Authors note: This story is intended to be outrageous and lewd. I would like to express my sincerest apologies to JKR for defiling her wholesome characters and storyline. To everyone else, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please leave a review or favourite if you liked it. I would love to hear from you.
Severus Snape was enjoying one final night of peace before the students arrived at Hogwarts. This night was particularly special as Dumbledore had released him from his Order duties and encouraged him to have full reign of the castle while he attended a muggle club. Every year Dumbledore insisted on clubbing and getting completely sloshed as a tradition to welcome in the new school year. It was a great school secret that Dumbledore made his welcoming speech while still buzzed from the evening before. During his more eccentric speeches, Snape suspected that muggle drugs were involved. In fact, Snape had once confiscated a sheet of paper thin tablets with smiley faces printed on them from a balled up sock of Dumbledore's to test in his lab. He had merely intended to test the properties of the muggle drug, but had instead ended up spending the evening barricading himself under his desk while he watched in fear as his pickled specimens dislodged their cork stoppers and had a dance party on the countertops.
There would be no nonsense tonight. With nobody in the castle, Snape wanted to take advantage of the rare moment of privacy and do what he loved most. After casting several wards to ensure Snape would be alerted to the slightest disturbance, he transfigured his teaching robes into a plush and fluffy bathrobe. He loaded a shower caddy up with a loofa, a bottle of raspberry truffle wine, and a trashy novel he had picked up at a muggle gas station. Feeling a bit out of character, Snape entered into stealth mode as he skulked in the shadows making his way to the prefect girl's lavatory. Although he could use the staff facilities, the prefect's lavatory was the only place in the castle whose bath produced thick frothy lavender scented suds. Obviously Snape wasn't interested in the aesthetics of a bubble bath, he was purely interested in the medicinal and healing properties of lavender.
Mid-soak Snape felt a tingling as one of his wards was breached. Seconds later Dumbledore's patronus appeared, obscured by the steam of his bath.
"Severus, I'm sorry to disturb your evening but you need to report to the Cockpit immediately. Central London. It is matter of urgent importance. You will find me disillusioned by the mechanical bull."