A scenario in which Kisuke teases the reader by stealing her phone.

"What's wrong, (Y/N)-chan? You look troubled."

You knew by that singsong voice of his that he was up to no good. If there was one thing that you knew about Kisuke Urahara, it was that he loved to tease people, and as the object of his affection, you ended up receiving the brunt of his mischievous actions most days. It always started early, usually right as you woke or shortly thereafter, depending on his mood, and it continued throughout the day until he finally went to sleep. You weren't guaranteed any reprieve by your own sleep; you had lost count of the number of times that you'd been startled awake by some harebrained scheme of his, heart nearly pounding out of your chest and the urge to strangle him getting stronger by the second. Needless to say, you quickly became accustomed to falling asleep at least thirty minutes after him.

You wouldn't trade it for anything, though, even if it pained you to say so. In his own odd little way, he was just trying to show that he cared for you. He loved to rile you up so he could see the fiery passion that he knew you possessed on display; it was one of his favorite things about you, and if he had to suffer a few slaps to the back of the head in order to see that passion, then so be it. He would endure.

You hadn't thought that he was in the middle of one his little schemes right now, though. You had been looking for your phone all morning, under the assumption that you had misplaced it the night before. How naïve you were. You should have known that he was up to something by the fact that you hadn't seen him the entire time that you were looking for your phone, at least until now. There was no telling what he had done to it; attaching one of his weird little inventions to it, hiding it in some ungodly place, letting Jinta bat it off into the distance so you'd never find it again, the possibilities were endless.

He had complained a time or two before that you paid more attention to your phone than you did him, which was an accusation that you vehemently denied on the grounds that it was complete and utter bullshit. How could you possibly pay more attention to your phone when you had to keep a near constant eye on him to make sure that you weren't about to fall victim to one of his pranks? Obviously, he didn't believe you, and had apparently taken matters into his own hands to ensure that he was always the center of your attention.

"Did you lose something, my dear? Your phone, perhaps?"

"Kisuke, I swear on everything that is good and holy in this world, if you messed up my phone, I will end you."

"End me? Your sweet, innocent, handsome, sexy lover? How could you say such a thing, (Y/N)-chan?" As if your slight had actually hurt him, he threw his head back with a hand to his forehead and used his other hand to hold his fan to his chest, right over his heart.

"I hear a whole lot of you feeding your ego, but not a whole lot of explanation for what happened to my phone."

"I'm hurt that you would even think that I did anything to it, (Y/N). As a matter of fact, I just found it, and I was on my way to return it to you, like the kind partner that I am."

With a little flourish, he produced your phone from his pocket. On the surface, it appeared to be fine, but you knew better than to trust your eyes when it came Kisuke Urahara. For all you knew, he could have taken it apart and planted a bomb in it. Not an actual explosive, of course, but something annoying like a confetti or glitter bomb. It would probably be the latter since that had the longest lasting effects, and you were already dreading having to deal with glitter for the rest of the day. He could be so damn immature sometimes.

At least he wasn't showing his morbid side, like he had when he first asked you out. He had first asked you on a date via a message, but said message had been on your wall, written in what you hoped was fake blood. By then, you had known him long enough to catch on to some of his quirks, but it was still shocking to see that particular side of his humor. You had still said yes, on the condition that he cleaned your wall; it was spotless within the hour. He had apparently pulled that trick a few times before, with varying results (mostly with nobody understanding his joke).

"You expect me to believe that you did nothing to it?"

"I swear on my life that your phone is fine, (Y/N)."

"I'll sick Tessai on you if you're lying to me." It wasn't an empty threat, either. If anyone could sympathize with your plight, it was the man that had been cleaning up Kisuke's messes for a good portion of his life.

"It's fine, (Y/N). Why don't you take a closer look and see?"

Against your better judgment, you reached out to try to take your phone from him, only to have him snatch it away at the last second.

"Shame on you, (Y/N)! You didn't even ask for it nicely!"

You had to take a breath to calm yourself down.

"Kisuke, would you please give me my phone, which you apparently found and did absolutely nothing to?"

He must have loved hearing the sarcasm in your voice, too, if the grin on his face was anything to go by.

"I don't know, (Y/N)-chan. I was kind enough to find it for you, but you were so mean to me…I think I might need a little recompense."

You immediately braced yourself, knowing full well that you wouldn't be able to escape what he had planned for you.

"How about…a kiss from my sweet (Y/N)-chan?"

You stared at him blankly for a moment, waiting for him to add some stipulation. He didn't say anything else though, just grinned and tapped his finger against his lips.

"I'm waiting, (Y/N)."

Well, if that was all he wanted, then you could use the situation to your advantage, and kiss him so sweetly that he would either forget what he had planned for you or feel too guilty to go through with it. Either way, you'd get your phone back and make it through the rest of your morning free from his schemes. In his eyes, your mood seemed to lighten up, and a gentle smile graced your face as you walked closer to him.

"Is that all you want, love? Have I really neglected you that much?"

"Just a little."

"Let me make it up to you then."

You gently caressed his jaw as you pressed yourself against him, giving him an even bigger smile in the process. You placed both of your hands on the sides of his neck in order to position him so you could reach his mouth, and with practiced ease, you tenderly pressed your lips against his. His hand immediately came to rest on your hip, and he returned your kiss with as much softness as you had given it with. It was only a single kiss, but it still left you weak in the knees and breathless. As obnoxious as he was sometimes, Kisuke could still be loving and tender when he wanted to. It was one of the reasons that you put up with all of his teasing; he made you feel like a goddess, as if he was just a loyal subject worshiping you like the deity that you were.

And he could do that with just on kiss.

The smile on your face was genuine as you pulled away from him, and he was sporting a cheesy grin of his own.

"Sorry if I haven't paid enough attention to you."

He could practically feel your words as you muttered them so closely to his lips, and he took the chance to give you one more small peck before he slid your phone into your hand.

"As if I could be mad at you, (Y/N)-chan."

With that, he walked away, leaving you standing in the middle of the room, clutching your phone tightly to your chest as you stared off after him. Maybe you really had been neglecting him. Maybe he just wanted you to show him some affection. Maybe he really hadn't been planning on teasing you or pranking you that morning. When your phone started to slither up your chest and leave a trail of slime in its wake, you knew that you were wrong.

"KISUKE!"