(so here's the basic I own no one I didn't make up-so I only really own Emma, Naithan etc. and Celest owns Millie, which brings me on to point two, some of this was written with Celest-I'll put an E&C on the chapter title so you know! um yeah thats abotu it no majour evil/sex etc. just plain humour and a little romance...oh and a load of elves and vampires obviously...enjoy!)
"Would you ever risk your life to save your friend?" Asked Emma, reading from the magazine, before putting another Malteaser from the bowl into her mouth.
"I don't know." Said Millie, thoughtfully. "Maybe." She added popping a Malteaser into her mouth. "But probably not, so put me down as a no."
"Final question:" continued Emma, "would you ever kill someone for borrowing your socks?"
"Yes." She replied, simply. "How'd I do?"
"Well," said Emma, totting up the scores, "you're definitely on the side of evil. Aha! 'You are Sauron, the great destroyer of Middle-Earth. You need no friends, only minions to do your bidding, and feel comfortable stealing lollies from little children.'"
"Hey, it's got me down to a t!" Emma laughed.
"Right, so you're Sauron and I am Eowyn. I really don't think we should even bother with these quizzes. You always end up as an evil dictator kind of person, and I am some crap person who's half and half."
"That's not true. You were Ron, in Harry Potter. Plus - Eowyn isn't half and half."
Emma glared at her and sat up on the bed, crossing her legs, still the with magazine in her hands. "Ok then some crappy character that's just annoying, plus I'm the one who actually read the books."
"Yeah, well I saw the films, and have four posters of Orlando Bloom plastered on my wall."
"Yeah, but it's knowledge from the book that counts when trying to prove a point."
"Fine, you keep your book, and I'll grab Orli when he arrives!" They both began to laugh, but were silenced when a call came from downstairs. "Yeah, mum!" Called Millie back.
"What?" Asked Emma.
"Do you want pizza?"
"Ooh, yeah!"
"Good. Now listen," continued Millie, "about the thing tonight. If you say this, then I can do the hand thing, and then it should work." She passé
Emma a piece of paper she had just been writing on.
Studying the paper, Emma replied. "Are you sure this will work?"
"No, but what's the worst that could happen? All we are doing is conjuring me a sword, and making your hair longer. Soz, by the way, I can't find anything on colour changing."
"Millie, there's something really disconcerting when you say what's the worst that could happen, because I still remember what happened with that frog, when you tried to make it bigger."
"What! It got bigger, didn't it? Well, its arse did at any rate. Anyway, who cares? It wasn't much of a life for the poor thing anyway."
"Yeah, but it never had to carry it's arse around on its back to move, did it?" There was a slight pause when they turned to the t.v. to see what was going on. "Ooh, ooh! I love this bit." Millie put the sound up and watched as Emma mimed the words as they were spoken.
"Look, it's a good line, I'll give you that. But no where near as good as. 'By the blood of my people are your lands kept safe.'"
"Yeah, but that's a classic."
"'Jesus, Ned, they've arrested ma! They're takin' her to the cells and chargin' her with attempted murder.' That one's pretty cool, too."
"Not seen the film."
"Well, you should. Really cool. Ned Kelly comes out on video…ok, so I don't know when, but watch it when it comes out."
"The lights are off in the hall. Your mum and dad must be asleep. Shall we start."
"Ok, you ready?" asked Millie.
"No."
"Then let's begin." Emma still looked slightly worried so she continued; "Come on nothing can go wrong."
"'Pantomime standing order number 32, paragraph 2 subsection B; when so ever a character in a pantomime says; 'Nothing can go wrong', things shall henceforth turn pear-shaped in a major way.'"
"What the hell was that?"
"Oh just something I had to learn for a panto' years ago, but it's true you know, need I remind you of the frog?"
"Need I remind you that we're not in a panto', come on lets just get on with it."
Emma looked at the piece of paper and then at her friend who sat cross- legged on the floor in front of several set out candles, and then joined her friend. "Not long till we're off to uni." She said. Millie looked at her, and then back at the hoard that lay affront them. "Not long till we're off to uni." Repeated Emma, a little louder than before.
"What do you want? A round of applause?"
"No, no. I just meant, that soon we'll be off to uni and then…well…that's it, isn't it. Work and then death."
"Not very morbid, are you?" Millie answered sarcastically. "Look, we've got ages till then, and then after so what? We do some work, have a little fun, do a little dance, make a little love, and practically get down tonight!" She ended, grinning.
"Millie - don't you find it annoying that we are only here to work and let other people work?"
"Yes, it is annoying. But unless we do something weird, like this spell thing that I spend the last three hours researching, checking and re- checking, then it will be annoying till we die." There was a pause.
"Now whose the morbid one?" They both smiled, but then lit the candles. Emma looked at the piece of paper and began to read.
"With the sun that's above us,
With the earth that's below,
We ask for something out there
To give us the energy and to glow.
Abraxas we implore you,
To transfer to us your powers
Even for a short while,
Just to while away the hours."
Here, Emma paused and looked at her friend who continued motioning with her hands, but glared back. "You know," she said, "even though you write poetry, you suck at making spells."
"Shut the fk up, Emma. You're spoiling the mood." Millie continued waving her hands over the candles, and so Emma continued.
"Allow us to bewitch the mind
Allow us to befuddle the senses
Allow us to brew fame and glory
Please give us power, mighty Abraxas".
"You see, that bit there doesn't even rhyme! And you stole it all from Harry Potter!"
"Emma!"
"Abraxas we implore you,
To transfer to us your powers
Even for a short while,
Just to while away the hours.
Give us pointed ears with powers true,
Long hair with quick sight and strength,
The intelligence to know thine enemy
Skill to go the length"
"Ooh, I like that bit, 'cept the last line…hey, you cut straight to the chorus again!"
"It's not a song."
"Abraxas we implore you,
To transfer to us your powers
Even for a short while,
Just to while away the hours.
By the blood of our past people,
The lands of yours are kept safe
We ask to borrow this power
And please, with all haste.
Abraxas we implore you,
To transfer to us your powers
Even for a short while,
Just to while away the hours.
May this spell not reverse,
Nor place upon us any curse."
"Nothing's happening, Millie." Whispered Emma after silence had entered the room for some time.
"I know. I don't think your comments every five minutes helped. Do you think we should do it again?"
"Hell, no. I'm not reading that again. You stole most of it from Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings...what would Boromir say?" Emma paused for a moment in mock concern, but then they both started laughing.
"Well, that sucked." Laughed Millie, turning the lights on in the room, and blowing out the candles. "Want to watch a film? I suggest..."
"Lord Of The Rings?"
"What a coincidence! Our most frequent fancy!"
"Wouldn't it be cool if we were there?"
"You mean if you were Eowyn and could flirt with Aragorn or Faramir, and had Eomer for a brother?"
"Hey, you wouldn't exactly lose out on much; Sauron!"
"Mwahahahaha!" The both sat down laughing and looked round the room at the posters on the walls.
"Seriously, Millie. What were you thinking? By the blood of our past people, the lands of yours are kept safe! And you are supposed to be the one good at grammar! What would Boromir say?"
"How about my name's really Sean Bean?" They both laughed, but almost as soon as her sentence had been finished, the room began to fill with wind. Millie and Emma both jumped up and looked at each other from across the bed. "What the fuck!" Exclaimed Millie.
"What the hell! Look!" She pointed at Millie, whose clothes were changing before her eyes. Instead of looking at herself, however, Millie was busy looking at Emma.
"Look!" Both girls stared as their clothes morphed and changed into green and pale grey travelling clothes not unlike those worn by LOTR characters.
"Wow maybe your spell worked a little after all." Emma said her voice filled with awe and wonder. Before either could say another word the world began to spin and the girls felt as if they were being drawn into a black- hole, or at least felt as if they were being stretched and pulled through space and time, which in fact they were.
An immeasurable time later, or perhaps earlier, the spinning stopped. The girls looked around them "What the fuck?" Millie asked as her eyes took in the forest scenery around the pair.
Emma opened and closed her mouth a few times before finally saying; "Blerr?" In a small voice.
"Emma, if you don't have anything useful to say don't say anything at all."
"Well, I think under the circumstances that blerr is a very useful thing to say."
"Ok so say something more useful, like where the hell are we?"
"Oh so just 'cos I'm the nature nut I should be able to work out where we are. Just look at the types of plants and birds and what side of the tree trunks the moss grows on and." Emma said her voice getting steadily higher and higher as panic filled her.
"Actually I think it grows all the way round." Millie said calmly, somehow nothing seemed to affect her. "Also, when I said say where the hell are we, I meant literally say where the hell we are."
"So now I have to do it just from animal and plant types!"
"Emma calm down."
"You're the one who said I had to say something; I was fine saying nothing and being scared in silence. Ok so I have no idea where we are or even when we are."
"When we are?" Millie asked her face turning from concern to humour, "Sounds like some sci-fi film."
"Well maybe it is; I mean the last thing I remember was being in your room and our clothes just changing…and then we turned up here." She answered looking at the forest around her.
"What if it's not sci-fi, what if it's fantasy?"
"Fantasy?"
"Hmm," Millie replied with a nod, "You know, maybe our spell worked, but not exactly as we planned it to."
"You mean instead of getting you a sword and making us kinda more elven it, well sucked us out of your room and spat us out here, wherever the hell here is."
"Well, no, I didn't mean that at all. But hey, that's as good as 'it's that frog getting its own back.'"
Before they could comment further the pair heard the sound of horses hooves pounding through the undergrowth; "What the hell is that?" Emma asked.
"Um, horses?"
"Well yes ok then, who the hell is that?"
Before Millie could respond three pure white horses appeared, upon the beast's backs where three rather tall and rather hansom men. Emma and Millie stared as they approached, all three looked very similar to Lord of the Rings' elves and the one in the centre looked strangely familiar.
"Pusta i nar tye ar mana ni nar car sinomë."
Both girls gaped at the now halted horses and their riders, each of the very elven men had a quiver of arrows at their backs and as the leader spoke his companions took bows from their saddles and aimed their arrows at the girls.
"Dude! They're hot!" Millie whispered.
"They're going to kill us!" Emma whispered back, her voice again filled with panic, "And what the hell kind of a language is he speaking?"
"Ata, ni quet vanya vendëi; i nar le ar nana car le mer sinomë i nóvë en nya atar"
"Wow."
"Yes wow, they are so..."
"I'm not wowing because of cuteness."
"Your not? Oh yes, I forgot you like Aragorn and crap like that for a second there."
"No I don't, I like Jensen Ackles but anyway I'm wowing because atar is father in quenya! Or possibly Sindarin or whatever the hell it is. Plus I think I recognise Sinomë or whatever he said, isn't that here, or there, or…"
"Emma get to the point, you mean he's speaking in elven?"
"Yes!" Then Emma turned to the men who appeared to be giving them quite strange looks; "Um, elen silya lumenn omentielvo."
"Corelia!" Millie added, staring at the rider.
"Millie!" Emma hissed, angrily.
"What? Like I would ever sit down and learn another bloody language. I only just packed in French! Besides, I only know the bad words, and 'shut up' is about the nicest of them. Would you rather I told him to fk an orc?"
"Auta miqula orch!"
"You see; we only bothered to leant that sort of thing."
Emma gave up with a sigh and turned back to the elves who were watching the girls with amusement; "Um, im Emma ar, um what the hell was 'she'?"
"Like I know." Millie replied who was enjoying watching Emma's attempt at quenya.
"Oh well, she's Millie, im edan, or is it ve-edan? Um….um."
"Run out of elven yet?"
"Well I could tell him he's a fool, smells like a human, is stupid, a cowardly dog…"
"I'll do that if you really want me to?" Emma stared blankly at her. "Fine, give me a go." She watched as her friend stepped up towards the riders. "Do you speak the common tongue?" She said, staring at them.
"Of course, there are few who do not these days." The leader of the archers replied. Emma raised an eyebrow.
"He could have said." She muttered but the man merely laughed.
"It was more fun to hear your attempt at our language."
"A eru! Did you hear that? He's an elf!" Said Emma in disbelief, turning to Millie.
"Emma, one of these days you really must learn how to swear properly." Her friend replied, tiredly, rubbing her eyes.
"I swear!"
"In English maybe."
"When in Rome…"
"We're not in Rome."
"Excuse me?" The pair turned to see that the elf had dismounted, "But from your attempt at quenya I assume that you are Emma and Millie. Tell me, what business do you have in my father's lands?"
"You see I said atar is father in quenya!"
"Very good, you've won a million pounds!" Millie replied, sarcastically, before turning to the elves; "We are travelling to Rivendell to meet with Lord Elrond." Emma looked as if she was about to say something but Millie quickly kicked her into silence.
"We are also travelling to Rivendell, there is a council meeting there which we must attend, will you travel with us?"
"Of course, but we have no fine horses as you do."
"Rocco!" Emma whispered glad to know at least one bit of elven that was not an insult.
"Our horses can carry you."
Millie grinned "Thank you." Then turned quickly to Emma whispering excitedly; "We're going riding with the hottest elves in the world!"
Emma smiled but suddenly felt slightly worried, it appeared that the pair were somehow in a forest with a group of elves who were travelling to a mythical place she had only heard of in a book, oh and a film and a song or two, but that wasn't the point, the point was that it was impossible. But on the plus side she thought she had some idea as to who the elf was; "Um, excuse me but you did not tell us your name."
The elf smiled; "I am Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood, this forest is the realm of my father king Thranduil."
Both girls grinned at this, Legolas had always been one of the pair's favourite characters from the film, but hearing his name seamed to reinforce the impossibility of the whole thing. Maybe it's just a dream, Emma told herself and decided to enjoy it whilst it lasted.
"Dude - nice!" Said Millie, with a huge grin on her face, looking the elven prince up and down. He laughed a little at the attention.
"Millie, get over it."
"Shut up, Emma, he's hot. Plus, he's probably got one of the hottest arse's of the century." She turned back to Legolas before speaking again. "So, you're an elf, huh? How's that working out for you? Ow!" She added, as Emma elbowed her in the stomach. Legolas furrowed his brow.
"Working out for me?" He asked, but before Millie could answer Emma stepped forward.
"What my estranged friend is trying to say is, are you sure you would not mind taking us as far as Rivendell? We must speak with Elrond."
"Elrond? I did not know that many humans referred to him without his title." Legolas ventured.
"A…uh…um...bah…human? What?" Emma mumbled incoherently whilst Legolas looked around, confused, for help.
"What my estranged friend is trying to say is that although we are human, which we are, by the way, Emma, we can call him Elrond." At this Legolas laughed. "What's so funny?"
"You are not human, my lady."
"What?" Millie said, a look of disgust on her face. Emma looked at her friend and laughed.
"It's true!" She said, "Oh, that's not fair, I wanna be an elf!"
"What?" Said Millie again, in disbelief. There was a long pause, before Emma spoke.
"Feth, just get over it. You're an elf, at least you're not a human." (for those that wish to know Feth is a tanith tree god and has similar meaning in Gaunt's Ghosts to 'A eru' and 'Oh my God')
"Shut up, you're just jealous that you aren't an elf."
"And you're just jealous you're…"
"I'm just jealous about what?"
"Oh, auta miqula orqu!" (Go kiss an orc in quenya or some other variation of the elven language)
"And a fuck you too!"
"Dear ladies," Said Legolas, "Forgive my impertinence but whatever the case I feel we must away. Though the harshest of times appear to be over; one does not know exactly what remains to lurk in the abouts."
"You'd be surprised." Emma whispered stepping slowly forwards towards the elves.
"Is there a problem with your friend?" Legolas asked her.
Emma turned to see Millie staring at the handsome elf a questioning look on her face.
"Oh she's fine. Hey Millie snap out of it!"
"What the fuck was he on about? I think I blanked off after 'dear ladies'!"
"Grow up, shut up and come on Millie!" Emma said before turning back to face the elven riders, to which she got the response, "Fk you!" from her friend.
"Dude does that guy like ever smile?" Joked Millie to Legolas whilst looking at one of the other riders.
Legolas smiled and helped her onto his horse; "He is one of my father's men. So no."
"Then he's most like Emma." Millie laughed then looked down at her friend who was mounting the remaining elf's horse. "Hey Emma, need a hand?" She called.
"I haven't been near a horse in years!" Emma laughed as the elf helped her up, the great 'white' (though technically named 'grey' due to the grey skin 'white' horses generally have, ooo look at the knowledge…ok stop looking now, carry on) creature took a couple of steps forward causing the girl to cling tightly to the elf before her making Millie smile and raise her eyebrow for a flash before reaching round the 'oh so' firm prince in front of her.
Within moments the group were galloping through the forest which quickly cleared into open moor land. Before them rose steep mountains disappearing into cloud high above the five travellers; "Oh my God Millie, those are the Misty Mountains!" Emma yelled grinning at her friend, Millie sent a quick smile back but was far too busy talking to the elven prince before her to take much notice of the scenery.
"What is your 'God'?" Asked the elf who Emma rode with, the strawberry blond-ish girl tucked her hair behind her ears to keep it from her face, wishing she could tie it back, before answering.
"Um, kinda like Eru, some all powerful guy who knows everything."
"I see." The elf replied uncertainly.
"Um, what's your name by the way, I don't think you ever said."
"No, I did not. I am Atanvariaro."
"Cool name." The girl replied forgetting it immediately, "Um you haven't, you know, got a shorter name have you?"
"Shorter?"
"Well, easier to remember."
"I suppose you could call me Atan if you wished."
"Better, I think I can remember that. How long do you think it will take us to reach Rivendell Atan?"
The elf thought for a moment before replying; "No more than three or four days at most, these are swift horses and the roads are quite safe."
"But I thought there were Goblins and wargs in these mountains!" Emma replied remembering the books she had read of that land, she had always liked wargs who resembled wolves and had been cut out of the first film along with Glorfindel who she wouldn't stop whinging about, and knew most of the other evil creature's and their whereabouts from the books.
"There were at one time but they have been driven from this realm now. Since the war's end most of the dark creatures have fled."
"The war's end?" Emma asked.
"Yes, the war of the ring has finally come to an end, what should have been ended three thousand years ago was finished by the Halfling, Frodo, and his companions. With the aid of our prince Legolas of course, less than a month since."
"The ring wars are over?"
"Yes, have you heard none of this?"
"No, I mean yes, who wouldn't have; the Dark Lord has been destroyed by the destruction of his ring and Aragorn has married Arwen and the hobbits are probably fighting Shakey and all that. I never did like the end of the book."
"What book?" The elf asked in confusion.
"Oh, um never mind, um, will we need to stop soon?" Emma asked quickly, it had been stupid of her to mention the book.
"Yes I believe so." The elf answered slowly.
"Um, tell me of Mirkwood, I have never been there, um except for just now, but I mean tell me of, um, Legolas and his father and your people and…all that." Emma finished lamely in an attempt to change the subject and so talk quickly turned to other things.