hello all! yeah, i know i should probably stop writing new stories and working on the ones ive been leaving half finished, but i really cant stop.
the concept of this is based on the Official List Of Unofficial Rules by Saphura. go read it, it's pretty brilliant. yeah, i know the title is pretty similar, but i honestly couldnt think of anything else. i would appriciate suggestions on both rules/titles.
supposedly, lists arent allowed here, so i hope you dont mind the sub-plot of Odo and Quark hunting down whoever made these.
enjoy ;)
-"Irene"

The List of Unofficial Rules on Deep Space Nine.

"what's this?" asked Constable Odo, taking the PADD that Quark handed him from the other side of his desk.

"a set of rules for station conduct. I was wondering if you had anything to do with them." Said the Ferengi bartender.

Odo's eyes made a quick scan of the list. "I was unaware this was part of station regulation." He said.

"it's not, at least not officially."

"so where did these come from?"

"everybody's supposedly been sent a copy. I don't know if it's serious or anything, at the very least the crew finds it hilarious."

"hilarious you say? Who's been writing them?"

"that's the mystery, no one really knows. It just pops up in the database."

"-harrumph- well then, looks like I have a case."

"a case?"

"somebody has to find out who's doing this."

"right." Quark fidgeted, "can I have my PADD back? I haven't had the chance to read them yet."

"I cant, it's evidence."

"well, could you read this 'evidence' out loud?"

"alright." Odo cleared his throat, and began:

1: these rules are not official, and have no legal standing. They are guidelines to ensure your dignity is kept intact. * and survival *

2: Captain Sisko's desk is not to be used for barter.

3: "I am the very model of a modern Major Bajoran" is not a real song. So therefore, do not sing it whenever Major Kira enters/exits the room. (same goes for the REAL Gilbet & Sullivan song.)

4: Odo's bucket is not to be used for puking/mopping/paper-toss (especially while he is regenerating in it)

5: do not refer to Dr. Bashir and Garak's lunches as 'dates'.

6: during long silences in Ops. Do not randomly shout "SQUIRREL!" as you see fit.

7: the Manha Mahna song is hereby banned, no one has any idea what you are talking about.

8: do not yell "DABO!" for no reason in Quark's bar. It sets him on edge.

9: do not ask Morn if he ever shuts up. it will go very badly for you and anyone else in the vicinity

10: please do not try and replicate a lightsabre. We have holosuites for a reason, people.

11: do not swap Worf's Klingon Opera for Justin Bieber. He will not rest until he has killed you.

12: Odo is not an Animagus. Do not refer to him as such.

13: do not sing Lady Gaga in Quark's Bar.

14: "Can I haz cheezburger?" is not a command the replicators understand.

15: the Defiant's cloaking device is not to be used for epic games of hide-and-seek.

16: do not refer to the explosion of an enemy ship as "swwwwweeeeeeeeeeeet"

17: do not refer to the wormhole as the "Stargate", especially around Bajoran Vedeks.

18: please no fuzzy dice on runabout viewscreens.

19: DO NOT FEED THE TRIBBLES.

20: avoid quoting Shakespere around Klingons.