Disclaimer: Harry Potter- not mine. Sailor Moon- also not mine. The Lord of the Rings and Silmarillion are property of the Tolkien Estate.
Notes: Be warned of language, odd occurrences and minor satirical tendencies. Also, slightly altered reality, some leet and fangirl Japanese. Not, however, from canons. There are references to other stories; however, knowledge of those is not necessary to understand this tale.
"It was nice in the old days. A few Harry Potter Sues, some for various TV shows- but they were few and far between." She shook her head. "But this, this is bad."
-Excerpt from Chapter Four of Protectors of the Plot Continuum, by Jay and Acacia.
One: Shatter
Logically, the barrier shouldn't have screeched. One, it wasn't made out of a material that normally screeched. Two, it was being stretched. Admittedly to near-airy thinness, but being stretched normally didn't result in such sounds. Nails scraping on a blackboard, on the other hand...
However, the barrier was screeching. Loudly. Almost with a hint of... desperation.
Whatever was causing it didn't seem to be stopping, as a sphere burst open and a number of figures- most of them female- fell to the Earth below, and remained strangely unhurt. Elsewhere, an earthquake opened up a crack to a place of eternal flames and other figures walked out, also strangely unhurt. One even paused to blow on his sleeve, which had caught on fire, before continuing on his journey.
The barrier screeched again, sounding like a wail, before it shattered. Darkness covered the world the barrier had contained within it; then vanished, revealing a new barrier which appeared to be made of some crystal.
Everything inside the new barrier appeared to be working as usual, although... there was one oddity. The strange figures who had appeared moments before had vanished, along with the crack in the Earth's surface.
Elsewhere, the guardian of that particular reality opened one eye and listened. The sound was soft, but the guardian could have sworn it heard a song of warning in the breeze. A quick look at the new barrier confirmed its fears.
"Oh, shit."
–––
There was a feeling of expectation, although there appeared to be nothing that was generating it.
A soft wave of music breezed past, and the feeling changed to one of gentle appreciation. Further music came, refusing to be overly dramatic, yet still weaving and telling a story, one of immense joy, immense love... and immense pain.
Slowly, a world formed. It didn't seem terribly unusual, aside from having a severe case of volcanic explosions, but the melody of pain had sunk deeper than immediately met the eye.
They waited.
–––
Time passed.
"So, how many Walkers have accompanied us now?" asked the man with rugged looks, cleaning his sword. "Get off him, please," he said to the Elf. "I don't need more... disturbing images." He shuddered.
"I'm supposed to be dead," the other Man muttered, picking up the pieces of his Horn and attempting to fix them together again. "Those foul... foul beings..."
"Be glad few of them are after you!" The Elf's voice was unusually high. "They are always... always coming, hunting after me..." He shuddered.
"At least when you're dead they stop," the Man agreed thoughtfully and sighed. "Unless they revive you." He scowled at the girl who had done just that earlier that day.
"They have no like of Dwarves," the Dwarf murmured, watching the girl thoughtfully. "For that, I am glad, for I have no like of them!"
"And in that, we are agreed," the first Man nodded.
–––
Ages ended and others began.
Defenders of a great Kingdom stood against a foe and, despite being gifted with great powers, inexplicably fell before it. Some observers remarked that this fall was not altogether unlike someone pushing a row of dominoes down.
If it had been possible, the ruler of that Kingdom would have refused them rebirth, and yet... through some inexplicable evil, she could not.
As her soul faded away, she wished with all her heart that her daughter could be spared from that evil.
–––
For a millennium, little happened. Aside from wars, rebellions and revolutions. And plagues. And inventions, and...Girls with strange markings on their foreheads appeared amongst the wreckage of a house alongside a boy, and were stared at in bewilderment by a huge man with shaggy hair before he attempted to drop them into the sea.
Unfortunately, they seemed to have the strange ability to stick to his hands, and he cursed. It was a shame he didn't know any spells that would force them off- but then again, he might have fallen off the motorcycle himself while casting it.
–––
Fortune telling has never been anything but a nasty business.
Especially regarding prophecies.
"I foresee great doom descending upon us all!" Professor Trelawney proclaimed, standing a little way down the staircase. A first year student attempting to go down squeaked at this and fled, swiftly pursued by flying walking sticks.
McGonagall snorted irritably. "For heaven's sake, Sybil. You're scaring the students."
"I am simply warning them of what is to come, as is my duty," Sybil returned frostily. She raised her arms. "For soon, Hogwarts shall be descended upon by the most foul of creatures! Few shall escape their single-minded pursuit, once they have set their sights upon a victim!"
"You mean... they're not Dementors?" a Ravenclaw student who was nearly halfway up the stair asked, quivering slightly.
Trelawney blinked at him. "No, of course not. These are far worse. These are..." She shuddered. "Mary Sues."
McGonagall groaned. "Well, can you see anything we might be able to do against them?"
"Some Anti-Confundus Charms scattered around the grounds, perhaps? I am afraid I am not quite sure how to deal with these... creatures... I will consult the spirits." Turning, Trelawney made her way up the stairs and past a pair of whispering Hufflepuff students.
"Consult the spirits, indeed," McGonagall snorted, turning and making her way towards the staffroom. "As if they could help us!"
She remembered the last time the foul creatures had come to Hogwarts, and shuddered. At least this time they had warning. Should Sybil's prediction prove true, of course.
As McGonagall rounded a corner, she feverently hoped that this time, the Divination teacher would turn out to be undeniably wrong.
Alas, such was not to be.
–––
The compartment door slid open.
"Go 'way," the black-haired boy inside muttered, not bothering to look up. "Had enough of your lot. Go on, shoo." He waved in the direction of the door, but without any real energy.
The red-haired boy at the door blinked, somewhat bewildered. "Um... what?" he said.
The black-haired boy looked up. "You're not... one of them?" he asked. "Not one of their brothers, or... or something?"
"Er... who?"
"You've got red hair..." The first boy's eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"All my family has red hair!" the other protested.
"Really?" The red-haired boy nodded firmly. "You don't have any... weird females hanging around you, do you?"
The red-haired boy shrugged. "My sister gets a bit odd occasionally, but... what do you expect?" He looked at the other boy, wearing a look which suggested the thought 'Girls!' rested behind it.
"I don't know," the first boy replied, relaxing slightly. "Um... nice to meet you."
"Same here. Look, is it all right if I come in now?"
"Eh? Oh! Yes, it's fine!" He grinned, slightly nervous, and was relieved when the other boy sat down on the seat opposite and smiled back.
"My name's Ron Weasley. What's yours?"
"Harry Potter."
Ron gasped. "No way... Harry Potter? I thought Fred and George were kidding when they said they'd helped you pack your suitcase away..."
"Fred and George?" Harry asked.
"They're my brothers- well, two of them anyway. I've got five, and one sister. Wow..." He sat back and looked at Harry, somewhat awed.
"Oh." Harry looked at Ron for a moment, his head on one side, then relaxed and sat back. "You know, it's nice to meet someone who's sort of normal for a change."
Ron frowned. "I'm not sure we're exactly normal..."
"Well, more normal than most of the people I meet." Harry rubbed his temples. "You have no idea what the last few years have been like. You're lucky not to get them..."
"'Them'? Who's 'them'?"
Harry shrugged. "I could have sworn I was an only child, but... I don't know anymore."
"Oh..." Ron shuddered. "We had an experience like that too a while ago- remember, I said I've a sister? A while ago, there was some other girl who just turned up out of the blue and claimed she was my other, unknown sister. Ginny- she's my sister- took exception to that, and Mum added she didn't remember giving birth to anyone who thought of dressing like that. Unknown sister protested, insisting she remembered incidents when we were little. At that point, Fred and George let off some firecrackers in her direction- at least, I think they were firecrackers. Made a bit of a mess when they exploded. They later claimed it was an accident, but... I dunno... Anyway, she left a patch of glitter on the floor that Mum couldn't get rid of for weeks."
Harry tapped his seat. "Didn't you say you don't have any weird females hanging around you?" he demanded.
"Well, she was around for barely half an hour, so I figured it didn't really count. You won't hold it against me, will you?" Ron asked, anxious.
"Well-" Harry began, but was cut off when the door slid open and hit the wall. Draco Malfoy strode in, unaccompanied and angered.
"You! Are you Harry Potter?" he demanded.
"Um... why?" Harry asked.
Draco looked at Harry more closely. "So. You are... Interesting." He shook himself. "Your sister insists on throwing herself at me, and I demand that you restrain her from further acts of a similar nature, on pain of hexes!"
"Me or her?"
Draco shrugged. "Either."
"You can't take on both of us at the same time," Ron said, standing and glaring at Draco, who glared back.
Anxious to avoid a fight, Harry asked, "What name did she give you?"
Draco broke off the glaring contest to stare at Harry, incredulous. "You don't know your own sister's name?"
"It's a little difficult to remember them all when the... room you're in has to stretch down the street to accommodate them all."
Ron blinked. "It doesn't go through anyone else's house?"
"What do you mean, 'they'?" Draco asked.
"Not as far as I know. And I mean that there's more than one of them, you can go through to the last few carriages and look if you don't believe me..." Harry gestured in the direction of the door opposite to the one Draco had come through.
Draco stared at him for a moment, then said, almost kindly, "You're off your rocker."
"You know, that would be so much easier to take than them if you weren't implying that my sanity isn't what it should be."
Ron protested more vigourously, but was interrupted when the compartment door slid open and two more people entered, one female, one male. "Hallo," the girl- Hermione Granger- said, looking around the compartment, "do you mind if we come in here?"
"Um, you're already in," Harry pointed out.
"All right, do you mind if we stay in?"
"Do you have any strange siblings? Any relatives whose hair, eyes or both change colour, or who have strange birthmarks or something else out of the ordinary? A tendency for cutting?"
"No, no, and there was one girl who looked like me and cut herself but she, um..." Hermione coughed lightly. "She... bled to death after one incident. Mum was annoyed about the carpets, but still pleased that she'd gone." She sighed. "I know it's mean, but..."
"So, you've had a similar experience to Harry and me?" Ron asked brightly. "What about you?" he asked Neville Longbottom.
"Well, um... no, nothing of that sort," Neville stammered, "but... a number of girls like that came up and they were so..." He shuddered. "It was creepy."
"Harry and I," Hermione corrected. Ron glared at her, and would undoubtedly have retorted if another girl hadn't stepped through the opened doorway. Upon seeing Harry, she beamed, her smile seeming to send bright sparkling lights everywhere.
Neville turned to look, saw her and scrambled under the nearest seat as best he could where he then remained, shaking.
The girl, on the other hand, appeared not to have noticed Neville, instead flinging herself at Harry and hugging him. "Onii-chan!" she squealed happily.
A number of girls appeared at the other entrance to the compartment, most with abnormal hair colours. "You weren't trying to hide, were you!?" one demanded. "If you were..."
"TICKLE TIME!" the girls shouted together, their voices still managing to sound musical. Neville trembled as they stampeded Harry, some having to climb over others to get at him.
"You see?" Harry said to the compartment at large, miserable.
Under the seat, Neville shook.
Hermione, Ron and Draco stared. "Oh... dear," Hermione said eventually.
"My family's almost normal," Ron moaned.
"I think we'd all have been better off if I'd been right," Draco mumbled, turning to head out.
Several compartments away, he remembered the sight and shuddered. "I'm terribly glad Father got rid of all of ours, now."
–––
"Firs' years! Firs' years this way!"
Harry fought his way through the crowd towards Rubeus Hagrid, the source of the voice, Ron, Hermione and Neville doing the same nearby. Getting Harry's so-called sisters out of the compartment had been an excellent bonding activity, even if Hermione seemed inclined towards showing off how much she'd read before term. She had, however, been surprised when one 'sister' had exploded and left a pink, sugary substance on her surrounds, including the other 'sisters'.
"Harry!" Hagrid beamed down at Harry, but the smile vanished when he saw the remaining 'sisters' straggle out of their compartments.
"Hallo, Hagrid," Harry said, in an attempt to distract the huge man. "Um, this is Ron-" Ron waved, boggling slightly- "Hermione-" Hermione beamed- "and Neville." Neville 'eeped' as Hagrid looked at him and hid behind Hermione.
"I'm not gonna eat yeh," Hagrid told Neville, then looked up at the crowd of first years and sighed. "Knew we shoulda killed them," he muttered to himself, then called, "Firs' years, this way!" and turned.
The saner first year students exchanged nervous looks, then followed, while the others simply followed, talking to each other. Some of the conversations included such sentences as "OMG Orli is so haaaauwt!!!!1!!1" and "No, Alan Rickman is T3H HAWTNE55!!1!"
"Yeh'll get yer firs' look at Hogwarts just 'round here," Hagrid called, rounding a bend in the trail.
"Oohh!" those students who could get a good look gasped.
"Shiny!" one student near the front exclaimed, beaming happily.
"Riiight," another nearby muttered, edging away slightly.
Hagrid turned and looked at the students. "I'm not sure there's enough boats for all of yeh, though..." he said slowly.
One of the students towards the back sighed heavily, blowing a lock of woven gold hair out of her face as she did so. "I wouldn't have revealed my powers... but if there is no other way..."
"No, Céline!" a male student who looked extraordinarily like Harry shouted for no understandable reason. "You mustn't! They'll- they'll think you're... Céline, no!"
The air just behind the girl shimmered for a moment before golden sparks exploded from her back, forming large wings. The girl jumped into the air, picked up the male student and began flapping her wings.
"Oooohhhh..." most of the other students breathed as a body.
"SHINY!" one student cried happily. Those near her moved away slightly.
Harry twitched.
Another female student near the back of the group sighed irritably, and clicked her fingers. Hearing the sound of hooves on a hard surface, the group of students turned and saw a silver unicorn with a golden mane and golden hooves cantering up to the student, who jumped onto its back and pointed at the castle. "To Hogwarts, Finella!" she commanded. The unicorn rose up on its back legs, whinnying, then took off, galloping over the lake.
"SHINY!" that student shrieked in absolute ecstasy, and the students around her moved further away from her.
To avoid having to look at others doing the same or similar things, Harry looked up at the sky, hoping to glean some clue as to why all this was happening to him. However, the skies were not inclined to give him such wisdom that night. Instead...
"What is that?" Hermione whispered, also looking up.
The sky was almost normal, apart from one thing. Something which looked almost like a moving pathway shone high above, and if one squinted a little harder, it almost looked as though it was made of many separate beings, all heading towards Hogwarts.
"Giddy up, Pegasus!" one of the riders above shouted, slapping the reins across her winged horse's neck.
"Oh, no..." Harry whispered, feeling sick to his stomach as he stared up in horror. "No..."