I'll Be Seeing You
Rated: T
Title taken from "I'll Be Seeing You" by Billie Holiday
Chapter title taken from "Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by Dean Martin
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, etc. You know the drill
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Blair Waldorf leaves Chuck Bass sitting at the bar; appropriate, since said Bass had just left Blair's heart shattered in a thousand little pieces on the floor.
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She walks alone through Central Park, tears streaming down her face in a steady river of bitterness and anger, sadness and desolation. Again, Blair had worn her heart on her sleeve and told Chuck she still wanted him, and again, Chuck broke her heart. Scratch that. He demolished, destroyed, and decimated it. As she wipes the tears off her cheeks, smearing her eyeliner, she wonders if her heart will ever be whole again, or if it will remain unmendable. Contemplating her heartache, Blair sits on a bench and takes out her phone to see three new texts from Nate.
-Where'd u go?
She had ignored that text earlier, but as Nate was getting increasingly clingy, he had sent more.
-Come on! Srsly!
-B, answer me!
-Serena got arrested. U gna talk now??
Fuck! Blair thinks. She'd be a terrible friend if she doesn't respond, even if she doesn't want to talk to Nate. She dials his number and listens to his Jack Johnson ringback tone until he picks up.
"Nate, what happened?" Blair tries to conceal the fact that she is still shedding tears.
"What happened to you is my question! What's wrong?" Nate asks.
Blair sighs, exasperated and exhausted. "Nothing! Now explain to me just what the hell happened to S! I thought everything was going well?"
As Nate explains what happened, Blair begins to gather herself and direct her attentions on Serena's predicament instead of her own. That's how it normally works, anyways. Serena gets in trouble and the world stops. Nobody even notices when Blair starts falling apart. She tells Nate she will meet him at the police station and takes out a compact, observing her tear-streaked face in the tiny mirror. Her eyes are bloodshot and black eyeliner is smudged beneath her eyes and down her cheeks. Well that's an awful sight, Blair observes, taking out a small bottle of make-up remover and a cotton ball. A well-bred girl is always prepared, as Eleanor had taught her.
After she reapplies her make-up to the point where she feels she looks semi-decent, Blair starts walking out of the park. A sleek black limo drives down the street and a fleeting thought that it is Chuck in that limo crosses her mind. The limo continues driving and the feeling that came over her left as quickly as it had came.
Chuck had finally taught her that hope is futile.
When he leaves her standing alone at the helipad before they are supposed to go to Tuscany, Blair is shattered but she still has hope for the two of them; she believes Chuck will redeem himself because at this point, she has no other reason to believe otherwise.
When he leaves her a second time after Bart Bass' death, Blair is broken because she tells him she loves him, and he leaves her all alone... again. She believes in them though - Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck - because deep down she knows that he loves her. She feels it from the top of her curl-covered head to the bottom of her manicured toes. She has so much faith in their love that she does anything she had to do in order to ensure his safe return.
The third time he breaks her he spits out the word "wife" like it is pure venom; the poisoning of Blair's hope for something more is almost complete.
She still has a glimmer of faith left when she speaks to Chuck today. She expresses to him how they could make it work if he really wanted to be with her. However, Blair is also less naive because of the previous times she had worn her heart on her sleeve and he tore it off callously. She pleads for him to tell her if it is all a game, or if he really cares for her. If it's a game, she begs of him, then let her go. Coldly, the man Blair loves tells her she's free to leave
As she crosses the street, Blair reflects on everything that Chuck has done to her and she tries to convince herself that he hurt her too much and that she deserves better. She feels another tear snaking its way down her cheek and starts to brush it off when she hears a loud beep and a sickening crunch of metal.
Everything goes black.