Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Set: OTP In the summer before starts his fifth year.
Dear Hermione,
Help Me!.
Voldemort has recruited squirrels to spy on me. I was in the park and there were squirrels and at first I didn't pay any attention to them.
But then a baby squirrel started looking at me in a threatening and suspicious way.
Please tell Dumbledore that my life is in danger and that if I get murdered by squirrels it's his fault.
In other news I have developed a serious caffeine addiction, Coffee, Coca-Cola, Energy drinks. If it's got caffeine in I'll drink it.
So if you could find it in your heart to send me things with caffeine in I'd be grateful.
The Dursleys refuse to get me anything and I can't go out because of the squirrel threat.
Love Harry
Dear Harry,
Dumbledore says that I shouldn't write to you and that you're trying to get everyone's attention. I know you and know how far you'll go if you're ignored so I'm disobeying Dumbledore.
I'm pretty certain that Voldemort has not recruited squirrels to spy on you and that you're not going to be' murdered by squirrels.
But just as a precaution I've arranged for enough cans and bottles of Coca-Cola to be' delivered to you so you won't have to go out also I arranged for food to be' sent as well.
Love Hermione
P.S Ron, Ginny, The twins, Padfoot and Remus say Hi.
Dear Hermione,
I received the food and drink, thank-you. Tell everyone I said Hi.
What I really want to know is how Padfoot and Remus were able to tell you to tell me Hi.
Well I'm off to write to Dumbledore and Voldemort.
Love Harry.
Dear Voldemort,
At our next show down will you say "Harry I am your father".
Also have you recruited an army of squirrels to spy on me?.
If you have please tell Dumbledore you have and that they are going to kill me.
Harry Potter, The boy you keep failing to kill.
Dear Dumbledore,
I just sent a letter to Voldemort and I want you to know that I know you're plotting to steal Hedwig.
But you can't have her, she's my owl.
The seriously fed up and slightly insane Harry Potter.
AN: I wrote this to try and help get over my mild writers block.
Should I write a second chapter? .