Warnings: Yaoi, Crazy people, violence, I think.. some other stuff

Disclaimer: I don't own it

Sanity: Chapter 1: Losing all of nothing

Shikamaru couldn't hear what he was saying, it didn't matter. He wasn't focusing, and that was okay. He didn't want to focus.. He wanted to get out, go to some place dark, since Shadow didn't live there. Shadow can't exsist if there's no light, therefore, Shadow couldn't bother him. His eyes slipped shut, Shadow was looking at him again, like he always did, following him and sitting right next to him. He could feel the words from his parents falling from their mouths, and he visualized the phrases literally pouring from their lips.

"You're grades are low..! We can't have you flunking out of school, Shikamaru. You better step it up a little bit, or you.. you don't even want to know your punishment.. But you just better get yourself in line, boy. I've had it up to here with you..!" The man yelled at him, his face red in his anger.

Shikamaru flinched, when had he started talking? When had the conversation escalated into an argument? The last time he'd been listening, they were talking about the weather, and somehow, without him knowing, they'd switched subjects. It was Shadow's fault, his voice was loudest of all.

"Are you listening to me, boy!" The man slammed his palm against the table, the brunette flinched again, sending Shadow a glare. "What the hell are you looking at? Are you on drugs or something! Pay attention to what I'm saying!"

Without waiting for Shadow to follow, Shikamaru stood from the table, his fork hitting his plate with a loud clank, and ran up the stairs to his bedroom. As he neared the top of the staircase, he could see Shadow sneaking up on him, following him to do his bidding. He stomped on Shadow, running into his bathroom and quickly locking the door. Damn, Shadow slipped in anyway.. "What do you want from me!" He screamed, clutching at his head as he sunk to the floor. "Go away! Why do you always bother me!" Once again, things were happening without him, as if the world was fast forwarding and he was stuck on pause. He looked at the small clock in the bathroom, it was already three in the morning. How long had he just sat there? He could feel wetness slipping down his cheeks and seeping into his sleeve and he glanced down. The gray of his shirt covering his arms was soaked red with blood, he gasped, quickly pulling the shirt off of himself and throwing it across the small bathroom.

Pushing himself into a corner, he hid from Shadow, away from the blood on his shirt. What had happened? Whose blood was that? He looked down at his arms, sure enough, it was his own, his arms were decorated in deep red lines, some of them still bleeding. There was blood on his white pants, and a small razor rested on the floor next to where he'd been sitting. Shadow had done this.. It was dark in the room right now, Shadow couldn't touch him.. Good.

The brunette moved over to his bathtub, turning on the water and plugging up the drain. Though he couldn't actually see it, he pictured the tub filling up, the water dipping and splashing where the flow hit. Suddenly, water hit his shorts, spilling over the edge of the tub all over the floor. He blinked quickly, and everything was dry again. He stuck his hand in the tub, judging how deep the water was. It was perfect..

He stepped out of his shorts and boxers, slipping down into the hot water. It scalded his skin, but it felt good.. It burned his back and whole body, he ignored it. Last to go in was his arms, which hurt more than the rest, but something about the intense pain made him feel good. Shadow wasn't there, but he could make himself hurt.. Shadow wasn't doing it. He layed back, resting his head on the edge of the tub as he felt himself slipping asleep. He would sleep there tonight, Shadow might be in his bed..

His brown lashes fluttered open, who was beating on his door? Gasping, he shot up, why was he in the tub? The water was freezing, and even worse, Shadow was waiting for him. He quickly climbed out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. He jerked the door open, his dad was standing there.

"You missed the bus. What were you doing in there so long! I'm not taking you to school, you're walking." He informed him, grabbing him by the arm and jerking him from his bathroom.

"But.. its 10 miles from here.." He protested, pulling back from the grip. In pulling away, his arm had turned upside down, and his dad had saw.

"What the hell are these? You're fucking cutting yourself now? What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Shadow did it.." He whispered, pushing past his father to go into his bedroom. The brunette grabbed a pair of boxers from his drawer, slipping them on before discarding his towel. He slid into a pair of black pants, another pair that were way to big on him, since he never ate anymore. Shadow wouldn't let him.. He grabbed a hoddie, pulling it on over his still wet skin before falling into his bed, hiding underneath his blanket. He found that Shadow couldn't get him there, so he liked to stay there a lot too. He flinched again, the door slammed, and a picture somewhere in his room crashed to the floor. Shadow laughed.

-

(this is like.. a year before where shika's at right now.)

Naruto followed the doctor into his small office, curling up on the couch in the room with a pillow sitting on the cushions.

"Do you mind telling me why you did those? The marks on your arms.."

"I wanted to. They told me it would be fun to do.. and it was, so I trust them now.. They said not to trust you people, They say your out to get me.."

"Who are they? Are they people? Or what?"

The blonde frowned. They said to keep quiet. "I can't tell you.."

"These marks on your face, did you do those?" The man asked, scrawling something down on the paper.

"I already told you about this, They told me to, and I have to shut up now.. You're making They nervous."

The man wrote some more, and some more, and Naruto perked up. "What are you writing?"

"Oh, nothing to be concerned about, I'm just taking notes." He continued to scrawl on the paper, giving the younger boy a half meant smile. "You're a very unique person, Naruto. I'de like to know more about you."

(this is another time skip, though its still with Naruto and only Naruto, he's by himself, just to clear things up a bit for now, you'll figure it out in a little bit)

"Hey there, Kit. Wanna do something fun?" He asked, lurking around the blonde in an almost preditoral manner. His fingers traced over the soft skin of his arm, moving up to run over the marks on his cheeks. Naruto nodded.

"Lock you're door, don't want anybody to find you and take this away from you, do you?"

"No.." Naruto stood, locking the door to his bathroom before settling back down on the floor with his 'friends'. "What are we doing?"

"Same thing as yesterday.." Naruto nodded again, reaching into his drawer to pull out the razor he kept in there. "Let's do it deeper today, real deep.." He nodded, dragging the metal across his wrist without question, almost just as a test for the first one. The next one was deep, and he wasn't very good with knowing the body, but he knew they were making him cut deep enough to kill. And he didn't question, he continued to carve on his skin, until he felt himself get light headed, and before he could even drop the razor, he hit the ground behind him. Everything was dark.

When he woke back up, he was strapped to a bed, a man was currently stitching up his arms. This was bad, he hadn't done it right.. They would be angry with him.

-

"What the hell do you mean 'Shadow did it'! Are you fucking crazy, kid?" His father screamed, jerking his blankets off of him.

Shika jumped, hadn't he left? He heard the door slam.. Had he came back? "Get out.."

"Don't you tell me wha-"

"I said, Get. Out..!" He demanded, pushing up from his bed. Shadow was sitting next to him, laughing at the situation. What was funny about it, Shikamaru couldn't figure out. "Get the hell out of my room and leave me the fuck alone!" He screamed, his voice even startling himself.

His father just stood there, fuming at the boy's defiance.

"Can't you fucking hear! I said get the hell out of my room!" He blinked, his dad was laying on the floor, clutching his cheek and groaning. 'Did I hit him?' No, Shadow had to have done it, the brunette wasn't brave enough to do something that stupid.. His eyes widened as his dad stood, but he didn't hit him back, or even say anything to him. He just.. left the room. Shika's eyes scanned the room quickly, he ran into his bathroom, quickly flipping the light switch to off. He fumbled for the razor from earlier and slashed it across his arm numbly, blood slipping down his arm to puddle on the floor. He dropped the piece of metal, clawing at the wounds on his skin until they were wider, blood was dripping from his fingers, and he loved it. Standing up, he drew a heart on his mirror with the red liquid, continuing to dip his fingers in his life fluid and draw. Once he was finished, he could barely see his reflection underneath all the hearts, and he imagined his own heart pinned up there with them.

"Shika, I heard yelling, are you o-" His mother started to say from the door, her hands clapping over her mouth at the sight of her son scrawling images in his blood. "Shika, what did you do?"

"I've already said it! I didn't do it! Shadow did!" He screamed, falling down on his knees on the floor. His fingers pulled at his hair, and he hit his head continuously on the wall behind him. Anything to hurt, just as long as Shadow wasn't doing it. The light flickered on, Shadow chuckled. "No, turn it off..! Turn it off..! He's gonna get me, turn it off..!" He explained, his voice filled with panic and he pushed himself into the corner. He beat his fists repeatedly on the floor, his eyes clinched shut as tears poured down his cheeks. Coldness touched his skin, and he knew it was Shadow. "No! Go away, go away! Don't touch me!" He continued to scream at Shadow to leave, though his yelling was all unneccesary. Shadow wasn't leaving anytime soon.

She didn't know what to do, she was panicing just as much as he was, and she didn't know what to do to help him. The only thing she could think of was to call an ambulance, since he was bleeding so much, but the last thing she wanted was for them to lock Shika up and away from her. Though that seemed to be the only fix right now..

The brunette clawed at his cheeks, finger nails leaving small red trails down his skin. He screamed, at the top of his lungs, why wasn't anybody helping him?

"I'll.. I'll get help, Shikamaru, just stay there.." She left, the light was still on.

Shikamaru continued to sob in the corner, doing anything and everything he could think of to cause pain, if only it would make Shadow leave.

-

"Rain, rain.. go away, come again another day.." The dark-haired teen was singing, it wasn't even raining, but he wanted to be.. Which sort of defeated the purpouse of singing the song, but he didn't care. He tapped the side of his fist lightly to the window pane.

"It's not raining, Sasuke.. Its perfect weather outside." Itachi was the only one who even noticed something was wrong with Sasuke, his moods were random, his violence was unpredictable, and their parents never noticed a thing.

Sasuke glared at his brother. "Go away." Pulling his fist back, he smashed it through he window, shards of glass embedding themselves into his pale skin. He didn't even flinch, or pick out the glass, or anything. He just sat there, feeling imaginary rain fall on his skin through the window.

"I never said it was raining, Itachi. I'm afraid you're hearing voices." The younger Uchiha walked over to his brother, flicking his forehead much like the way he'd been done by Itachi when he was younger. "Lets go outside, its nice out." He offered, heading over to the front door.

Itachi didn't question the boy, he just went along with his..weird ways, and followed him out the door. His younger brother headed over to the small swing set, seating himself on one of the boards, absently pushing back and forth.

(another odd sasu moment)

"Psst. Itachi.." Sasuke whispered, prodding his brother's body while trying to maintain control over his blanket. "Its raining.. I wanna sleep with you tonight.." He explained.

"No, Sasuke.. its not raining. Look out of the window, the sky is clear.." Itachi scooted over anyway, lifting his blanket so the boy could crawl in, which he did so, curling up to the warm body. The older Uchiha said nothing, allowing the boy to move as close as he wanted.

-

(that was really just me giving you guys a few characters bits and pieces, I think I'm done with that for right now, I'll do more before I actually bring them into the fic. just so you know, shika's the main focus)

Shikamaru sat quietly, not moving or complaining as the men lifted his body from the bathroom floor, carrying him out and down the stairs. His eyes fell shut, he was asleep, he thought, but he was still aware of everything going on around him, including the lacing pain in his arms as he was stitched up, an needle being shoved into his hand, a mask put over his face. Did they not know that he was fine?

The next time he opened his eyes, he was only wearing his pants, and was covered from his chest down in cold blankets. The room smelled sterile, and he knew he was in a hospital.

"You're finally awake. That's good. Now, lets get started."

The brunette jumped, sitting up in the bed. There was a man sitting in a chair next to the bed, a clipboard and folder in hand. "Started? With what?"

"You're evaluation. I need to know what level we're going to put you in."

His brows furrowed. Level? Where was he? There was light in the room, but.. Shadow wasn't in there with him. In fact the light pierced his eyes, Shadow should have been in there.. "Where are you putting me?"

"That's what I need to find out. Now, why don't you start by telling me why you tried to hurt yourself?"

"Why does everybody keep asking me that! I've already told you all that Shadow did it..!"

"Now now, there's no need to get angry. Who is this 'Shadow' you speak of?"

"I don't have to tell you anything.."

The man sighed. "Alright, stubborn ones always get stuck in level two, and I'm sure you won't like that level." He stood, turning from the chair to head to the door.

"I don't give a fuck where you put me! Just everybody leave me alone..!"

(okay, so how's that for a chapter start?)