was real. The promise I made to you is real. That is the truth, Arcee."
"Oh, please!" Arcee scowled. "Why should I believe you after you tried to kill me?"
He slowly got to his feet and wiped the energon off his chin with the back of his hand. His optics never left hers. "I'm going to walk away now. If you don't love me anymore, if I'm just another Decepticon to you, go ahead and shoot me."
With that, Starscream turned his back and slowly walked away.
Arcee kept her weapons aimed at the booster between his wings. The agony in her Spark rose to her throat. She felt the heat of her blasters steaming in the rain.
Suddenly, they were too heavy, so she transformed them back into hands. The war's weight pressed down on her like a thousand atmospheres. Too much...it all became too much.
Starscream was two hundred yards away when Arcee collapsed to her knees. Once the first sob escaped it was over. She covered her face and wept, ashamed of breaking down. Soldiers weren't supposed to cry.
Worse, when she peeked through her fingers, she saw him looking back at her.
"Don't look!" She bellowed. "Don't look!"
He turned around. His footsteps came closer. He knelt down in front of her and stretched out his hand.
Arcee slapped his arm away. "Leave me alone! I hate you! I hate you! I'll never forgive you!"
"Arcee!" Starscream spoke through gritted dental plates. He pulled her forward and pressed his mouth against hers. She melted into him, cupping his cheeks in her palms. He brushed his thumbs over her face, wiping away her tears, and she remembered why she fell for him.
Then she opened her eyes, saw his face, and recalled the reason she hated his existence.
"Get away from me," she whispered, pushing his hands off her cheeks. "We're done, Starscream."
Starscream's mouth quivered. His optics welled over. Golden mech fluid left a trail on his left cheek plate. It skittered to the corner of his mouth, rolled along the rim of his barely-there bottom lip and dropped off his chin. A second tear followed its brother. His intakes hitched without a sound.
It was ironic-he made all kinds of noise during an overload, but remained silent for this.
Arcee glared at him. How dare he cry! Even if it was genuine, how dare he!
She watched him stand up and turn away. His posture seemed more slouched than ever.
"I'm still going to wait," he said.
"For what? Forgiveness?" Arcee wiped angrily at her optics.
"For you."
"Tch! Don't fragging bother."
Starscream stood in the middle of the road while Arcee got to her feet. She looked up as lightning tore the sky asunder. Thunder followed in its wake, a clap so loud it shook the ground.
Arcee faced forward again. Starscream was gone. She saw the faint light of his afterburner fade into the distance.
The storm finally came overhead, and the sky let loose. Arcee lifted her head, letting the rain wash the tears off her face.
What else is this war going to take away? she wondered to herself.
Thunder and emptiness offered the only answer.
Arcee transformed. It was physically impossible to cry while in vehicle mode, and she refused to shed another tear for Starscream.
"Whatever happens, we can remember."
She remembered his voice in her audio. The warmth of his body pressed against her back. His hands caressing her armor. It all rushed through her mind as her wheels spun on the road.
She remembered it all, and she mourned.