air
I'll ask myself: how can I live? Every day, every hour, I'll think that I can't go on. I'll talk to someone about my job; it's there. I'll see a child, running in the street, chasing a dog. It's there. I'll sit and stare at the whole of Konoha, drinking in the sights, drinking in the wonder, the beauty of progress.
It's there.
Oh, yes, I'll just go up to a friend and we'll start chatting about the weather, maybe about the new trends, the silly couples who hold hands. And then I'll say: "What are you doing today, Kiku?"
"Oh, I've just been assigned a mission. You know, one of those nasty A-ranks. So I might end up fighting a bit, maybe cut some people up, small stuff like that. I might even kill someone, who knows? Well, how about you?"
Shinobi. We're supposed to be loyal, strong, ruthless. Emotionless. And yet we're only human. To a human, living without emotions is like living without air. Sure, there are those who can achieve the feat; no doubt about that. There are plenty of those hanging around. Empty hollow shells. They're the ones who you see in the comics, the ones who aren't bothered by anything. Even for those, it's like living without air.
For the ones who only hide their thoughts, it's as if they're breathing through straws. The small kind; the kind you stir drinks with. Sometimes they'll push the straw away, loosen up, and show you that they care. Sometimes... they won't. We're all only human.
But for those that truly don't feel anything...
They go insane. They all do. Maybe they won't show it openly, but it's still there. All of those killers, the ones who rise so quickly to the top... little by little, their actions will betray their masked faces.
I don't know how I'm living. I don't know how I can live, because I'm living without air.