Title: Sometimes
Rating: PG
Author's Note: It's not really supposed to make sense, though you'll probably get at the very least the gist of what's going on with them. Am pondering writing a Wesley POV bit that would actually explain, but dunno.
Summary: Most days, everything in Cordelia's world is perfect.
Most days, everything is great.
Stephen's nearly eight, her special boy, and she and Daniel couldn't be prouder of him. He's her bright little thing -- clever, like his father. Cordelia's so blessed to have them both in her life, even if her parents hit the roof about how much older than her Daniel is, and most days, everything in Cordelia's world is perfect.
Sometimes, though, she remembers things that didn't happen. Things that couldn't have happened. Sometimes, she begins to think of what Angel might like, would Angel be proud of Connor, and then she's so confused. Because who is Connor, and why is she thinking about Buffy's stupid vampire ex, anyway?
Sometimes, she gazes into blue eyes so full of love and affection and sees pain in eyes darker than her own. Sometimes, being in Daniel's arms doesn't feel quite right, and then again isn't it where she belongs?
Sometimes, Wesley, who moved in down the road a few years ago, looks at her so sadly. It's so nice to see someone from the past who doesn't hate her -- even if it is The Kiss That So Never Happened -- but the way he looks at her when he thinks she isn't looking...she always asks what's wrong, but he never answers.
Sometimes, Cordelia thinks Wesley can tell her why she has dreams about a life she never lived, and people she's never heard of before. Sometimes, Cordelia thinks Wesley can tell her why she can hear another woman's voice in her ear at night, telling her he isn't yours he's mine I died for him he'll never be yours not really not ever no matter how hard it's wished for he's not yours, never yours.
Sometimes, Cordelia thinks Wesley knows more about the Holtzs than they do.