Why were they still doing this? Why was he still here? A dull soft glow shone on Jason's nude statuesque body as he sat on the edge of the bed. Moments like this usually led to Dick wrapping his fingers around his wrist gently bringing him back into the bed. Not anymore though. Jason glanced over to Dick, the older mans eyes were unfocused staring off in the direction of the TV lost in his own head.
They were both so damn stupid. So afraid. So set on the idea that anything good would end in tragedy for them. Maybe they could have been the exception for each other. If only they could go back to how they were a month ago with Dick's persistent cuddling and his mock annoyance. A sad smile forms at the memory but it does nothing to soothe the too heavy feeling sinking into him.
Dick had said it was shock. That is was all impulse. Even though deep down inside himself Jason believed Dick, it had ripped him apart anyway.
They had worked out a little routine without being tracked neither wanting their relationship known to the other members of the batclan lest it be criticized to the point of ruin. Dick and Jason didn't know what they were they just knew they wanted each other. The closeness, the understanding through simple touches that words could never express. What a grand fuck up they had become Jason thought bitterly. He wished he could scrub the memory of that night from his mind he had been a rooftop away he saw them, Batman and Nightwing. He stepped back into the shadow watching them, unsure what was happening. Nightwing looking confused even through the mask as the bat drew closer. Too close. Jason didn't yell, the Red Hood didn't attack, he just watched frozen as the pairs lips met – when Dick kissed back instead of pushing the other away. He watched still rooted to the spot as Batman left a moment later leaving Nightwing alone, a gloved hand pressing at his lips.
Nothing more came out of that kiss but the damage was done. Fights became vicious, sex became emotionless and detached. They were poisoning each other.
"Why don't you just go bend over for him then?!"Jason snarled.
"Maybe I should."
They had ended up in bed before the argument could even finish as though in some competition to prove some point neither had a solid idea of. Now Jason sat stiff and tired wanting nothing more to forget everything. If he could just have been a few minutes late that night. It would stop replaying in his head over and over again. The strong hold of Bruce's had in Dick's hair and the way Dick had arched into it. He enjoyed it whether he would admit it or not and it killed Jason. How could he ever compare to a crush Dick had held since he was a teenager? Sure the kiss came from out of nowhere but what stopped Dick from thinking about his options? Why have the broken boy wonder when you could have the impenetrable Batman? He should just accept it and leave at the very least Dick could be happy.
A touch, feathery light,enclosed around his wrist woke him from his brooding. A look of hopeful determination played on Dick's face, silently demanding Jason to lay next to him. They stare at each other for a long while both unsure. It's almost frightening the effect the have on each other, neither had expected it, the longing and desperate need. It takes Jason a little effort to move, tension ebbing away if only a little as he rests beside his brother. He's taken by surprise when Dick pressed their lips together in a chaste little kiss. They barely ever kiss anymore. It doesn't make him think of Bruce, no – it reminded him of their first tiny peck of a kiss. Dick had been unnaturally shy and Jason then hauled him in for a proper wet kiss with all the works.
A smile, small and barely visible, crossed his face. Maybe they could be mended. Maybe they could be the exception.