I woke up with a faint breath on my cheek, assuming it was just my cat I didn't panic. Although in the split second it can take the haze of sleep to wear off, I remembered the cats were shut out from the main part of the house by the kitchen doors. Scrambling up to turn the light on I turned to see a man, now in full sight. He said nothing just smiled at me. Not a nice smile. A sick sadistic, 'hello darling' sort of smile. I pushed past him to get out the room and ran downstairs straight out the front door and to my neighbour's house. I pushed my body to move as fast as possible but it felt slow and was getting slower as if it couldn't cope, shutting down function by function. It was dark outside, a clear diamond studded sky, and I banged on the door in sheer desperation until my neighbours daughter answered, confusion clouding her murky blue eyes. I asked to be let in and tried to explain but my mouth was dry, heart beating with such strength I could feel it pulsating against my ribs. Murky blue eyes remained unchanged as a dark laugh sounded directly behind me, warm breath clawing at the skin of my neck.
Fuck. I woke up screaming. Alone. Again. Bang. Living in a semi-detached house really wasn't appropriate with neighbours that argued more than spoke. I could feel the sweat dripping down my face. This was really getting ridiculous. The thumping against the back of my eyes urged my lazy ass out of bed. Not before turning on the dusty lamp beside me first, of course. I wouldn't say that fear was coursing through my veins but slight apprehension would best explain how venturing downstairs in a dark, cold, empty (I hope) house put me on edge.
The cool air hit me as I made my way downstairs, I really did hate that the heating turned off around 10pm and the fact that gas was bloody expensive. Turning every light I passed on, I cleared the bathroom, living room, dining room and finally kitchen for intruders. Rolling my shoulders forward and clicking my neck I felt the tension seep from my body, ridiculous nightmares about weird things really didn't help in the whole living 'alone' thing. Was it bad that I was ever so slightly bitter toward my mother for practically living with her boyfriend and leaving me at home alone? Maybe. 'Baseball players do need to travel though dear', something Renee won't ever let me forget, great excuse for not parenting. She seems to forget that he technically isn't a Baseball player, more of a jobless man who has baseball as a 17 and the fact that I had been living in the same situation for a year now, I should probably get over it. I popped from a packet a max strength ibuprofen and gulped some fresh water down, noting the slightly larger pill was more difficult to swallow than the cute pink ones that were coated in a fruity flavour. I could feel the water dragging the tablet down my throat, yum.
Glancing at my watch, a habit I'd picked up, I saw it was around 2am. Joy. Turning the lights off I made my way back to bed, snuggling under a slightly warm duvet, curling my toes and then hugging a pillow, gradually I fell into a peaceful slumber.
The Life of Bella should really be a TV programme. Stuff the Kardashians. Like seriously. Tonight was waitressing, oh joy of joy thou shalt fulfil all of my hopes and dreams. Tomorrow was working as an English tutor at a private children's tutoring centre as an underpaid yet appreciated member of staff followed by waitressing. To conclude an utterly perfect Thursday and Friday, I at least had my weekend to look forward to – only 20 hours of work at Newton's over the two days. Practically a trip to the spa. On a less cynical and sarcastic note, I would genuinely love to go to a spa. Or just get a massage, facial or any single treatment would be lovely. It could be worse, I could still not have a car and get public transport, but at least that's sorted. Don't 'they' always say that as long as you and your family have their health? I'm incredibly lucky that I still have my adoring grandparents and a loving father who cares more about me than life itself.
A laugh escaped my lips and glancing around to ensure no one in the supermarket saw me acting like a lunatic I forced myself back to my shitty reality. My grandmother had been diagnosed with stage four cancer three years ago and the doctors have recently reached the point where there's no more treatment they can offer her. It gets more amusing though. My grandfather who had been looking after her was diagnosed a couple of months ago. He's apparently had the cancer for three years, but didn't go to the doctor about his symptoms because he didn't have time. When it rains. Whilst we have a fluid on the mind lets skip to the running of not rain but alcohol from a glass bottle. Oh yes. Father dearest is actually an alcoholic who cares more about himself, fishing and his problems than anyone or thing else. He found having a pretty damn long affair when still married to my mother an excellent way to fulfil his own needs. Welcome to the show, and we've only just scratched the surface on this Jeremy Kyle special.
Picking a can of beans off the shelf I made my way to pay, hoping I'd gotten everything. Getting in the car I drove home, that slight apprehension I had, the hitch in breath, tension in my shoulders was there every time I went back to my empty house. I also needed to take another ibuprofen because the thumping behind my eyes needed to piss the fuck off. Grainy max strength pain relief pills it was.