The last time we really fought was about two years ago. It was when Tadashi tried to get me into college and I said it would be a waste of my time. But even then, I don't think we ever had a fight like we did tonight. Never have I been so angry before. Never has Tadashi raised his voice that loud at me. Never have I said such hurtful things...

How did this happen?

I was sitting on the bed re-running everything that just happened in my mind. It still hasn't sunk into Tadashi yet that I was older and was ready for curtin things. I've asked him over and over again, why can't we have sex and he would always reply with "you are not ready." Which is fucking bullshit. I've been ready for so long and I've wanted him so bad. So this was the night. The night I was planing on making it clear to him that I was ready.

...But of course things didn't exactly go as planned. He came home from work about six and the whole night I was trying to get him 'in the mood' but he kept holding back. Finally I had him on our bed and I was kissing him like a fucking lunatic when I reached under his waistband. I was on top pushing him down trying to make him understand that I wanted- no needed this.

"Take me." I whispered out in a low voice. He instantly put his hands on my shoulders pushing me back.

"Hiro we've been over this." He looked away from my eyes. "You're not ready." I guess thats when I kinda lost it. I moved off his lap and stood up turning my back to him.

"Hiro-"

"How could you say that!" I snapped. Here I am practically throwing myself at him and thats all he can say. "How do you know that i'm not ready? Tadashi i've been ready. We've practically done everything else there is and I know you want this as much as I do. So why?" I didn't realize I had risen my voice until he answered with a quiet sentence.

"Because I know." He answered

I was so frustrated at this point. What did I have to do to get it through his head! I'm not the same weak fragile kid I use to be. I've been through so much, hell i've learned so much. Why can't he just accept this.

"I think I would know that I was ready!" I argued back.

"Hiro enough! This conversation is over!" He said in a stern voice. Usually this is where he always won. This is where I would be the good little brother and do as he said. No, not this time.

"No!"

"Excuse me?"

"No! Tadashi please i'm not a kid anymore! I don't see what the huge problem is. Its not like i'm doing it with a stranger i'm doing it with you. I know i'm only sixteen but there are people younger than me who do stuff like this. And it's not like this is a one time thing either. I know you have been holding back. I know you want to fuck me. So why? Please I love you." I ranted

"Language!"

"Are you fucking kidding me!"

He moved so fast that I didn't realize he was in front of me, till I felt his warm breath on my face. He was still taller than me and I had to look up to meet his gaze. "Hiro i'm going to say this one last time. Let, It, Go."

"Your unbelievable!" I yelled.

"And I thought you were smarter than this!" He yelled back. What the fuck was that suppose mean?

"And I thought you were smart enough not to run into burning buildings but it looks like we were both wrong!" I yelled

I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. My hand covering it. I looked into his eyes and I saw nothing but pain. No I didn't mean that. Tadashi had a look of shock and hurt on his face and it killed me. I wanted to say I was sorry. That I didn't mean that, but nothing came out. My eyes began to water as we stood there in silence. "Yeah, I guess we were both wrong." Tadashi said as he walked over to the nightstand, took his keys and left. I just stood there frozen. Did this really just happen? God i'm so selfish and stupid. How could I say such a thing. My hands went up to cover my eyes and I cried. I sank to my knees shaking taking in uneven breaths. "I'm sorry." I choked out. "I'm so sorry."

...