A/N: RPM just has so many pretty people in its cast; I could not resist the ideas of fangirls and fanboys flocking to the rangers. It's silly and pointless, written out of boredom. Hope it makes you laugh, cuz I know I did when I wrote it.
Attack of the Fangirls
The blue lion ranger looked very confused as he walked into the main room of the headquarters. He furrowed his brow as he moved to stand in front of the black ranger
Dillon was sitting on a stool in The Garage, his arms folded over his chest. He held his head at a slight angle, his jaw clenched. He seemed to be looking off into the distance.
"What in the sweet name of Scotland are you doing?" Flynn asked in a slow, steady voice. Dillon glared up at him in response, sliding off his perch. The angry wolf ranger slunk into the kitchen area, opening the refrigerator.
Dr. K's fridge cannon maneuvered into view, pressing up against the cyborg's forehead. "Damn fangirls," Dillon swore. He brushed past the still–puzzled blue ranger and took his seat on the stool again. "Now I have to start all over," he told Flynn. "Thanks a lot."
The partial amnesiac settled his features into the expression he'd been making when Flynn had first come in. The strange thing was that there was a loud collective sigh. Flynn looked around rapidly, trying to see where it had come from. Finally, he had no choice but to ask. "What was that?"
Dillon's eyes shifted from side to side. Then he whispered in the closest tone to fearful he could manage, "Fangirls. The fangirls have invaded The Garage, and they've taken over. And they keep multiplying like freaking rabbits. I'm surprised–"
Before Dillon could finish speaking, there was a sudden shout. "Flynn!" The blue ranger disappeared under a rush of teenage girls, all wearing blue. They all appeared to be trying to talk at once.
"Make me a smoothie, Flynn!"
"Talk pretty to me, Flynn!"
Dillon got off his stool to help his friend, but then he was attacked in a similar fashion. "Get off of me!" he growled in a voice that was muffled by his adolescent assailants. "I'm taken!" But unfortunately for the black ranger, his many fangirls were too busy screaming to hear his protests.
The two rangers and their crowds of stalkers were then joined by Scott and a group of girls in red. They were all wearing jackets with Scott's ranger emblem, and every few seconds, one girl would reach up, touch Scott's hair, and sigh, "It really is magical."
"Who let these psychos in here?" Scott demanded, trying to get a good look at his teammates. He got no comprehensible response, as both black and blue rangers were buried under crowds of girls.
Outside The Garage, there were obnoxiously loud sounds of a scuffle. "RPM! Get in Gear!"
Dillon, who of course had super–de–dooper hearing along with his Superman–like strength and reflexes, craned his neck towards the door. "That sounded like Summer," he murmured worriedly, and there was another collective sigh from the girls in black.
"He is so sensitive."
"I hate that *beep.*"
The door to The Garage opened and the yellow bear ranger came bolting in. Just visible on the other side of the door was a crowd of screaming teenage boys. Only a few managed to get inside before Summer shut the door again.
She powered down, and her fanboys whooped appreciatively. Summer rolled her eyes and shrugged off her jacket and casually tossed it onto the pool table, where it was quickly claimed by one of the boys who had followed her in.
"You guys have them too?" Summer asked as she glared at the group of girls surrounding her boyfriend. Scott and Flynn nodded miserable as Summer started to elbow her way to Dillon. "Back off! I had him first!"
Summer managed to scare the girls off by morphing again. The girls went to sit in a corner and sulk, and then the yellow ranger showoffishly cuddled with her sexy boyfriend.
"Has anyone seen the doc or Ziggy?" Flynn wondered as he was forced to pose for pictures. He blinked as the flash went off in his eyes.
As if determined to answer his question, Dr. K entered the main room from her lab. There were blueprints clenched between her hands, and she was discussing them with another group of fanboys. "Impossible. I can't recalibrate the quantum enhancer using this piece of outdated garbage. A toy cell phone is more sophisticated than this." She shook her head as one of the boys argued back in terms that no one else understood.
There was a simultaneous gape from everyone in the room, fangirls and fanboys included.
Dr. K and her nerds were quickly forgotten when Ziggy appeared at the top of the stairs. Of course, there were about fifteen girls in green following him. He was grinning, his arms around a girl on either side of him. "So I say to him, I say…"
"Yes?" the girls asked in unison, as if whatever the shark ranger was saying was the most fascinating thing they had ever head.
Ziggy continued to grin like a crazy person as he slowly made his way down the stairs. "I say to him, 'I'm the one with the blaster.'"
The girls giggled and swooned. Actually, two fell sideways off the staircase, but no one noticed or cared.
"Idiot," Dillon muttered, tightening his grip on Summer's waist. Summer gave a smug smile. This caused several of the fanboys and fangirls to burst into tears.
As if the day could not get any stranger, the five rangers, the doctor, and all their fans were joined by two more very annoyed girls. The taller girl was wearing a shirt with a picture of Dillon on it, along with his team jacket. There was a small name tag stuck to her shirt that said, "I'm Summer."
This girl seemed to strike fear into the wolf ranger. "Oh God, she's back," he whimpered, attempting to hide behind Summer.
"I'm seeing a problem here," the girl said in a sickly sweet voice. "What does the clipboard say, K?" The rangers' mentor looked up instinctively, but again, no one noticed or cared.
"Well, M," the shorter girl began, "It says Summer should be playing pool, Scott should be working on his car, Dr. K should be running tests in the lab, Ziggy should be bothering her, Flynn should be making smoothies, and Dillon should be pouting."
M gave a fangirly squeal and then stopped abruptly. She blew a whistle that was hanging around her neck and began barking orders. "Fans, get off the set, or I will make you. Summer, start playing pool–"
"By myself?" Summer questioned. K slapped a palm to her forehead as M advanced. Dillon, for once, did not try to defend his girlfriend, but merely continued to cower behind her.
"Yes, by yourself…unless you'd like me to arrange a visit from Chaz…"
Summer scampered over to the pool table. Dillon made a quiet, fearful noise as Summer left him. Head fangirl M went back to bossing everyone around. "Scott, get to your car; Dr. K and Ziggy, go back to the lab; Flynn, I want a strawberry–banana smoothie…" M stopped in front of Dillon, smiling. He made the same frightened noise again as M smiled. "And you, Dillon…you get your pretty self back over to that stool and pout."
Once the rangers had gotten settled, M and her assistant K looked around, seemingly satisfied with their work. The rangers were not as happy.
"Why are you doing this?" Scott demanded as he obeyed his orders for some reason he couldn't understand. He looked out from under the hood of his car, trying to will himself not to work. He couldn't resist, and was soon doing car–type maintenance.
M and K glanced at each other, exchanging evil smiles. "Because the clipboard says so," K said in an explanation that really explained nothing.
M giggled as Dillon pulled out his pocket watch. He stared at it, listening to the soft, tinkly music before shutting it again, his expression haunted. He sighed, and then went back to pouting, as he had in the beginning of this crack!fic. Every single one of the fangirls (and some of the boys O.O) sighed.
"How do we get rid of you?" Summer asked as she was forced to sink another ball. "Why do we have to do whatever you say?"
K and M giggled again. "So many questions. You'd like to know the answers, wouldn't you, blondie?" M asked, glaring at the yellow ranger.
Luckily for the rangers, the alarm started to go off. They raced to their respective vehicles, kicking fans off of their ankles as they went. There were several cries of "Yay! Spandex!" as the door opened and the rangers were on their way to the battle.
The screaming fans sprinted down the streets of Corinth after their heroes. Unfortunately, none of them seemed to know that standing near giant robots and monsters was a good way to be squished.
When the battle was over, the rangers powered down, and all concurrently gaped once more.
"Well, let's clean this up," Flynn suggested cheerfully after he and the other rangers had stood around doing nothing for fifteen minutes. They all looked at the remains of what had once been teenagers, homes, restaurants, and office buildings they had carelessly destroyed.
"I have a better idea," Ziggy piped up. "I think we should walk away without a care in the world like we always do."
There were nods of agreement from the other four rangers. "Who's up for pizza?" Scott asked as he headed back to his "cute toy" of a car.
So the rangers went to eat pizza like they didn't have a care in the world. They argued over toppings like they didn't have a care in the world. They ignored the bills the taxpayers of Corinth sent them for the damages they had caused because they didn't have a care in the world.
The moral of this crack!fic? It is very clear. Do not waste your time (or life) fangirling or fanboying over the RPM rangers. They will not care if you get squished by their Megazord, and then they will eat pizza.