I do not own Harry Potter.

A Moonlit Resolution

I, Sirius Black, womaniser extraordinaire, am gay.

And I honestly have no idea how it happened. I suppose I've always noticed handsome guys, but that was simply appreciating their good looks as they joined the ranks of Sex Gods like myself. But a couple months ago I began to notice other things about guys, I began to wonder what it would feel like dating a guy, kissing one…

Being gay was supposed be wrong, I'd grown up knowing that. Then again I also grew up knowing the best ways to torture Muggles, and how to sever house elf heads so you wouldn't get blood in the carpet. Pretty rough childhood actually…

The point is that I shouldn't be gay. Not 'chase everything in a skirt' Black. I've always dated girls, but now and even then, they're just not that appealing. And I finally had to admit to myself as Sixth Year began to wind down, that I was in fact gay.

But now came the hard part… telling James.

Luckily I didn't fancy him, or that would have been a downright mess, especially with his 'undying and everlasting love for his emerald beauty'. A.K.A. Lily Evans.

The name was thought with an eye-roll and shaking of head.

I had no idea how Prongs would take it; we've never really discussed the issue of homosexuals or their rights. It was a daunting task to say the least.

I knew I had to tell him before summer though. He had invited me to live with his family again during the vacation and I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable or ruin our friendship in the process. So I told him I had something important to tell him after supper and to meet me at the tree by the lake.

I was already standing there when I saw James walking from the castle towards me. Immediately, I felt a great wave of anxiety. However before I could finish contemplating different ways of sneaking off without being seen, James had spotted me.

Despite the fact that I had known that he was coming, I jumped at the sound of his voice, "Okay Sirius, what is this all about?" he asked gruffly, clearly annoyed that I cut his supper or Lily staring time short.

I gulped, trying to figure out the best way to tell my best friend that I was gay without freaking him out. Finally I decided to take the Sirius approach and just said bluntly, "Prongs I'm gay."

This made him stop for a moment, "Are you sure mate?"

I could only nod meekly. His face didn't show much more than someone in deep thought, and for not the first time I wished I had a vat of vetriserium with me.

"You don't fancy me do you?" Prongs asked, his voice carefully even.

I stared at him in shock, although I knew this topic would come up, "Of course not! I love you mate but you know as a brother. Don't flatter yourself," I said with a smirk.

He searched my face for another moment before grinning widely, "Good because you know my heart belongs eternally and irrevocably to my Lily flower."

I chuckled; relief flooding through me, making all of my previous doubts seem ludicrous.

"Good thing too because it might just take eternity to convince Evans to go out with you."

He gave me a sarcastic laugh and threw his arm around my shoulders, "You know, I kind of had a feeling that you were swinging the other way…"

I rolled my eyes at what I knew was James attempt of sounding smart and in the loop. This time I didn't mind though, Prongs was still on my side, Remus and Peter on the other hand…

"James you can't tell Moony or Wormtail yet." I told the rambling boy quickly, "I'm not ready for that."

James nodded, "Alright, but I have to warn you that once Lily and I start dating, I won't be able to keep your secret away from her."

"And when are you going to be dating her exactly?" I asked exasperated.

"Well, according to my five year plan, our first date should be coming up in nine months, six days and 14 hours."

I gave him an incredulous look before shrugging, 'Arguing with a love sick James is like finding a brave Peter Pettigrew, it can't be done'

But right now it didn't matter; maybe being gay wouldn't be that hard after all.

Why me?

I flopped onto my makeshift bed at the Potters house and buried my face into my pillow. Why was God so focused on how to make my life miserable?

I had been so excited too! Remus and Peter were spending the night here and then going to Diagon Alley with us to get our school supplies before the year started the day after. I had been ecstatic, until I made the worst discovery possible.

We had decided to go swimming in James pool, so the four of us all ran to change into our swimming trunks. I was the first one changed and had to wait for the rest of them when Remus came out.

I had never noticed how beautiful he was before. The werewolf had gorgeous muscles and a lean body covered in an array of light pink scars from his encounters with the full moon. His sandy hair fell perfectly over his amber eyes, a feature I had always liked of his.

Remus spotted me there but was oblivious to my rather obvious amazement and admiration over his body. Instead he smiled at me and walked over in a rather sexy way. But I couldn't let my thoughts go that far, he was my friend and I didn't want to lose that.

The next hour was torture, James constantly insisting games that involved tackling. While I won't deny that I didn't enjoy that contact with Remus, it made it awkward knowing that I was much more pleased with it than I should be.

So halfway through 'King of the Pool', I told them I was tired and headed off to bed.

Which is why I was now dripping all over my bed, trying not to scream in humiliation and frustration. I could NOT be attracted to one of my best mates, this was horrible and mortifying and-

"Sirius?" I heard Remus's tentative voice sound through the doorway to my small, temporary room. I froze, scared to look up but unable to stop myself all the same.

Remus looked stunning with his tousled hair, drops of water rolling slowly down his well-chiselled chest. I had to resist the urge to shudder in a desire that I wanted so badly to suppress.

"Yeah?" I asked huskily, quickly clearing my throat.

He shrugged, "You seemed upset, is everything all right?"

"Oh yeah, just thinking about all the homework Minnie's going to assign us," I lied, although being convincing was harder when you had to force yourself to look away from his eyes.

Remus smiled, not really believing my story but not pressing me either. "Well, where will I sleep? The floor doesn't look particularly comfortable."

I could only stare at him for a moment, "You're sleeping in here?" I asked slowly

"Yup, I suppose we could just share the bed though…"

"Are you sure you want to, I could take the floor," I interjected quickly, hating myself for refusing the opportunity but knowing it was for the best.

"Nah, its okay Sirius I don't mind, the beds big enough for the both of us anyway," He told me.

I felt my heart leap inexplicably even though I knew it meant nothing. "Okay I'll just change," then I got up and went to the bathroom in a slight daze.

Normally I slept in nothing but my boxers, but this time I thought pyjama pants would be a little more appropriate. I decided to leave my chest bare though, 'Can't keep all of this beauty locked up, have to dazzle him just a little,' I thought to myself, a bit of the old suave Sirius coming out again.

So I strutted over to the open door, trying to keep my confidence alive despite my fears.

Seemed as though Remus had decided to go with the same look as me, pants but no shirt. He was busily trying to straighten up the place, his face scrunched up in concentration was almost too cute to resist.

God this was going to be hard.

I took another deep breath and called out a greeting as I jumped onto the bed. Remus looked up at me sharply but his face softened rapidly.

"So I guess I finally got you in bed, eh, Lupin?" I asked him with a joking wink, my insides squirming. He laughed and turned off the lights, "You wish Black," he told me from somewhere in the darkness. I silently agreed with him.

"Move over," he whispered, climbing into bed with me. Despite him saying that it was a big bed, we were still uncomfortably squished. After several long minutes of twisting and squirming we both finally began to settle and sleep. I honestly didn't think it would be possible with his warm, half nude body so tantalizingly close to me but eventually sleep found me and I dreamed of amber eyes and full moons.

Hours later I opened my bleary eyes to the morning sun, wanting the night to last longer. Especially when I looked down at Remus.

At some point during the night my arm had been slung around the other boys body and he had cuddled up to me. His face lay nuzzling my chest and his arm hugging my torso. I smiled down at him and on impulse, kissed the top of his head lightly.

It was probably just my overactive, hopeful mind, but I could've sworn he smiled softly in his sleep just then. I lay there for a while contemplating what to do but before I could reach a decision, I felt Remus stir beneath me. So I did the only thing I could do… pretend to be innocently asleep.

He murmured something sleepily that I didn't quite catch and then nuzzled my chest in a way that sent my heart rate flying. I really hoped he couldn't feel it.

I felt a light touch on my chest and it took all of my willpower not to jump at it. Remus' fingers drew slow, lazy patterns on my torso as I felt him sigh, his breath tickling my bare skin.

Just as I was beginning to enjoy the sensation, Remus jerked his hand back with a small cry of surprise. Already missing the feeling, I pretended to regain consciousness and try to sit up.

He gasped again, jumped off of me, got caught in the blankets and then went sprawling down onto the floor. I looked down at his beet red face, faking a sleepy confusion while asking thickly, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," the sandy haired boy replied quickly, "just… surprised me is all."

I grinned at him, trying to think of something light, Sirius and unserious to say, "Bad morning breath eh?" I finally said, pointing to my open mouth.

Remus looked at me blankly for a moment before nodding furiously, "Um, I'm going to go change then," he said before grabbing his clothes and dashing out of the room.

My mind was reeling with hope, denials, and explanations but most of all confusion. Deciding that the matter was simply much too complex for the hour, I got up and went for a shower, taking extra time brushing my teeth, washing my face, and combing and styling my hair.

Finally satisfied, I left the bathroom and ran up to the kitchen where my fellow Marauders were already eating their breakfast.

"Took you long enough! We're going in half an hour you know!" James hollered at me, his mouth full of waffles.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Remus turn a light shade of pink. I didn't know if the werewolf could possibly feel the same way as me, but I knew that I wanted to find out. Somehow, I would find a way.

"Sorry," I said before grinning, "Moony must drool in his sleep because he got it all over me."

I felt my stomach flip as his blush deepened to a red colour and Prongs and Wormtail laughed. I took a seat beside Remus and leaned over him to get a waffle, already joking around with my friends, completely at ease except for the closeness of him.

I was afraid, but I needed to know.

Somehow.

Our trip to Diagon Alley was rather uneventful, besides Lily punching James after he tried to publicly declare his love for her… again. As this was an increasingly more common act, it really wasn't that interesting.

What would be interesting was my second night at the Potters with Remus. I was defiantly looking forward to that.

Luckily Remus was over his embarrassment and was laughing with me again, if he had continued to be as awkward as this morning, I don't think I could bear it. When we got home again, I sensed him getting steadily more nervous and I felt bad for having caused his anxiety.

However my enthusiasm outweighed my guilt as I changed into my pajamas once again. When I got into my room though, disappointment ran through me as I watched Mrs. Potter set up a cot next to the bed.

"Oh Sirius dear! I'm so sorry I didn't do this yesterday; I completely forgot Remus was sharing rooms with you. Hope the bed was big enough for the two of you."

I shrugged, "No it was perfectly fine, you really didn't have to go through the trouble," I told her, trying to keep the pleading note out of my voice.

"Nonsense! Well that should do, good night Sirius," she smiled at me kindly and left the room.

Before I had a chance to vanish the cot, Remus walked in.

"Hey mate, Mrs. Potter brought in the cot then," he said with a relieved smile.

Despite my sinking heart, I managed to choke out a joke, "Come on, you telling me you didn't looove me in bed last night?"

My mood lightened at the blush I was able to produce, "How about no comment?" he told me. I laughed at this, amused but shaky.

The night was cold and restless without Remus beside me. In the dead of night I even considered using magic to lift him into bed with me and just pretending he had done it in his sleep. Of course such thoughts were before rationality took over my brain once again.

I didn't want to scare him, to freak him out. Besides, I knew how angry James would be if he found out I had been abusing my charm on a fellow Marauder.

So as I lay there, bathed in the harmless glow of the half moon, I made a resolution… Remus would be mine before the year was over. Of that, I was sure.

Hey! So this is my first Sirius/Remus fic ever, so be nice! The truth is I'm a 100% straight teenage girl, so I have absolutely no idea what their experience would be like, I'm kind of just guessing. But I'm also an aspiring author so I thought I would try taking the complete opposite of myself and see what I can come up with. I'm kind of proud of it but please, read and REVIEW! Tell me what you like, what you don't, any mistakes or suggestions for future chapters, or if you would like me to continue at all. Even a one-sentence review means the world to a writer so please write in and be sure to check out my other story My Immature Life. –MesserMessa