Nothing Left to Lose

Nicholas Jerry Jonas was, I believed, the love of my life. He was perfect in almost every way and I guess you could say when we broke up a part of me died. It sounds cliché but I'm a singer, despite what others say, and I carry these things with me wherever I go. I'm not quite sure what hurt worse, seeing her with him or being by myself. That's what I am now, alone; incredibly and completely alone.

-One month, two days and four hours earlier.

I walked into the hotel grinning like an idiot; like a naïve girl who fell in love with the simple words a fake boy had made me believe. I asked what room Nicholas, Joseph and Kevin were staying in politely, and in one swift motion the concierge slid me a key card, "Mr. Jonas left this for your return." He smiled politely.

I nodded, "Thank you," then headed for the elevator. I waited patiently inside until, finally, the doors slid open and I hurried down the hallway. My heart was picking up the pace by the time I got to the door and gripped the handle.

You could say I was shocked by what I found behind the door. You could say it was the last thing I ever expected to see; but that would be a lie. Unfortunately, in the back of my mind the connection was obvious. She wasn't his type, and I was, but opposites attract I guess. Maybe that's why the once loving, light attachment I felt to Nick suddenly became a chokehold when she came around. I felt my everything slipping away and there was nothing I could do. I look back now and it plays in almost slow motion; the Elvis Costello shirt I bought him last Christmas hanging limply around her body while her dark hair fell off her own shoulders and onto his. Her back was turned to me as she straddled him, giggling. That laugh would haunt my dreams if they weren't filled with him. She placed a kiss on his lips, then his jaw line. He sat there, letting her, smiling pleasurably. I noticed his purity ring was still secure on his left hand as I twisted my around at my side. His groan came out, "Sel..." he cracked his eyes open to see her reaction, he was so self-conscious, but he found me there, tears running silently down my cheeks as I watched the scene in front of me unfold. He let his mouth fall slightly open as she kept trailing kisses down his neck. Our eyes connected and time seemed to stand still as I felt my heart shatter. My boyfriend, my best friend, the boy I thought to be my soul mate had betrayed me. How did we come so far?

"Miley…" Nick's voice told me he knew he had done something beyond messed up, and that it wasn't the first time.

Selena's head finally shot up in feeling my presence in the room. I refused to let her see me cry so I did the only thing I could think of; I ran.

I head the scrambling of Nick getting out from under Selena, a place he never should have been in the first place, "Miley!" he cried my name in desperation as I punched on the elevator button. I sobbed with a hand covering my mouth; I was crushed, "Miley, please; wait!"

He didn't mean it, I know. I knew how hard it was to be away, I mean I was away from him as much as he was away from me. There was an important difference, though. While I was away I missed him, all the while he was with 'Sel' on the side. He had his brothers, his family. I called, I texted, I e-mailed; sometimes I even sent video messages. What more could I possibly do? The damn elevator took Nick's side so I bolted for the stairs. He was going to catch up, I knew, so I just took it and waited. I turned around and on some level I felt glad Nick could see the tears he made me cry. I mumbled, "What do you want, Nick?"

He placed his hands on either side of my face and wiped away my tears with his thumbs, I pushed him away. "To apologize," he said simply. He looked down miserably, "I missed you," he added. Please, give me a break.

I smacked him. Sometimes I wish I hadn't, but I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't, "Well don't, Nicholas; It's over. You ruined everything." I proceeded to sob, running down the steps.

He didn't follow me, but kept up the calls for a few weeks. I ignored him for as long as I could and then one day, he just didn't call. Vanity Fair happened and I never heard from Nick again. I wonder what people would think if they knew that precious Nicholas Jonas dated the ever-so-skanky Miley Cyrus. I wonder what would happen if they knew what he did. Would you be able to look at the boy with the face of an angel the same? I let people say what they will about me, because sometimes people just can't handle the truth. I know I couldn't, and I wish I didn't have to. Unfortunately, Nick Jonas would be a disappointment to most. I prefer to just put my worst out there. After all, what do I have to lose?