Title: Ours
Author: Nesma
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
A/N: In honour of Valentine's Day and the fact that I spent three hours in Urgent Care, I thought I would post the following. Not sure if I got the sentiment that I wanted across but... felt the need to post regardless. Enjoy.
James Potter was completely pathetic.
And he knew it. There was absolutely no way around the fact that he was a loser. On a cloudy Sunday afternoon, he kept wondering around his house. Aimlessly walking from one room into another hoping to find an activity to do. A chore he hadn't completed yet. And, at the saddest level, he was simply hoping to run into Lily.
Hoping to see her sprawled across the couch with a book in her hands, hardly glancing up to see James. Or perhaps in the office, flagging pages down for future reference. Or maybe find her in the kitchen, apron on but face covered in flour as she tries to perfect her dessert skills. Just seeing her, or knowing that she was somewhere in the house was enough for James to be his own person, to work on his own projects.
Except, this was the week that Lily was off on a mission and James couldn't even recall the last time he was this miserable. And he absolutely hated himself for it. He was counting down the hours till he would see Lily again. He knew she was coming home on Monday and he was trying his absolute best to fill his days.
It was easy to spend the weekdays at the headquarters. He researched about potions and spells. He spent another day practicing dueling with Sirius. He even helped out with the cleaning chores in the headquarters. While these activities took up hours, he was absolutely guilty of glancing down at his watch and feeling his entire body deflate when he realized that he hardly wasted that much time.
His watch checking morphed from an occasional thing to him having to make a game out it. Every time he managed to avoid looking at his watch for over a half an hour, he treated himself to the cookie jar.
He hadn't managed to get a single cookie out of the jar.
"Want one?" Alice asked, and Lily turned her head to see Alice brandishing a shortbread cookie in her face. Lily sighed, pushing her hair back, and taking the cookie from Alice's hand. She leaned her head back on the sofa, and slowly started to chew on the edges of the cookie. Alice took a few huge bites from her own.
"How much time?" Lily asked, her eyes darting towards the fogged window, trying to see what time it was in the wilderness.
"We have a few hours." Alice said grimly, shoving the rest of the cookie in her mouth as both of the girls huddled a bit closer under the tattered quilt they were sharing. Lily gripped the quilt to her chin and avoided breathing in the dusty atmosphere of the quilt.
"Bit chilly, isn't it?" Alice said, trying to make conversation as Lily shivered again, wondering if her teeth were going to chatter next.
"It certainly is. Makes you wonder why Death Eaters don't go someplace sunny." Lily muttered, pulling her knees to her chest as Alice snorted.
"I know, right?" Alice agreed, as the two stared out of the window again.
"Frank and I would be preparing Sunday dinner." Alice said gloomily, her lower lip pouting as Lily frowned.
"Don't you have dinner with his mum during the weekend?" Lily asked, and Alice rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Unfortunately. The old hag makes us come over every Friday for dinner. We usually drink ourselves drunk during the weekends." Alice said, smiling a bit to herself, no doubt reminiscing about their drunken times.
"Right." Lily said, pursing her lips together as she shivered once more.
It was hard in these quiet moments not to miss James. Which made her feel so pathetic.
Here she was in an undercover operation for the Order with one of her best mates… and she still wished that James was with her. No doubt if he was under this very blanket with her he would absolutely insist on holding her close to 'get warm'. He would do that stupid thing where he puts his feet, or ice blocks really, against her leg and whisper in her ear in a fake seductive voice, 'Ohhh baby, doesn't that feel good?' and make Lily giggle as she attempts to shove his feet off of her leg.
But James wasn't here, he was most likely doing something silly with Sirius. Perhaps the two were trying to figure out how to permanently live in a pub. No doubt the two have tried to walk into the local muggle pubs as Prongs and Padfoot.
"What are you giggling about?" Alice asked, prodding her elbow into Lily's side and she realized that her hands had been covering her mouth mid-giggle. She shook her head, a grin lingering on her lips.
"Nothing – how much longer?" Lily asked, peering over to the side to see Alice look down at her watch.
"A few more hours." Alice answered, and Lily felt herself blanched as she realized that she was going to need tougher skin to survive the day ahead.
James decided to browse through their book collection. Lily had an abundance of books from her summers of living with her Muggle family. Shelves full of the classics that James that never appealed to James. He occasionally liked to read, but he preferred the mystery murders from the wizarding world. He liked the easy reading of Grant Witherby and it didn't hurt that the protagonist of his story was usually this tall, black haired, dashing good wizard…
But the ache in James' heart that Lily simply wasn't around was enough for him to skim over his flashy wizard books and to actually start reading the titles of the classics. And he noticed a worn down book titled, The Little Prince. Wondering if this was part of Lily's faerie tale collections, James was quick to pull it off the shelf and frown down on the cover. He flipped through the pages and was shocked to see the drawings nearly spilling out of the pages.
He always knew that Lily read picture books while reading her 'classics'.
Neither of the girls needed to be told that it was time for battle when the Phoenix flashed in their bitterly cold living room. Throwing the quilt on the ground, hardly bothering to fold it properly. They both disillusioned themselves before they both appearated on the spot.
When Lily opened her eyes, her heart started to make panic flips within. It was just her and Alice in the middle of a deserted field. But there were at least six Death Eaters, by Lily's rough count, and a few Dementors breeding ahead. Their mission was to prevent the dementors from breeding any further.
They were walking slowly and calmly across the field. As if hoping to sneak past the gossiping portraits at Hogwarts. As if it were that easy. Instead of stone walls to protect them, they had an open field that looked like quaint spot for a graveyard.
It took only minutes for their disillusionment charm to fall off of their bodies, and seconds for the spells to be thrown in their directions. They were fighting for their lives, and though Lily wished she could pretend that they were winning, it was hart to deny the red splatter paint that covered hers and Alice's body.
Despite the Crucios and Bleeding Hexes, Alice and Lily had shot a few carefully aimed spells towards the breeding grounds. And Lily merely needed to think of James to produce her protonus. Doe after doe came tumbling out of her wand and it charged towards the breeding grounds, and terrible screams that caused Lily's skin to erupt in goose bumps could be heard.
But then, then, Alice let out a terrible scream. Lily gave her the briefest of glances before feeling her eyes widen in shock. Alice was nearly covered in blood, not just a simple splatter.
Lily took the risk of reaching over to her friend, hoping that her hand could hold onto the arm that was slick with blood. Lily looked ahead, to see a flash of red light as she spun on her feet.
James was thoroughly enjoying The Little Prince. He had even wondered into the kitchen, and plucked a few cookies. He even set some water for the kettle to boil for some tea.
He liked how childish the Prince was. He liked how the author seemed to give children more powers rather then the adults. He liked the snake that ate the elephant and he liked the different planets in the Prince's world. He liked the rose.
He liked the drawings.
He couldn't wait to tell Lily about The Little Prince.
When Lily opened her eyes again, she was unprepared at how dark her surroundings were. She groaned as she sat herself up. A throbbing pain was in her head, and her hand seemed slick with blood. Unable to really tell what was going on, she stood up, every part of her body aching as she did. She let her eyes adjust to the dark, as Alice panted for breath as she held herself up against a brick wall.
Lily looked around, her nose wrinkled in disgust as the odor of trash filled her nostrils. Looking around, she spotted an open dumpster, and underneath her feet was a fast food wrapper. Alice seemed oblivious to the smell, as the poor witch was starting to hyperventilate; a small puddle of blood starting to collect underneath her.
"St. Mungos." Lily said, gasping out the words as a new wave of stabbing pain hit her in the chest. She walked towards Alice who was shaking her head furiously, panting slightly.
"We-we can't. I can't." Alice said, the fear laced in her voice as Lily felt a wave of understanding rushing over her.
Alice was an auror. Aurors were prohibited of fighting in their own time. It was against Ministry policy since they believed that they were truly doing everything in their power to combat Lord Voldemort. If an auror was found fighting in their free time, then they were immediately fired and Frank's position would also be at risk.
"You-you can't apperate. You were stunned. It's a miracle we're here." Alice continued, her breathing become faster as Lily realized, with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, that Alice was right.
A new swell of panic raised in Lily's chest as she looked down the alleyway to find a blinding source of light. She muttered something under her breath to Alice, but having been in Alice's position before, she undoubtly didn't hear it.
Lily gulped as she walked down, cringing to herself as her feet crunched garbage and broken glass; her wand clutched tightly in her hand. As she got closer to the end of the alleyway, she noticed that they were in a muggle area based on the fashion.
The muggles were laughing, clearly enjoying a day out in the city. And seemed like each one was sporting the same black and white bag; the word 'SALE' written in large block letters in red. And Lily felt her face flushed as she stepped out to the sidewalk. After all, she did want to go shopping for new clothes and was planning on doing so after the mission…
She quickly tucked her wand in her pants as she looked up and down the sidewalk, frowning as she was unsure why of all places she had chosen to apperate here. And the people on the sidewalk threw her a glance of concern and disgust; each one making sure that they distanced themselves away from her.
Lily casted her head down, eyes shunted to the ground as she stared at the bag. Something about the block letters of them jogged something in her memory. And in a flash, she suddenly remembered the incident.
The time that her mother had dragged two young girls to go shopping. And while the mother browsed through nice shirts, Lily and Petunia took turns jumping down the stairs. Since Lily had enough magic in her, she was able to land nicely. Petunia, not as fortunate, ended up twisting an ankle and hysterically crying in a nice boutique store. The saleswomen all very kind as Lily started to panic and cry as well, reassuring the Evans family that there was a hospital not too far away.
Lily walked quickly down the alleyway, finding Alice who was slumped against the brick wall, her eyes slowly opening and closing.
"We're going to a hospital-"
"A what?" Alice asked, as Lily bent down to pick up Alice, struggling with the weight of the witch.
"A hospital. A muggle healing place." Lily muttered, and Alice started to stumble over her own words.
"With doctors? Don't they cut people open? What will they do?" Alice asked, panic laced in her voice as Lily hobbled with Alice.
"They don't always cut people open. Sometimes they give shots, do stitches, and perform x-rays-"
"X-rays? What's that?"
"It's-it's." Lily struggled, trying to find a way to explain to someone with a limited science background what an X-ray was. "It's a machine that look inside of you-"
"Like a seer or something?"
"No, just a way to see if your bones and organs are alright." Lily said, feeling herself grimace with the pain.
"What else?" Alice pushed, her voice a pitch higher as Lily debated if she needed to warn her friend about needles.
Something told her that Alice may not be a fan of shots.
It only took a few hours, but James was finished with The Little Prince. But as soon as he was done, he wanted to go pester Lily about it. What were her favorite parts? Who was her favorite character? Did she like the different characters on the planet? Was her favorite line about what the eyes cannot see but the heart can? Or was she like James who felt like he connected best with the opening scene of the book about the snake that had eaten an elephant.
He couldn't wait for Lily to come walking through the door tomorrow morning at 10 AM.
Lily felt a wave of resentment when both her and Alice stumbled into the emergency room. In their walk, or really stumble, over to the hospital – not single soul offered to help them. They heard a lot of 'Oh my god!' comments and 'Oh dear!' as they walked past. A few shouted at them questions about their bloody state but not a soul offered to help walk them to the ER.
And then, to walk into the ER to find a room full of people sniffling with bad colds or coughing up half a lung… well, they were immediately moved to the front of the line since they were bleeding all over the floor.
And as Francesca Prince and Daisy Potter were registered into the system, Lily made sure to stick close to Alice who immediately questioned the nurse's credentials as her heart rate was monitored. Lily's own head was about to burst in pain as the nurse in front of her questioned about her family history and emergency contacts.
"Do you have any family members we need to alert? Do you have someone that you want to let know that you're here?" The man asked kindly, as Lily stared up at him.
James.
His face flashed in her mind and she felt her heart break. Of course she wanted to tell this man that she wanted James to know. Hell, she wanted him by her side at the moment. Holding her hand when the evidently give her a tetanus shot and to tell her it was going to be alright when she got stitches. She wanted him to sit at the end of her bed, holding her hand as she dozed off. She wanted him here.
But Daisy Potter doesn't have a boyfriend. Daisy Potter was mugged with her other single friend. And Daisy Potter didn't have any family members to truly concern themselves over her injuries. And so, with a sad shake of her head, the nurse wrote down some information.
"Just to let you know – you and your friend sustained some serious head injuries. We're going to have to keep you here for 48 hours to ensure that you're alright to return home. " He said, and Lily tried hard not to panic.
After all, no one in the Order knew to search Muggle Hospitals for the names 'Daisy Potter' and "Francesca Prince'. And they were expected back to Headquarters in less than 24 hours.
James woke up early on Monday. His face breaking out in a grin the second he realized what it meant to have the sun shinning through his window. Glancing over to the empty spot in his bed, he realized that it was going to be a great day.
He bounced down the stairs, and headed towards the kitchen. He was still in his pjamas but could hardly care as he summoned a cookbook from their library.
He wanted to make Lily feel special. He wanted to do something to show her how much he missed her and loved her. Perhaps this meal would have a scent of some desperation to it, but James could hardly care as he started to crack open the eggs and mix the butter in the batter. He felt like 'crepes' would be appropriate to demonstrate his love towards Lily.
After making a complete mess, testing a few crepes for himself, he felt satisfied with the batter. That only left him with only an hour or so to nip down to the local supermarket. As James donned on a jacket, his pace was brisk as he walked over to the florist department.
He took his time as he browsed through every single bouquet. He smelled all the flowers, and even dabbled in trying to mix and match flowers to create his own bouquet for Lily. In the end, he decided to pick out a flower arrangement that was primarily in pink and yellows, knowing that they were some of Lily's favorite combinations.
James was glowing when he returned home, after all, it was only a matter of time before the door opened again to have Lily walk through the door.
Lily woke up to the sound of beeping. Her eyes felt dry and cracked as she turned her head over to find a resting Alice. At once a flood of memories hit Lily as she remembered the disastrous evening the pair of them had in the emergency room.
Lily suspected that there would be some trouble with Alice when they entered a muggle facility, but she never expected Alice to have multiple breakdowns. Alice shouted at the nurse when they showed her the needles, she cried when they started wiping her skin down with an alcohol swab, and started hyperventilating when they showed her the MRI machine.
And Lily never felt so powerless as she did in that moment. There was no way that she could explain to the nurse that this was completely new to Alice. That Alice was taking a huge leap of faith to even trust muggle technology after their battle in the fields. That Alice shouldn't be judged based on her complete fear to all muggle medicine.
Alice wasn't to blame, but her raw fear and panic was added to a symptom to her alignments. And Lily knew that they put some sort of medication in her IV bag to calm her down. Especially after she overheard the nurses discussing if they needed to weigh Alice down with sandbags since they suspected she was a flight risk.
And Lily was constantly woken up at night, after suffering a concussion, they wanted to make sure that she didn't die in her sleep. Which, I guess was their job, but it hardly made a restful night's sleep.
Lily tossed her bed, the mattress was firm and she couldn't help but think how many patients before her lay in this exact bed with different illnesses. How many of them bled to death? How many of them had someone holding their hand? How many were able to go home? Did they have someone to go home to?
And Lily felt tears prickle her eyes as she wished with every fiber of her body that James was with her. And a split second before her eyes opened, she nearly expected to see his slumped body next to her bed. His messy hair in a complete disarray, mouth open, and his glasses situated in a slanted way on his face.
How many times was she greeted with this site as students in their seventh year? And every time she saw his face, she felt safer. She felt better. Knowing that he was by her side during a hectic moment. His bright eyes and callous hands were all she needed to feel better.
But James wasn't here and she felt as if she could cry from it all.
It was 10:15 AM and James was trying hard to prevent the thoughts of fear and panic race through his mind. Lily was always on time. It was an annoying habit of hers. While James always arrived to a date or a meeting ten minutes late and completely panting as he arrives in a rush, Lily was always calm, collected, and on time.
And James tried hard not to think of the worst. He tried not to think of the million different ways that a mission could have gone wrong.
The fact that he waited till 10:30 before apperating to Headquarters was a feat, in his mind.
Lily knew that her clothes were tucked away. She knew that her wand was disguised to look like some ordinary item. A key or something. She knew it was tucked away safely, but she completely forgot that she would have to render over her items to the hospital when she entered.
She never got the chance to alert the headquarters of the recent change of plans.
"They were supposed to be back hours ago!" Frank yelled, as James walked into a eyes wide as he found Frank yelling at Mad Eye Moody, who stared at him with a slight annoyance.
"Figured you're here too for your girl?" Moody barked at James, his magical eye on him while his normal one was focused on Frank.
James gulped before nodding, his hands in his pocket as he felt like his fear of the whole situation took away his voice.
"They know the protocol. We know for a fact that the two were somewhat successful in their mission based on our intelligence-"
"Yes, but-"
"LISTEN TO ME BOY." Moody barked, lifting himself out of his chair as he leaned in close to Frank who hardly budged. Frank looked like a vein would pop out of his head and his hands were formed into fists as Mood breathed down on him.
"We know that they were last seen alive. We simply don't have enough people to go out to look for them-"
"I'll go." James said quickly stepping forward but Moody started to roll his eyes in annoyance.
"You know you can't." Moody said quietly, looking at the pair of them as the color in Frank's face started to drain.
"You know the protocol. If they don't show up by the end of the week-"
"End of the week?" James squawked, feeling like his heart lurched as he tried to imagine another torturous week. Another week without Lily's smile. Another week of not hearing Lily's voice or laughter. Another week without having to see her face flush with embarrassment. Another week without having her green eyes study his with wonder and love.
"At the end of the week, you know what we'll do." Moody said gruffly, shuffling the papers on his desk as he sat down again.
"They knew what they were signing up for." Moody repeated as Frank turned away, his hands covering his mouth as James sunk slowly onto the ground.
At the end of the week, the Order would pronounce them dead. Death certificates would be ordered and funerals arranged.
James was confronted with his worst fear for the first time and it wasn't even in a practice run with a boggart.
"You seem to be healing nicely." The blonde nurse told Lily kindly as she examined the battered state of Lily's body.
Lily nodded and made some noise of agreement. Trying hard not to wince when the nurse prodded in a practically bruised spot.
"When do you think I'll be able to go home?" Lily asked, her tried eyes glancing towards the nurses face. She was rather pretty, her blonde hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Her eyes were rimmed with black eyeliner and her lashes were coated with mascara. The powder on her face and the carefully applied blush hid any blemishes from Lily's view.
"Oh, I suspect that tomorrow you'll be cleared. You have a few broken ribs and a fair amount of cuts. It's only the head injury we are worried about. Do you need to call your employer or anyone? A boyfriend perhaps?" The nurse asked, grinning slightly at the last word.
Lily breathed heavily, feeling tears prickle her eyes again.
Lily Evans had a loving boyfriend.
Daisy Potter had no one.
"Mate, she'll come back." Sirius said, in a tired tone as he gulped down the rest of his beer.
It was mid-day but Sirius came over the second that James croaked into the fireplace that Lily was missing. That she hadn't returned. Sirius was kind enough to allow James to drink a bottle or two and to let him quietly stew.
"I'm sure that this is some… I don't know, misunderstanding. She's a smart witch." Sirius repeated, pushing way the bottle as James nodded.
"You're right, you're right. I'm being a prat. I'm always a prat around her." James said, glancing around the kitchen. The batter for the crepes was still out.
"Breakfast in bed?" Sirius asked, nodding towards the bowl. James nodded his head slowly.
"Yup." James said, feeling himself deflate on the kitchen chair.
"She'll be alright." Sirius repeated again, and James was glad that Sirius was providing enough hope for the pair of them.
"We can't send a message, can we?" Alice asked, her head steadily focused on the dots of the ceiling as Lily sighed.
"We can't. Wands aren't with us. Besides, I doubt a white doe would go unnoticed in this hospital." Lily murmured, turning her head to view her friend.
"They'll be worried sick. You know that, right?" Alice asked, glancing towards Lily before resuming her staring contest at the ceiling.
"I know." Lily said, waiting for a second before uttering the words out of her mouth, coated in absolute revulsion as she felt tears flood her eyes.
"I told him to never propose to me after a scary situation. Like this." Lily said quickly, trying to gulp down the tears.
"I told him the same thing." Alice said quietly, she snorted. "Really stupid. Now I get why people get engaged after scary incidents." Alice muttered bitterly. "I wish- I wish they were here. Not that you're unhelpful but-"
"It's just not the same." Lily sighed, turning over to her side, flinching when she saw the clock.
The Order was mostly like in a state of havoc since their disappearance.
James went to bed alone that night. He sent Sirius home after a while. His company was appreciated, but he felt just as sad. There was really nothing that Sirius could do and after a while it was just awkward.
So James tugged up to bed, trying hard not to think about where Lily was. Trying his best to ignore the empty spot of their bed. He even moved the flowers he purchased that day to the ground so he wouldn't have to look at them as he climbed to bed. Their reminder was like an awful taunt.
The next morning, Lily woke up. Still stiff, still in pain, but not nearly as bad as it was a few days ago. The nurse and doctors checked them both over, as soon as the doctor declared them free to go, Lily and Alice sprinted out of the hospital.
Their medical bracelets still on as they apperated to the Order Headquarters in the early morning of Tuesday.
When they arrived in the room, Kingsley stood up from his desk; his eyes wide as he regarded their patched up state.
"Stop!" He boomed, and the two girls stopped dead in their tracks as Kingsley's wand was pointed straight at them. His wand shifted so that it was pointed to Lily's heart.
"What's Lily Evans' favorite flowers?" He asked and Lily grinned. "Daisies." She replied, Kingsley nodded before shifting his wand onto Alice and asking a similar question. As he was doing so, Lily withdrew her own wand out and pointed towards him.
"What's Kingsley's favorite jam?" She asked, her eyebrows raised as Kingsley started to put his wand away.
"Apricot." He said clearly, his shoulders sagging as the pressure seemed to be off of them.
"Are you two alright?" He asked, as Lily bit her lip as she advanced forward. Her hospital papers clutched tightly in her hand.
"We were injured, badly. Had to go to a Muggle hospital. After my head trauma and Alice's freak out-"
"They were sticking needles in me." Alice hissed as Lily rolled her eyes. "They kept us under surveillance. Too risky to make contact." Lily said, as she dropped the papers onto Kingsley's desk who merely looked down on them.
"Dumbledore is in the next room, he'll want to see you two before you go home." Kingsley said, nodding as the two walked directly to the adjacent room.
James woke up early and the clouds this morning told him it was one of those mornings. As he felt his bones and every bit of him sag in despair, he shuffled downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee. Perhaps the caffeine in the drink would make him hopeful again.
He decided to wait out on the front porch, slightly hating himself of how desperate he seemed. As he settled down on the first step, he gazed out to the empty streets, glancing upwards at the grey sky.
He once promised Lily he would never propose to her after a traumatic incident. But he was feeling rather bitter and angry at himself now for ever promising such a thing. What a stupid thing to promise.
How idiotic had they been? Oh, nothing will ever happen to us! We're the golden couple from Hogwarts! We were Head Boy and Girl! Our love is unstoppable! We'll be normal despite the war and terror around us. What could go wrong?
Pop.
James glanced up to see Lily. He blinked once. And then twice before setting his mug down and standing up.
Lily was walking slowly, a small bag clutched in one of her hands. She was bandaged from head to toe, and James was unsure as to why. As Lily approached him, he realized that she had tears in her eyes and he was glad that he wasn't the only one of the two.
Wordlessly, Lily hugged James around the waist and started to cry in his chest. James sniffed, hoping to disguise his own quiet tears before wrapping his arms around her. After hearing a hiss, he loosened his grip and gave her a kiss on the top of her head.
And then Lily pulled away and looked up at James. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and licked her lips quickly before delving into the story.
"We were in a muggle hospital for two days." Lily said, and James frowned at this before remembering Alice's contract with the Ministry. "Couldn't send word. That's why we were gone so long." Lily said, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry." She whispered hoarsely, before burying her face in his chest again.
"You're alright." James said, swallowing a lump down his throat as he smelled her hair; something different than what she usually used.
"Still." Lily wailed, sobbing a bit more hysterically in his chest and James tried his best not the squeeze her tightly.
"Come on, let's go inside. I have breakfast for you." And Lily looked up, grinning slightly as the last of the tears fell off of her face.
"You made me breakfast?" She asked excitedly, and James gave her a small grin and nodded.
"I love you." Lily whispered, standing on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"I love you too." James whispered back, before taking a hold of her hand and leading her up the stairs.
She was finally home. She was alive. She was well. And that was all that he had every prayed for.
A/N: Love it? Hate it? Review it!