This one-shot idea was directly inspired by Chapter 146 of the Assassination Classroom fanfiction 'Judecca' by Adamant, and so this in a way could be an AU of that idea (making this the AU of an AU), some of the credit should go there. Many thanks to Adamant for allowing me to use the chapter.
I should also apologise for the length of this. Probably, I could have made this a two or three parter, but this was one of those cases where I felt it just would not flow properly if I did that. So, you'll have to deal with it like this. Either way, I hope you will enjoy this, and please do leave me feedback!(About the story title: 'Amaranthine' refers to a deep purple/red colour but also means 'immortal/ undying')
When Hinano had finished making up the second bento box, she tied the napkin around it and put it to the side on the kitchen counter, standing next to the first one. Then, slowly, she went over to the dining room table to eat with her family. Shinji and Masami looked up when she came, but Tsubame and Suzume continued babbling at each other in what was more or less a toddler-twin-language.
"I've done lunch for you both. Masami, yours is the one with the pink napkin, okay?"
"Okay, Mama Hina." Masami said cheerfully through a mouthful of eggs. Shinji tapped her shoulder to remind her not to talk with her mouth full, and the little girl pulled a face at this, but didn't complain.
"That's great. Your lunch is in the fridge."
"Yeah, I know. Whose turn is it for dinner tonight? "
"I'll do it tonight. I'm giving back assignments today, so I won't have anything to mark. Thank goodness." Shinji rolled his eyes good naturedly and Hinano beamed.
"Can I help, Papa Shinji?" Masami asked. The twins looked up at this, and then exchanged a glance with each other.
"We help too, Papa!" Suzume declared. Tsubame nodded solidly at this, silently backing up her sister's point. Shinji, finishing his breakfast, pretended to think about it as he got up and went to wash his plates.
"Well…..alright then. I could use the help of some little cooks." He decreed eventually, making the three girls giggle. Hinano laughed along with them, their happiness being contagious.
Gradually, they all finished breakfast and left the table. Their lazy dog –Albert- came slinking up at that time, and Shinji put out food for him and their two nonchalant cats before sending Masami to go and put food for the fish. Hinano, meanwhile, took the twins upstairs to clean them up and comb their hair. Around half an hour later, Shinji was ready to go to work, and Masami ready to head off to school, and Hinano stood in the doorway with Tsubame and Suzume to wave them off.
"Bye, Mama Hina, Papa Shinji! And Tsubame and Suzume!" Masami called out cheerfully before rushing off, having spotted one of her friends from across the road.
"Bye, Masami!" she replied before she was out of earshot. It didn't take long for this to be the case, Masami and her friend having dashed off towards school, giggling and chatting.
"Don't trouble yourself too much, okay?" Shinji reminded her, pausing in the doorway.
"Ah, don't worry about us!" she beamed. "Once I've got these little birdies off to day-care and I've walked Albert, I'll have the whole day to put my feet up. Well, until I pick them up again. But still, it's okay, really! "
Well, there was one other thing she was going to do, but since she was going to incorporate that into the whole walking the dog thing, she decided not to mention it. I'm not sure what I feel about it anyway. So she shook it away and continued smiling as she placed a hand on her stomach, feeling the child inside happily swim around and kick out. Shinji's concern smoothed out, and he nodded.
"Well then, have a good day. You two," he pointed to the twins, mock-glaring. "Behave for your mother."
"Okay!" they chorused, bursting into giggles as they attempted to climb onto Albert as if he were a horse. Shinji shook his head, and then left, walking down the road towards the bus stop. Hinano kept waving until she could no longer see him. Then, she shut the door and hustled the twins into the living room, Albert seeming none the worse for being mistaken for a horse as he lolloped after them. She turned on the TV to keep them occupied, and the twins happily clambered up on the sofa to watch the morning cartoons. Once she was sure they were occupied, Hinano carefully went back upstairs to use the bathroom and retrieve her jacket and handbag from the cupboard. I really should bring it downstairs, shouldn't I?
When she had the jacket on (soon, this jacket wasn't going to fit her either, she noted), she sighed and contemplated herself in the mirror. Digging in the pocket of the pale pink garment, she pulled out the folded newspaper clipping, and unfolded it so she could see the section she had circled when she'd come across it over a month ago- the death announcements. And one in particular, which she had underlined twice, so she would not forget that it was real. I knew that what they'd all decided to do would be dangerous. But I didn't think that they'd start dying so soon. She wondered how the others had reacted when he had died, what they felt. Whether it would have made them decided to stop and step back. She doubted it, but she had not seen any of the people in that class she had once treasured in the fifteen years since it had ended, so she had no idea. Still, I'll bring him flowers. How could I not?
Snapping herself out of it, she put the newspaper clipping back into her pocket. She met her reflection's eyes in the mirror, and watched herself place her hand on her stomach once more, before she grabbed her handbag and headed downstairs. Hearing her, the twins came rushing back out into the hall, but they had forgotten about the television, so she went to turn it off before coming back and helping Suzume with her shoes and Tsubame with her jacket.
"I wanna hold Albert's leash while we walk, Mama!" Tsubame announced once her coat was done up. Suzume pulled a face at this.
"No, I want to!" she announced. The twins turned to glare at each other. Hinano sighed.
"How about you both hold it?" she suggested chirpily, hoping to stave off any early morning argument. The twins looked doubtfully at each other, and then suddenly beamed at each other before turning the same angelic look onto her. Phew, disaster averted.
"Okay then!"
That dispute settled, they left the house, and Hinano walked Suzume and Tsubame to the day-care centre, and after many hugs from her and a promise that she would bring Albert with her when she came to pick them up, they were happy to go inside and start playing. After a little chat with one of the day-care workers, Hinano walked Albert all the way to the florists', and then tied his leash to the lamppost before going inside. Slowly and carefully, she considered what was available at that time of year, and eventually picked a bouquet in autumnal shades, reflective of the season. She accepted the kind offer of a bag, as it would be a lot easier for her to carry the flowers to the cemetery that way, and then once she'd untied Albert, they were off again.
As she was still a little hesitant about going to visit the grave of someone she had not talked to at all for the past fifteen years, she took her time, and walked Albert around the park once. Admittedly, given her state, she was rather slow, but being the lazy sort of dog he was, Albert did not seem to mind. But, feeling as if the newspaper clipping in her pocket was burning a hole, she decided not to put it off any longer and headed straight to the cemetery.
When she got there, she paused by the entrance, but only to tie Albert to the railings.
"You'll wait here for a moment, won't you boy? Good boy." She cooed at Albert, giving him a quick pat as she eased herself up again. Albert just wagged his tail happily as he looked up at her with his sleepy but content eyes, sitting without being prompted and not fussing against being tied. She carefully shook the bouquet out from the carrier bag, and with some difficulty folded the bag to slip into her handbag, when something stopped her.
Mid-gesture, she looked up to see a woman her age approach the cemetery entrance from the other direction, wearing a dark red jacket over a casual black jumper dress. She too held a bunch of flowers, but one that seemed less exuberant (though that didn't lessen the beauty). Her flame-orange hair was undone and drifting around her shoulders, and her emerald eyes, which seemed to stand out almost shockingly of her rather pale, drawn face, widened when they met Hinano's. And though those times were ones she had put firmly behind her, because of who she was here to visit, it did not take long for her to pull up a small collection of memories and compare them against the woman standing in front of her now. Ah, of course.
"….Rinka-Chan?!"
…
Well, this is odd, Hayami thought as she walked with Hinano through the cemetery in awkward silence. To see someone she hadn't seen for a whole fifteen years appear here, of all places was one hell of a coincidence. It didn't help matters that they were there for the same person. Given that she'd had no contact with her since their third year of middle school had ended, and that as far as she knew she had talked to nobody else in that time either, Hayami wondered how it was that she had found out.
Ryuu…she gripped tighter to her bouquet of flowers to try and counteract the painful clench of her chest, and she studied the woman who had once been her classmate and comrade from over her shoulder, furtively. The chin-length hair had grown out, long enough to tie into the simple ponytail she currently sported, but her hair was as pumpkin hued and as wavy as it had been before. Her face still looked as predisposed to friendliness as it had been before, and though her light green eyes were tired, it was a content sort of tiredness. And, she was a mother. Or at least, a mother-to-be. The bump she sported was unmistakable, though it wasn't so large she looked as if she was going to give birth there and then. She was possibly about 5 or 6 months along, maybe 7, but of course, Hayami had no idea. Of course, I will soon enough. She let out a breath, imagining the sorrow of it curling up and disappearing in the air. It seemed like a double whammy- lose him, gain responsibility for a new life. Not that she wouldn't step up to that, but she had only found out a couple of days ago, merely a month after he'd died. Too soon.
"Here." She said quietly just as they reached it. She'd only visited once, soon after the funeral, but there would be many more visits, she knew. And soon, I'll know every inch of the path that leads here as well as I once knew every inch of you, Ryuunosuke. Carefully, she knelt down and placed the flowers she'd brought along carefully in front of the stone. She noted someone else had placed flowers-his parents? Someone he'd known from university or his legitimate workplace? Isogai? - but those were now wilted. Not wanting them to taint his resting place any more, she swept them up and realised that she had nowhere to put them. She stared numbly down at the dead flowers, watching her hands tremble helplessly. Furiously, she blinked to fight the tears that wanted to come.
"Uhm, Rinka-Chan? I have a carrier bag…." Juggling her own bouquet, Hinano broke the silence to riffle in her handbag. Blushing and feeling incredibly awkward, she waited until it was found and Hinano handed it to her. She grabbed it and dumped the dead flowers in, before depositing the bag next to her.
"Thanks." She said a little roughly, looking up at Hinano. "I'll put those here for you. No need for you to exert too much effort, you know…"
"Ahh, I have a dog, two cats, a seven year old and three year old twins to run after, so no big deal. But I'll take that offer." Hinano laughed, handing over the bouquet. Hayami took it, and made sure it was propped up and neat. The silence returned and they remained like that-Hinano standing and Hayami sitting- for a while, neither saying anything.
"Are… you managing?" Hinano asked eventually. Hayami turned wordlessly to regard her. Hinano blinked, a little thrown off.
"I mean…." She hesitated. "I'm guessing that you two were together all this time…after all."
"And?" It came out harsher than she meant it too, but she was suddenly angry. Why is she making assumptions?
"It's hard to lose someone you treasured, right?" Hinano said, softer now. With some effort, she eased herself down so that she was sitting on the ground, and caught Hayami's eyes. She reached out a hand, as if she would pat her shoulder or something, but hesitated. Instead, she gave her a winning smile. Hayami found herself remembering how smiley Hinano had been even back then-so ridiculously sweet and genuine she couldn't understand it, even though she liked her well enough. Certainly, she would not have expected her to just disappear without saying goodbye. But, perhaps, she mused, smiling like that is its own kind of reserve.
"How did you even find out that Ryuunosuke had died?" she found herself asking.
By way of response, Hinano dug into the pocket of her jacket and dug out a newspaper clipping and handed it to her. Hayami took it and looked down at it, surprised to see his name there, amongst other deaths that someone had seen fit to announce in a newspaper. No doubt, his parents had done that. They had no clue what he'd been involved in for all this time, and she hadn't told them either. It wasn't my place to tell, and I wasn't involved either…so. And every time she wondered if maybe now she should enlighten them, she could only think of them as they had been in the funeral, more paralysed by grief and shock than she had been, his mother in particular sobbing her heart out. That, and it's not as if just not being part of their organisation makes me blameless either.
"I didn't belong in that class." Hinano explained. "Once you all started planning to continue things afterwards….I realised that. And I realised that maybe that had always been the case. Well, at least I thought I realised. But then I came across the announcement of Chiba-kun's death and all I could think was 'it shouldn't have been like that'. Perhaps…."
Hinano trailed off and shrugged. Hayami stared, surprised at the regret she showed so plainly. They were such a contrast with the smiles that Hinano had shown throughout that year, that year that had set everything in motion. They didn't jibe with what the woman in front of her now was saying, but again, she thought of how smiles could be a different type of reserve, another way of holding back, to the point that one moment there were those smiles, the next an empty space without so much as a goodbye.
Would that have been the better way to go? To just cut all ties and make new connections in the pursuit of a new life? She thought of him, of countless stolen evenings sitting on the step to her apartment door eating ready meals and looking at the sky, or spent in bed, curled up with and within each other, of how she'd spent ages trying to figure out whether it was less painful to wake up alone or to watch him leave (in the end she'd decided on the latter) and how she'd had to bite her words so she wouldn't beg him to walk away from that sort of life, even as they constantly bared their souls to each other in everything else that they did or said while together. I don't know. Even if I could have had a more 'normal' life, I could not have given him up.
"I'm pregnant."
As soon as she blurted those words out she regretted it, and went beet red. She stared down at her hands again. Hinano said nothing, and Hayami was grateful. Then, slowly, Hinano reached over and squeezed her hand, and Hayami looked up wildly to see sympathy. No judgement, no mind-numbingly stupid questions. Just sympathy. It was almost painful to see, and Hayami turned away and wrapped her arms around herself, closing her eyes against everything. A moment later, she felt Hinano patting her shoulder.
"Kurahashi…"
"Well, it's Akasaka now. But it's okay, Rinka-Chan. At least, it will be. "
This made Hayami open her eyes in surprise, and she turned back to stare at Hinano, taking a while to compute what she had just said.
"Ah. Of course, you'd be married now. How long? What….what is he like?"
"8 years. And Shinji's great. He's a high school teacher. "
"Ah…I see." Hayami blinked. "Uh…what do you do? For a living, I mean?"
"I'm a vet, but I work for animal shelters rather than your standard vetinarian's. And sometimes I volunteer to lead nature trail trips during school holidays. But at the moment, I'm at home, waiting for little one in here to arrive into the world. What do you do, Rinka-Chan?"
"I write and mark high school and college entrance exam papers. And edit textbooks."
"How does someone even get into that?" Hinano asked, astonished. Despite herself, Hayami chuckled at this.
"I honestly have no idea." Shaking her head, she got up and dusted down the front of her dress, then held out her hands for Hinano, who took them gratefully as she heaved herself up. They stood and stared at each other a moment. Then, Hinano broke the awkwardness and smiled, and they walked together back to outside the cemetery. As she did, Hinano talked about her children- Masami, who had been the daughter of Shinji's two best friends from elementary school before they had died, and the twins, Suzume and Tsubame- and her animals, including Albert, the dog whom Hinano had been tying to the railing when Hayami had arrived at the cemetery. In comparison, she didn't really know what to say, but she talked a little about the essentially freelance nature of her work, and mentioned that she still talked with Megu. They did not talk about his death, or the organisation that he had been part of that contained so many of their former classmates and comrades, and they did not talk about Hayami's own pregnancy.
But when Hinano had released Albert, and they had exchanged phone numbers and were about to go their separate ways, Hinano unexpectedly flung her arms around her in a comforting hug.
"It's okay, Rinka-Chan. I promise."
"I…" Hayami squirmed at the unexpected gesture of affection, but realised that she now felt a little lighter. She was not happy, or anything like that. No, she was still reeling. But for some odd reason, she felt as if she actually believed what she'd been forcing herself to think-that she'd cope. So, gratefully, once she'd wriggled out of the hug, she thanked Hinano profusely and waved her off before turning to walk back to her own home, her step somehow lighter. Well, that was odd.
But I think it's a good type of odd. Don't you think so too, Ryuu?
…
"I'm off now!"
"Take care of yourself, Megu!"
"The same to you, Kenichi!"
Not wanting to miss the train, Megu ran the whole way from her house to the station. It was annoying, having to be up so early, but she had been the one to decide to schedule some early-morning swim practises, so she couldn't really complain. Still, when she got on the train, she was relieved to discover that there were some seats still available, and so she took one quickly.
Sighing, she leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes for a moment, but opened them again quickly. It wouldn't do to fall asleep, after all. She idly scanned the length of the carriage, observing who else was up. Most of them were adults going to work, though some were weary-looking enough that Megu surmised they were just returning from a night shift somewhere. There were a couple of students on the train too, but not from her school. They were all silent, looking at newspapers, their phones or just staring out of the windows, so eventually Megu decided to do the same, and took out her phone. For no reason in particular, she opened Facebook and scrolled through her notifications, not paying any special attention to any of them, until one snagged her interest, and she stopped.
'Hinano Akasaka has accepted your friend request!'
Megu blinked twice, just to be sure, but there was no changing the text on the screen. Well, that took long enough! She had lost count of how long it had been since she'd decided to search out Hinano online, try and reconnect with her, just in case there'd been a mistake. But she knew full well that it had been fifteen years since they had last seen each other. Fifteen. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. Like now, in this very moment, as she sat on a train and stared at her phone. She could not help but vividly recall how responsible she'd felt when, standing outside the gates after graduation, she had turned to ask Hinano what she felt about going to karaoke with them before they officially separated for the last time, only to see she had run away from them. Even though she was supposed to be prioritising herself, how could she have not been concerned about a friend?
Perhaps, this is a chance for me to make up for it. Megu tapped on Hinano's profile, and scrolled briefly through her pictures. Most of them were shared pictures from various animal shelters and charities, but some she had taken and uploaded herself. Mostly, again, there were animals, including a dog that looked disturbingly like Albert Einstein, but there were a few of her with her family. The most recent was posted a few months back, and she studied it. Hinano's husband was essentially a gentle giant in his build and appearance, his clear hazel eyes, freckles, unrestrained grin and slightly frizzy mop of mousy hair adding to this impression. The three children-all girls- were adorable too. The youngest two, laughing at something outside the photo, seemed to be twins, looking almost exactly alike with their mother's hair and their father's eye shape and colour, while the older girl beamed directly at the camera seemed to be around school-starting age, looked nothing like either of them, with long, poker-straight mauve hair and wide almond-shaped blue eyes. Perhaps she's a relative? Or an adoptive child? Still, they all look happy together, like a family.
Megu smiled at that, thinking of all the plans she had for the future she was sharing with Kenichi. I can't wait to ask her about it, see what she's like now. She thought of the little stack of cards-both birthday cards and New Years' greetings- that Isogai had passed to her via Fuwa, Yoshida or Karma, cards she had promised to pass on but had never been able to. If this friend request really was the start of a second chance, she'd finally be able to mean what she said.
So, she quickly opened up a new message box, and wrote a quick message to ask if Hinano would be interested in meeting for a cup of tea or coffee one day, before sending it and closing the app. On a second thought, she sent a text message to Hayami telling her that she'd just done this. After all, it had only been a month since he had passed away, and Hayami needed something to offset her loneliness. And there was no reason to think that Hayami wouldn't want to meet up with Hinano again either.
When the train got to Kunugigaoka Station, she turned her phone off, tucked it in her bag, and got off, beginning the short walk to the high school.
"Good Morning, Kataoka-sensei!"
Going past the building that was the middle school's main campus, she stopped at the greeting from the student.
"Good Morning, Yamamoto-san. You're kind of early, aren't you?"
"Yeah, well…." Yamamoto laughed nervously and fiddled with her bag. "I figured it would be a lot easier to just arrive at school really early, perhaps study in the library. Or just inside our building."
Yamamoto inclined her head towards the small, squat, white building that stood starkly between the campus of the middle school and the high school. The new location of Kunugigaoka Junior High's Class 3E, put into place after their own 3E had finished and left the school.
"Are those boys from 3C harassing you again?" she demanded. As usual, the sight of the building provoked so much, but now was not the time.
"Well….not really. Not to me, because I've been arriving early, but to Mai-Chan and some of the others….it's not a big deal though!"
"Yamamoto-san, if they are distressing you or anyone in your class, it is a big deal, okay?" Megu reminded her again. "If anything happens, make sure to come and tell me. They shouldn't be allowed to be getting away with it."
"I'm okay for now, but thank you! " Yamamoto bowed. "In any case, you probably have to go set up for the swim team, right? So I'll leave you to it."
"See you later, Yamamoto-san!" Megu called as the girl walked to the building. She noted that where the girl had walked with a slouching movement, she did seem more confident now. Even so, she sighed. There was only so much she could do if she didn't want to overstep her mark. And I won't fall back into the self-ruinous patterns of before. But that didn't mean she would just watch and do nothing when help was still so clearly needed. However, at this precise moment, she needed to prepare for the practise that she was about to supervise, so she increased her speed and headed straight to the high school building.
…
Because of their different schedules, in the end, Hinano, Megu and Hayami were only able to properly meet up together just over two months after the first tentative plans had been made. By that time, Hinano's son Iruka had been born, so when they did meet up, it was for the additional reason of meeting him, too. The first time they all met up as a trio was slightly awkward, and they limited their topics of conversation to small talk such as their families and jobs. But slowly, they began to reminisce about their times in 3E, and eventually they regained some of the closeness they'd had back then. More, in fact, because they'd all chosen to return to each other. Talking about what the majority of their classmates had become was hard, and especially because of him, they all danced around it in the beginning of their newly regained friendship, even as Megu finally managed to get around to giving the cards she'd kept for ages.
But their new closeness was undeniable. Megu introduced them to her fiancé Kenichi, and Hinano introduced them to Shinji and her other children. They went for lunch together every so often, went to each other's houses, and occasionally even went shopping together. Though they had plenty of family friends to call on, sometimes Hinano would get Hayami to babysit for her children, particularly the twins, who had unexpectedly taken to her. They gave each other advice about things that they wouldn't necessarily ask any of their other friends. And of course, they always went to the cemetery together.
Hayami's daughter Kaguya was born nearly seven months after Iruka, just over a week after the originally expected due date, making her birthday the 20th of May. The significance of that escaped nobody, least of all Hayami. And clearly, others outside the circle the three women had made themselves had noticed too, for when Hayami came home from the hospital with Kaguya, there was a beautiful brand-new Moses basket that had various coloured ribbons snuck into the weaving, complete with bright intricately patterned cushion and blanket, and a small dangling toy hanging from the handle. All the things were hand-made and distinctive looking, and Hayami knew instantly who it must be from, though the note left with it identified precisely no-one. Though she knew full well how they'd know her address, and felt fairly sure that they would not intend either of them any harm, she did not let Kaguya use the gift until she had fully checked it over to make sure there was nothing suspicious about it. And thereafter, the basket became Kaguya's favourite place to sleep, right up until she outgrew it.
The summer of that year, Megu and Kenichi got married. Around 10 months after that, following the birth of Hinano's youngest child, a daughter called Ageha, they decided that the time was right to start a family of their own. However, that turned out not to be, as it turned out that, devastatingly, both of them had fertility problems. There was much soul-searching and examining of the different options they had available to them, and eventually, they decided to go for adoption. There, a long few years followed as they went through all the loops to get themselves approved as potential adoptive parents. It was hard, but Hinano was able to help them, having gone through similar loops to adopt Masami, and soon they were cleared. They soon found two babies who were just over one years old, a girl and a boy, Misa and Manabu-twins. They'd recently been removed from their home, and so authorities were eager to give them a new home. But the catch was a younger brother who'd also been removed, a new-born baby boy who hadn't yet been named.
It would have been easy to just take the twins home, to let someone else adopt the new-born. But Kenichi was adamant that separating siblings was wrong, and Megu eventually found herself agreeing. So once all the legalities and paperwork was dealt with, they named the new-born 'Yuuma' and took him and his two siblings home, and from there on in, they were parents, and incredibly pleased about the fact.
When Hinano and Hayami met the three children for the first time found out the name that was chosen for the youngest, they thought it sweet, a sort of simple tribute to the person Megu had once considered not just an irreplaceable teammate, but a family member too. And though this much was true, and Kenichi had liked the name in its own right anyway, that had not been the reason she'd picked it. Rather, she had thought that though she would do her utmost best to prevent them from getting anywhere near to it, if the worst case scenario happened and the three did end up encountering Isogai and the others, then the name she had bequeathed on the youngest would be enough to protect them. But because she did not want that worst case scenario to be a possibility, she decided to never mention this.
…
Hayami rolled her shoulders, sighed, and finished sellotaping up the latest box before stepping back and looking around her. The small apartment was rapidly becoming filled with boxes and different containers all containing the various things she had accumulated, especially after Kaguya's birth. She had done everything that mattered in the kitchen and small living area, so this room and the bathroom were the only ones left to deal with in terms of clearing up. There was also some of the furniture to be dismantled. One of the people she had co-edited a science textbook with had been kind enough to get their brother to take some time to help her transport some of the heavier things to the new house the next day, so she needed to do that. I'll put some of these boxes onto the van too. Best to get it all done, and to just keep the bare minimum- clothes for both of them, some of the materials she needed for work, bath items, sleeping bags.
And of course, that one box. She crossed the messy room and went to her wardrobe to get the large box, which had once stored a large birthday cake, and opened it and looked at the remnants of what had been- a couple of the shirts he had left there, his brown beanie hat, photographs, the throwaway mobile phone she had used for the mere purpose of communicating with him (the same phone number that Isogai had managed to get a hold of to inform her that the world as she knew it had broken apart irreversibly), the various little items he had given to her over the years, all of them so carefully thought of, no matter how ordinary they seemed on first glance. And finally, the newspaper clipping that announced his death. Careful not to spill anything out or break it, she held the box close to her, and closed her eyes for a moment. Ryuunosuke…..There was no way she could send this on to the house in the hands of someone else. No, she would escort it there herself, with Kaguya.
Closing the box and putting it deliberately to the side, she went back to what she was doing, and decided to put a CD in the old player to help pass the time. It started in the middle of the song, but Hayami did not care that much, and just half-listened to the music as she continued dismantling her life and putting it into boxes. So that I will get used to being alone….
When she had finished, she stood in the middle of the room and looked around it, in a similar way she had done with the others. And as had been the case with the other rooms, she found herself thinking of what she had shared with him there, and again it struck her just how inexplicable their relationship had been. She had opted for the normal life, he anything but. And yet, they had ended up somewhere in the middle, because neither of them could let the other walk away. Because we loved each other too much. Perhaps it was a dysfunctional relationship to be having in the eyes of someone who didn't have a clue about who we had been or how that had happened….but it was ours. I was happy in this existence….and now…..can I leave this place now, when this was all I really knew?
Hayami stopped herself there, and dragged a hand through her hair in annoyance as she surveyed the taped up boxes, and then bent down to rearrange some, for they still needed space to move around, after all. Stop being ridiculous! She could hardly back out now, when they were this far in the proceedings. It was not all about her; she had to think of Kaguya too. She was getting close to school age; she couldn't keep sleeping in the same bedroom as her mother, with no private space. And though Kaguya was uncomplaining and calm, with a tendency to smile that rivalled Hinano's, she was as quiet as both of her parents, and Hayami knew full well the value of a private space for someone like her. That, and you don't need the house to have the memories. Get a grip. Annoyed with herself, she practically marched back to the kitchen to get some spare empty boxes before going straight to the bathroom, and she kept this pace as she cleared the bathroom of all but the essentials.
By the time she had finished, the CD had finished playing. She did not bother to restart it, and instead went to the kitchen, and proceeded to make some cups of tea. Hinano would be coming soon to drop off Kaguya after picking her up from day-care along with Iruka and Ageha, so she figured she could invite them to stay for a little while. It would be nice, for both of them. And hopefully, it would stave off some of the loneliness that she felt even now.
…
Hinano was not entirely sure why she had ended up walking this way when she'd decided to go out for her lunch break, but sure enough, she found herself walking towards the point where the long hike up to the old Kunugigaoka 3E campus was. Wait, what am I doing? I can't go up there!...could I?
According to Megu, though Principal Asano had rebuilt the old 3E campus building after they had left it behind, he had not used it, instead opting to do a version of what he had threatened them with- building a new site on the main campus to house the 3E students. It wasn't the part-time prison they'd been threatened with, however, it was still decidedly isolated from the rest of the school even with it being nearer to them, and the facilities were unsurprisingly worse than those the main students got. But apparently, there was some sort of mellowing in the system. It was hard to define, as the bullying and other such things were still rife, but either way, the system (and possibly the man behind them) happened to be mellowing. Which was all very well, but Hinano could not help but wonder where, exactly, that left the old campus, if it wasn't even being used.
Maybe…Hinano took one step, and then another, and soon she was trudging up the forest path again, and it was like she had been transported in time. Though she hadn't had a walk quite like this for a while, her legs found the rhythm she needed and soon, if she closed her eyes and reminisced hard enough, it would seem just as if it had been 24 years ago. Those she'd thought of as friends once, surrounding her, talking about all sorts of things, arguing and laughing, teasing and consoling, complaining and planning, as they trekked up there for another day of lessons and attempted assassinations. When did that stop? When did I stop being in the thick of things? The truth was, she knew that. She could bring that day to mind all too easily.
When she got to the top of the hill, she stopped, not daring to step forward any further. Unused or not, she felt a touch like a trespasser coming up here, watching the building from afar. And I was a trespasser near the end? The day Isogai had broached the topic of becoming an assassination squad to the class (well, apart from her), she had felt a bubble create itself around her, isolating her from the rest of them, preventing them from getting close. She did not ignore them though-she didn't want to stress them out, for they had also been under such pressure because of the assassination plans, so she had smiled as normal and pretended that she hadn't noticed that she'd effectively been frozen out. And though they were the same, still talking to her, they could not get any further than the bubble-the bubble they had created- allowed them, and soon she got the feeling that though she still interacted with them, it was no longer really with them that she spent her time. At some point after March 2nd of that year, her feeling of no longer fitting in had become fact.
It took long enough, didn't it? I was never cut out for such things, so why did it take long? Seeing the building, a cleaner version of what it had been when she'd spent her 3E days in it, she knew that this, too, was an answer that she fully understood. Letting out a breath, she leaned against the nearest tree, and let the breeze pick up her fringe and play with it as she contemplated what was in front of her. Still…, she decided, I guess that doesn't matter now, does it? What happened ended up happening. And I didn't end up alone.
"Goodbye, everyone." She said aloud. It was a bit late, and didn't apply to Megu or Hayami (obviously), but it had been needed, and she hadn't said it when she really should have. So even if saying it at this point was a little redundant, it felt like it had helped, and once the words were out, she smiled, and then turned her back on the campus, and walked back down the path.
…
"Kaguya's asking about who her father is."
Megu and Hinano stared at Hayami, and she mentally reminded herself not to blurt out things like that.
"Kaguya-Chan…doesn't know?" Hinano asked, tilting her head as she regarded Hayami across the table. "You didn't tell her anything?"
"Well, she knows his name and that he died before he got to know about her, and while his parents were alive I made sure she got to see them, and she knows her hair colour is because of him and things like that…but she doesn't know who he is. "
"Ah." Megu said. Well, that sums up the situation. None of them said anything for a while, and Megu straightened out the newspaper that was in front of her. The page she had it folded at screamed about a human trafficking ring that had recently been exposed and taken down. There was very little information in the article, and how the event had come about seemed to be up for interpretation. But where most people would assume it was the police or the government, all three of them knew better than that.
"So…are you going to tell her all of that?" Hinano asked eventually.
"Yes."
In truth, Hayami had already decided to do this anyway, before even coming out to meet them that Saturday. She just found herself wanting to air it out, figure out if she had the right idea in doing this or if she was off her rocker to even entertain the idea.
"But what can you say? It's all tied up in….you know." Hinano practically mouthed 'Koro-sensei and the assassination', not wanting any of the other café patrons or workers to overhear.
"I'm aware." Hayami briskly answered. "I want to tell her everything."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Megu asked, worried. "You know that all of that is meant to be a secret. We were meant to leave it behind there and never think of it again."
"Ah, that's true. It wouldn't do Kaguya-Chan any good to have you get into trouble, Rinka-Chan."
"Well we haven't left it behind, have we?! God knows that Isogai and all of them haven't. If they had, then perhaps then….."
Hayami's shoulders slumped, and she sighed, bringing her cup to her lips. As she concentrated on the cup, she was aware of her two friends watching her in concern.
"Is it normal to still miss someone so badly even after fifteen years, to grieve for them after so long? " Hayami asked in a murmur, continuing to hazily watch her drink as she did so.
"I don't think there's a normal for grieving…" Hinano ventured. "Right, Megu-Chan?"
"Exactly. And it's like you said, Rinka. We never really did leave things behind after 3E, even though we were amongst the ones who set out to do exactly that. So I'm not so sure that for us, there's such a thing as 'normal' in general."
"Hmm…." Hayami eventually looked up and met the eyes of her friends. Instantly, Hinano beamed, while Megu was more measured in her reassurance. So, waveringly, she smiled back.
"So…you think it's alright for me to tell her everything?"
"Well, just a moment ago I vetoed it….but now I'm thinking…perhaps it's time to think about it. Even if we don't leave it behind, we can put it to rest."
Put ghosts to rest? Put Ryuunosuke to rest?
"I don't want to tell my children just yet myself, but yeah, I think what Megu-Chan is saying makes sense." Hinano considered this. "I'd probably say something to Shinji though."
"I…I see." Hayami breathed in and considered. "That makes sense."
After this, she changed the topic slightly, and they just continued chatting about various different things until they all had to go their separate ways. When Hayami got home, she considered the different options in the fridge and cupboards, and decided that she could just heat up the leftovers.
But first, she went to her bedroom, opened her wardrobe door and then knelt down to pull out the box that contained all that she had left of him (well, all save for Kaguya, if she was being technical). Sitting there, she hesitated as she looked down at the lid, and then carefully got up and carried it to the living room, setting it on the floor. Then, before she could think too much about it, she went back and dug around until she had found the baby basket (which she hadn't been able to give away even after Kaguya had grown out of it), and then she went and put that next to the box, before sitting down again and waiting, looking through the contents of the box as she did so. Preparing for the story she would tell.
"I'm back!"
Hayami was startled by the sound of her daughter bursting through the door and taking off her shoes. A few seconds later, she appeared in the living room. When Kaguya set eyes on her, she frowned and tilted her head.
"I didn't smell anything cooking." She said eventually.
"That's because I've not done anything yet. Are yesterday's leftovers okay with you?"
"…yeah."
Kaguya shrugged and tugged at the hairband that tied her long black plait, letting the hair flow around her shoulders. Then, she sat down opposite Hayami and studied the things. Then, she looked up and frowned sceptically at her mother. Hayami squirmed at just how skewering the look was, and recalled how Megu and Hinano had laughed when she'd complained about it back when Kaguya was around eight years old. ("But Rinka-Chan, that's exactly the type of look you give us when you think we're being stupid!").
"What is all this?" she asked sceptically. "And you've even got out that basket…I would have thought you'd given it away by now."
"It was your favourite when you were small enough to fit." And that sometimes feels like it was yesterday. Kaguya frowned again, and waited. Hayami sighed.
"This…it's kind of hard for me. But I owe it to you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mum. Are you alright? You're crying."
"Oh, am I?" A little roughly, she wiped the wetness away from her eyes. "I haven't cried properly since when I first found out that your father died."
"My dad? You're going to tell me about him?!" Kaguya's green eyes bugged out in surprise. Then, she sobered a little, and sat up a little straighter. Twirling a lock of her hair, she waited. Hayami closed her own eyes for a moment, and then opened them, meeting her daughter's gaze before taking a deep breath and telling her everything. Everything, as she had promised, using the memories she had stored in that box to help her along with it.
She told her about attending Kunugigaoka Junior High, and becoming friendly with him even before their third year landed them in the dreaded Class 3E. She told her about how, two weeks into that year, a bizarre yellow creature bedecked in graduation gowns had come into their shack of a classroom and declared himself both the person responsible for the state of the moon and their new class teacher/ assassination target. She explained that they'd spent as much time learning the tricks of assassination as much as they'd learnt the contents of their curriculum. She explained how the two of them had found an affinity for guns, and become the best marksmen of the class, and how that had enabled them to become closer to each other, even as the situation they'd all been thrown in became more tense, even as they dealt with being part of 3E. She related the precise moment that cracks had started showing, how they had all begun to slip down some slippery paths as they'd tried to both do what was required of them and stay afloat, and the way the class had split in uneven halves the day Isogai had suggested his plans for their future. How she had found herself on the opposite half to him, her partner and best friend in this entire mess. How there'd been a sad acceptance about how that meant that once the year was finally over they'd have to part ways, and yet, walking home together in the dark after their graduation celebrations, said acceptance had been harder, and then a kiss had sealed the beginning of the next fifteen years.
And then she explained to Kaguya what all those nights and the occasional days together had been like. The nocturnal and almost secretive nature of it, how she could never really declare that she was in a relationship and yet somehow it was known that she was. How there had been times where she had had to patch him up after he came to her door with injuries that she scolded him for yet never asked about (because she knew, no matter how much she tried to deny it to herself). How she had hated just how deep and persistent the lifestyle he had chosen was, how she did not want to be the pressurising one, and so she hadn't told him to stop or leave, even though she should have.
Most importantly, she told Kaguya that somehow, despite all of this, she had been happy. That she'd enjoyed the times they'd spent together, that she had been deeply (and madly) in love with him, and still respected him for who he was. Though it was possibly too much information for a fifteen year old, she mentioned that there'd been plenty of lust and desire around, too. And she confessed that had not been able to picture anything different to the life she had led while he was alive, and did not want to. And she explained how everything seemed to have shattered when he did meet his end, alone and so far away. How she had blamed Isogai and his ideas but had not been able to utter that when she saw them face to face at the funeral, for that would have meant letting his parents know the truth, and she could not do that to him. As for everything after that, Kaguya more-or-less knew, but Hayami told her the truth about the baby basket and how it had come. How she knew for sure that it had been gifted to her by the assassination squad, how it was obvious that Sugaya had made it, for there was nothing like it in existence, anywhere else. And she mentioned how Megu and Hinano were also like her, in that they'd been in that classroom and then been amongst the few that had refused to join Isogai's plans.
When she finished talking, hours had gone by. Their stomachs rumbled, and tears flowed freely from both pairs of green eyes. But they sat there, and as Kaguya sifted through everything in the box of memories, she asked Hayami to tell her more. More stories, about the circumstances of one photo or another, about the occasion that had led him to give her a teardrop necklace, about how she'd ended up with that green shirt of his. And Hayami obliged her, gladly.
…
While these stories were being told, in the Akasaka household, Hinano turned to Shinji during the advert break of the TV show that they were watching, and asked if it was okay for her to tell him about something that had happened during her youth, even if it was something outrageous. When he told her that yes, it was fine, she trembled a little as she re-snuggled up to him, and then related her own story, the story of the day she'd realised she'd no longer fitted into her class, and why that was.
Megu, on the other hand, did not say anything to anyone in her home. Rather, once she had left a note on the table to tell Kenichi where his dinner would be when he got home from work, pulled the slippers off the feet of the tired-out Manabu, reminded Misa not to stay up the whole night star-gazing and read a couple of stories to Yuuma, she went straight upstairs to her desk, and pulled out three envelopes, and three sheets of letter paper. After a second thought, she pulled out a fourth. Then, she set them all out in a row in front of her. Dear Kenichi, she wrote on the first sheet. The second she designated to Misa, the third to Manabu. Then, she wrote Yuuma's name on the final one, before studying the sheets and envelopes. After what felt like an age, she picked up her pen again, put the tip of it to the final letter, and then began to write.
…
"So, what changes to my job description are you including, Principal Asano?"
Megu was used to the various job description changes she'd had during her employment at Kunugigaoka High School. Though she was primarily the coach for the high school swim team, she had supervised more than a few of the general P.E. lessons, had been a club adviser for a few other extra-curricular activities, and once or twice, when another teacher had been sick or on maternity leave, she'd taken over some homeroom duties too. But usually she would just be informed about such things by email. She had never been personally summoned by Asano to his office to be told about such things before. So, though she kept her tone brisk, she was afraid of the answer.
"I would like you to take over the teaching and supervision of Class 3E in the Junior High next academic year."
"I'm sorry; you'd like me to do what?" Megu surveyed Asano carefully, to see if he had been joking or just winding her up. But he seemed utterly serious.
"Is there something wrong with that?" he enquired mildly.
"Not as such…" she treaded carefully. "But the swim-"
"Naturally, if you wish to continue coaching the swim team, I will allow you to. You have been quite stellar with them over the years. However, from the beginning of the next school year, you will be the teacher of 3E."
"But I've never worked with the midd-"
"Ah, now, Watanabe-sensei, we both know that's not true."
Of course he knows I have been carefully keeping an eye on the 3E students over the years and trying to help them as discreetly as possible. Of course he knew all along.
Megu gritted her teeth and tried not to give him the satisfaction of showing that she was rattled.
"Putting that aside, why me, specifically? If that is okay to ask?"
Asano smiled widely, almost feral. He propped his chin on his hands and regarded her. Megu remained ramrod straight.
"You've been here for a long time, haven't you, Watanabe-sensei? Ever since you were still Kataoka-sensei. Or rather, Kataoka-san."
Megu sucked a breath in, and could not conceal the way her mind stumbled, irrational as that was. Once a 3E student, always a 3E student. That's how it's always been, hasn't it? Even after 35 years….
"So, as you see, you are perfectly suited for the job."
"I…this is not optional, is it?"
"I am dying, Kataoka-san." Was Asano's non sequitur of an answer. He leaned back in his chair, seeming to enjoy her continued surprise.
"Oh, do not worry, Kataoka-san," Asano clarified smoothly. "I do not have cancer, nor is my mind being rotted by Alzheimer's. But my time is coming, and it would be delusional for me to not recognise that. And when it does come, and I die, this will die along with it, for as you could surmise, Gakushuu is not interested in education. Perhaps it should have died a long time ago. As long ago as when you left this place. But I am a stubborn man, and I do not wish to see what I have nurtured die before I do. "
Though she was irritated with him deciding to call her 'Kataoka-san' to hammer home his point, she found herself feeling sorry for him. For the first time, she noticed that he was old. That there were wrinkles across his forehead and shadows surrounding his eyes. That he was exhausted with life, but did not want to give up the education ideals that were so precious to him. There was no doubt that he was telling the truth when he said he was dying. And that underlined one thing, and one thing only to Megu- that no matter how much he had tried to appear otherwise, Gakuho Asano was only human. But I cannot yield so easily.
"Could it be, Principal Asano, you are asking me to help the Kunugigaoka system die a dignified death?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes." Asano was pleased as he nodded. "The 3E class that you were part of…it benefitted me a lot, you know, even though it goes against what the system stands for to say so. However, it is true. Not just with the money that I needed to keep your secret, but with what I learnt from that monster teacher of yours, that Koro-sensei. For what good is an educator who is unable to learn anything themselves? But that is not the point I am making. I think you know what point I am making."
"That I cannot possibly refuse your request."
"I'd imagine that to be the case. Especially since I know full well that you still want to keep your job, Kataoka-san."
Ah, the veiled threats. Knew they would come. But still, I've made up my mind. Already the possibilities were racing through her mind, all sorts of different ideas. So she turned her best smile on Asano, and nodded.
"In which case, you are right. "She told him. "However, I have two conditions."
She held her breath and waited to be kicked out of the room. Asano scrutinised her carefully in the silence that followed, and then he let out a chuckle.
"My, that's interesting. Let's hear them then, Watanabe-sensei."
…
When she spotted a bin just outside the main school entrance, Hinano threw away the bag that was full of all the dead flowers they'd cleared away earlier that morning. The bag had felt somehow heavy in her hands, yet she hadn't bothered to throw it in any of the bins that they'd walked by since leaving the cemetery and heading towards Kunugigaoka. But now she did, and lamented just how many people she was mourning long before their time. And just how many more of them will go the same way before we ourselves pass away? Chiba-kun, Kimura-kun, Rio-Chan, Hinata-Chan, Terasaka-kun…that's too many.
"Pretty." Hayami murmured as she stared at the cherry blossom petals dancing in the breeze nearby. No doubt, she was thinking the same thing about the people they'd just been visiting in the cemetery.
"Why did you two just stop? Come on!" Megu, slightly ahead, waved at them, annoyed expression on her face.
"Sorry, Megu-Chan!"
Hinano and Hayami exchanged a look, and they sped up to catch up with her as they strode towards the building they were heading to. Not the middle school, nor the high school, but the short, squat white building in between. The current 3E classroom.
"It really does look like a sugar cube. A ridiculous, irregular sugar cube." Hayami observed.
"Told you so, didn't I?" Hinano laughed. Hayami narrowed her eyes at her before smiling again. Megu showed them the way into the building, and pointed out the other entrance, and then they went inside and to the main classroom, where the students that Megu would be teaching and that Hayami and Hinano would be helping were waiting for them.
As expected, it looked more shiny and modern, nothing like their old wooden schoolhouse at all. The facilities seemed adequate and not falling apart as theirs had been, but Megu had said they were very definitely a world below what the main campus had. Still, it was different, a better different, and Hinano found herself happy because of that. Of course, this experience of 3E would not be like what they had experienced 36 years ago anyway, for the simple reason for that she would now be on the other side of things, in a manner of speaking. But the more visible differences settled her, and they were why she had agreed to this, when Megu had brought up the topic to them. But it was not as if they had completely forgotten the old campus, still preserved and unused. When Megu had agreed to be the class 3E teacher, she had done so on two conditions. The first being that she could bring in Hayami and Hinano to help her, as assistants. The second was that Asano sold her the old 3E campus site, for their own usage after he was gone. Their current idea was that it would still be a school, but a retreat sort of school, for children who were traumatised by something that had happened to them, children who may not have been able to cope in school otherwise. But there was time aplenty to do that, and in the interim, they had a 3E to take care of.
Megu entered the classroom first, and the two of them followed afterwards, going to stand either side of Megu. The class's chatting stopped, and they surveyed the three strangers in front of them. Hinano thought of her own class, of Koro-sensei sliding in that one time, followed by Karasuma and some subordinates. But this is different. So much more different. These kids won't ever need to make the choices we did, if we can help it. And yet…it's the same, anyway. And that's fine too.
"Watanabe-sensei!" A skinny blond boy called out almost immediately. "How come you're here?"
"Isaki-kun, you know this teacher already?" a bespectacled boy a few seats behind him asked incredulously. This set off a few bouts of whispered exclamations, but Megu put a stop to this by firing a look in the direction of where the noise came from.
"My brother's in the high school, he's on the swim team. Watanabe-sensei's the coach." The boy explained when the class was silent again.
"Are you Wataru Isaki-kun's little brother, then?" Megu asked the boy, studying him. He nodded earnestly. Hinano found herself taking a liking to the boy. He seemed like he would be a good kid overall, and she wondered how he had ended up in 3E, what his story was. I'll get to find out anyway. I'll know all their stories, and make sure they know that those stories matter.
"Satoshi Isaki, sensei. You can call me by my given name, if that makes it easier." He smiled uncertainly. Megu nodded at him and smiled reassuringly.
"Good to meet you, Satoshi-kun." Megu said, kind but brisk. "Now, to answer your question-and the question of your classmates- my name is Megu Kataoka, and though I am ordinarily the coach for the high school's swim team, I will also be your teacher for this year."
"Who're the other two ladies then?" a girl with big violet eyes asked. She twirled a pen idly even as she studied them with naked curiosity.
"I'm Rinka Hayami." Hayami told them, simple and matter of fact. Her emerald eyes studied each and every student carefully, and Hinano noticed that the look made some of the students shrink back a little. Ah, typical Rinka-Chan.
"And I'm Hinano Akasaka." Hinano followed suit in introducing herself, making sure to smile so she didn't seem too scary.
"Are you two teachers? I've not seen either of you before." The violet-eyed girl continued. "Maybe you're new? Trainee teachers?"
"No, they're not teachers, trainee or otherwise-what's your name?"
"Marika Sakakibara."
"No, Sakakibara-san," Megu resumed her answer calmly. "They are not teachers, not in the same way that I am. However, I would like you to address them as teachers, as they will be helping me to help you get through this year. I will be the one teaching you for most of the time, but they're also here to support you if you need it, and will take some of the lessons."
"That's rather nice." Satoshi commented, beaming. A few others nodded in agreement, though they were clearly uncertain.
"But is it even allowed? There's no way that Principal Asano would allow us to receive such help. We're the lowest of the low, after all. Hopeless. " These words were spat out by an athletic looking girl with extraordinarily long cerulean hair and a hostile facial expression. The other class members didn't speak, but there were many exchanged glances conveying confusion and scepticism. Hayami and Hinano looked at Megu, who sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"It's all above board and agreed." Megu decided to address the whole class, rather than ask the girl for her name at that moment. "Hayami-sensei and Akasaka-sensei are genuinely here to help you this year, as am I. We don't think you're hopeless, and want you to do well, even though you are here. Possibly even because of it."
"That doesn't make sense." The hostile girl muttered, folding her knees up to her chest and refusing to meet the eyes of any of them.
"But why?" Sakakibara wanted to know. Before Megu could give an answer, Hinano stepped in to respond instead.
"Because once," she told them. "We were sat in the same situation that you are in now."