Chapter 1: Yes…Yes We Are…
I really am thankful to all of you who followed Welp…This is a Thing. You don't know how much it means to me that I had people constantly supporting me on something that was originally kind of a joke. Besides Johnny and Storm, who are contractually obligated to read when I update, two of you really stood out. Tegh, who included me in his story, and On3dge, who once told me that I was his inspiration to start writing his stories. I mean…just…you all are just incredible people and I hope you enjoy this one as much as the last.
"I'll ask you again: What are you doing here?" I think it's time to back up a bit. For some reason, only the three of us got taken by whatever the hell that was. After we got our clothes on, we were surrounded by people. Said people were the members of Rias's peerage. Not that they know that we know them. Or the fact that they're hiding in the trees or bushes.
"To be honest, we're lost. Do you mind if we go somewhere else?" Said Storm the peacekeeper.
"Of course. Follow me. You can all come out now." They literally came out of the woodwork and walked next to their leader. The group led us to a large mansion hidden from the general population by the thick forest. Kiba held the door open for us.
"Thank you." I said to him politely. Storm and Johnny just gave him a nod.
"You're welcome." Inside were some people I did not expect to see. There was teams RWBY and JNPR, Professor Ozpin, Glynda Goodwitch, Doctor Oobleck, Professor Port, Qrow, Winter, Sun and Neptune. There were also some familiar faces. The girls from back home were chatting with each other. Those are not the ones we know…
"Hey, isn't that…?" Asked Johnny in a hushed voice.
"No Johnny…Look. Plutie and Peashy aren't with them, their clothes are different, and the twins' arms aren't all demonic." I tell him in an equally low voice.
"Oh shit…What's going on?"
"I have no idea. Why are you asking me?" We were beckoned further into the building and that's when our interrogation began. We took our time explaining a bit about ourselves and talked, in detail, about exactly how we got here. It took about an hour, especially since Qrow kept calling bullshit. When we started talking about our families…well…things certainly got awkward. And saying it was embarrassing would be an understatement. Several faces were beat red and Blanc just kind of stopped. The twins immediately took to the idea of me being their father, which was what was broke Blanc in the first place. Oobleck, in his infinite curiosity of the unknown, asked for a demonstration of my healing abilities.
"Okay, who wants to do the honors?" Kokeno raised her hand. "Well, come on then." I placed the tip of Rebellion on the ground while leaning on the hilt. She walked up to me and shoved me with a single hand. I flew through the air and my back hit the wall. She then grabbed the claymore-style sword in a javelin grip and threw it at me. It found its mark in the left side of my chest. I pushed myself off the ornate stone and removed the blade from my chest, spilling a ton of blood in the process. I lift my shirt to show that there isn't a scar. I show them the other two Devil Arms I had on me. I may or may not have made the mistake of leaving them at home. All I had was Lucifer, Nix, and Rebellion. I still had all me weapons that classify as guns, so I still had my range advantage. We took another hour giving demonstrations of our more outlandish abilities, like my Demon Arts. Eventually, Ozpin interrupted us.
"You three have years of combat experience. Would you mind sparring against some of my students?"
"I'm down. Who am I going up against?"
"G1…You were roasted alive and electrocuted yesterday, and you're picking a fight?"
"No rest for the weary, Storm."
"Professor, if I may? Can I be the one to face him?"
"If that is what you wish, Ms. Nikos. Peter, would you mind being the referee for this match?"
"Of course, old friend!" The mustached fat man said excitedly. A large area was cleared out and we walked into it. She drew her sword and shield while taking a defensive stance. I equipped Lucifer and drew two blades after the skeletal wings spread. Charging her, I go for a dual overhead strike. She deflected the attack with enough force to send the weapons out of my hands. She has no idea what she's dealing with. I drew more of the explosives and threw them at her, while she either blocked or deflected them. Once there was a good amount of blades hanging about, I made them appear behind her.
"Pyrrha! Look out!" She turned around to catch the small swords with her chest. I toss the rose that was in my mouth to blow them up and send her flying towards me. As she was gathering frequent flyer miles, I lifted my leg and slammed her into the ground. The foot that made her kiss the dirt was also pinning her down.
"Are we done here, Port?"
"Indeed. Your experience in combat is quite prominent. Almost as much as my own." I step off of her as I shake my head at Port's antics. She grabbed my outstretched hand and I pulled her up.
"You did really well even though the odds were stacked against you. All you have to do is learn how to fight an unpredictable opponent."
"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." She responded to my criticism with a smile.
"Ooh! Ooh! Me next! Me next!" Nora called out while jumping around and waving. Ren was opposed to the idea, according to the look on his face.
"Johnny, she's all yours." I said after patting his shoulder. I sit down on one of the benches that were set up and waited for the bout to start. As I was just sitting there, contemplating things, the goddess Neptune sat down really close to me.
"You don't mind, do ya?"
"Nah, you're good." A moment later, she rested her head on her shoulder. "Now things are getting weird." She get up rather quickly.
"Sorry…"
"It's fine. I'm still adjusting to the fact that you're not the Neptune I know is all. Go back to the way you were."
"I guess it would be weird that someone who looks like your friends wife started using you as a pillow."
"Just lay down." She did just that. Taking my sentence literally, she went from resting her head on my shoulder to resting it on my lap. Port's voice rang out from the center of the large high school fight circle.
"Begin!" Nora shot two grenades at Johnny, who batted them away with the back of his hand. He ran at her and swung his hammer down, which she dodged by jumping backwards. A rather large crater was formed where she was standing. She shifted her weapon into its hammer form too and hit him in the side with a horizontal swing. They traded blows for what felt like an hour before the final clash happened. They ran at each other, hammers held high. They brought them down with as much strength as they could muster. The heads of the two mighty war weapons collided, but Johnny's, not being made of whatever metals Remnant has, broke. As the shrapnel flew, the grenades within exploded, sending poor Johnny flying.
"I've got him!" Issei called out as he ran to catch my friend. He failed though, as Johnny's balls got acquainted with his face and they both slammed into a wall. Qrow and I lost our fucking minds. We recover after a good few minutes of good long laughter, holding our sides in pain and took a swig from our respective drinks to drown out the pain. Qrow drank from his flask and I drank from the bottle of Jack that showed up in my hand as I was rolling around. I got a few strange looks, and an angry one from Winter.
"Great…There's two drunkards now…"
"Still only one. I couldn't get drunk even if I wanted to. The one downside to my amazing healing factor." Qrow put a hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry…"
"Don't be. I've grown used to it."
"I'd say we have our final spar, but it is getting late and I would think that you all would like to socialize." With his piece said, Ozpin walked off with Glynda in tow. Everyone else went their own ways too. RWBY and JNPR stuck around as Neptune dragged me to a list hanging on a wall.
"This is the rooming list that we set up yesterday. Since you guys didn't show up with us and we don't really have a place for you to stay, you can stay with me and Junior! Storm can stay with team RWBY and Johnny can stay with JNPR." Neptune dragged me off before anyone could object. She kicked in the door, scaring her sister. "Hey Junior! We have a new roomy!" My stomach made itself known with a loud growl.
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah…So, uh, where's the kitchen?"
"They serve the food in the dining room. I can show you the way, if you'd like."
"I'd take you, but I get lost real easy in all these hallways."
"I'd appreciate it, Nepgear." She got up from her bed and beckoned us to follow. She led us to a banquet hall. Besides the standard long table that is supposed to be here, there was a buffet table. It had fruit, veggies, and all kinds of junky food. Not a meal, but I'm okay with it. As I'm complaining, one of what I assumed was the kitchen staff walked over to the table with a massive serving plate of loaded potato skins.
"That's a lot of food."
"I said that the first time I saw this setup too." Nepgear replied to my awestruck statement. A voice came from behind our little group.
"There are a lot of us, so there must be enough to make sure we are all fed." Rias was the owner of the sudden voice.
"Oh…Uh…Hey Rias…Why are you guys here in the middle of bum fuck nowhere anyways?" Let's find out exactly where we are in Highschool Dxd's timeline.
"We're training to fight against my fiancé so I don't have to marry him."
"Any way I can help?"
"Riser has allowed me to have someone from each group that showed up here to participate with me as additional pieces. Maybe I can get him to allow you to play too."
"There is no need for that. Riser has already said that he would allow another participant."
"Thank you for telling me, Grayfia."
"You're welcome. If I may?"
"Of course. Have a nice night." She left as swiftly as she came. Rias turned to me. "I appreciate the fact that you are willing to help me. Your experience will definitely help out."
"Who else is helping you out?"
"Sun and Uni agreed to fight for me. We have nine days to prepare for the match."
"Nine days to whip you all into shape…Fun…"
"You're going to train us?"
"Someone has to."
"Excellent. Please meet us outside tomorrow morning. Until then, enjoy the food. Everyone else should be coming down in a little while if you're willing to wait."
"Sounds good to me. What about you two?"
"We'll wait."
"But Junior! The pudding!"
"You can wait a little longer." The purple themed sister's tiny argument stopped there, and we waited for whoever was going to show up. I claimed a chair and watched the door. Five minutes later, there was a decent stream of people. I picked up my plate and a plate from either side of me, headed towards the two, gave them plates, and got some food. My dinner tonight consisted of chips and dip, carrots, broccoli, ranch dip, and potato skins. Neptune had filled her plate with nothing but pudding cups and Gear had a slice of three layer chocolate cake. The others sat down and started we all started eating. We all made small talk until it was about seven o'clock. Found out that Johnny and Storm are staying with Sun and Neptune. Vert suggested that we play a video game tournament to kill some time, but no one could really agree on a game until I had a realization. A game that is fun and I kick ass at.
"We could play Grifball on Halo four. It's a team based game and it's technically a sports game type."
"That sounds good." Vert said agreeing with my idea. I looked around to see everyone else nodding their heads to the idea too.
"You guys don't know how bad you've fucked up by letting him play Grifball."
"Why do you say that, Johnny?" Asia asked innocently.
"G1 played that game mode almost religiously. The guy lives and breathes Grifball."
"You can't be serious…" Weiss send incredulously.
"He has over thirty-thousand kills with the Gravity Hammer over the span of two years." Storm added.
"We're doomed." Jaune despaired.
"Uni! You're gonna be my fourth! Understood?"
"Uh…Sure…?"
"Johnny, Storm, Uni, let's do this!" Rias went with her peerage to go set up. I think. We went to the most reasonable room to hold such an event. In a short while, they created a setup similar to Let's Play Live. That's awesome.
"Okay everyone, register your teams!" Akeno called out. Seems like she's going to be one of the hosts tonight. Teams RWBY and JNPR signed up, keeping their names. Neptune and the other three CPUs were team CPUs. Kiba, Issei, Koneko and Rias were team Kuoh. Qrow teamed up with a reluctant Winter, an enthusiastic Port, and an intrigued Oobleck. They were team Elders. In honor of the beautiful bastards that created this wonderful sport, we called ourselves team Rooster Teeth. We had to explain the history of Grifball so people weren't confused.
"The brackets were set up so that one of the three winning teams went straight to the finals. The other two had to play a second round. The first match was team RWBY vs team Elders. It was a close match, but because Qrow carried his team, team Elders won. Team JNPR had to play against the CPUs. It wasn't even close to fair. They are video game consoles given human form. Our first game went fairly well. We won by six points. We wound up being the team that went straight to the finals. The CPUs won against the Elders in a landslide victory. The final round has arrived. Before the match, Uni looked determined to beat her sister. I started the match off with an extermination. All four of them ran at the ball at the same time and none of the other teams figured out that jump-tanking is the best answer for that. From there, things went downhill from there for them. I got my hands on the ball. I had made sure to keep my little art a secret. I'm the ball tank. You see, there are three roles in Grifball according to the community. The tank, who kills anything that moves, the runner, who gets the ball and goes for the goal without getting into a fight, and the hybrid, who can switch between the other two. Imagine the looks on their faces when the guy with the ball charged straight at them and kills his way to the goal. I'll tell you this: no matter what you've thought of, it isn't nearly as beautiful as what I witnessed. The game went along those lines for a while before I wiffed. Noire killed me with her Energy Sword, got the ball and threw it to Vert. She was standing at our goal, waiting for an opportunity. Through luck and skill, they scored their one and only point. We reached our nine goals with Uni scoring the last point. She cheered and hugged Storm, who was the closest to her. He looked really awkward. Noire had a proud look on her face, but when she saw me looking she turned away blushing furiously. Aw…the Tsundere is being all bashful.
"And the winners: Team Rooster Teeth!" Akeno announced. "Your prize is getting the first turn in the onsen." I turned to tsundere junior with a raised eyebrow.
"It's fine if we wear towels and you three don't try to perv on me."
"Uni, we're married men whose wives could kick our asses. We aren't going to invoke that wrath." Storm logiced.
"Hey, Akeno? Do you mind showing us the way?" I asked the thunder priestess.
"I'd be happy to." She responded with a smile. "I'll get you three some pajamas while you are in there."
"Let's get going, eh?" For some reason, almost everyone froze. "What? I'm from Canada…" Everyone shrugged off whatever it was that made them lock up and relaxed. Now that the possible cataclysmic event has passed, Akeno led us to the door that led to the changing room before leaving to get the articles of clothing. "Why don't you go in and get into the water first before something happens?" Johnny did a smart?
"Thanks." She opened the door and shut it behind her. A couple minutes later, she called out an okay. We went in, stripped down (while putting towels on) and entered the steaming outside bath. I watched as her face grew redder.
"So how is it in there?" Storm asked.
"A-A little hot at first, but once you get used to it, it feels really good." I shrug and step in, just to jump back out.
"Holy shit that's hot!"
"I told you!" She managed to get out through her laughter.
"You said a little hot, not scalding!" Before we could continue, a certain high energy voice called out to us.
"I'm joining you guys! No ifs, ands, or buts!"
"Neptune!? What are you doing here?!"
"Come on, Uni. I'm just trying to get comfy with my roomie."
"Roomie?"
"She's decided that I'm staying with her and Nepgear until we get official rooms." I suck it up and sink into the water. Uni's right, this feels really nice after a few seconds. Johnny and Storm went to separate areas while still being close enough that they aren't isolating themselves, while Neptune decided to practically sit on my lap. Super awkward does not even begin to describe how I feel right now.
"This feels great…!" Johnny exclaimed before he was only exposed to open air from his upper lip upwards.
"You guys have never been to an onsen? What kind of Gamindustri did you come from?"
"We didn't have the chance to really look and see if any nation had one. If there isn't one, I'll talk to my Neptune and get her to build one."
"I hear ya, Storm. I think I'll have one built in my backyard. The twins would absolutely love it." I hear movement from outside the fence, and I turn to see a hole in the wooden fence with an eye looking through it. I will Coyote-A (the double barrel shotgun) into my right hand and pointed it at the offending body part. "You have until the count of three before I fill you full of buckshot." The eye widen before disappearing. "That takes care of that."
"Was Issei peeping?" Uni asked angrily.
"Wouldn't put it past him, but he won't be trying again anytime soon." Neptune pressed here side against mine. "What are you doing?"
"Getting comfy…If this makes you feel weird, I'll just transform." She didn't give me the chance to object as she transformed. Her now very mature figure was barely contained by the towel she had on. "Is this better?" I've been married for how long now and I still turn into a blushing hot mess. When I get home I'm a dead man.
"U-U-Uh…I, um…" She started giggling at my failure to form a coherent sentence.
"I can see why they all want to be with you. Such a tough guy acting so cute." She ran a hand over my chest. This is escalating way too fucking quickly for my tastes.
"Is Neptune hitting on him?"
"I think so, Uni…"
"Don't you feel weird about that, Storm?"
"No. I know she's not my Neptune, so I don't see anything wrong." Everything feel into a comfortable silence as we relaxed in the warmth. Neptune had returned to her earlier position of resting her head against my shoulder. Sometime later, there was a knock (read pounding) on the door.
"You guys have been in there for twenty minutes! Could you get out so we can have a turn!?"
"Yang! Be nice! I thought we agreed to ask nicely?"
"Hang on! We'll be out in a few." I responded to the hot headed blonde's demand. The others let out a disappointed sigh. We change into the pajamas we were left once the two girls were done. We had simple pajama pants and t-shirts that matched our color schemes. I sling my shirt over my shoulder
"G1, put your shirt on."
"No!" I yelled at the same time as Neptune. I seriously need to talk to her. As we walked to our rooms, Kiba grabbed my shoulder, telling me that Rias wanted me in the "war room". According to the chalkboard, this little meeting was all about going over the training regimen.
"So let me get this straight. This guy," Issei pointed at me. "Is going to be training us?"
"Yup. So here's the game plan. Issei, I'm going to help you figure out magic. It was hard for me at first too. Kiba, Koneko, and Sun are going to be taught parts of my Swordmaster Style. I'm going to work with Akeno, Rias, and Asia on basic physical strength. We can't have any glass cannons. Uni, I'll be teaching you what I can about me Gunslinger Style." Our magicians looked a bit worried. I'm going to have so much fun over the next week.
"Agreed. For now, let's head to bed so we can have energy for tomorrow."
"You're gonna need it…" I said to myself as quietly as I could.
"So what can this Gunslinger Style of yours do?" Uni asked, catching the attention of everyone.
"Something along the lines of this." From the waist of my pants, I drew Infamy and shot it over my shoulder. Multiple shells littered the ground as the bullet holes looked like a smiley face. "Tada! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go have a little chat with someone."
"Neptune?"
"Neptune."
"Good luck with that." Was the mirth filled response that I got from Lastation's CPU candidate. I walk into our shared room and saw that Neptune had gone back to her human form.
"Neptune, we-"
"Need to talk?" She asked, surprisingly serious. I just nodded. "I'm sorry…I don't know what came over me…It's weird…I feel like I've known you for years, but we only met today." Okay, that is kind of weird. "And I just like being near you." She looked really downtrodden. I sit next to her and wrap my arms around her shoulders.
"Hey, it's okay. We'll figure out what's going on. Until then, why don't we just sit back and relax?" I leaned back, bringing her down with me. The small goddess shuffled around and got comfortable with her head on my chest.
"Thanks. That means a lot." I shut my eyes. When I opened them, the lights were out, Nepgear was in her bed, and Neptune was once again in her goddess form. The digital clock read three in the morning. The two of us had shifted so that we were spooning. I'm going to die a slow, painful death unless I talk my way out of it. Don't know how well that'll work though. Fuck it. Time to go back to sleep. The alarm went off at seven and I had to shift very carefully so I didn't wake Neptune. I get dressed and head down to get something to eat. Everyone else that was training today was also eating.
"Hey, you can use magic, right?"
"Yes…Were you not paying attention yesterday, Issei?"
"I was! It's just…I want to see what you can do. Akeno has her lightning and Rias has her Power of Destruction." Oh, that was what this is about. I formed a rasengan in my hand.
"My magic is demonic in nature. I shape my energy into different forms and make them do different things. This is just a small version of what I can do." I dispel the spiraling sphere of death and conjure the skeleton of Susano'o. "This is a bigger version."
"Woah! That's cool, dude!" Sun shouted in awe.
"The only other thing I can use my magic for is my Devil Trigger and Majin Trigger."
"Can you tell us the difference between the two?" Kiba asked. I raised an eyebrow.
"Majin translate to devil…" Koneko explained.
"Oh. Well, Devil Trigger allows me to assume my demon form while Majin Trigger allows me to access my Devil Form."
"Can we see it?" Issei asked excitedly.
"Just Devil Trigger. Majin is too taxing to use carelessly." I Triggered to show them the devil within. "Pretty cool, huh?"
"Riser won't see this coming."
"No. No he won't. But I don't plan on winning this for you. This is supposed to be your victory, not mine." I deactivated my transformation and we went outside. We took the entire day training, only stopping for small breaks and lunch. They were all tired enough that they ate dinner and went straight to bed. I had way to much fun watching them suffer. We repeated this process until the day before the event, and each day their endurance for my training grew. They all improved significantly. Issei figured out that he was more suited to offensive magic than anything else. Okay…that's a bit inaccurate. He's got that strip magic of his. Kiba started mixing up the lengths and weights of the swords he makes. Koneko was using different fighting styles like an MMA fighter instead of her usual brawler. Sun and Uni became masters of their respective weapons, which is an impressive feat. On the day of the match, those of us competing met at the Occult Research Club building in Kuoh Academy. The others had already gone to where ever the audience was. Grayfia popped up from a magic circle on the ground.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes. Rias said, answering the maid.
"Then please step inside this circle. It will take you to the battleground." We step inside and there was a flash of light. We it died down, we were still in the clubroom.
"Uh…nothing happened…"
"No, Issei, this place is different. It feels…off…"
"You said it, Sun. Place smalls weird. I'd even go as far to say it smells wrong."
"Huh…You're right…"
"You two can smell the difference?" Asia asked. Rias cut us off.
"This arena is a recreation of Kuoh Academy inside of a pocket dimension, so we don't have to worry about property damage." Cue giant grin.
"What's the plan, President?" Rias wanted me and Uni to get into sniper positions. Sun was to go to the gym with Issei and Koneko after all of the traps were set. Asia and Akeno sat in reserve. Everything went exactly the way it did in the anime from what I saw, until Riser's queen showed up.
"Akeno, don't fight that queen." Uni stated over the magic walkie-talkie.
"But-!"
"Uni, on my mark. Mark!" I pull the trigger at the same time as Uni. Pandora was in its most devastating long range form. It was, basically, what would happen if an anti-tank rifle fucked the shit out of a railgun. My explosive round and her armor piercing round hit their target head on. Then everything started exploding.
"Hey Uni, go on ahead. I've got this covered." She took off towards the commotion as some bushes rustled behind me. "You can come out now."
"How did you know we were here?" I tapped my nose a few times.
"You smell like ash and the tin man's metal legs are hard to miss, Cinder. I'm guessing you were the one who set those charges." Cinder, Mercury, Emerald, Roman, Neo, and Adam surrounded me.
"Yeah we did. You shouldn't have sent the girl away, kid. You might have stood a chance with her here."
"First off, Roman, I'm about as old as you are, if not older. Second, I didn't want her to get caught in the crossfire."
"Arrogant human."
"Arrogant demon, actually bull boy." I will be a smartass even in my dying moments. They all drew their weapons.
"Any last words?" Emerald asked as menacingly as she could. It was adorable.
"Two to be exact." I pull out the class card from all those years ago. "Install: Saber!" My vision was filled with royal blue light, and I felt an unfamiliar weight in my hand. When it died down, a blue wooden sheath with an ornate gold design rested in my grasp. The grip of the blade was a with lattice design with blue diamonds in the gaps. This was Vergil's sword, the mighty O-katana, Yamato. Oh…this is going to be fun.
So, this chapter was originally going to be longer, but I thought "hey, why not make the first chapter a cliffhanger of sorts" and that's what I'm doing. Don't expect weekly updates like before. I haven't exactly gotten into the groove yet. Once I get far enough along that the story is writing itself will I go to a week at a time. Until then, see ya.