Title: Do You Know?

Author: Ivy

Rating: T

Summary: Too many horrible things happen to teenaged girls, and too many of them can't find themselves telling the truth.s

Dedication: For my friend.

I'm in trouble. Oh my God I'm in trouble. What do I do, what do I do?

My mom found out I'm not a virgin!

What do I do? I can't tell her the truth!

... Do you know the truth?

I didn't think it was possible. Well, of course I knew it could happen, of course i knew that the possibility of this happening to someone else was high, of course I understood that life wasn't safe. But I didn't think it was possibly for it to happen to me.

Shall I explain the horrible, harsh, hectic experience I had to undergo? Shall I tell you terriyfing, torturous tales I have hidden inside me?

... See, the thing is, I ... kinda promised him I wouldn't tell.

Yea, you heard me right. I want to help the person who had caused me pain.

"You're not like her! You'll never be like her!"

Do you know? Once I was in the hospital because people thought I attempted to kill myself? They found me with slashes over my hands, my arms, my wrists, and I was at the hospital because of it. I still smell the sterile room, I still see the white of the walls, I still hear the beeping constantly shattering my eardrums.

All for him! HIM! Do you know what it was like, stuck there with people staring at you, thinking 'Poor girl' and 'How could she think of killing herself? What's wrong with her?' Do you KNOW what I felt, trapped to my own bed, survellience cameras constantly watching you, doctors, your MOM! WATCHING YOU! Just to make sure you don't try another attempt to take away your own life? Do you KNOW what it's like?

... He doesn't. He doesn't know what it's like, even though I kept his secret. Even though he travelled here to Beverly Hills, following me, just to stab me with a knife! Again, again, again, he stabbed me, slashing my wrists away to no end.

... And I kept his secret.

So no, I didn't try to kill myself. I didn't try to take away my own life.

He did.

And I didn't tell.

You must be thinking what's wrong with me. I'm not stupid; I see you giving me looks of confusion while thinking 'Is she stupid?'

But I love him! Yes you heard me right. He's my boyfriend from my old state, and even though he does these horrible things to me I still find my heart pining for him!

...

Do you know? ... He raped me?

And what's worse is that my mom find out that I'm not a virgin! What do I do? She's going to kill me! It wasn't even sex! It was rape! RAPE! But what am I supposed to do? I can't just tell the cops that I was raped! No! They would find out about him!

And I can't let that happen... But what do I do? What do I do?

I wish there was someone to share this burden with me. I wish I could tell someone.

But I know I can't. I'm not that stupid. If I tell, they will tell. If they tell, he'll be recognized.

Tim Scam would be recognized.

And I can't let that happen!

...

Do you know? Once he tried to drown me? I don't know how many attempts at my life he has tried taking but it's a lot.

It was actually when we were having sex. Well, it wasn't sex, it was rape! But you know that. But you can't tell! You CAN'T TELL!

I'd DIE if anything happens to him!

Which is why I can't tell my mom. I can't. I love him! I'll do anything to protect him!

Even if it means going through what I have to go through.

This was inspired by my friend who has had these things happen to her. I didn't even realize it till now, (she only told me today), and I've tried convincing her that it wasn't worth it but she kept saying she loved him. I tried and tried and tried until the school bell stopped me from speaking.

I know I will try again.

So, this is a dedication to her, I know she probably won't ever read this, but I'd like it to be out there, fror the world to know that these things do happen, and it's up to us to help stop it.

Ivy