A/N I have not seen the latest episode yet, I'll be watching it tonight on Space. This is based solely on the "Soon" promo that appeared at the end of "The Rapture" (and the sneak peak I saw on youtube a couple of days ago) so this is definitely an AU as I'm probably way off the mark and there are no spoilers for "When the Levee Breaks" except for what is in the promo, but any episode before that is fair game for spoilers. I wasn't going to write this but that "Soon" promo - I just couldn't get it out of my head. This is a one shot for now, but I may continue with my own AU version of the finale. I don't know yet. We'll see. I have some ideas but I don't have a lot of time to write, and I have other writing projects to work on. I guess it all depends on the kind of response I get and the next two episodes. Who knows? The finale might unleash an army of plot bunnies on my muse.
Warning: Dark Sam, and it breaks my heart because I love Sam, and it saddens me to see the path he's taking. He's not very nice in this one, but then he didn't seem very nice in the promo. Still, I hope I did Dark!Sam justice and I might continue just to give Sam some much needed redemption. Again though, we'll see.
Also this is pretty impromptu and unbetaed, so sorry for any mistakes.
Anyway, without further ado, uh, enjoy I guess.
Monster
by Deana W.
Dean burst into the hotel room unable to hide the hurt and betrayal in his eyes at the sight of Sam with Ruby, Sam licking the blood from her arm provocatively, like some vampire in the midst of some sick, demented foreplay.
"Get away from my brother you bitch," Dean growled, his voice low and rough, not quite the same since having his ass handed to him by Alistair.
"Fuck you Dean," Sam hissed, moving in front of Ruby and stepping towards his brother.
Ruby put her hand on Sam's shoulder, gave him a meaningful look that on the outside seemed placating, but there was a conspiring look in her deceptively human eyes. Sam nodded and she moved ahead of him, "Hey Dean," she said sweetly, "I want my knife back."
Dean's lip curled into a bitter smirk, "Sure thing sweetheart, let me lodge it in your heart where it belongs you demon skank bitch!" He raised the knife and lunged, but Ruby blocked the attack, the knife striking her already bleeding arm.
She let out a small cry of pain, the magic in the knife having some impact as it sliced her arm, but she recovered quickly and she grabbed his wrist with her other hand, twisting it using her demonic strength, forcing him to drop the knife. There was a low snap as something dislodged in his wrist and he let out a grunt of pain, his eyes flicking to Sam who watched passively, his eyes cold.
"That hurt asshole," She hissed as she tossed him into the mirror on the wall, the impact of his back against the glass shattered it, and he could feel the shards dig through his jacket, biting his flesh.
Holding out her hand she pinned him there as Sam grinned, the pupils in his eyes so dilated that they looked almost black like the demons, but Dean focused on the sliver of hazel remaining in his little brother's eyes, a tiny ring around an endless black void. That small fragment of color gave Dean hope that his brother wasn't too far gone, that he could still be saved.
"I'll take it from here," Sam said, giving Ruby a kiss on the lips, then taking her free hand and kissing his way along her arm, like Gomez and Morticia, lapping up the blood. She smiled at him and stepped away.
Dean grunted as he tried to break free of the telekinetic hold Ruby had on him as he stared Sam in the eyes. Sam wiped some blood off his mouth with his finger and licked it off, glaring at Dean in return.
"Let him go Ruby," Sam said quietly, the brothers not breaking eye contact.
Accusation and hate burned brightly in Sam's glare, it pierced through Dean as though he could kill him with one look alone. The scary thing was, Sam probably could. As it was, when Ruby released him and he slid to the floor, he almost kept going, the cold, angry glare was almost enough to bring him to his knees because it was his baby brother's eyes giving him that look. His own flesh and blood. Dean reached behind him resting his palms on the wall behind him, steadying himself so he could remain upright. He couldn't see Sam in those cold, dead blackened eyes but he searched in earnest, hoping for a sign that the Sam he once knew and loved, the Sam he died and went to Hell for, was still in there.
Sam stepped forward, standing tall to his full height. Dean stood up straight, broadened his shoulders rising up to his little brother's silent challenge. Despite the fact that Sam was using his height to his advantage, Dean did not look intimidated by it. Without breaking eye contact they circled each other, like animals about to strike, their movements slow, calculated, fluid, like a prelude to a dangerous dance.
"Sam, I can't let you keep on doing this," Dean said, still searching for his brother in those cold black eyes. The hazel in his irises was barely visible; the white of his eyes the only sign that Sam was not a demon, not exactly. Without losing his focus on his brother, he kept Ruby in his peripheral vision and tuned his ears to her movements in case she wanted to try something, but it seemed she was backing off, watching and waiting to see how things turned out.
"Do what? Stop the fucking apocalypse?" His tone was incredulous and cold, he narrowed his eyes, "Because that's what I'm trying to do, Dean," he snorted, "Y'know, I thought we were supposed to be on the same page with this. I thought we were on the same team."
"And what? You think teaming up with a demon, drinking her blood like a damned vampire, you think that's going to save the world?" Dean demanded, in a low growl. "I want to stop this as much as you do Sam, but this? This isn't the way to do it."
"Fuck you Dean, you and your self-righteous bullshit. What right do you have to tell me what to do? Huh? I'm saving lives, I'm actually doing something to stop Lilith, which is way more than I can say for you."
"Hey Sammy—"
"It's Sam."
"—remember when we used to hunt demons? As opposed to banging them like some cheap whore you picked up on some street corner?"
That statement earned Dean a well-placed punch in the face, nearly knocking him to his knees. He staggered a bit, spit out some blood and stood tall, facing his brother again.
"I am hunting demons, in case you've forgotten. And I've been saving the lives of the hosts while I'm at it," Sam hissed, "And you'd better stop talking about Ruby like that. She saved your life. She saved my life. You should be thanking her, not insulting her."
"She's playing you man! Are you so fucking blind that you can't see that?" Dean asked, gesturing in Ruby's direction. "She has you wrapped around her little finger, turning you into some fucking junkie, and now you're so reliant on your next demon blood fix, that you can't see the whole picture!"
Sam shook his head angrily, "It's not drugs, I'm not some crackpot looking for my next high, Dean. I am doing what is necessary to be strong enough to kill Lilith."
"And you're destroying yourself in the process, can't you see that?"
"All I see is that I'm saving lives, I'm sending demons back to Hell and I can kill them if I want. I'm saving the world here, if I lose myself in the process, well… that's a risk I'm willing to take. It's called sacrifice."
Dean blinked, shocked by the audacity of that statement. Did Sam even truly understand what sacrifice meant? Dean had sacrificed everything so that Sam wouldn't have to. He took a moment to collect himself, noticing his hands were shaking, his injured wrist throbbing. Pressing his palms against his thighs to hide the tremors, he blinked again to hide the emotion threatening to surface. He swallowed and focused on keeping his voice calm, "I'm not letting you do that."
"What? You're the only one who gets to play martyr? This is bigger than just you or me," Sam chuckled bitterly, shaking his head, "Shit, why do I even bother? In case you've forgotten these powers saved your ass more than once. I killed Alistair for you, and look how you repay me," Sam glared at him, taking a step forward, "by locking me up in that panic room. We're supposed to be on the same side and you betrayed me."
"I'm trying to help you—"
"I don't need your help," he said coldly.
"I'm not going to let you become some monster," Dean blurted.
Sam laughed, "Monster? Look who's talking! You're the monster."
The cold accusation that escaped Sam's mouth took Dean's breath away and again he had to take pause, unsure of how to react. He didn't deny it. He was well on his way to becoming a demon before Castiel rescued him from Hell.
"I've been fighting evil with these powers, I've taken this curse, and I've turned it into something good. I've saved lives and you? You tortured souls, for fun! You're the fucking monster," he repeated, leaning forward, grasping the collar of Dean's shirt, and pushing him into the broken mirror on the wall, pinning him there. Sam laughed bitterly, "You know, if I didn't know you Dean? I would want to hunt you."
The impact of his words repeating the same thing he had told Sam in a desperate attempt to reach him those many months ago broke his heart. But Dean couldn't deny anything Sam said about him so he lowered his eyes, quietly listening to Sam's tirade. For ten years he tortured so many souls he lost count, and yes, he enjoyed it, but it was more complicated than that, and he doubted Sam could ever understand. He had gone for thirty years with knowing literally nothing but pure, unadulterated agony and the relief of getting off the rack was the closest thing to joy any soul could have in Hell. He enjoyed the fact that he was no longer the one in pain anymore. But there was nothing fun about it. Ever. Not even when he was still down there, a broken man without an identity. He was a monster, but when Castiel pulled him out of Hell, his humanity was restored and that was why the last ten years in Hell haunted him far more than the first thirty. Living with knowing what he did was like being tortured all over again.
Sam shoved him harder against the wall, pressing his clenched fists into his throat. He pulled him forward and then slammed him against the wall again. "Well Dean? Aren't you going to say anything? Aren't you going to fight back?"
"This isn't you Sam," Dean whispered quietly.
"I wouldn't be so sure," Sam sneered, "for the first time in my life I'm not living in your shadow, I'm not your pathetic little brother who needs to be protected anymore. For the first time in my life I'm my own man and I'm stronger than you ever will be. The angels picked the wrong guy."
"Sam…"
"I mean," he continued, "I'm the one who's strong enough to stop Lilith, I'm the one who's capable. I'm ready, willing and able, and the angels can't see past the whole demon blood thing, but really, don't the ends justify the means? We want the same thing, right?" Sam shook him harshly, "Right?!"
Dean closed his eyes in sorrow, "No. Not if it means sacrificing your own humanity, your own soul. Just stop, think for a second and think! Look what you're doing to yourself."
"Why?" Sam asked coolly, "You sold your soul…"
"And I would do it again in a heartbeat if I knew it could spare you from spending even a minute in Hell, but…"
Sam chuckled, "Dean, Dean. Such a martyr. I'm striving to save humankind, and that's worth the risk, don't you see? Besides, I've got this all under control."
"Really? You think so?" Dean asked, raising his voice finally, "Maybe you should look in the mirror then." With that Dean quickly moved both hands between the hands fisted in his jacket collar forcing his little brother to let go then he twisted Sam's arm behind his back, moving behind him and making him look into the shattered mirror.
Sam did very little to resist, he knew he could gain the upper hand with his big brother if he wanted. He knew all his brother's moves, Dean taught him all his moves, but Sam was stronger, and Sam learned far more tricks in the past year than Dean ever taught him. He looked in the broken mirror at his black eyes, he had seen them before, he knew that it was a side effect of drinking the blood, a sign that he was definitely stronger. When he first noticed the change in his eyes, it terrified him, filled him with the fear that he was indeed becoming a monster. But then he saved Dean's life by killing Alistair and his eyes returned to normal. He had it under control.
"I see it," Sam shrugged, "it doesn't mean anything. It's just… you don't understand."
"Then enlighten me," Dean released his grip, flexing his fingers and subtly massaging his sore wrist. Shaking it off he looked his brother in the eyes, pleadingly.
"I can't," Sam shook his head, "I won't. Because nothing I can tell you can make you understand. You've always looked at me like a freak, you refuse to look past my scary powers and the demon blood to see me."
Dean laughed humorlessly, "Oh come on Sam! Listen to yourself! This isn't you! I know you better than anyone else and this isn't you! The Sam I know doesn't need to have powers to hunt game like Lilith. The Sam I know can recite any exorcism rite faster than anyone, he doesn't need to wave his hand to magically gank a demon. The Sam I know is better than that he…"
"Shut up!" Sam hissed, socking Dean in the face with a mean right hook, sending his brother careening into the corner of the wall.
He slid to the floor with a grunt, resisting the urge to touch the spot where Sam hit him. Instead he pushed himself up on his elbows, too dizzy to attempt to get up further at the moment and he glared at Ruby who was still passively watching the scene play out, a wicked, twisted smirk on her face. Silently he vowed to kill Ruby and with the cocky expression she gave Dean in return she silently dared him to try.
"Spare me the speeches Dean!" Sam continued, oblivious to the wordless exchange between Dean and Ruby. "How about instead of wasting all our time with this intervention bullshit while the world burns, you open your eyes and realize that I have everything under control and I am the only one who can stop Lilith!"
"Sam…" Dean shook his head, mourning the fact that Sam was too blind to see the truth.
"You know," Sam knelt down beside Dean, "when you locked me in the panic room, betraying me, treating me, your own brother like he was some sort of monster, some sort of junkie, I faced my demons, and I came out victorious. That's why I know I'm ready. And you're wrong, I do need these powers. Once Lilith is dead I won't but I need them. A simple exorcism rite isn't going to stop her, the knife, the Colt would never be enough to kill her. This is bigger than anything we've ever had to face, bigger than Azazel, bigger than Alistair…"
His voice trailed off, his cold expression softened and he lowered his dark eyes, Sam ran a hand down his face, drawing a shaky breath and he turned to Dean, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and helping him up into a sitting position.
Dean let him help, confused by Sam's sudden change in demeanor. He searched Sam's eyes again with urgency, but Sam refused to meet his gaze. "Sam? Sammy?" he pleaded. When Sam finally looked at him, he could see the ring of hazel around his pupils was slightly bigger, giving Dean some hope. Sam looked at him with remorse, concern and sadness and… love? Regret? No. There was something off about his look. Pity?
"I'm sorry Dean, I know how you feel about these powers but I don't think you realize how big this really is. When you were with Alistair…" Sam's voice broke, "He almost killed you. If I was a minute later you'd probably…" he shook his head, struggling to suppress the emotion that memory triggered, struggling to repress the fear he had felt for his brother at the time and replace it with the anger that gave him the strength to kill, "As it was, you were unconscious, you didn't see. Castiel had tried to save you, but not even he could fight Alistair. Think about it, not even Castiel, an angel could fight even a weakened Alistair. You think I could've just walked in there chanting Latin and saved the day? No."
"I know you think it's necessary but…"
"It is," Sam said, interrupting. "As soon as Lilith is dead, as soon as the world is saved, I'll stop. I know I don't need these powers under normal circumstances. Ruby taught me how to use them, I control them, not the other way around. I wish you could just see that Dean. Then maybe I wouldn't have had to lie and sneak around behind your back. I want us to be a team again, because we make a great team. We should be working together, not fighting each other."
"I agree," Dean nodded, wanting to believe him, wanting to take the olive branch Sam was seemingly offering, but there was still something off.
Sam smiled condescendingly and Dean realized then that was what was wrong with the look in his eyes. All the pity and compassion, it was just a feigned attempt at trying to sway Dean into seeing things Sam's way, into allowing his addictive self-destructive behavior to continue. No, there was no way in hell he'd give in.
"I know you don't like Ruby," Sam said, pausing to look at her as she took that as an invitation and move up to stand directly behind Sam, "I know she's a demon, and I'm not asking you to like her but you can't deny that she saved both our lives. When you were in Hell… she earned my trust, it didn't happen overnight, she had to earn it and in times like these, well, you know how the saying goes right? The enemy of my enemy…"
"She's not your friend," Dean interrupted, glancing at her, seeing the evil look in her eyes that Sam seemed to be blind to.
"We both know," Sam continued, choosing to ignore Dean, "that it's not all black and white, even in our world. We know that not all vampires are evil, we know that not all spirits are vengeful, we know that angels aren't necessarily good, so is it so hard to grasp the concept that maybe, just maybe even a demon is worthy of redemption? That not all demons are bad?"
"Try spending thirty years getting carved up and tortured by them…"
"I know," Sam sighed, "that's why I get it that it must be hard for you to understand."
"Dean," Ruby said finally, her tone disgustingly placating and sweet, "we're running out of time. There's only a few seals left to break. Join us and we can stop Lilith together. When this is over you can go right back to hating me."
Sam nodded earnestly. Dean narrowed his eyes at Ruby, at the manipulative smirk on her face, the glint in her eye that screamed evil, lies and deception. Sam had his back turned to her, so he didn't see her evil grin, he didn't see her lips mouth the words, He is mine as she possessively snaked her arms around Sam and he leaned into her.
That spurred Dean into action. "You BITCH!" he screamed lunging for her, ignoring the pain in his wrist, back and head. He knocked her to the ground, punching her mercilessly, unable to restrain himself even as he knew that that was exactly how she wanted him to react.
"Dean!" Sam gasped angrily, "Get off her!"
Ruby struggled uselessly, even though she knew she could fight Dean without breaking a sweat. She played victim as Sam pulled Dean off, brutally smashing him back into the broken mirror.
"What the hell Dean?"
"She's using you!" Dean screamed, "She's using her for her own endgame! She's turning you against everything you believed in! She's turning you into some kind of monster and I'm not going to let that happen! I'm going to kill her!"
"Dean, I don't want to fight you."
"Could've fooled me!" Dean hissed, his heart breaking because he was out of ideas as to how to get through to Sam. Hitting him those many months ago when he first discovered Sam's powers didn't work, fighting him didn't work, arguing and pleading with him didn't work, pretending to give up on him didn't work, nothing he had done in the past few month reached him. Sam needed a wake up call big time, and Dean was out of ideas.
"Sam," Ruby said breathlessly, even though she was clearly fine. "Let him go, we don't have time for this."
"Last chance Dean, join us, let us stop Lilith together or get out of my way."
"Sure, I'll gladly hunt Lilith with you, just stop drinking demon blood, let me kill this demonic slut and then we can be on our way!"
Frowning, the hazel in his irises vanished into the black void of his pupils and he drew his hand back, but Dean blocked his punch, and returned it with a hook of his own, catching Sam in the lip. Sam lashed out, grabbing Dean by the collar shoving him down as he thrust his knee into Dean's gut.
"Don't make me fight you, Sam!" Dean groaned, ramming his shoulder into Sam's chest, twisting him around so his back was pressed against the wall. "Please Sam, listen to me, trust me, I'm your brother."
Sam smirked, wriggling out of Dean's grasp, landing an elbow into Dean's side as and slammed him head first into the mirror. Dean saw stars as his knees buckled but Sam held him up, "I don't have a brother," he stated coldly, and with that he twisted Dean's injured arm and flipped him over his shoulder and Dean landed harshly on his back.
The shock of the impact winded Dean and he gasped for breath, finding himself unable to move. Something shifted when he landed and he couldn't move. He struggled to breathe for a moment before he wheezed pleadingly, "Sam, please…"
"Whatever man," Sam muttered coldly, "All you've ever done is hold me back, keeping me from reaching my true potential. I gave you a chance to join me, even after you betrayed me by locking me up and trying to kill the only one who's ever understood me, the only one who's actually trying to do something to stop the apocalypse. We could've saved the world together, Dean, but instead you're just getting in my way. Whatever, I'm tired of being your brother and looking after your pathetic self, saving your worthless ass."
Dean looked up at him from his place on the floor, still struggling to draw a decent breath, he gazed at his brother, unable to hide the hurt and betrayal, "Sam…" he whispered.
"Come on Ruby," Sam turned to her, putting his hand on her shoulder, "Let's go."
"Sam!" Dean hissed with more strength.
Sam stopped and pivoted to face his brother as Ruby kept on walking but paused at the threshold.
"You walk out that door," Dean warned, pausing as a spasm of pain wracked his body, the pain pale in comparison to the agony in his heart and soul at what he was about to say, "don't you ever come back!" he finished, hoping that maybe those words would reach him, hoping that those words, the words his father said to him a lifetime ago would have an impact, open Sam's eyes and finally make him see.
His words failed however and Sam scoffed, his lips curled into a sneer and his eyes narrowed into a cold, empty glare that sent a chill down Dean's spine. Sam opened his mouth to say something but stopped, spitting on the floor at Dean's feet he turned and walked out the door with Ruby by his side.
"He's going to try and stop us you know," Ruby whispered darkly, conspiringly, to Sam as they walked down the hall, "That's why the angels pulled him out."
"I know."
"This is bigger than you or him," she continued, "You know what you have to do."
"No," Sam hissed, "let's just leave him to wallow in his misery."
Meanwhile Dean felt tears well up in his eyes as he lay on the floor, alone. He struggled to get up, but something had shifted when Sam slammed him to the floor and movement brought a sharp, paralyzing pain to shoot down his spine. He cried out at the pain, falling back to the floor. Glancing to his right he spied the knife that had been lying forgotten on the floor ever since Ruby forced him to drop it. Closing his eyes and bracing himself for more pain he rolled over and crawled toward it, every movement agony on his back.
He wrapped his fingers around it and held it close to his chest as some sort of weak comfort, like a security blanket. He was going to kill Ruby with it; she was going to die for what she did to Sam. Sam would probably hate him forever, but at least with his supplier gone, maybe it would save him. Destroying their relationship would be worth it if it could save Sam's soul.
Stifling a sob he forced himself to sit up, but the pain was unbearable and he crawled to the bed, using it as leverage to shakily pull himself to his feet. His back felt like it was on fire and he couldn't stand up straight, so he remained hunched over as he slowly made his way towards the door on shaky legs, with knees that threatened to buckle with every agonizing step.
"Sam," he cried in lamentation as he stumbled back to the floor. He gasped as the fall jarred his injured back, sending a shooting pain down through pinched nerves, and he screamed in agony. He might've cried out because of the agony of his injuries, but his cry was of pain and mourning. Sam betrayed him, chose Ruby over him and he in return pushed him away, possibly damning Sam forever. And that, along with the literal weight of the world on his shoulders, not Sam's like his little brother was led to believe, hurt more than any physical pain.
So he cried freely, laying on the floor a broken man. A failure. He cried until the pain and exhaustion overwhelmed him and he succumbed, falling into oblivion.
Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think, and if you want me to continue please let me know. As it is now though this is the end, as much as I want to redeem Sam and give the boys a happy ending. I just don't have a lot of time to write and I have other projects to focus on as well as a lot of drama in my own life to deal with. But again, if enough people want me to continue, well then... we'll see.