Chapter 1 – End of an Era
Bella POV
One of the extremely clear memories I had from my human days was the one and only time Dad spanked me before my change. Surprisingly, I remembered it even though I didn't purposely try to hold on to that precious memory. I have no idea why that memory stuck, but I was sure glad that it did. For nearly a year, every time I even thought about doing something out of line, the relentless barrage of my vampire father's hand came to the forefront of my mind. I didn't find it overly harsh. In fact, I knew I deserved every single swat. It was just one of those formative experiences that shaped my early days of being a vampire. And because of this memory, unlike every other newborn, except Carlisle, I was extremely well behaved. Because of this, my siblings (and my husband, for that matter) began calling me white-noser.
I really don't want to get into why they call me that. It's too embarrassing.
Speaking of my siblings and husband, they had all begun to take bets on what I would do to finally earn my first vampire spanking. Alice, the big hypocrite, refused to bet because she couldn't see our futures well enough now that Renesmee and Jacob constantly disrupted her visions. They all pressured her to bet, but she wouldn't give in. (Personally, I thought this was hysterical. Alice wouldn't make a bet unless she knew for sure from a vision what the outcome would be. She pretended it was because she was above it all, but we all knew the truth. She didn't want to be wrong.) Everyone else, other than Edward, said that my first spanking would be because I lied, or fudged the truth a bit, to Carlisle to get someone out of trouble.
That was not going to be the reason I got a spanking. I personally saw my own propensity to do such a thing and thankfully was properly scared away with a warning from Dad. I caught a glimpse of his anger over that particular sin when Emmett was playing Hulk for Renesmee and accidentally destroyed Esme's favorite vase. When asked what had happened, I started to tell him that I didn't want to tattle, but he implored me to rethink my answer, lest I get the spanking that the deserving party had earned. Needless to say, I ratted Emmett out, and I tried very hard to never disappoint Dad in that way.
Edward guessed that my first trip across dad's lap would be because of something completely different. It turned out that he knew me better than anyone. That shouldn't have surprised me. I should have listened to him and taken precautions to keep myself in line in that area. That would have saved me a sore bottom and a whole lot of guilt.
My winning streak was broken on Renesmee's birthday. When I say my winning streak was broken, I mean really broken, as in I grabbed it, threw it down, stomped it, buried it, dug it up, beheaded it, burned it and spit on the ashes. That's how bad I screwed up, no exaggeration.
After a very long and ridiculously lavish birthday party (I won't go into the details because I'm still pissed that Alice went completely overboard after promising to keep it reasonable), Jacob asked to take Renesmee to the reservation for a little bit.
The rest of us decided to take that opportunity to have either alone time or quality time with someone other than our spouse. Edward and Carlisle went for a run together. Emmett and Jasper went the other way with a football to play catch, or at least Emmett's asinine competitive version of catch. Esme wanted some time to herself to watch some back episodes that she had DVR-ed from the DIY channel. Rosalie decided to tune up all of our cars, and Alice (because she made the party pictures posted on Pintrest look like they were decorated by monkeys,) had to clean up the mess from the party. I decided to sit on the stoop in front of our house and ponder all that had happened to me in the last few years. I took a photo album with me so that I could further cement the human memories in my mind.
I started with the human memories, taking long moments to savor and really remember how I felt about what happened, all the sights, smells, and sounds of the memory. Some were a struggle, and I made a mental note to ask Charlie or Renee about them to help jog my memory.
Then I thought through my relationship with Edward, carefully skimming right past my dark days when Edward was gone. I replayed every kiss in my mind, relishing how he still dazzles me with just a look. Some of the scenes I remembered were rather steamy, and I was glad that Jasper had left. I didn't want him wondering why I was all hot and bothered on the front porch by myself.
Finally, I made it to my pregnancy with Renesmee, I remembered the struggle, the fight that I had with my family and my own body to keep my precious daughter alive. Only Rosalie stood by my side. Esme was there as well, supporting my decision, but Rosalie fought to protect my little baby. Edward hated Rosalie for valuing Renesmee's life more highly than mine, but he didn't understand that was the precise reason I chose her. I too valued Renesmee's life more than my own. She was my priceless treasure, and I would have died to save her. I did die to save her.
These thoughts were weighing heavily on my mind when I heard Jacob's motorcycle. I thought for a moment that I must be mistaken. Jake was with Renesmee. He wouldn't be on his bike. He never talked with Edward or me about riding with our daughter, yet here he was with Renesmee in front of him, doing sixty-five… on a gravel road!
I clenched my teeth angrily, prepared to give him a piece of my mind the instant he stopped. But he didn't stop, not like I expected him to. He cut the wheels sharply and laid the motorcycle on its side, skidding forward (with my daughter, my priceless treasure) until it stopped millimeters from the first step up to the house.
I saw red. I didn't care that my daughter giggled in delight and asked him to do it again. I couldn't believe how recklessly Jacob had behaved with her. As soon as he stood to dust his pants, I sprinted over in front of him, grabbed him, and threw him about fifty yards down the driveway.
I vaguely remember my daughter trying to get my attention to show me that Jacob was teasing, but I ignored her, directing her to go in the house with Nana and Auntie Alice.
I didn't wait to see if she obeyed. I simply ran as fast as I could over to where Jacob stood, laughing. I couldn't believe that he found this remotely funny. I was going to rip his head off. I raised my hand to land my first blow when I heard my name.
"Bella, sweetheart." Esme called me. "Why don't you calm down? I see that you're upset, and I understand…"
"No." I growled at her, and started to tell her that she couldn't possibly understand, but even in my rage, I knew that she did.
"Bella," Esme tried again, this time, her voice was still calm, but it sounded more like an order than before, "You and Edward can discuss this with Jacob once you've gotten control of yourself."
"She is MY daughter, and I will decide how to protect her!" I chased Jacob into the forest, as my ire had really frightened him. He sought to put distance between us rather than stick around and see how badly I was going to beat him.
He stopped when he realized that he couldn't outrun me. I stalked around him, ready to strike, allowing him to feel fear, as I had felt when I saw him skid with my daughter on the motorcycle.
"And you are my daughter." Esme caught up with me and scolded me gently, reminding me of my place. Unfortunately, I ignored her warning, growling at Jacob as I circled him. She continued. "And I will protect you… even from yourself."
In my anger I spun toward her and snarled angrily at her, bearing my teeth at my gently mother.
"Bella!" She sounded shocked that I would do such a thing.
I turned my back on her, knowing she would never attack me. I became singularly focused on my prey, Jacob Black.
"Isabella Marie Cullen." She very sternly reprimanded me, calling me by my whole name for the first time ever. "You will quit acting like a child and walk away from Jacob, this instant." I ignored her and crouched down to attack. "You will not attack your best friend."
Jacob had his hands up in surrender, trying to placate me, but when I saw him, I thought not of my defenseless, surrendering best friend, but of how he could have killed my daughter. I jumped at him, ready to…, not really kill him, but definitely make him think twice about endangering my daughter. Sooner than I anticipated, I made contact, but it wasn't Jacob who stood in my way. In my rage, I grabbed hold of the arm I saw in front of me and slung its owner out of my way, ripping the arm clean off the body as I threw. I locked eyes with Jacob again and began to walk slowly over to him.
The sound of my sobbing mother brought me to my senses. It was like a cold bucket of water thrown on me when I looked down and saw her arm still in my hands.
"Oh, no!" I cried as I ran to her. She cringed away from me, probably afraid that I was still enraged. "I-I-I can't believe I did that. Let me help you, Mom." I cried, assuring her of my worried, rather than angry, demeanor. I reattached her arm as she tried to hold in her cries of pain. It looked as if the fear had subsided once she knew I had regained my senses.
"Jacob." My voice shook, distressed over my own actions rather than his. "Take Nessie back to our house, and tell Alice and Rosalie…"
"Tell them Bella and I need some privacy." Esme finished for me. From the tone of her voice, I could tell that she was still in pain, but I couldn't tell how angry she was with me or even if she hated me for hurting her. "But expect a discussion later about motorcycles and my granddaughter. And if you should see Edward, please keep this incident to yourself."
Jacob said nothing, but simply nodded and ran off toward the house.
"Mama, I'm…" It sounded so empty to tell her that I was sorry for hurting her. I had already said it once, but it could never make up for the harm I had done to my loving mother who had done nothing but try to help me. "I deserve to be ripped to shreds."
"Let's go to the house." She suggested, taking me by the hand with her uninjured hand. "No one is going to rip you to shreds, sweetie."
I had no idea what to say or do. I had screwed up in a major way, and now Dad was going to give me the whipping of my existence, if he even allowed me to stay with them. I deserved it. I walked with my head down back to the house in silence, willing to accept whatever Dad saw fit to do to me.
Unfortunately, but not entirely out of the ordinary, Emmett and Jasper had ruined the football and had come back to the house for another one. Emmett saw me with my head down, and he laughed.
"What did you do, white-noser?" Emmett bellowed loudly. "Did you step on a bug or something, and now you need to have a time-out?"
I began crying in earnest at his words, not able to tell him what I had really done. He would hate me. I had ripped his mom's arm off.
"Enough." Esme scolded him, as Jasper dragged him, very worriedly out of the house, forgetting their desire for a new ball.
After they left, we finally made it up to Carlisle's office. She sat on the couch and pulled me down beside her. She took a few calming deep breaths, and I realized that she was planning on spanking me herself. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that she still loved me if she was bothering to spank me. My relief was short-lived when I realized exactly what that would have done to me had I been in her place and Renesmee in mine, not to mention the extreme pain in her arm, her spanking arm.
"May I say something, Mama?" I asked her.
"Of course, sweetheart, as long as you are respectful." She answered me, making me feel awful about being disrespectful to her earlier.
"I don't want you to think that I'm not apologetic, but I also don't want you to think that I think an apology is enough. I promise to make a proper apology when… I mean after…" My speech was inarticulate. "A-a-also, I-I'm… not… I'm not…" I faltered, struggling to form rational sentences, "trying to get out of this, because I know I deserve any punishment you want to give me, and also whatever Dad decides to do." Decapitation seemed like a distinct possibility for what I had done. "I promise I won't fight you," I was rambling, barely daring to breathe, "but I don't want to cause you any more pain. I know you're hurting, and I ripped off your right arm. And…"
"Slow down, Bella." She interrupted me. "Take a few breaths, and calm down. I can see that you are remorseful for what you've done, and I appreciate that you understand how a simple sorry won't take back what happened."
I nodded, grateful that she correctly interpreted my nonsensical speech. Since she knew my heart on the matter, I vowed to myself that I would not utter any apology until this was all over.
"Being a mother," I continued my earlier thought, "I know how hard this is, and I know what Edward would do if Renesmee had hurt me, so I thought that…" I trailed off, not knowing how to finish my sentence.
"You want to spare me the emotional pain of spanking you?" She laughed, clearly not believing me. "I've heard that one before, sweetheart."
"I'll take two or five or ten from Dad, but please don't do this to yourself." I begged her earnestly, honestly not wanting to put her through this. "Like I said, I won't fight you on this. If you decide to spank me, I'll submit, but I… I was going to say that I would prefer to wait for Dad, but I don't mean because it's what I want for me or that I think you're incapable or not allowed to or anything like that. I truly, truly don't want to put you through this after what I already did to you."
"I apologize for assuming that you were trying to get out of something. I see now that you're not. And I understand where you are coming from, Bella, but would you allow your daughter to wait for Edward if you were in my position, after she had so willfully disrespected you?" Mom asked me. "Or would you spank your errant daughter yourself?"
"I would spank her myself." I answered her.
Not wanting to put this off any longer or wanting distress her any more by arguing, I silently unfastened my pants and pushed them down, and placed myself across my mother's lap. Once I got there, I realized this was far worse than what I had done to earn my last spanking, and I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my panties and lowered them as well. I know for certain that Dad would have and probably still would spank me on the bare bottom, that is, if he decided to be merciful. I still felt as though I deserved much worse.
Mom waited a few moments, probably out of shock that I actually meant what I said about fighting her, or maybe that I voluntarily bared my own bottom, a punishment that all of the other Cullen children try to avoid. I knew that they must have hated it both for the physical pain and the embarrassment, but I also knew that I had done more than enough to earn this.
I heard Mom raise her hand to deliver the first blow, but it never came. Instead she whimpered and lowered her arm. It seems the pain I had caused her still affected her horribly. Knowing that I had caused this pain, hurt me more than any spanking ever could.
"It seems as though you were right, Bella." She admitted to me sadly. "My arm hurts too much to give you the spanking I had intended. Your chastisement would have literally physically hurt me more than it hurt you. I'm sure your father would be less than pleased if I injured myself more to spank you. We will have to wait for your him to arrive." She sighed regretfully, probably because she knew that Carlisle would have to take on the entire task of disciplining me by himself, and she hoped to spare him some of that unpleasantness. "I will require you to wait in this position until he arrives. It will show us both that you are ready to be submissive."
"Yes, ma'am." I nodded, thoroughly embarrassed, but accepting of her punishment. Earlier, when I hoped to dissuade her from spanking me herself, I had thought of offering to stand in the corner until Dad arrived, but this was worse… and more appropriate. It not only reminded me that she was my mother, it also served to help me replay in my mind, over and over, what I had done to end up in this position.
After several careful reviews of the events that led up to attacking my mother, I realized that I had committed many crimes before I actually injured her. First, I had set a terrible example for my daughter. What would she think of the way I behaved today? Next, I had lost my temper with Jacob. Then, I refused to calm down when my mother told me to, growling at her in the process. My temper flared even more, and I snarled at her, and finally deliberately disobeyed her. The reason she got hurt was because she didn't want me to hurt Jacob, and I refused to heed her instruction. While she implored me to calm down, the only thought in my head was revenge, not justice, revenge. It wasn't long before I began crying over my mother's lap, deeply ashamed of how much pain I had caused her. I had been foolish, impetuous, and disrespectful.
I lost track of time in my despair. I was brought out of my self-flagellation by my father's voice.
"What did she do?" Dad asked Mom, sounding like he thought that maybe she had been overly harsh with me, but knowing that it couldn't possibly have been true. "And how long did you spank her?"
"I'll let her explain what she's done, if she can… and for your information, I didn't spank her at all." Mom told him.
"Sweet pea." Dad addressed me concerned, and I caught my breath to answer him. My inner monologue chastised me, and reminded me that he probably wouldn't be eager to call me Sweet pea after he had heard what I have done to his wife. "Care to explain why you are in that position?"
"I'll tell you the whole story after you make sure Mama's arm is all right." I told him, remembering the whimper she made when attempted to spank me. Also, I had never reattached a limb before, I could have done it the wrong way.
"What's wrong with you arm, love?" Carlisle asked her as he looked over her injury.
"Bella will tell you in a moment." She told him, and his breath caught. He probably realized from my position and mom's cryptic comments, I had done this to her.
"It will hurt for a few days, love, but it will heal just fine." He told her, and I heard him kiss her. "I'm sorry."
"I know." She sighed. "I've seen the kids after a fight before. I just didn't realize that it was this uncomfortable."
"So much so that you couldn't spank our wayward daughter?" He asked her, but I didn't hear an answer. She probably nodded. Dad began speaking again, this time he seemed extremely irritated, "Speaking of which, she had better start explaining."