Selfish
...
.
She knew it was selfish. She knew it was unlikely to ever be.
She knew him so well. More than she knew herself usually.
Yet there where so many secrets about him that she just couldn't
find the answers to. So many things she didn't know about him
that made her feel like they were disconnected.
No matter how close they really were.
She felt like they were strangers sometimes.
Lost in their own worlds, fighting for different things, yet still their
separate worlds overlapping to one bigger world. Like a ven-diagram.
She knew this to be true. She knew she loved Allen Walker.
The mysterious white haired boy with a red pentacleon his left eye.
Cursed by an akuma. Those akuma that he cared so much for.
The first day he showed up at the order. How polite he was back then.
Always smiling. Always hopeful. His dangerous naivety often putting him
In harms way. Making her mad.
That was the old Allen.
Lenalee could see him disintegrating each day as they fought side by side.
Things getting him down. She saw the worry in his eyes. The fear of not knowing what
would happen to him and his own world he fought to protect. Everyone he knew up to that point.
The indecision. Were they really who he thought they were? Was his life planned out for him all ready?
Or did he really make his own path in the dirt as he walked?
Love felt so far away when he thought about how the one person who would've
loved him for him, disfigured red arm and all, a homeless orphan boy with
terrible manners. The one person who showed him love, might not have even
been "sane" enough to tell the difference between him and his departed
brother any ways. Whom by the way.. He just so happened to be carrying the
memories of inside of him like an infection.
It made him wonder if he
was really just a puppet after all.
Whose strings were being pulled by some higher force.
An organisation even. Lenalee thought of the Noah and the Earl.
She looked at him and she saw this.
She knew this was how he felt. Because she could feel it too.
The same emotions. The despair of war and love.
Clashing like black ink on white paper.
But she loved him for it. In her eyes there was no one more special than
Allen Walker. The only Allen Walker there should ever be. He was sensitive.
He was kind. He cared so honestly and deeply.
A genuine smile graced his features at times when he was the happiest
and Lenalee felt her heart flutter with light every time she saw it.
It made her world seem at least a little bit less dark.
If only just temporarily. Even if she knew she might never have the
chance to express it properly back. Even if she knew he might not feel
the same exactly. She chose to ignore this most of the time.
He was growing up before her eyes. She supposed they all were together..
Lavi, Kanda, Miranda, Krory.. herself. But Allen was getting taller and broader.
His voice deeper and hair a little longer. He was getting more
reckless each and every day, more powerful too. And this scared her to death.
But his changes were also attracting her. She noticed.
She noticed a lot about him.
She knew she was selfish. She knew she wanted him all to herself.
She'd hoped she was better than that. Better than being jealous of
all the people Allen touched with his light. But she couldn't help it.
She wanted to be the only one.
She was ashamed of admitting this to herself. How far she had fallen
for the boy (man) with white hair and a blood red pentacle on his left eye.
The only Allen she'd ever have room for in her life.
...
.
A/N: Sorry to ruin such a serious and thoughtful
fic with my authors note here but...
LOL my spell check after I wrote this was going crazy and having
fun re naming Lenalee "Lenses" and Kanda "Candy".
And apparently Allen doesn't have a red pentacle on his forehead.
Its a tentacle!
E.g. "The mysterious white haired boy with
a red tentacle on his left eye."
Hahahaha stupid.