The band plays, he sings, the album ends. Press the button again. Press play again. It's become disgusting the amount of times this album has been on repeat. All to hear that voice; his voice. God, what's wrong with me? I'm so pathetic. The first song is over, only eleven to go before the album ends again.

Funny… I remember him writing this song in my apartment. I've thought this every time I've played this stupid song. I wonder why I keep doing this to myself. Every night since he has left. Put the album on, hit replay till I feel like going to sleep, pass out, wake up, go to work, come home and repeat the process. It's been like this for over a month now. He's out living his dream. I'm stuck here wishing he never left. How selfish. How disgusting. I don't even know why I care. It's not like he is even thinking about me, he broke off all ties before he left to go on tour. The song comes to an end.

The next one starts. It slowly fades in from the noise of instruments being turned on, to the settle easy strumming of an acoustic guitar then the other instruments slowly fade in as well. The soft melody is nostalgic, as memories flood my mind. He's sitting against the headboard attached to my bed. My head is laying on his lap as he sings the song to me. It's my favorite in the entire album he wrote. He knows this. I've told him this. The music beings to fade into background noise as the memory of when he was still here begins to pull me under…

He smiles as he looks down at me; that devilish smirk of his that makes my heart flutter. His lips move to sing the next verse but I'm lost in his bright cyan eyes. It's ridiculous how quickly I have fallen for him, I think to myself. I smile and look at the bedroom door as a bright blush spreads across my face. I begin to trace circles on his thigh to try and calm my unsteady nerves. His voice dies out. I turn to look up at him. His smile is gone, even the never faulting gleam in his eyes has faded. I got up from my laying down position and sat up to face him. Something wasn't right.

"Ichi…" His voice was shaky. Not like his usual sarcastic, angry or pain in the ass self. I looked at him in question, all will to talk lost as I became anxious for the worst possible outcome to happen. He continued on, his voice still shaky as ever. "As you know my band and I… are agency has gotten a tour for us planned soon and, I'll be gone for a long while." I nodded agreeing to this, we've been talking about this for a couple weeks now. "Alright there is no easy way to say this…" He trailed off. He couldn't look me in the eyes anymore. Which is fine I couldn't look at him either. My head has fallen, my eyes staring at my hands as I twiddle my fingers. It's the only thing I can do to try and help with the anxiety. "Ichi…" I look up this time; his eyes are filled with tears that refuse to fall. "Ichi, I'm breaking up with you."

I knew this was coming. I don't cry, I only smile and nod my head. I knew this was coming; yet I still hurt, I still feel broken. I can't look at him any more. My head falls again and I look away from him. My eyes begin to un-focus the emptiness already setting in. He gets off the bed without looking at me. I can tell. He opens the bedroom door and quietly closes it behind him. I hear him put his shoes on and exit through the apartment door. It slams shut behind him; the locks already back into place. It's final now. He's gone and, I'm left alone here in my room. The monsters begin to crawl back out. All the self-hatred and anxiety that I had left behind years ago after she died are back. And I have no one to help this time.

My head falls to the mattress; my eyes are unfocused like before. Already I've grown to hate myself. I could have stopped him. I could have chased after him. But I didn't. I sat here. Didn't even speak a word. I'm worthless. No. I'm nothing. And that's never going to change. I shake my head. I know why I let him go. He could do better without me. Worthless.

I get up and go to the bathroom. I strip off my cloths and turn on the shower. I don't even feel the ice-cold spray as it hits my skin. I don't feel anything anymore. I turn the knob and change the cold water to hot. I scrub my body raw with soap, shampoo my hair, and rinse off before I turn the water off and get out. The bathroom mirrors are covered in steam. Good, I can't bare to even look at myself. I towel dry off before I head back to my room.

The album is still playing. I quickly shut it off before I hop into bed. Naked or not I don't care. I just want the day to be over. I just want everything to be over. But I'm to chicken shit to actually kill myself or do anything about. So here I am suffering day in and day out. I'm so pathetic, feeling like this over a breakup. I sigh heavily before I shut my eyes. Maybe if I'm luckily I'll die in my sleep tonight. One can only hope. I've been hoping for over a month now, maybe now it might finally happen. One can only hope…

Okay so I just want to say that this is my very FIRST fanfiction ever. And all mistakes are my own and any remarks/comments would be greatly appreciated! I wasn't even really sure how to end this story at first but then an idea came and I was like sure why not... I tend to write out the entire story before submitting things so expect that if I actually do write more stories. Which I guess is a blessing and a curse, since you won't have to wait for a new chapter to emerge but, you'll never know what I am working on, if I actually am working on something.

Thanks for reading. :)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN Bleach or any of it's characters. Their use is for entertainment purposes only. ALSO the album I chose to correlate to this work ('The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me' by Brand New), I DO NOT OWN.