The Matrix: Revolted
by Nain and Calli
-------------------------**
THERE IS A LOT OF PRETTY, SWIRLY CODE. THERE IS MORE PRETTY, SWIRLY CODE, AND SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS. THE AUDIENCE WONDERS IF THE MOVIE WILL HAVE AS MUCH SUBSTANCE AS THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DO.
Joel Silver: YOU WISH! HAH!
AK: When did Niobe and Ghost disappear?
Roland: Dammit, AK, you're supposed to KNOW these things!
AK: But I didn't play Enter the Matrix!
Joel Silver: That's it, you're fired, because you haven't helped me earn any money. Be ashamed. We're replacing you with Hilary Duff.
Hilary Duff: Like, what is THIS movie about? Do you have any nail polish fumes I can inhale?
Mauser: Um, I don't mean to be a party pooper, but we do have a script to stick to.
Roland: I have such an inflated ego. Like, let's keep looking for the Logos, then I can control TWO SHIPS!
EVERYONE ON DECK CHEERS, 'HUZZAH!', MASTER-AND-COMMANDER STYLE.
CUT TO THE MJOLNRRRRRR'S INFIRMARY
Maggie: I brought you some snot.
Trinity: Do not touch my bitch.
Maggie: Don't you like snot?
Neo: I WANT SOME ORGASM CAKE!
Trinity: Neo, you're supposed to be in a coma.
Neo: Oh, yeah.
NEO GOES BACK INTO HIS COMA
Maggie: Do you want me to say something cryptic?
Trinity: Shut up.
Maggie: He's still, like, jacked in.
Trinity: I wish you'd die.
Maggie: The other guy is cutting.
Trinity: I hope he kills you.
Nain: FORESHADOWING!
SCENE CUTS BACK TO THE MJOLNRRRRR'S DECK
Morpheus: Yo, I think we should, like, re-scan the Matrix.
Roland: You suck.
Morpheus: Do it! I AM YOUR GOD!
Hilary: Like, yes, master.
AJ: Can we have another orgy?
Hilary: Like, orgies are gah-ROSS!
Morpheus: Plus, we're all gay.
Hilary: LIKE, EWW!
Morpheus: I like lipstick.
Hilary: Well, he's, like, not in there.
Morpheus: ... Duuuuuuuuude..
Colt: Yo, the squiddies are going to come kill us in 20 hours.
AK: I hope there's time for another orgy before then. Lock is so hot.
Link: OMG, SERAPH! I LUFFU!
Seraph: I spiika on beehav ovdaorical.
Link: What's up, my sexy little asian guy?
Seraph: didoo not jus heeeeeah me?
SERAPH GETS HUFFY AND HANGS UP
Morpheus: What did he just say?
Link: Something about D--
SCENE CUTS TO FACE OF NEO, LYING ON THE GROUND AND LOOKING CONSTIPATED
Little Girl Who Resembles A God: Good morning, Neil.
Neo: ... dude.
Sati: My name is Sati, and you are Neil. I am not a dude, I am a girl. I have not had a sex change. Have you, Neil?
Neo: My name is not Neil, it is Neo. See my name tag?
Sati: Nayoh?
Neo: Where the hell am I? This doesn't look like Tinky Winky's brothel.
Sati: You are in the train station, Nayoh.
Neo: Well, that clears things up.
Sati: This isn't the Matrix, Nayoh.
Neo: Whoa.
Rama-Kandra: Sati, stop bothering that constipated-looking man.
Sati: Yes, daddy!
SATI RUNS AWAY PRETTILY
Neo: Yo, dude. Is Tinky Winky around?
CUT TO THE ORACLE'S APARTMENT
Oracle: Hello, my dear litle pawns. How are you? Blah blah blah blah blah... oh, by the way, do you like my new look?
Morpheus: I didn't think going Britney-Style was your thang, but DAYUM, GIRLFRIEND!
Trinity: Where is my bitch?
Oracle: Be patient, butterfly. Answers will come. Well, not really. Did you know that I made a choice, and that choice made me look like this? Do you know what the choice is? Well, I'm not going to tell you, you'll have to figure it out yourselves.
Morpheus: My brain hurts.
Oracle: Well, tough cookies. Do you want a cookie?
Morpheus: Oooh...
Trinity: WHERE IS MY BITCH?!
Oracle: Shut the hell up.
Trinity: You suck.
Oracle: Your bitch is being held captive by the Merosomething. You have to go threaten people.
Morpheus: Since when was the Meroasshole more than just a womanizing male bitch?
Oracle: How the hell should I know? Figure it out yourselves. You rebels are really helpless.
Seraph: we go toooda hecub.
Morpheus: I hate everything.
Trinity: I want my bitch. I miss the smell of J.Lo's new fragrance.
Morpheus: Well, I want a gold plated toilet seat. But J.LO IS OFF DA HIZZAAAAAAAAAY!
Trinity: This sucks.
Oracle: You're boring me.
THE PRISCILLA BUS DRIVES PAST
Oracle: OH NO! ARAGORN THE FISHIE IS DEAD!
THE ORACLE TAPS ON THE FISHTANK
---
[END OF PART ONE]
~*In memory of Trinity the Hermit Crab, 2003-2004. You will not be forgotten.*~
[Calli:] It's just me doing an author's note for chapter numero uno... Please excuse the unamusingness of this chapter. We're working on it. Seriously. THERE WILL BE AN ORGY, AND MORE PRISCILLA! OH, JOY!
by Nain and Calli
-------------------------**
THERE IS A LOT OF PRETTY, SWIRLY CODE. THERE IS MORE PRETTY, SWIRLY CODE, AND SOME SPECIAL EFFECTS. THE AUDIENCE WONDERS IF THE MOVIE WILL HAVE AS MUCH SUBSTANCE AS THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DO.
Joel Silver: YOU WISH! HAH!
AK: When did Niobe and Ghost disappear?
Roland: Dammit, AK, you're supposed to KNOW these things!
AK: But I didn't play Enter the Matrix!
Joel Silver: That's it, you're fired, because you haven't helped me earn any money. Be ashamed. We're replacing you with Hilary Duff.
Hilary Duff: Like, what is THIS movie about? Do you have any nail polish fumes I can inhale?
Mauser: Um, I don't mean to be a party pooper, but we do have a script to stick to.
Roland: I have such an inflated ego. Like, let's keep looking for the Logos, then I can control TWO SHIPS!
EVERYONE ON DECK CHEERS, 'HUZZAH!', MASTER-AND-COMMANDER STYLE.
CUT TO THE MJOLNRRRRRR'S INFIRMARY
Maggie: I brought you some snot.
Trinity: Do not touch my bitch.
Maggie: Don't you like snot?
Neo: I WANT SOME ORGASM CAKE!
Trinity: Neo, you're supposed to be in a coma.
Neo: Oh, yeah.
NEO GOES BACK INTO HIS COMA
Maggie: Do you want me to say something cryptic?
Trinity: Shut up.
Maggie: He's still, like, jacked in.
Trinity: I wish you'd die.
Maggie: The other guy is cutting.
Trinity: I hope he kills you.
Nain: FORESHADOWING!
SCENE CUTS BACK TO THE MJOLNRRRRR'S DECK
Morpheus: Yo, I think we should, like, re-scan the Matrix.
Roland: You suck.
Morpheus: Do it! I AM YOUR GOD!
Hilary: Like, yes, master.
AJ: Can we have another orgy?
Hilary: Like, orgies are gah-ROSS!
Morpheus: Plus, we're all gay.
Hilary: LIKE, EWW!
Morpheus: I like lipstick.
Hilary: Well, he's, like, not in there.
Morpheus: ... Duuuuuuuuude..
Colt: Yo, the squiddies are going to come kill us in 20 hours.
AK: I hope there's time for another orgy before then. Lock is so hot.
Link: OMG, SERAPH! I LUFFU!
Seraph: I spiika on beehav ovdaorical.
Link: What's up, my sexy little asian guy?
Seraph: didoo not jus heeeeeah me?
SERAPH GETS HUFFY AND HANGS UP
Morpheus: What did he just say?
Link: Something about D--
SCENE CUTS TO FACE OF NEO, LYING ON THE GROUND AND LOOKING CONSTIPATED
Little Girl Who Resembles A God: Good morning, Neil.
Neo: ... dude.
Sati: My name is Sati, and you are Neil. I am not a dude, I am a girl. I have not had a sex change. Have you, Neil?
Neo: My name is not Neil, it is Neo. See my name tag?
Sati: Nayoh?
Neo: Where the hell am I? This doesn't look like Tinky Winky's brothel.
Sati: You are in the train station, Nayoh.
Neo: Well, that clears things up.
Sati: This isn't the Matrix, Nayoh.
Neo: Whoa.
Rama-Kandra: Sati, stop bothering that constipated-looking man.
Sati: Yes, daddy!
SATI RUNS AWAY PRETTILY
Neo: Yo, dude. Is Tinky Winky around?
CUT TO THE ORACLE'S APARTMENT
Oracle: Hello, my dear litle pawns. How are you? Blah blah blah blah blah... oh, by the way, do you like my new look?
Morpheus: I didn't think going Britney-Style was your thang, but DAYUM, GIRLFRIEND!
Trinity: Where is my bitch?
Oracle: Be patient, butterfly. Answers will come. Well, not really. Did you know that I made a choice, and that choice made me look like this? Do you know what the choice is? Well, I'm not going to tell you, you'll have to figure it out yourselves.
Morpheus: My brain hurts.
Oracle: Well, tough cookies. Do you want a cookie?
Morpheus: Oooh...
Trinity: WHERE IS MY BITCH?!
Oracle: Shut the hell up.
Trinity: You suck.
Oracle: Your bitch is being held captive by the Merosomething. You have to go threaten people.
Morpheus: Since when was the Meroasshole more than just a womanizing male bitch?
Oracle: How the hell should I know? Figure it out yourselves. You rebels are really helpless.
Seraph: we go toooda hecub.
Morpheus: I hate everything.
Trinity: I want my bitch. I miss the smell of J.Lo's new fragrance.
Morpheus: Well, I want a gold plated toilet seat. But J.LO IS OFF DA HIZZAAAAAAAAAY!
Trinity: This sucks.
Oracle: You're boring me.
THE PRISCILLA BUS DRIVES PAST
Oracle: OH NO! ARAGORN THE FISHIE IS DEAD!
THE ORACLE TAPS ON THE FISHTANK
---
[END OF PART ONE]
~*In memory of Trinity the Hermit Crab, 2003-2004. You will not be forgotten.*~
[Calli:] It's just me doing an author's note for chapter numero uno... Please excuse the unamusingness of this chapter. We're working on it. Seriously. THERE WILL BE AN ORGY, AND MORE PRISCILLA! OH, JOY!