Lux Aeterna

-Requiem for a Dream

Note: Does not consist of the traditional Japanese schooling year. (3 trimesters, starting in April)

Prologue

Ever since I was a little girl, I thought love foolish.

My parents have been split ever since I could remember, if not earlier. I grew up in a fairytale universe, like most girls. Tales of princesses and knights, of love conquering all and luxurious weddings in the end sealed with a kiss. I distinctively remembered feeling confused that my parents, who were married, were arguing day and night. There were no magical kisses, no wondrous gifts, and no smiles that transcended time itself. Just a deep look from them both that told me that I was not welcome.

I remembered holding onto that dream, of the perfect fairytale ending. I knew it was how most girls thought then too.

But at that point, I realized stories like that were only to entertain and to paint the perfect scenario. I kept telling myself that I wasn't stupid, that I didn't believe in that knight sweeping me off my feet and carrying me away to a castle far far away. I told myself that I was mature because of my parents, and because of them, I would only dream realistically. But somewhere deep down, I had hope. A tiny spark that burned for years on end.

That spark would be my downfall.

Chapter 1

Unnatural

I was preparing for this day ever since my plan was formulated. The first day of high school, symbolizing the fact that I was one last step closer to being independent if I wished to be. It was the thought that carried me through the years before, the boring lectures and unnecessary examinations and rankings. I knew what I was meant for, what I was suited to do. To be honest, I just did not see any point in having the ability to do basic algebra for what I was planning to do later in life.

Nevertheless, I did what I did, because that's who I was. At least that's what everyone perceived me to be, which was more or less the same thing to me. I've gone beyond caring.

Many people thought me to be easy to read. So on the contrary, I made myself opaque. It was easy to have friends, even if they became like a mediocre chore at times. But I honestly had nothing else to occupy my time with. I don't know when the pretending became a reality and when the kindness overturned my resolve to add to my load. The smile became glued to my face, most of the time just a reflex.

And because I had almost nothing else to fill up in my life, my father being out of the picture and my mother slipping out of the frame, I had a lot of heart to offer. My ... friends became important to me. I'd even go as far as to say they built my personality somewhat.

I'd like to think they found something meaningful in me too, but I wasn't too sure. Faking joy sometimes made me paranoid and suspicious of others to be like my devious self.

I walked through the doors of my new school with a perfect smile in place. There were two reasons why the smile was perfect. One; because it was intact for most of the day, and two; because it was real.

And behind everything lies a reason- that I believed with all of my heart.

Mine was Sakura.

Kinomoto Sakura was simply the most amazing person I knew. I knew her through this wretched family of mine, but I never once blamed them after I met her, for she became my life.

I indulged myself in different forms of art. Singing, designing, the occasional painting, but she was almost always the subject, explicitly, implicitly, even just a tiny mark. Her light auburn hair, paired with her gorgeous emerald eyes made her a perfect model like her late mother. She was my inspiration when I was young. Even after all these years, her figure had not changed much. She was still slender with a figure and a radiating aura of innocence that complimented her beauty. She was fair, much more than, but I could never say that out loud.

So I settled for calling her cute, which would in turn make her blush and be even cuter, even for a sixteen year old.

I always thought her to be the ideal girl…or somewhat close to the most desirable. Sakura was sweet and had the cutest reactions. Sometimes she behaved bizarrely because it was fun, and no matter how or what, she'd manage to drag someone else into it. She was a bright force, powered with the gift of unmatched smiles and charisma. In some ways, or most, I decided she was still a child inside, which was perfect in contrast to me most of the time. She drew everyone to her without even trying.

She was athletic and quite intelligent in her own right. Everyone was always glad to help her with her struggling subject math, and she always accepted graciously. She'd bring her cheerleading routines to class and after school so everyone could watch and critique (not that they had much to say after her excellent choreography). She was well involved in drama and helped out with the teachers. Everyone was her friend, even the boys. I knew that if it came down to it, everyone would deem that Sakura simply could do no wrong. She just couldn't.

I stood there patiently, as patiently as I could mask anyways. One of the few things that frequently irritated me about Sakura was her (cute) late policy. Once she was late by shy of two hours, after having collapsed the previous night and getting so much sleep that she literally woke up five minutes before she arrived at our meeting spot. I couldn't blame her; she had a legitimate excuse, at least acceptable because it was her. I was different simply because I could not stand being late, for whichever reason. It was a horrible pet peeve that peeled away my façade as quick as quicksand sinks.

Perhaps there was something off with Sakura today, but she was only late by a minute and a half. With barely a puff as a result of her excellent fitness, Sakura stopped in front of Tomoyo and looked down slightly as she was on a bike. She outgrown her rollerblades years ago and began taking up her older brother Touya's habits of arriving to school on two big wheels instead.

I still don't know how she does it, but Sakura manages to get off her bike gracefully even while stumbling on the touchdown to the ground. Laughing nervously, she wheels it off to the racks, and I of course, follow with a smile. I inwardly rolled my eyes at her obvious struggle as her fingers fumble with the lock.

"Tomoyo-chan, I'm sorry I'm late!"

Standard Sakura-chan response.

"You're actually only a few minutes late, I think we're fine. The new system's working out perfectly."

Sakura sweat dropped in that cute way she always did.

"What new system?"

Oops. I haven't yet told her. Sakura was sweet but she wasn't stupid. With a hand on her hip and a natural tapping of the foot, standard procedures for a light interrogation method, I felt compelled to reveal my not –so-big secret.

"Sakura-chan, I told you the starting time earlier so you'd get here on time that's all." I hid my intentions behind a sickening sugary look.

Her reaction was nothing short of hilarious, and I fought my every instinct not to burst out with an uncharacteristic snort. Her jade eyes just burst open ripe at its fullest colour, her hand flopped down her side and her mouth in the stage of a cry of disbelief.

"HOEEEE! How could you do this Tomoyo-chan! I got here EARLY? All my precious sleep!"

It was moments like these that made me doubt my resolve in loving this girl so much. Although she was already nearing the age of independence, she still slept in like a bear on tranquilizer and adored every drop of sweet bliss she could get in between boring periods of class instruction. After a while, she mastered the skill of sleeping for a set amount of time while concealed. I found it quite amusing how much time she spent on deceiving the teacher and that if she had spent a fraction of that time doing something more productive, she'd be the hit of the staff department.

"When does it really start Tomoyo-chan?" She whined, throwing a puppy face in my direction as dramatic effect.

"Oh, about half an hour from now." I replied in my best insouciant voice.

It was quite amusing to see her expression change so dramatically, even from her already shocked face.

"…So high school really doesn't start that much earlier than …" Her voice trailed off to nothingness.

I nodded sweetly, a part of me still amused by her erratic behaviour.

Sakura sighed once.

"I guess we can chill for the next thirty minutes then?" Sakura was certainly not used to having free time, especially before school.

"I'm sure we can. Anything exciting-"

That was my standard opener. Sakura would then take her cue and launch into a talk about whatever happened to her that was worth, or not even, mentioning. I'd drown and make my comments here and there, or maybe even take my turn at speaking back.

"You know my childhood friend, Li Syaoran?"

"Isn't he the one who lives in Hong Kong? His mother used to know your mother because of one of her modeling tours right?"

"Sometimes I really envy your amazing memory Tomoyo-chan. Anyways, he's transferring here to Japan, well, actually…. he's coming to this school today."

I was surprised at this news. A Chinese boy, coming to a foreign country. I mentally racked up all the information I knew on the Li Corporation in Hong Kong. Its head was…

"Yelan Li. That is…his mother, but how can he come here and live while she's the head of the organization?" I did not hide my genuine natural concern for him. Through the years, Sakura has fed me more than enough information on her life through these boredom relieving talks. Even without that, I'd still feel a deep worry. It was instinct; I cared just because.

"He has a caretaker of course, but he's pretty good at taking care of himself…"

My mind skipped over the fact that his family was wealthy and successful and would be able to hire a care giver for him with no effort at all. I nodded absent mindedly.

The remainder of the time passed by with Sakura's light description of Syaoran. There wasn't much I didn't know already from her previous discussions on her childhood friend. I didn't bother pointing this out, especially since it was only a few details.

However, I ended up meeting him and got to know him well.

To this day, I never imagined how well.

Li Syaoran ended up in science class with me-our only class together that semester. It was also a class I did not share with Sakura-chan, but I was indifferent if not just a bit uncomfortable. I knew no one, and only him indirectly somewhat. It was a bit of a surprise when his name was called and uncomfortable silence issued.

I don't know how long it was until I actually met him. Sakura mentioned to me that his plane was delayed for his mother needed him for a meeting or something to that effect. I remembered thinking why a fourteen year old boy would need to help the head of a corporation, even if he was to be her successor eventually someday. I believe it was a couple of weeks into the course, when we were about to do our first actual lab experiment that he finally arrived.

My first impression of him was not that great. I would have bore no attention to him if not for his name. He appeared ordinary to me at first. A boyish type of hair, a typical messy cut with clothes that mismatched to my professional eye. He walked with a sort of a burdened grace, a hunch in his back due to his pack I supposed although it was not to be nearly that heavy so early on. He walked up to the teacher and affirmed his presence. The teacher made some lame joke about the aliens finally returning our final student to us. Syaoran didn't look pleased but rather bored. A set of amber eyes shone out at me into the light, and that's when I took attention.

He was assigned to a seat far away from the rest of the class, in the aisle with no others due to his late coming. The teacher said for him to gather notes from someone when he had time and to get the handouts on the lab we were to start on today. I already hole punched mine and slipped into my binder, dated. Science was not my forte, and to an extent, I despised it. A part of me looked forward to blowing things up, as rumours said, but this first lab, our first independent lab, looked so very boring.

We were to have one class to complete eight stations. There were instructions to mix each substance and record our observations as to the occurring changes. A lab report was to be due in about two and a half weeks. We were to work in partners or groups.

I already saw a crowd gather around the resident class nerd, who was quite frankly, knowledgeable about everything. Another group of boys already began their experiment at station #5. I quickly grabbed a new person I just met in the class previous- I think her name was Yuka, a common name. She seemed to be a loner in the school, so I took it upon myself to make her feel welcome. Maybe I just didn't want to be the odd one left.

After about three stations, the two of us were utterly lost. We weren't sure if the experiments were going correctly, and after messing up once, we wasted about ten minutes cleaning one of the spills up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Syaoran working diligently alone, doing his own experiment alongside two other girls.

"Tomoyo, I'm going to check with Miyu and Aisaki to see if they're doing this right okay?"

I nodded, a part of me already knowing that she wasn't going to come back.

It was only a matter of time before Syaoran and I bumped heads and got to the same station-#6. It was when I first talked to him.

"Do you just want to work together? There's about twenty minutes left and I'm not exactly the fastest person at this."

His voice was a bit rough and tone contradictive. To me, he seemed to be enjoying this and going through the stations lightning fast. But having a partner made the process much faster, that I agreed with.

"Sure, um. Syaoran right?" I asked, acting dumb so I seemed more like an observer with a keen memory rather than an obsessive stalker. People always assumed that when you knew their name from passing.

He nodded. "Sorry, I'm not so good with the names."

"Tomoyo." I supplied.

"Right, so which stations do you have left?"

I took a quick look at my now rather crumpled sheet.

"I have…three, four, and seven left to go."

"Well, I did seven already, so you can just copy off me there-and I'll get your results for two, if you don't mind." Two was the station where Yuka messed up on, the one we were unsure about, but I'll tell him that later.

I felt out of place as Syaoran zoomed past the procedures, but slowed down when it neared a need for accuracy.

"Could you jot down your observations, I don't want to start over." His hand was secure over a small bottle just over the beaker.

"S-sure." I was zoning out; I was sure he knew.

"Bubbling, heat given off, a slight change in colour, and it smells horrendous."

My hand moved on its own accord, but stopped when it got to the smell.

"Horrendous, that sounds scientific." I joked.

Syaoran shrugged in response. "What else can you say?"

"It smells like dentist." I observed.

Against his better judgement, Syaoran sniffed the beaker again, cringing.

"You're right. Maybe I'll search up some formulas for what dentist is composed of and transfer that onto the lab report." His tone was not serious but his eyes were.

I think we completed stations three and four just in the nick of time, although my observations were not as great as I'd preferred. Syaoran made us exchange e-mail addresses so I could send him the observations that he didn't get a chance to copy down.

"You have instant messenger right?"

"Of course," I answered, "if I'm not on, assume I'm dead."

"Well, then there's no excuse not to hand over the information then."

I remembered to add him to my contacts that night. I even laughed at his e-mail. . Mine was simply my name- .com .

I was accepted in about five seconds, or less. I immediately thought he'd start a conversation and ask for the information. I had it laid beside me, along with my various sketches of fashion designs.

After an hour, and after I had already browsed a dozen websites on dress patterns and layouts, I was entitled to start it. I glanced at his name- Syaoran. Clear and simple. Mine was Tomoyo-chan—Stranger. I had an odd habit of changing my private message and my display names to my leisure. It gave me something to occupy myself with, endless sappy poetic forms of expression that probably freaked out half of my friends. Their reactions were amusing to say the least. Those who've known me long just blew past it.

Tomoyo-chan—Stranger said at 8:04 pm

Would you like the notes now? I'd rather get it off my hands.

Syaoran said at 8:05 pm

The report isn't due for some time

you don't have to be so rushed

Tomoyo-chan—Stranger said at 8:05 pm

Sure if that's what you want

btw. That's a really cute e-mail you got there.

Syaoran said at 8:07 pm

… don't ask.

So that was my first conversation with Syaoran. I eventually handed over the information three days later, but I realized that he was just going to be one of the many contacts on my list I never gave a second thought to.

That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was that I knew all that but still kept him on.

A full month passed by, to the bright end of October. I occasionally exchanged notes with Syaoran for I found out that he was quite the science guy. A couple of my friends began to 'steal' his notes in passing, but he didn't seem to mind. All his friends were back in Hong Kong, with the lone exception of Sakura, with whom he shared no classes with. We talked about our ridiculous science teacher in passing, and messaged online about some of our homework. It wasn't more than half an hour a day, so I found it normal. Sakura wasn't on my list, and I rarely talked to anyone else- only sometimes Chiharu about her boyfriend Takashi, and Naoko about her latest story that I'd proofread.

Then December came and Syaoran was no longer just a pen pal.

Note: I'm very personally attached to this story. That's all.