Walking down the hallway to his locker, Blaine's pace was slow and his head was down. He had been calling Kurt all weekend, texting him, emailing him but getting nothing back. Blaine felt tears well up in his eyes, how could he have done this? He had destroyed the best thing that ever happened in his life and the worst part he had torn Kurt's heart apart. Reaching his locker he opened and placed his books in, turning his head slightly, his eyes fell on the pictures of him and Kurt taken before he had left for New York. Pulling the bottom one off he held it in his hands and just stared at it. A tear fell from his eye and landed on Kurt's face, reaching his fingers up, Blaine carefully wiped the tear away, as his fingers traced Kurt's beautiful face.
"I'm so, so sorry my angel." Blaine whispered brokenly, as more tears started to fall.
"Blaine? Are you ok?" He heard from his right side. Turning his head he looked up into Sam's blue eyes and shook his head, unable to speak past the lump in his throat. "Come on." Sam carefully took the picture out of his hand and placing it in Blaine's locker, he closed the door. He swallowed hard and looked over at Blaine, who was currently leaning against the neighboring locker, shaking and crying quietly. Wrapping an arm around the smaller dark haired boy he guided him to an empty classroom. Once inside he shut the door and guided Blaine to a chair. Pulling a chair up next to him, Sam watched as Blaine played with the cuffs of his blue cardigan.
"It may help to talk." Sam tried to coax him to talk.
"I...I" Blaine tried to speak but a fresh wave of tears forced the lump to wedge deeper in his throat.
"Blaine, has something happened?" Blaine nodded. "Kurt?" Sam said quietly and Blaine gave another nod. "Has Kurt done something?" Blaine shook his head.
"No, no he hasn't done anything. He's perfect." Blaine told him, his voice breaking.
"Tell me what happened." Sam said softly, rubbing his back. Watching Blaine take a few deep breaths to calm himself down.
"I cheated on the person I love the most." Blaine told him looking him right in the eyes and Sam could see the pain and self-loathing swirling in the amber eyes.
"You what?" Sam stuttered out in shock. "But I've never seen anyone more in love than you two. Why would you do that?"
"I don't know. There is no excuse. I've felt so lonely since Kurt moved to New York, I knew I was going to miss him, but I never thought it would feel like this. Every moment I'm away from him felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and then every time I tried to talk to Kurt, he had something new happening and he never seemed to have time for me anymore. I'm not blaming Kurt in anyway, I just felt like he was moving on without me and it was killing me. I needed him and he wasn't there."
"You knew that it was going to be hard." Sam told him. "Kurt moving to New York was always going to change things. He's building his life and career out there. Good things are happening to him and it's going to be overwhelming for him."
"I know, I know." Blaine said throwing his head into his hands. "All this is my fault."
"Tell me what happened." Sam said again. Blaine swallowed and continued.
"When I won the presidency, I tried to call him but he never answered." Blaine pulled his sleeve down over his hand and wiped his eyes. He could picture his mom telling him off in his mind for overstretching his clothes, but at the moment he didn't care. "I just felt so alone and all I wanted was Kurt but he was so busy and never seemed to have any time for me." Blaine scoffed bitterly. "My god I sound so selfish, after everything that happened to Kurt in his senior year he deserves something good to happen to him and I just tear him down again." Blaine let out a sob and rubbed his eyes harder, making them appear brighter red than they already were.
Sam gripped his shoulder and was shocked by how much the smaller boy was shaking and he had to resist the urge just to hug him and let Blaine cry out his pain. Instead he stayed silent, letting Blaine compose himself enough that he could continue.
"I started to join all these stupid clubs at school, trying to keep myself busy, to keep my mind focus on anything but Kurt. But it didn't work. They distracted me for a while but when I was at home alone, the feelings would creep up on me and it was too much. When I ran for president, I wanted Kurt right here by my side, to have him help me and hold me when I won and because he wasn't my heart broke. Then he wouldn't answer me when I phoned him, I couldn't take it anymore. This guy added me on Facebook, he seemed nice, he seemed to be interested in me and it made me feel good. Yes he did flirt with me but I didn't respond until..."
"Until what?" Sam pushed gently.
"Kurt called me from work, but he was so busy that he barely had the chance to talk to me. He had to cover his boss's phones and it was madness. I tried to talk to him and explain to know how much I missed him. How much I missed talking to him, kissing him, holding him and other stuff." He said shyly and Sam bit back a laugh at that. Now was not the time for laughter.
"He told me that he would call me back later when he wasn't so busy. Then he hung up, I said I love you to a dial tone." He raised his eyes to the ceiling and shook his head. "It was then that something inside snapped. I was alone in the choir room just checking Facebook on my phone; the guy was online and sent me a message. He asked if I wanted to meet up and I just wanted someone to want me, I just want physical contact. I just wanted someone to hold me." Blaine looked down at the ground and Sam saw tear drop fall to the floor and had to swallow deeply.
Blaine had now lifted his head and was staring at a spot on the wall, like he's lost in a memory.
"I told him that I wanted to meet up and he told me his address and suggested we meet there. Once I arrived, he let me in and he asked me if I was sure about this. I was shaking inside but I needed to feel something other than loneliness and emptiness so I said yes and he lead me up to his room. I sat on his bed and he sat next to me, he lent in to kiss me and I pulled back. Everything felt wrong, my stomach was churning and my heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn't breathe. He asked if I was ok and I just shook my head. I couldn't speak, I felt sick. How could I even think of doing this to Kurt? He learnt in to kiss me again and Kurt's face flashed in front of my eyes and I pulled away again. He moved back and told me he was going to get me a glass of water, once he left the room I just started to shake, I couldn't breathe, what was I doing there, how I could have done this to Kurt."
Blaine shut his eyes tight and balled his fist into his eyes, pushing against them hard.
"Did you sleep with him?" Sam asked tentively
"No. He came back in with a glass of water and I told him that I couldn't do this and he asked me if it was because he didn't look like his profile picture. I really could have laughed at that point, especially because his profile picture is a fucking building. I told him that I had made a huge mistake and I grabbed my coat and ran out. I just got into my car and drove home. Luckily my parents hadn't come home yet, so I ran up to my room and just cried all night. When I logged into Facebook, I had message after message from this guy and he asked if I was ok and why I had run. I just sent back that I had made a huge mistake and that I didn't want to hear from him again. I never even wait for a reply, I unfriend and blocked him."
"So you went with the intention of cheating but you never went through with it?" Blaine nodded. "What did you tell Kurt?"
"I told him I was with someone that it was a hook up."
"But you did you tell him that you never went through it?"
"No." Blaine said simply and looked down.
"Why not?" Sam asked, confusion clouding his face.
"What was the point? I went there with the full intention of cheating on him, it doesn't matter if I went through with it or not. I cheated."
"The point is that Kurt deserved to have all of the information. The point is that the fact that you didn't go through with it makes all the difference."
"No. I don't want Kurt to know." Blaine told him simply
"Blaine you can't..." Sam started, but Blaine cut him off.
"No. Kurt has every right to be mad at me, when he was text flirting with Chandler I told him he was cheating on my just cause he was texting this guy because he felt exactly what I'm feeling now." He told Sam, his voice rising. "That makes what I did even worse. I actually went further and that makes me the lowest person in the world."
"No, what would make you the lowest person in the world is if you actually cheated on him, but you stopped it. Yes you were a complete and total asshole for even thinking of cheating on Kurt but you stopped yourself. Kurt needs to know this, you have to tell him." Sam told him passionately.
"No." Blaine told him firmly. "He has every right to be angry with me, I deserve it and more. And anyway if I wanted to tell him, he's not talking to me so there's no point. Kurt deserves someone better, I just ruined his life and he's better off without me." With that he grabbed his bag and stormed out of the classroom. Sam sighed and watched him go, trying to figure out how he could fix this.