Written for comment_fic on livejournal.
The prompt was for crackfic day, House/Wilson, contestants in a male beauty pageant
"These people are idiots," House grumbled, gesturing at the Miss USA contestants.
"They answer the questions better than you would. Considering they refrain from mocking the judges' personal appearance and/or ethnic group."
"More reason not to like them."
"You're just jealous that nobody wants to see you in an evening gown."
House paused for a moment. Then said, "Fifty bucks."
"What?"
"You. Me. Evening gowns. Beauty contest. Right now."
Wilson groaned. And how exactly are we supposed to judge objectively House?"
"Now see, most people would have said, 'I would never wear an evening gown' first."
"House, I would never wear - "
"And if they WOULD wear an evening gown, they would say 'But House, where will we ever find evening gowns that can fit us big burly men?'"
"We're not exactly lumberjacks, House. We're average size at best. Especially you."
"INTERESTING that you would be thinking of lumberjacks at that exact moment."
"House-"
"Where are they? Where's your stash of fabulous dresses?"
****
A few minutes later, Cameron answered the phone. "What is it House, it's 4 in the morning..."
She then nudged the sleeping body next to her. "Chase, it's for you."
Chase put the phone to his ear but didn't quite open his eyes. "Uh-huh," he said, "Yeah... Now?... Okay, I'll be right there."
"What's going on? Is he all right?"
"Yeah. He just said he needs me to judge a beauty contest."
"And you're going? At this hour?"
"It's House. If someone as jaded and hedonistic as he is is at a beauty contest at this hour, I don't think it's something I want to miss."