My second Rune Factory fic.
-If you want to read the fic first, and my silly theory later, scroll down until the text is normal. But if you want to read the theory first, story later. By all means, read away.-
This probably shouldn't even qualify as a fic, because it's entirely made of crack and heroine.
Now, I know what you're thinking: "What? But Vishnal can't cook! What's this person talking about? Must be some butthurt fan…"
Sure, why not… Butthurt fan, let's go with that. But more to the point… I have a theory… regarding Vishnal from Rune Factory 4.
And this theory says: "Vishnal is not a bad cook. In fact, he's rather good at it."
Of course, I would never make a ludicrous point without any evidence:
1. We all know that once you hit level 5 friendships with any character, they start giving you gifts in return, as you would probably imagine from him, every time he says he cooks something, it wines up being a Failed Dish, for character display, and comedic value, but in actuality… I found that he does NOT give you Failed Dishes!
If you give Vishnal a gift, say like Curry Rice… Naturally, Vishnal will give you a return-gift, and Vishnal gives back dishes he COOKED. Yeah, underline that word, COOKED. And when he gives this cooked-gift of his, it's not a Failed Dish, oh no… He will give you legitimate dishes, like SALAD… A Level-67 Salad. That's a pretty high-level dish!
And I know what your counter-argument is: "Clorica most likely helped him." If that were true, Vishnal would've admitted it… We all know Vishnal's not a liar, and he always gives credit where it counts, he's not one to leave out names… Anyone whose dated him KNOWS that better than anyone else.
2. In my most recent round of the Cooking Contest, I was planning to throw the match, as in, lose on purpose, because of something me and my friend, Whitney discussed (I won't explain it here.), so I made simple Bamboo-Rice (Lvl. 8 Dish) so I wouldn't win, right? (Oddly enough, I hit 3rd place, which was weird.). Now why am I bringing the Cooking Contest up? You're smart enough to guess that-Because Vishnal won 2nd place. Let me repeat that: VISHNAL, ONE OF THE SUPPOSED WORST COOKS IN RUNE FACTORY 4… WON 2ND PLACE IN THE COOKING CONTEST. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.
If I had screen shots, I'd show it to you, believe me! Unfortunately, this is a very easy point to doubt, and if you still do, go and doubt, I can't stop you! XD I'm just sharing with you my silly experience. XD
3. This isn't much of a point, but I might as well throw it out there. If you marry Frey off to Vishnal, (Which I know a LOT of you did in your 2nd or 3rd playthrough of the game! XD) you would know that he gives you one of four things every morning, which are: Curry Rice, Onigiri, Failed Dish, or Disastrous Dish.
I realize I'm disproving my point a little bit here, but that begs the 2nd half of my theory:
"What if Vishnal is secretly an amazing chef… But he tries to give everyone in town food poisoning?"
Take account of everything I mentioned above! If he can beat Clorica and Porcoline in a cooking contest, and give you high-level dishes, but still manages to give you Failed Ones… Vishnal might be an evil butler guys! XD What his reasons could be? Pft, don't ask me, I just came up with a theory! I'll let you guys come up with that on your own!
So in honor (Or whatever) of this theory I've shoved in your face, I've decided to write a short-crack-story on it. Hope you all like my crack! XD
A beautiful autumn-morning in the town of Selphia, the quiet but repeating sound crunching leaves under tourists or the townspeople's feet decorating the atmosphere in a peaceful color scheme.
The soothing atmosphere was enough to put one to sleep, and literally, someone did fall asleep on their morning chores.
"… Zzzz…" The Sleepy-head butler leaned on her broom, when she was supposed to be sweeping the Town Square.
"Clorica!" Her superior snapped her awake, turning around hastily to find Mr. Volkanon, giving her a look that said, Don't you have a job to do?
"Excuse me, sir." She bowed lightly, turned around and resumed her work, scolding herself inwardly for being irresponsible once again. She knew of her habitual and sporadic sleeping-pattern, but of course, that never really held her back from doing any work. In fact, she did work just fine… Her only problem was that she was that she could be pretty careless, such as misplacing laundry, or not cleaning any of the items to a perfect shine, but she was still capable. The only thing she did spot on, be it asleep or awake, was cooking. Her cooking was almost unbeatable, and everyone in town knew that she and Porcoline are always at odds with each other. But they never hated each other; it was just a friendly one-sided rivalry in her head.
She continued to sweep the leaves out of the way, so the Town Square wouldn't be difficult to walk on. Nothing interesting, in fact, she could almost fall asleep…
"Mm…" She jerked herself awake, keeping focus on what she was doing. Nobody was really in the Town Square either, just tourists walking from the Housing Area to Melody Street or vice versa, but one particular person that piqued her interest, that came from the Melody Street side of town was her good-buddy Vishnal, who seemed to be carrying… some kind of container in his hands.
Vishnal and Clorica were two-peas in a pod; they would always talk to each other about silly things, like their friends, their lives back home, or any other silly topic that comes to mind. They both strove to be great butlers, but neither of them would have made any significant progress with their training without each other's help. Clorica gave a soft smile in his direction, and raised her hand to wave, but before she could get that action out there, the sound of a door opening to her left interrupted her.
She directed her eye-sight to see that it was their Master Frey, trudging out of her room, but quickly stopped and smiled to see the same young man Clorica was looking at earlier.
"Vishnal!" Frey called and ran towards him with a surprising hug that nearly threw the young man off-balance. He wrapped one arm around her, and laughed off her actions, while her small arms ensnared his neck. "Haha, you startled me, Princess."
Frey laughed, "Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you." She took her arms back, and stood in front of him. "No, no, don't apologize. Now, what can I help you with?" Vishnal smiled at her with the small container still in hands.
Clorica could barely hear a word they were saying; because she has to act natural otherwise someone would've spotted her starring at them. She especially didn't want Kiel catching her starring at Frey and Vishnal talking. Luckily their actions and expressions did them a justice.
Frey pulled out what appeared to be some type of Silver Pendent in the shape of a star.
"Here, I made this for you." She smiled at him with a tiny blush on her face. But Vishnal marveled at her craftsman ship, "Wow! Princess, you made this? Thank you so much! I really love it!"
Vishnal's blissful expression at the newfound gift in his hands made Clorica smile, but what she saw next… Really piqued her interest.
"Um… Here, I made this for you. As thanks for all that you do for me." Vishnal blushed slightly as he handed her the mysterious container.
"It… isn't the best-made but… I hope you like it." Vishnal scratched the back of his head. Frey eagerly took his gift with delight, and opened it to find a small, well-put-together salad inside. Frey smiled up at him, "You made this yourself, Vishnal?"
(*Author's Note* Remember, Clorica can't hear them.)
What the…? Clorica doesn't remember making any Salad the last couple of days… There certainly wasn't any in the fridge this morning, and no way would he have stopped by Porcoline, it was too early! Just where did he…?
Vishnal's slight embarrassment seemed to increase, "Y-Yes, I did. Just a little thank-you gift, I know you're heading out today, and I thought I should at least make you a small lunch. Sorry I know it's not the best, but-"
Frey cut him off, "No, no, no! It's wonderful, Vishnal. Thank you so much." Vishnal returned with a smile, "It's my pleasure, Princess. Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to work. Safe journey." And with that, he left her to her own devices.
Clorica was utterly confused by this scene that just played out before, where did Vishnal get Salad from? Surely he didn't… No way… His cooking needed a LOT more freshening up… Right?
"Oof!" Clorica face-planted into the ground, her confusion taking control of her clumsy steps. What in the world…? What just…? How did… Why did Vishnal…? Something's not right here. Clorica didn't like the idea of her best friend… keeping secrets from her.
"Clorica?" That same voice called her name, and she quickly looked up to see him once again. "Fell asleep again?" Vishnal laughed as he offered his hand to help her up.
"O-Oh! No, I just… Um…" Clorica blushed and calmly took his hand, when they both stood up; she looked to her left to see what the cause of her stumbling over was. She noticed the only thing in plain sight that it could have been was the rock. She quickly picked it up.
"Here." She took his hand put the rock in his grip. Vishnal chuckled lightly, "What's the rock for?"
"Hey, hey, hey! It's not just ANY rock…" Clorica gave him a pouty look, "… It's the one I tripped over."
(*Author's Note* Come on! Even you thought that was an awesome gift from her! XD)
Vishnal smiled at her gift. That's two he received today. "Well, I'm going to go back inside." Vishnal bid her a quick adieu and step inside the door behind her.
Clorica watched him walk back inside in amazement, and then looked at Princess Frey who was enjoying the Salad that was given to her. This raised her confusion even more, as she quickly finished her job of sweeping the leaves out of the way, and hastily made way back for the butlers' quarters.
She was careful in opening the door, making sure nobody could hear the sound the creaking door was making. She sniffed, she smelled something… cooking… And it's not burning, per se.
This raised her curiosity even more, she quietly tip-toed her way to the kitchen. When she came to the door frame of it, she peaked inside, and saw… Vishnal working at the stove? Oh dear… This can't be good.
Clorica looked at the time, and noticed that it clocked at noon… He must be making lunch… Clorica felt tempted to jump in and stop him before something goes wrong, but… He seemed to be handling himself… Pretty well, actually! He seemed to be in control, and… was he wearing the silly pink apron that said, "Runey-Mama" on it…?
(*Author's Note* …. ZOO-WEE-MAMA! :D )
What? This makes no sense! Clorica's the better cook of the two, she's always teaching him, well, he is making progress, but is he truly so confident that…? No way, she knows that Vishnal was passionate about his work, and she admired that most about him, and is an overall a skilled man, but she knows that even Vishnal knows that his cooking is far from perfect! So what is this trickery that's playing before her?!
"Hm… Only a few more minutes for the rice." She heard him say to himself, as he brought the apron strap over his head and hang it on the little hanger by the door next to the broom. Clorica quickly slapped herself by the wall to keep herself out of the blue-head's way as much as possible. Luckily he went in the opposite direction from where she was hiding. Where was he going? Bathroom, probably? That didn't matter, the moment he was out of sight, Clorica marched in that kitchen and looked at his two pots, one for the rice, and the other for Curry.
"Ah, of course, Curry Rice." Clorica giggled to herself as she remembered that Vishnal's favorite dishes were anything Curry-oriented. But, the rice was looking fresh and nowhere NEAR burnt or anything! And the curry looked well-done, nice and hot.
She usually teaches Vishnal how to cook; she didn't think he could get a complicated dish like this down pat! And then she remembered the Salad he gave to Princess Frey earlier. Salad was one of the most intricate dishes of all time, if he could make Salad, then what else was he capable of…? She wasn't so much taken aback by the fact that he wasn't burning anything, but the fact that… Was he LYING to her this whole time? But what reason would Vishnal, of all people have to lie about-
"Hmm-Hmm-Hmm~" Rats! He's coming back! Clorica looked anywhere for a good hiding spot, but the kitchen was never a good place for that! "Um…" She acted quickly, and scrambled… on top of the fridge? Okay, on top of the fridge, hiding behind the fruit basket so Vishnal wouldn't spot her.
(*Author's Note* Eh, there are worse hiding spots. *Cracks my back*)
"Ah, perfect." He opened both of the pots and took a whiff at his own work. He took a plate from the cabinet and served himself. "Time for lunch." He said to himself as he sat down and ate.
Unbelievable! Vishnal… cooked something? WITHOUT burning it to bits? Clorica wasn't sure what more out of this world… Porcoline not eating a customer's dish, or this utter blasphemy playing out before her.
Suddenly her Illuminata-senses were tingling, Clorica had the biggest urge to catch Vishnal in the act, scaring him out of his pants, but she didn't want to be rude and interrupt his lunch… Oh wait, that's why she's in this mess in the first place. That's it; suddenly she was feeling the vitality take her over.
"LIAR!" Clorica leaped, and landed on the table in front of Vishnal, shocking him out of his skin, falling backwards, as the plate of Curry Rice slid off the table.
"I saw what you were doing!" Clorica looked over the table and saw Vishnal in an utter dismay on the floor. "C-Clorica!? What were you-…!?" Vishnal was rendered speechless by his friend's sudden shounen-manga appearance, "Did you come from the fridge?!"
"Don't change the subject!" Clorica jumped off the table, straddling him and pinned him down. "You made lunch, and it smelled delicious! Who are you and what have you done with the real Vishnal!?" She shook him by the collar.
"S-Stop shaking me!" He grabbed her hands and flipped her off of him. "Geez! What's this about!? I didn't try to cook anything!" He stood up, put his hand on the table to gain some leverage.
"Oh yes you did! I was here the whole time! I saw you making Curry Rice!" She grabbed him by the collar again, but suddenly she had another idea.
"Wait a second…" Clorica looked him in the eye. "Show me."
"Huh?" Vishnal looked dumbfounded, but he was feeling a little nervous all of a sudden.
"Show me! Show me how you make a Salad! And don't try to mess anything up! I know when you're lying, Vishnal! Now show me how you make a Salad!" She yanked him by the tie and brought him to the counter.
"Let go! You're choking me!" Vishnal pulled her hand away. "And I don't know what you're talking about, I can't make any-"
"More lies! I saw you give that Salad to Frey this morning! I don't remember making ANY Salad within the last couple of days, and believe me, I KNOW when I make certain dishes! On top of that, it was too early to get anything from Porcoline! You made that Salad, didn't you, Vishnal?"
The beads of sweat rolled down his face, as he was being pushed into a corner by his best friend. "Now make that darn Salad, and don't you DARE TRY to mess up!" Clorica got simple ingredients, tomato, cabbage, cucumber, and mayonnaise.
"Now do it!" Clorica glared. What choice did Vishnal have? He never pictured Clorica to be the aggressive type. It was… kinda funny actually, but given the…. So-called dire situation they were in, was it really appropriate to laugh?
That didn't matter; he had to make Salad to show her what he could do. And he did.
(*Author's Note* I didn't feel like writing out the steps man, I'm still learning how to cook too!)
Clorica was in awe, the Salad he made was perfect! She yanked him by the collar and pressed her nose against his, "How long have you been able to cook like this? HOW LONG?!" Yep. She was pissed. Without a doubt. Someone was gonna get their ass whooped six-ways from hell tonight.
"C-Clorica…" He grabbed her hand again. But the tension and the hilarity of the situation could no longer be held back as he started to chuckle at her agro and this situation they were in. At first it went from light chuckling, to legitimate cracking up.
"W-What are you laughing at…? I asked you a question! How long have you been able to cook like that?!" She let go of his tie, but his laughing did not subside.
"I… Haha… I don't know. I just thought that… Hehe Hahahahaaa!" Vishnal was dying from the situation.
"Thought what? Why would you keep that kind of secret from ME?!" Clorica asked once again. "You… You evil, evil, EEEEVIL butler!"
"Clorica! Vishnal!" Volkanon's voice sounded, as he suddenly made an appearance at the kitchen-entrance way.
Suddenly the kitchen was spotless, not a single grain of rice on the floor, and suddenly they were standing by the stove, Clorica "teaching" Vishnal how to make... something.
"Yes, Mr. Volkanon?" Clorica and Vishnal said in sync, golden halos floating above their heads.
"Oh… You're both cooking. Aaaaand you're wearing each other's aprons…?" Vishnal looked down and noticed the pink 'Runey-Mama' apron on him, while Clorica noticed the blue apron with a Runey picture sewed on with, 'GOO!' written above it.
(*Author's Note* Look it up.)
"Never mind. Carry on!" And with that, Volkanon left. As soon as his footsteps subsided, Clorica and Vishnal looked at each other, going from calm expressions, to hearty laughs in just seconds.
"All right… Now… Where did you learn how to cook, you little skeeze?" Clorica pat the counter. Vishnal looked at her, knowing that she was definitely not going to let this go. Oh well, that's what he gets from keeping a secret from Clorica.
YEAH! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET, VISHNAL! YOU LITTLE LIAR! XD
Maybe Vishnal secretly likes learning how to cook from Clorica, who knows. XD
But in all seriousness, thank you so much for reading my silly crack! I hope you liked it, and I hope you enjoyed my silly little theory. Obviously you don't have to believe it, I'm not even sure if I do myself, I literally just did this out of pure satire and I honestly had so much fun doing it! XD I realize I'm not the best writer around, but writing these silly little skits truly makes my day! XD And I hope it made yours too.
Oh, and I hope you guys liked the Diary of a Wimpy Kid and the Billy Madison references I threw in there! XD
And that's about it, thanks again! And yes, I realize I kinda blew the characters out of proportion a little bit, but remember, it's a satire fic, this was done out of sheer stupidity. So please do not give me any selfish reviews, calling my theory "retarded" or call me names, I'll simply not reply to you and get rid of your review. Simple. Well, that's about it! Bye, everyone!
Oh! And do look out for my Doug x Amber fic!