[Author's Note: This story takes place after Offed, so there will be some references to the old story, so if someone refers to something you definitely know wasn't in a Muppet movie, it was probably in Offed]
The sun rose into the sky early one morning in LA, casting its light on the city. In a specific neighborhood, in a specific house, all was peaceful…until the clock in the house struck seven-thirty. At that moment, several alarm clocks in the house set off, waking up the residents.
One of the clocks happened to be red clock with an image of the Muppets inside. The clock was shut off by a yellow hand which belonged to Walter. The Muppet stretched as he sat up in bed and jumped out onto the floor. He slipped on his slippers and threw on his robe before heading out to the hall, where all the other Muppets were starting to get up for the morning too.
Miss Piggy was still in her room, looking at two possible outfits she could wear before huffing, throwing them on the floor and going to the closet to look for something else.
Downstairs, Swedish Chef was getting breakfast ready and Statler and Waldorf were already down in the living, each holding a cup of coffee.
Upstairs, Walter got in line for the bathroom, only to see Floyd Pepper, Robin, Zoot, Janice, and Kermit were in line too. Zondra got in line behind him. "What's the hold up?" she asked, sounding very annoyed.
Kermit pointed toward the door, where several penguins were exiting. When they were all out, Floyd was about to go in when Animal cut in front of him and entered.
"Hey man!" Floyd shouted as Animal shut the door.
The drummer then walked around the bathroom. First, he threw open the door to the shower stall to see Fozzie wearing a raincoat in there, who screamed and Animal shut the door. Animal threw open the shower curtain for the bathtub to see several other penguins using the ironing board as a diving board to jump into the tub full of soap suds and water. Animal groaned and closed the curtain before heading over to the sinks. At one sink, a cow was drinking out of it and at the other sink, Pepe was taking a bath. Animal groaned in annoyance until he spotted the toilet. The Muppet threw open the lid, took a big breath, stuck his head into the toilet bowl and pulled the small white lever, resulting in the toilet to flush and he pulled his head out, revealing it to be very wet.
In Piggy's room, she was throwing clothes everywhere, trying to find something to wear until she located something and nodded in approval.
In the hall, the line was still there and Walter was tapping his foot patiently, waiting for his turn in the bathroom.
Inside the bathroom, Pepe was blow drying his hair with a small hairdryer that fit perfectly in his hands, while Animal got out a big leaf blower to dry his hair, but when he turned it on, he only managed to stay in one spot for a few seconds before the force of the leaf blower actually forced him out of the bathroom. The drummer flew out of the hall, which was on the second floor, and fell to the first floor, where he landed in a chair at the dining room where many other Muppets were setting up for breakfast.
Lips went over to the Muppet and asked him, "You okay, man?"
Animal sat up in his chair nodded, "Yeah!"
"Okay, just checking," Lips said.
Up in the bathroom, Walter was brushing his teeth, then Zondra was shown applying her mascara, Bunsen was cleaning his glasses while Beaker cleans his ears with a cotton swab, which went straight throw his head, oddly.
After he was done in the bathroom, Walter went downstairs to see in the living room Sam the Eagle and the chickens were going their morning exercises. Walter then headed outside to the mailbox and opened them for over a dozen letters to fall out. The Muppet collected them all and headed inside where he set them on the counter and went into the dining room where all the other Muppets were sitting around, eating breakfast.
Walter grabbed a box of Captain Alphabet cereal and poured himself a bowl as Zondra sat down next to him. "Oh, morning Zondra," Walter said, smiling at the girl Muppet.
A few months ago, a two of them had started dating and their relationship was going surprisingly well, though Zondra was a little scary at times. Zondra replied, "Morning Walter." Then, she asked the other Muppets, "Do any of you guys have a feeling that we ripped off the beginning scene of another Muppet movie? Preferably one from the 90s."
"You mean like Muppets from Space?" Walter asked the girl.
"That's the one," Zondra said, before getting up from her seat and going into the kitchen to look for something to eat for breakfast.
At that moment, Kermit came from the kitchen, carrying the mail Walter brought in earlier and said, "Good morning everyone!"
"Morning!" everyone said in unison in response.
Kermit laid out all the letters on table and sat at the head of the table, where he started looking through the letters. "Bill…bill…bill…Sam, you got a letter for jury duty," Kermit said, reading through the envelopes.
"At last!" Sam said, taking his letter from the frog and started to read it.
Kermit then went through the letters again, "Another bill…some fan mail for Miss Piggy…Clifford; you got another letter from one of your ex-girlfriends again."
"Which one?" the Rastafarian asked, as he noticed Lips started glaring at him.
Ever since Clifford became a popular Muppet again a few months ago, due to Walter finding out where he was and becoming part of team again thanks to Kermit, he started getting letters from his former girlfriends, asking him to take them back, little did they knew that he started to date Lips, so Lips got a little annoyed when Clifford got over a dozen letters from his exes…one from each girl he dated.
"Sha-nay-nay," Kermit stated.
"Was that the one that worked in the bar or the dance club?" Pepe asked his friend.
"…The dance club one," Clifford answered reluctantly. He took the letter from Kermit and read it for a few moments before he lifted up his sunglasses and his eyes widened very wide. This normally signifies that something really bad just happened. Then, he put his sunglasses down and shouted, "How is that even possible!"
"What's not even possible?" Walter asked.
"Well, apparently, according to Sha-nay-nay, she had my child a few weeks ago…but I was still an Offed Muppet while she was pregnant, so there's no way that kid is mine. Girl's insane…" Clifford explained.
"She's not giving you a paternity lawsuit is she?" Kermit asked the man.
"She better not," Clifford said before going into the kitchen.
After a few moments, there was a loud shredding sound, following by the sound of something burning. Clifford stepped out of the kitchen, where some smoke flowed out and said, "Letter's gone."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we didn't know that you got it," Lips said, before stomping out of the room.
"Oh man, Lips, get back here," Clifford said, following his irritated boyfriend out of the room.
Kermit went back to looking at the letters, which were not bills, and we addressed to all the Muppets. One was a pink envelope which the name of the person it was from written in calligraphy. It read Amber. Kermit looked at the letter, curious why this person was writing and looked over the letter:
Dear Muppets,
I have been a fan of yours ever since I saw Muppets Tonight in the 90s. I also watched the Muppet Show and Jim Henson, which were just as interesting! I really love your work and now since I'm out of college, I need a place to share my talents with the world, and I thought performing in the Muppet Show would be perfect! I can sing and play clarinet very well. I had first chair in all my band classes and was president of the woman's choir in 12th grade, so I have a lot of experience with performing.
Can I audition for your show, please? J
Lots of love from Amber!
Kermit nodded at the letter in approval. "I suppose she could join us. She sounds pretty much alright," he said.
Then, the frog looked at the other letter, to see it was blue and covered with stickers of musical instruments and music notes of all sorts on it. The only parts of the envelope that weren't covered were the address and the name of the person that the letter was from: Madame Groovy.
Dear Muppets
My name is Madame Groovy…but you could probably tell by the name on the letter! I have been a fan of yours ever since the Muppet Show premiered on TV, so I was inspired to become and expert musician and singer thanks to all the musical numbers you had in the show. I have been looking for a new and cool job to work at, one that isn't square, like working at a computer in an office all day, like my last job, or being a janitor in some old building (no offense to George the Janitor and Beauregard, of course!).
Like I said, I'm an expert musician and singer, meaning I sing very well and I know a lot about musical instruments, from fixing them to playing them! I know all every genre of music; rock n roll, pop, Alternative, country, jazz, hip-hop, rap, R&B, techno, folk, funk, grunge, punk, Indie, New Wave, Gothic Rock, blues, chamber music, choral, chant, opera, wedding music (don't tell Miss Piggy), gospel, bluegrass, dubstep, dance, auto-tune, swing, bop, electronica, trip-hop, scream-o, old school rap, Christian, J-Pop, K-Pop, ska, synthesize, Dixieland, ragtime, smooth jazz, Latino, flamenco, salsa, New Age, soul, disco, Motown, Doo wop, reggae, metal, glam rock, rockabilly, surf, a cappella, Cajun, calypso, Celtic, Indian Pop, Hawaiian music, polka, zydeco; you name the genre and I'll tell you what I know! Also, I know a lot about musical instruments. I know how to play every single percussion, wind, string, electronic and keyboard instrument there is! I know what songs are groovy and what aren't; they don't call me Madame Groovy for nothing! I could be a lot of help in the theater!
So, how about an audition?
Keep being groovy, Madame Groovy.
P.S Tell my brother I said hi…then again, he probably doesn't remember me so don't bother.
Kermit was amazed by this girl's resume and wondered if she was being truthful and wasn't trying to pull his flipper. "I guess we could give her a chance too, but let's see what the others think first," he said. Then, he hollered to his friends, "May I have your attention please!"
The once chattering Muppets stopped talking and looked over to the frog, ready to hear what he had to say.
"I got two letters from fans of the Muppets asking for auditions. One is named Amber and the other is Madame Groovy," Kermit stated.
"Two more girls in the group? Isn't moi enough for a star?" Miss Piggy asked her beloved frog.
"Of course you're the star, Piggy, but it wouldn't hurt to have two more Muppets to have around, right? This Amber person says she can play clarinet and Madame Groovy knows a lot about music. They might be very helpful to have around," Kermit told the diva pig.
"Madame Groovy? I rully like the sound of her name. What instrument can she play?" Janice asked, curious.
"Well, she wasn't too specific, but she can play a lot of them. She was specific about all the genres of music she knows about; alternative, jazz, country, vocal, pop, rock, reggae, rap, hip-hop, blues, classical, electronic, Latin music, soul, world, it's a pretty big list," Kermit stated.
"Wow! I'm surprised she doesn't call herself the Music Goddess!" Walter exclaimed, amazed.
"With all those talents to brag about, she must have an ego," Zondra sneered.
"Come on, Zondra, not all extremely talented people have are egomaniacs," Clifford said as he and Lips walked back into the room.
"Humph!" Zondra scoffed, thinking otherwise.
"Well, what do you guys think; should we give these girls a chance?" Kermit asked his friends.
The Muppets all raised their hands and shouted, "AYE!"
"The Ayes have it! I'm going to go send replies to Amber and Madame Groovy right now," Kermit said, leaving the room.
After breakfast, everyone ditched their pajamas and put on their usual clothes and headed down to the theater. Once there, everyone found the door was already unlocked and entered to find the rest of the cast of Muppets Tonight, Jim Henson Hour and Sam & Friends already there.
"Hey Kermit! You're here later than usual. What was the hold-up?" Sam of Sam & Friends asked his old friend.
For a few decades, Sam and the cast of Sam & Friends had been offed by a woman named Zia, who assumed they were dead, but they weren't; they were all living in a cave near the river and bridge they were thrown from to die. For a while, they helped other Muppets that had been offed, such as Clifford and Zondra, after the show they were in was cancelled and they were considered unpopular. Kermit was forced to keep everything secret from his friends and really did feel bad about doing so, but the Offed Muppets knew it wasn't his fault it all happened, and with the help of the remaining Muppets, plus the ones from Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock, they all defeated Zia and got their friends famous again, which only occurred a few months ago.
"Well, I had to look through the letters and we got two girls requesting for auditions," Kermit explained. "I had to hold a quick meeting to discuss whether or not we should let them into our group."
"Who are they?" Digit the android asked his boss.
"Amber, a girl who can sing and play clarinet; and Madame Groovy, a girl who is an expert on all kinds of music and musical instruments," Kermit stated.
"Wow, they both sound really talented," Sam said.
"Yeah, I've been looking for a clarinet player for a while ever since the last one we had quit, and we need someone to be sure all the instruments are in good shape," Kermit said.
"Are you going to let Madame Groovy perform too, Kermit?" Walter asked. "It wouldn't be fair if you just let Amber have all the spotlight?"
"Yeah, I want to see how good an expert of music she is," Dr. Teeth said.
"Well, I don't see why not. She sounds like she could have experience too since she knows so much about music," Kermit said, smiling.
"Alright! Sounds like we're going to see the Muse of Music in action!" Floyd said.
"Maybe we should let her perform with us," Lips suggested.
"If she wants to, that is," Zoot said. "Some people would rather perform solo then in a group."
"And also, performing with us might intimidate her so much she will probably, like, not be able to play or sing a single note," Janice said.
"Too true, maybe we should let her have a chance at performing solo a few times before we ask her to collaborate with us," Dr. Teeth said.
"Sounds like a plan," Lips agreed. "I remember how I was when I first started playing in the band with you guys in the 5th season of the Muppet Show. I was SO nervous!"
"Yeah, so nervous you passed out during just a rehearsal of Boogie in the Barnyard," Floyd stated, snickering.
"Yeah, and when you missed your cue and nobody saw you in the window of the fake barn, so Janice went up to check on you and when she saw you passed out on the floor, she screamed and thought you died of stage fright or something!" Zoot added.
"Well, do you, like, blame me! I thought he had a heart attack due to all the stress. I was very worried," Janice said.
"Ah, those were the good times!" Dr. Teeth laughed.
Clifford, raising his sunglasses, having and interested look in his eyes, asked the keyboardist, "Hold up; what is this I hear about my flame passing out from stage fright?"
Before Dr. Teeth had the chance to answer, Lips immediately ran up to his beau, waving his hands at him and shouting, "None of your beeswax!"
"No beeswax! No beeswax!" Animal shouted.
Clifford just laughed at his lover's antics and Lips blushed from embarrassment, knowing he looked silly just then.
Later that day, Zoot found Dr. Teeth alone in the Electric Mayhem's dressing room. "Hey Doc," he said to his lover.
Dr. Teeth looked up to see the saxophonist and greeted, "Hey Zoot, what's happening?"
Zoot sat next to the Muppet and sighed, "Well, these new girls that are going to come for auditions tomorrow. Since they both love music so much, I wouldn't be surprised if they were fans of our band."
"Yeah, probably, what's wrong with that?" Dr. Teeth asked.
"Well, I'm kind of worried that they'll…have big crushes on you," Zoot said.
"True, but not necessarily; for all we know, one of them might have a thing for Animal, or Lips, or you," Dr. Teeth told the Muppet.
"You sure about that? Because as far as I know, you're the second most popular member of the band," Zoot stated.
"Yeah, I guess that's-wait, 'second most popular'? Who took first place?" Dr. Teeth asked.
Zoot smirked, "Animal of course. You know how big his fan club is. Why do you think his scene where the Muppets get him back in The Muppets was longer than the rest of the band's scene?"
"…Yeah, you got a point there, but listen, if either of those girls try to flirt with me, I'll tell them I'm already seeing someone, but I'm not going to say it's you. I don't want to risk them picking on you," Dr. Teeth told his lover.
"Yeah but, won't they wonder who you're dating though. They might harass every girl in the Muppet Theater until they figure it out, including Janice! And I doubt Zondra will keep it secret since she obsessed with our relationship day-in and day-out," Zoot said.
"Yeah, that might be a problem. I'll just tell them I'm not interested," Dr. Teeth said.
"Won't they then try to change themselves until you are? Like, change their style, get plastic surgery to make them look 'better'?" Zoot asked.
Dr. Teeth looked at his boyfriend and asked, "Has anyone ever told you that you're good at coming up with more problems that could be caused for every solution someone comes up with?"
Zoot did a little laugh, "Not until now."
Dr. Teeth grinned at his lover before saying, "C'mere."
Zoot moved closer to his boyfriend, where Teeth wrapped his arms around the saxophonist's waist and Zoot threw his arms around the keyboardist's neck before planting a kiss on his lips for a few moments.
It would've been a very sweet moment if Zondra hadn't walked by the dressing room and saw them. She smirked and whipped out her camera-phone, where she took several pictures, which could easily be heard due to the flash noise from the phone and the light.
Zoot quickly pulled away from Dr. Teeth and shouted, "ZONDRA!"
The Jim Henson Hour Muppet laughed nervously before making a break for it.
Zoot separated from Dr. Teeth and dashed out of the room, going after the girl in a big attempt to take her camera-phone and delete the unwanted pictures.
Well, there's going to be two new characters in this story, but I bet you have a few questions about this chapter.
Who is Madame Groovy's brother?
Are the girls as talented as they say they are?
Will the girls have crushes on Dr. Teeth?
Will Clifford get a paternity suit from Sha-nay-nay? Find out in the next chapter of Madame Groovy-The Auditions! And yeah, if you remember from reading Offed, I ship Dr. Teeth/Zoot and Clifford/Lips.
Jim Henson owns the Muppets
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