Kaidan was in Shepard's old cabin again. This time, though, he wasn't crying. He was hardly sad, either. He had mostly accepted it, he just needed that final push. It'd been a couple months since the Major lost the man he loved most. Now he was just at that point where he was looking back at the good old times, maybe getting a little teary eyed here and there, but mostly just reminiscing.
Shepard was right; the bed was harder than it looked. Of course, Kaidan hadn't realized it the first night they spent together on it. Kaidan lied back on Shepard's bed, his arms crossed behind his head and between it and the pillow. He let out a heavy sigh and just stared at the ceiling. He turned his head to look at the Commander's fish tank. Alenko kept the fish in there and took care of them himself. He knew Shepard would want that.
He began to drift off into sleep until he heard a knock on the cabin door. He was startled at first, but quickly sat up and his eyes got wider.
"Yeah, um, come in," Kaidan said in short bursts. He was staring hard at that door wondering who would come visit him down here. Nobody ever did that. "Oh, hey. Miss him, too, huh?"
"Actually, Major, I came in to talk to you." Kaidan's eyebrows raised at Cortez's remark.
"Is that so?" Kaidan asked, rhetorically. A moment passed and he didn't get a response, "Well, what did you want?" he continued.
Cortez sat at Kaidan's feet,quiet for a moment, then Kaidan leaned up to sit next to him. The both of them sat facing the fish tank, with their arms resting on their knees, and Kaidan looked at Cortez. Cortez looked up a bit, then he took a deep breath, exhaled away his tensions, and rubbed his hands together. "Alright, so I know it's been a few months now—"
"Yeah, 94 days," Kaidan interrupted.
"Right, 94 days," Cortez repeated mostly to himself. "94 days since you lost the love of your life."
With that, Kaidan let out a short laugh and smirked, "You knew?"
Cortez, with a smirk of his own and a raised brow replied, "Of course I knew. I saw the looks you gave each other. Trust me, I'm more than familiar with those." Kaidan's curiosity grew for a second, then he realized what Cortez was here for.
"Yeah," Kaidan replied. He looked down at the ground for a minute with his hands clamped together. He raised his head again to look Cortez in the eye. "So that's what you came to talk about?"
The mood had changed from playful to something a bit more serious. "Well, Robert is part of what I came to talk about. I know you know the story. The one about the collectors, and him calling me instead of running. Yeah. If it didn't make him a war hero, it still made him my hero." A moment of silence passed, Cortez swallowed his tears, fought the urge to break down. Shepard taught him better, to move on, and Cortez did that. He knew Shepard would want that. "And he wasn't the only one. Shepard made himself a hero in my book, too."
"Oh, really?" The major inquired.
"Well, most certainly. He encouraged me to move on from Robert, my husband. Shepard knew that's what he would've wanted. It was a value they both had."
"They both had?" Kaidan asked, cocking his head a bit to the side. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know all he could about Shepard. Especially what Shepard would want right now.
"Yes. Both of them knew the sacrifices of war. Both of them knew holding on to what is lost only holds you down. Hell, even you know first hand what that's like. My point is, Shepard gave me the push I needed to place a memorial for Robert on that wall at the Citadel. He was right. I just needed to accept it, and I needed to move on. Robert didn't want to be an anchor." He swallowed again, but this time he was definitely stronger. Having somebody listen to his stories, somebody who actually understood, was a change. It was a nice one at that, too.
The major wanted to doubt it. He wanted to doubt that Shepard died. He wanted to doubt that Shepard sacrificed himself for not only all of humanity, but for all species across the galaxy. However, Kaidan couldn't. He knew the facts. He knew that Shepard left to face his own downfall. He knew Shepard's name was put on that wall because he was a war hero, he was somebody who isn't around any more. He also knew that somewhere, deep inside, doubting all that was not what Shepard would want.
Cortez looked down at the bed, then back over to the fish tank. Kaidan stood up, back to Cortez, also staring at the fish. They had a strong effect, a calming one, even. Their innocence, and their ignorance, were something both men were envious of.
"You're right. I mean, I can't really bring myself to think it. I can hardly even say it. But I know, I really do, and I almost believe that you're right. Shepard would want me happy. He would want to be anything but a burden. He'd want to be honored, but also to just be human. He was a best friend before anything else. Thanks, Cortez. Thanks for opening me up. I needed it."
"It's my honor, sir."
"You know what?"
"What's that?"
"I think you could be the kind of guy Shepard would want to see me with." Kaidan looked back as he said that, with a smile on his face. His arms left their locked, crossed position and hung freely by his side.
"I'm sure we'd make him proud. Robert, too." Cortez smiled back, and patted the bed next to him. Kaidan sat down and Cortez wrapped his arms around him. They both fell on their sides, Cortez in the back.
Kaidan whispered to Cortez, "You have no idea what you've done for me. Man, how I needed that."
Cortez didn't respond verbally, but his snuggling in closer was enough of an answer for Kaidan. The two drifted into sleep with new outlooks, new attitudes, and the building of a new relationship.