It could have been me…

Chapter 1

Hi wanted to give you a heads up warning, this story will deal with suicide (not a major character), the questioning of one's beliefs and life choices. It will not have any graphic scenes in it as I want my daughter to be able to read it but it will get edgy and suggestive. This story will have references to my other stories I wrote but you by no means have to read them to understand or follow this story, they just might lend more back ground into some of the characters. My stories are by no means Cannon so don't expect them to be exactly like the characters from the show. Finally it has taken me a while to write this chapter so fair warning I write and post slow. I have two teenaged daughters who keep me very busy. As always writers love feedback as it is our only form of payment for what we create. If you have the time or the inclination, please drop me a line or two. Now on to the story.

Chet stared at the paper in his hands. He had read the letter from his mother for the 3rd or 4th time, and still couldn't believe what it said. Why would Joey do something like that? It just didn't add up. Joey was the good one in their group of friends. He was the ultimate in cool; all the little kids looked up to him, all the girls wanted to go out with him, all his friends wanted to be him, and all the adults adored him. He was active in church, the lead altar boy, sang in the choir, and there was even talk of him going into the seminary. His parents were so proud of him that they even signed him up with the Father for extra tutoring in Latin and Theology several nights a week. But most importantly he was Chet's best friend.

Chet gently pulled the newspaper clipping from the envelope and unfolded it. The headline read, "Local man commits suicide." And then under that it read, "Joseph Kellen died yesterday when he stepped in front of an oncoming train." His mother had called that day and told him what had happened. Chet thought she must have been mistaken at first, she couldn't be right; Joey wouldn't take his own life. But she wasn't mistaken, she had been right; Joey did take his own life. Hearing voices approaching the locker room door, Chet shoved the letter and the newspaper clipping back into the envelope and put it on the top shelf of his locker. He grabbed his jacket and shut the locker door as Gage and Marco walked in.

"Hey Chet, Johnny was just telling me about his hot date with that new nurse on 7 East." Marco said as they entered the room. Marco knew that Chet would come back with some smart remark about Johnny's lack of success with women. Johnny would then try to defend himself while trying to best Chet. Marco had to admit that watching the two of them squabble was more fun than watching a barrel full of monkeys. Both of them however were knocked for a loop when Chet simply replied "Glad to hear you had a good time Johnny," as he strolled out the room and into the Bay.

Johnny and Marco stood there for a moment staring at the closed door. "What got into him? I don't know what's scarier, 'Scheming Chet' or 'Nice Chet'," Johnny shook his head and walked toward his locker.

"I wouldn't trust either," Marco said eyeing Johnny's locker.

Johnny paused with his hand on the handle, "You're probably right," he said as he positioned himself on the other side of the door so that he would be out of the range of whatever Chet might have hidden in there. Gently lifting the handle he slowly pulled the door towards himself. When the door was fully open and nothing happened he peered around the edge. Everything looked normal. His extra pair of shoes sat on the bottom, his extra uniform hung on the hanger on the left side of the locker, and his hat sat on the top shelf. Stepping around the door and standing fully in front of his locker, Johnny shrugged his shoulders, "Everything looks okay. Maybe he just had a really good weekend and it's carried over to today?"

"I don't know," Marco said as he shook his head and walked over to his own locker to change, "I would keep an eye on him if I were you."

"What's Chet up to now?" Roy asked as he walked into the Locker room and over to his own locker, having heard Marco's last statement.

"Who said it was Chet?" Johnny asked as he pulled off his t-shirt and put his clean white undershirt and then his blue uniform shirt on. Although he was still a little self-conscious about the scars on his back, he was making efforts to be more relaxed about it in front of close friends and family. Both Roy and Marco were well aware of the scars and the stories behind them and neither one reacted as if there was anything out of the norm.

"Who else would you need to keep an eye on? So, what's the Phantom up to this time?" Roy said as he started to change.

"That's just it," Johnny stated as he traded his jeans for his uniform pants, "it seems like he isn't up to anything, but that is usually when he has some big scheme planned. I mean he actually was low keyed and said he was glad to hear I had a good time on my date this weekend."

Roy shrugged his shoulders, "Well, maybe he just had a really good weekend and it's carried over to today?"

"THAT's what I just said."

"And I still say you should keep an eye on him." Marco said as he closed his locker and headed toward the door.

Having finished changing, Johnny turned and sat down on the shelf in his locker, his slight frame easily fitting between the two walls. Looking expectantly up at Roy, he waited all of a couple seconds before he couldn't wait any longer, "So….."

Roy smiled to himself, knowing Johnny was itching to tell him about his date. "So?"

Johnny looked exasperated, "Aren't you going to ask me how my date with Shelly went?"

Roy looked down at his shirt, concentrating on the buttons.

Johnny started to look a little down hearted, "Well?"

Having finished dressing, Roy closed his locker , looked at his watch and then at his partner, "Okay Junior, you've got five minutes before roll call to give me the highlights and then you can fill me in with all the rest of the details while we check our supply levels."

Johnny bounced out of his locker like a Jack in the Box, "First, let me tell you, this isn't any ordinary lady, no siree. I had suggested that we go hiking and have a picnic lunch, and you know what she did Roy?" Before Roy had a chance to comment Johnny continued on, "Well I'll tell you, she greeted me at the door with honest to goodness hiking boots on and they looked like she had actually used them because they were all worn in, not that fresh out of the box look. And instead of some cute little wicker basket packed with potato salad, finger sandwiches, and wine she had a backpack stocked with granola, fruit, cheese, and water bottles. I mean this girl really knew what she was doing."

"She sounds perfect for you." Roy said smiling as they left the locker room and headed into the apparatus bay.

"Wait until you hear about the hike we went on." Johnny said as the smile on his face got even bigger.

Just at that minute Captain Stanley's voice could be heard booming out from the front of the bay, "Roll Call!"

Roy and Johnny picked up their pace and fell in line with Mike and Marco, leaving a space for Chet who had not fallen in when called. Captain Stanley stood there a minute staring at the door to the dayroom waiting for his second lineman to appear. After another minute he shouted toward the doorway, "Chet! Roll call!"

All the men were quiet as they listed to the sound of a coffee mug being placed on the table and a chair being pushed back. A few seconds later Chet appeared in the doorway and walked over to the lineup and took up his position between Marco and Roy. With a sheepish look on his face he turned to look at his Captain, "Sorry Cap., I must not have heard you the first time."

Hank Stanley's one eyebrow rose, "Well I guess you've got Latrine Duty. You might want to get your hearing checked out."

"Sure Cap, will do." Chet replied looking at a spot on the floor just in front of him.

Hank's other eyebrow rose and all the men turned their heads to stare at the quiet man. "Are you feeling okay Chet?" Hank asked, puzzled by Chet's behavior. He had expected Chet to whine and put up a fuss about being assigned Latrine Duty.

Chet shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah, I'm fine. What can I say, you're right. I missed the first call for Roll Call and was late. I've got Latrine Duty. That's just the way it is."

Roy and Johnny exchanged a meaningful glance. Both of them silently agreeing; this was not the norm for Chet, he must be up to something, and that the something most likely had to do with the Latrine. Why else would he be so willing to clean it.

"Alright then," Captain Stanley shrugged, "as for the rest of you, Johnny you've got the dorm room, Roy you're on kitchen duty, Marco and Mike I need you to pull hoses. Let's have a good day today gentlemen."

The men broke up, readying their respective vehicles first, stowing their gear and checking the compartments before splitting up to complete their assigned duties. Johnny headed toward the dorm room and retrieved fresh linens for the beds. The pervious shift strips their own beds and then the oncoming shift makes them. Johnny made short work of the task and then proceeded to sweep the floor, starting in the back and heading towards the front. As he reached the doorway to the bathroom he paused and listened at the door. From the sounds on the other side, Chet was cleaning the showers. Slowly Johnny opened the door and slipped into the back row of lockers. If Chet was going to pull anything today then he would take this time to ready his plan. Patiently Johnny waited as Chet finished the last of the stalls and stowed the cleaning supplies. As Chet walked over to his locker and opened it Johnny's excitement rose. 'This is it, I am finally going to catch Chet setting up another one of his practical jokes and I'll be able to turn the tables on him,' Johnny thought with glee. As Johnny watched, Chet pulled a small envelope out and sat down on the bench in front of the locker. Carefully he pulled something out of the envelope and sat hunched over as if in deep thought. The silence in the room was palpable. Finally Chet stood up, turned back toward his locker and wiping away what appeared to be tears, put the letter back in the locker and closed it. After splashing some cold water on his face from the sinks, Chet headed out to the apparatus bay.

Johnny was puzzled and, he had to admit, a little let down. What had gotten Chet so down that he was actually crying? That wasn't like Chet; Chet never let anything get to him. Stepping out from the shadows of the last row of lockers Johnny quietly walked over to his shift mate's locker. Pausing for a moment and looking toward the door he contemplated his next move. If Chet found out he went through his stuff he would be furious, but there was something definitely wrong and even though he could be a royal pain in the ass Chet was still his friend and he just wanted to help his friend. Having reached his decision, Johnny gently opened the locker and retrieved the envelope. Quickly scanning the letter and then the article Johnny shook his head; "Man Chet, that's heavy." he said quietly to himself as he slid the article and letter back into the envelope and placed it back on the shelf. Knowing that Chet didn't like to make big deals out of things, Johnny resolved to give his friend space but be there should he need to talk. Heading back to the dorm, Johnny finished sweeping the floor and then headed over to the dayroom for some more coffee and to help Roy with the grocery list. Maybe he could convince Roy to add Ice Cream to the list.

The rest of the shift was quiet and subdued. Chet kept to himself most of the time, either reading or watching TV. The couple times anyone tried to engage him in conversation he would make a few brief remarks and then disappear into his book again. During the few runs they did have he was fully engaged and performed flawlessly. As the next shift came to relieve them plans for their days off were discussed. Johnny was going to go over to Roy's to help with a few things around the house, Marco was going to one of his aunt's to celebrate one of his multitude of cousin's birthdays, while Mike and Hank planned on spending time catching up on yard work. Chet made some comment about doing some stuff and then hastily dressed and left as soon as his relief showed up. Hank Stanley spoke for the whole shift as they watched the retreating backside of their shift mate, "Man, I hope that whatever has got Chet so out of sorts passes quickly. It's scary seeing him so quiet."