I'd Rather Be in Love

by Glittering Pegasus

Sequel to my song fic Rinse. It would probably work as a stand alone, too though

A/N: Ok, ok. So I've given in to the peer pressure and written a sequel. Lol. Like I said, I'm not sure how good it'll be, but I thought the song was pretty perfect. Enjoy! J

Disclaimer: Alias isn't mine, and neither is this song. This is a song created by the talented Michelle Branch. ;-)

I cannot help it
I couldn't stop it
If I tried
The same old heartbeat
Fills the emptiness
I have inside

            The clock of the church in the distance struck midnight and we let our game come to an end. We cleaned up the pieces and let Amy and Will out the door, with me giving Will an extra glance.

            "Be careful," I whispered as he headed for the stairs. He gave me a short nod and left Francie and I alone in our apartment.

            "Boy, that car accident sure beat him up. Do you think he'll be okay?" Francie wondered.

            I shrugged, my mind somewhere else, far away from my apartment… hours and hours ago… in a dark, dusty warehouse…in Vaughn's embrace… "Yeah… I hope so."

            "You look tired, Hun. Work must really be wearing you out. You should go to bed. That's where I'm going, at least. I'll see you in the morning. 'Night," Francie headed for her bedroom.

            "Goodnight," I called after her, and after staring blankly at my phone for a minute as though I expected it to ring, I went to mine as well.

            How long? How long had I been lying there in bed awake, staring into the gray shadows that crept silently across the walls? It was a warm night, typical summer night in LA. But the air swirling around me felt cold, strange. I knew why.

            It was because of the protocol I had broken, the love I couldn't stop no matter how hard I tried, and the fact that his arms weren't around me to make me remember that I didn't want to try to stop it.

            I got up and went to my window, opening the curtain and gazing out onto the gaily lit city streets below, wondering what he was doing right now, if he was thinking about me, too.

            …The clock in the distance struck one…

And I've heard
That you can't fight love
So I won't complain
'Cause why would
I stop the fire
That keeps me going on?

            I climbed back into my bed, pulling the covers over me and clutching them tightly like a little girl gripping onto a teddy bear late at night. The covers gave me no relief, so I shut my eyes and imagined that I was in the warehouse again, reenacting the meeting five hours ago. He was holding me, comforting me, soothing me…. Just like always.

            Sometimes I think about what I'd do without him, and when I find the answer…I don't want to think about it anymore.

            The truth is, without him I'd be nothing. I'd be just another lie in this world, another to add on top of every other fib told in this insane world. He's there when everyone else has abandoned me, honest when everything else isn't true, real when my whole world feels like an abstract painting….

            I couldn't live this life without him. He keeps me alive in my darkest hours and leads me into the light when I'm lost. I love him more than life and I'm not going to try and stop that, because it's the fuel that gives me hope and the rainbow at the end of a storm.

            I knew I wouldn't sleep. Not with the unsettled emotions and unspoken words forming in my heart and mind.

            I picked up the phone on my nightstand.

            When I heard a groggy, sleep filled voice answer "Hello?" I whispered, "Joey's Pizza?"

            I could literally hear his mind wake up, his eyes snap open and his sheet fall as he sat up in bed. "Wrong Number."

            I hung up and slipped into sneakers.

           
'Cause when there's you
I feel whole
And there's no better
Feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be
In love with you

He was waiting there when I arrived. He thought I was in danger. I could tell from the look in his jade green eyes as I entered in my flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt. My hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, tangled from tossing on my pillow.

He didn't look much different in his faded Kings jersey and gray sweatpants. His light brown hair was tousled and his eyes were drooping, but he still looked great to me.

"Syd, what's wrong?" His words were soft and caring, and already I felt the coldness inside me turning to pleasant warmth. "I…I'm sorry. I know it's late. I shouldn't have called."

Quickly, almost automatically he responded, "No, no. It's okay. I'm always here. What is it?"

"I had to talk to you. There's something I need to get out. If I don't, I'll explode."

"Syd, what- -" he cut in.

"Wait, don't say anything. It'll make it harder. I know this is dangerous. I shouldn't do it. It could lead to pain and it's wrong, I know. But I don't care anymore. I need you to know the truth and I'm sick of keeping it inside and fighting it. Vaughn…Michael… I love you."

…The clock in the distance chimed two…

Turn out the lights now
To see is to believe
I just want you near me
I just want you here with me

I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet. I didn't want to look up into Vaughn's eyes. I couldn't see the reaction. I refused to look up.

I felt something soft and warm brush against the bottom of my chin. A hand.

Vaughn lifted my chin, letting me look into his eyes. In them I saw encouragement and a glint of tears…and something else. What was that sparkle? Love. Yes, love.

I felt wetness on my cheek and realized I was crying.

"It's… it's okay, Syd. I…I love you too…" he brushed the tear away.

What happened next must have been a dream, because it defied all aspects of reality.

The kiss was soft and sweet, and the walls melted around us. The floor and ceiling sank away, and all that was left was us and the fireworks exploding all around and dancing in our eyes.

We broke apart. He took my hand and smiled.

"Don't leave. Stay here for a while," I whispered, gazing into his emerald eyes.

"I'm not leaving you."

And I'd give up
Everything only for you
It's the least that I could do

"Michael… you've done so much for me. You gave me everything I ever could have wished for. I want to be with you… I don't ever want to be apart from you. I just want you to know, I'll quit. I'll quit this life and go into hiding if I need to, as long as we can be together," I whispered.

"Syd…no. You're going to take them down. You're going to destroy SD-6, and I'll be here for you every step of the way. When you walk out of Credit Dauphine followed by Sloane in handcuffs, I'll be standing there, in the parking lot, waiting for you. I'd wait for you forever. But until that day, we can't be…"

"No, Vaughn. I will quit if it's going to be like that. Just waiting and wanting…. We will be. We can be together in secret. That's a promise."

***************************************************************************************************************

'Cause when there's you
I feel whole
And there's no better
Feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone
And I'd rather be
In love with you
***************************************************************************************************************
And I feel you holding me…
Why are we afraid
To be in love? (To be loved)
 I can't explain it
I know it's tough (To be loved)

He embraced me again. I laughed. I cried. I was confused and I didn't know what to do.

I was scared.

Why?

Why should we have to be afraid? Why did we fear going somewhere in public? Why were we afraid to show our true feelings? Why did we keep everything locked up in this tiny prison of the warehouse?

Love isn't supposed to be scary, is it?

Yes, you can get hurt. But it's all a part of love. If we didn't know pain, how could we know pleasure?

But I didn't want to be afraid. I told Vaughn so.

He squeezed my hand and replied, "I don't want to have to be afraid either. But it's just not going to be as simple as we'd like it to be.

I laughed sadly. "This could be my hardest mission ever."

"Yeah. It'll be hard. But we'll have each other."
 
And I feel you holding me…

Oh, oh
And when there's you
I feel whole
And there's no better
Feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone

And I'd rather be in love
Yes, I'd rather be in love
Oh, I'd rather be
In love with you…

All I knew was that Vaughn made me feel better than I ever had in my entire life. Now that I had him, I was never letting him go.

Nothing was ever going to be the same. Nothing. Not us, not our meetings, not this warehouse… wait, scratch that. Our feelings would always be the same. Our love would never change.

Despite everything, everything and everyone who we knew would try and hold us back, we were not giving up our love. We'd rather have each other than anything else in the world. We both knew it, too.

Outside the chain link gate, outside in the real world, where we knew we'd have to return to all too soon, and the sky was beginning to lighten to a pastel pink, the dark velvet of night giving way to the glow of the early morning sun.

We'd been together in there for hours. We'd stayed there all night, watching the world pass us by and the night awaken into day. Eventually though, everyone has to wake up from their dreams. Vaughn and me, too.

"We… we should probably go home. I mean… Francie will freak out if I'm not there when she wakes up…" I told him, but I knew my eyes and voice said otherwise. Neither of us wanted to leave.

He nodded though. "Yeah…"

We kissed again and began to open the gate of the warehouse. Just before we stepped into the prism colors of the sunrise, he embraced me. We watched the sun rise over the California hills from the outside of the warehouse.

…And the clock in the distance chimed five…

…And I feel you holding me

***************************************************************************************************************

A/N: Hear that siren? Do you? You know what that siren is, right? It's the corniness police coming to get me! Lol. I know, this was extremely sappy. But this was like my first shot at a fluff piece. I've done angsty type romance like in Rinse. That's fine. I've done hints of romance like in Lost in Time and Never Been Aliased. That's cool too. And I've done slight fluffiness like in A Thousand Miles/ Crash and Burn, but never extreme fluff like this piece. So, of you don't like it just… don't tell me. (hehe ;-) ) JK. Just wanted to get that MV quote in there. Tell me what you really, truly, honestly think. Even if it's "This sucks, there's a reason you never wrote fluff." Lol. J

PS- there was no significance. to the "The clock stuck…" parts. I just thought it sounded cool. Lol.