A different take on the same theme from the previous two chapters. Please enjoy.
MUSIC
Music is what feelings sound like. Music needs emotions, or it is nothing more than noise scratching away in the background of life.
A rubbish sentimental notion I thought to myself, who would ever bother with comparing emotions and music together, there are far more important things to care about than information like that?
I am above my emotions; my emotions do not rule my consciousness. If I allow my emotions free range, then I would be no better than the average blokes milling around London off on their own personal affairs. Caring is not an advantage, it never was and never will be. All it will bring is heartache, sorrow, and enough tears to fill a bottomless pit. A heart's sole purpose is to mediate the exchange of blood and oxygen throughout the body, nothing more and nothing less. So why do people say their heart wailed in anguish or shouted joyfully at times?
This fact I could not understand until the first time I drew my bow over my violin letting the strings sing in exultation.
My Violin. My Estella. My shining star. She taught me the values of emotions. They are not a curse bestowed upon humanity, they are a beautiful gift.
I have always thought of emotions as a dastardly curse upon the human race. When emotions make the final decision; it almost always involves the after effect of feeling regret. Lives are ruined, promises are broken; countless tears are shed from ones letting sentiment cloud sound judgement. People claim to 'just follow your heart', I have never heard more illogical sentimental rubbish than those exact words. Do people not understand just how deceiving and treacherous the heart is capable of being? It turns the mind blind and deaf to logic and reason! The term 'heart' does not mean the literal organ that keeps us alive, but rather it is the sentimental thoughts that are being collectively termed "heart". This synecdoche of 'heart' is the downfall of the human race. We are doomed.
Not for a single moment I would allow my heart be swayed in making life decisions, but only in music alone I could give my heart authority to reign over logic. Within music there lies an unexplainable source of energy and feeling that can only be expressed through sound alone, not by words. Melodies, harmonies, and counterpoints all this unique indescribable quality to govern sentimental thoughts.
Music is a powerful force; it has this uncanny ability to bring the toughest of men to tears. When my Estella sang, her voice shattered those barriers I had built around my feelings. I thought those barriers were impenetrable, no words or actions ever came close to even denting the wall. However, single-handedly, Estella dashed it beyond any hope of rebuilding it simply with a single note.
Elegance was not something I associated with music before I learned to play the violin. It was merely a series of varying pitches held in varying lengths of time comprised together and given a title. How could anyone bother themselves with thinking about music and how it made them feel? Feelings are irrelevant, not necessary for life; they only pollute the mind with unwanted and distracting thoughts. I was wrong, more wrong than I had ever been. I have learned now that sentimental emotions are valuable to us as humans.
Granted, some feelings are harmful to us whilst other comforts us. When my Estella sings to me with her enchanting sweet voice, there is a part of my mind that becomes trapped, as if stuck in a trance, replaying the notes over and over. The notes flow through my mind not as individual pitches, but as a powerful force taking control of my fingers and bow. I feel my heart pound loudly during a loud and boisterous section of a piece taking the lead of my thoughts. My body dances as the melody climbs joyfully up the fingerboard closer and closer to the bridge of the violin. On the other hand, when the music is slow and peaceful I sway gently in rhythm to the soft lullabies, as if I were singing myself to sleep.
Music is beautiful. It has the ability to changes things words could never accomplish. It changed me. Music is not just a compilation of sounds, it has personality. If it were merely just tones and pitches there would be no meaning to the notes, it would just only be heard as a dull monotonous drone. Music taught me sentiment isn't something to be chained away deep in the figurative heart. Music taught me this figurative heart isn't always treacherous. Just follow my heart and let Music lead my mind then magical things happen to the notes. Music taught me emotions are the essence of human beings. They may blind us at times, but they are the guiding force in other times. Music is powerful, passionate, captivating, and awe-inspiring.
But most importantly, Music taught me what feelings sound like. Music needs emotions, or it is nothing more than noise scratching away in the background of life.
A-N: A short detour in my writing from "In Whose Eyes" (now completed) I've been wanting to upload but just never got around to it until now. :) "Watching Over Each Other" is currently in progress.