Author's Disclaimers: I don't own any of the following characters... (unfortunately), and I'm just borrowing them for a little while, so please don't sue me... no offence is meant when using them.
Author's Notes: first of all, I want to thank my sister Camilla for always supporting me, and then some other friends that patiently reviewed this and honestly told me their opinion... thanks stevie, and ewan, and sean, and viggo.... love ya guys!
IMPORTANT: Please, keep in mind that I'm Italian, so I've probably made a lot of mistakes, and I apologize for that... reviews are always accepted, good or bad, as long as they're respectful. J
The evening was just turning to night, and two of the three suns of Artaxx had already set, while the other one was still lingering just above the orizon, it was of a bright red, the color of the sky had turned to a pale shade of orange, speckled with violet and blue.
The air had gotten a little bit colder, mostly due to a slight cool breeze that had begun to blow, sweeping away the clouds, after the bad storm that had hit the city int he afternoon. The sky had cleared for some time and this was kind of uncommon, considering the instable weather of the planet.
From an unexposed balcony, at the sixth floor of a small building, a man was contemplating the sight, though there was no trace of joy in his eyes. His gaze was unreadable, his expression blank. He had been having a lot to think about lately, and they were not happy thoughts. Instead, his mind was troubled, he could see a storm different from the one that had stricked that day, yet much greater and fearful, about to shake the galaxy. A lot of things had happened, yet awful things were still to come, strong enough to annihilate a man's mind. Of course, being a Jedi Master, he kept this buried deep within his soul, only allowing others to see his usual calm and self-control... he was deep in meditation when the slightest noise abruptly showed him back to reality. As he turned his head the sunset light flickered in his deep grey-blue eyes, causing them to reveal more of his thoughts than he'd intended to.
"I didn't mean to interrupt you, Master Kenobi... I came here to ask you if you'd like to join me for dinner... but I obviously chose the wrong time..."
"It's okay, Milady. I was just about to go back inside anyways." He said with his usual calm tone. He shot one last gaze at the sunset, then left the balcony with the young woman.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was in charge of security of former senator Ash-Lynn Gwaijin [N/A read: gwah-ih-hin], according to Senator Padmè Amidala's wish. After her husband, Anakin Skywalker, Kenobi's own former padawan, had turned to the Dark Side, leaving her with two still unborn twins inside, she'd been forced to abandon everything and retire in a secret place, hidden from her husband's eager eyes, with the help of Obi-Wan and Ash-Lynn. Before departing from him though, she'd made promise he would look after Ash Lynn, for she was in possession of certain information that was absolutely to be kept secret, something that would help the Republic against the plotting of the Commercial Guilds and the Secessionists.
He's accepted without hesitation, for he himself needed some rest after the great fight at the end of which he'd lost his padawan, and much more besides...
He'd changed. Sure, he still hadn't lost faith in the force, but part of him had died, and he would have to wait for Luke (Anakin's son) to grow up before being able to make up for his past mistakes. But at that time he still did not know it, and everything he craved was an assignment that would allow him to have moments for himself, during which he could meditate.
The beard that covered his jaw gave him a wise look, wiser than he himself thought he was, and made his face farier, if any. His hair was a bit longer than it'd used to be, his eyes had grown deeper and wiser because of the experiences he'd suffered.
After all, keeping an eye on Ash-Lynn helped him focus on something different than his own sorrow and self-pity, though her stubborness constantly reminded him of Anakin and Amidala, and their forever lost youth.
She was twenty-four, and had been the youngest Senator of the Republic. Being more or less the same age as Amidala, she knew she'd been able to enter politics just because her family was incredibly wealthy and well-known in that field, although she'd turned out to have great abilities in diplomacy.
She was not short, though the top of her head could hardly reach the height of his shoulders, and was fair in complexion. Her figure was not slender, nor fragile; but she was well proportioned, and in spite of her stubborness she showed a natural grace, that often enchanted people who saw her for the first time.
She was both fresh, spontaneous, and often, implusive... but when it came down to official business, her outsides appeared extremely calm and self-controlled. A few people knew the *real* Ash-Lynn. She herself had found some difficulties with herself sometimes... Right now, her main concern was "not getting close to anyone", for she was trying to get through what had happened to Padmè. That, of course, did not mean she couldn't hold a blasted conversation with that "jedi".
"Are you not hungry, Master Kenobi? You look somewhat pale."
"I'm fine, Ash-Lynn. And please, stop behaving that formally... you're not under any formal circumstance, it seems to me."
"As you wish, Obi-Wan. Although I believe it is the grave expression upon your face that causes people to behave in such way when you are around..."
"Very well. Since I'm not going to eat any longer, I shall go and take some rest now, if you do not mind."
"I certainly do not."
"I shall see you tomorrow, Milady. Good-night."
He slowly stood up and walked away, leaving a bewildered Ash-Lynn sitting at the table, incapable of understanding his excessive coolness towards her. As much as she hated being controlled that closely by a "bodyguard", she'd tried to get used to see him around, and even to get to know him a little bit more, but it was impossible, for she was in her youth, and was therefore ALIVE, spontaneous, often stubborn and fiercy; and he was her total OPPOSITE: clam and self-controlled, and she hated that, especially in a man closer to her age than to that of an old man.
*I bet he's not yet thirty-eight, and he's already OLD...*. She really could not understand it. Was that what they tought to the Jedi? "The ability of being detached from everything, as if they lived in a different dimension?" she didn't realize she'd spoken this last sentence aloud.
"Wisdom, Milady, wisdom... not detachment. They're two different things." He'd suddenly appeared in the doorway, a very slight smile on his lips. She got furoius. He always looked at her "father-like", as if she were a small child, and she could not stand it. He knew what she'd been thinking because the'd had some discussions about it before. Plus, although she knew about the force and everything (when was he not speaking about that?), she was not really into it; and besides, women were not known to easily become a jedi (especially people the same age as she were), and she found it pretty annoying.
"Goodnight, *master*..." she couldn't help stressing the last word, although she didn't want to show that she was annoyed. But he'd already gone back to his room.
Frustrated, she kicked a chair, then sighed. "This is not helping... I'm so tensed." With Skywalker become Darth Vader and her best friend Padmé in risk of her life –and that of her two children- she felt like she din't deserve all this attention. She wished all guards had been used to protect Amidala, instead of wasting time with her. She knew she had some vital information, for the growth of the newborn Rebellion (although they would come up with this name only when, a few months later, Senator Palpatine would declare the decadence of the Republic and the birth of a new Empire; and that would also be the time when Obi-Wan Kenobi, after changing his name to Ben, would retire i n the lone hills of Anakin's birth planet, Tattooine, in order to keep an eye on young Luke Skywalker), because Padmé had given them to her, and she'd taken that "mission" very seriously, yet she didn't like being watched *that* closely.
Ash-Lynn sadly sat down on the sofa, wondering what she could do to distract herself from those hurtful thoughts, but couldn't come up with anything. And besides, she'd just received a cryptated message from Amidala, saying she was torn and just wished to die. Only, this time she sounded *serious*. That had scared her, and having to answer her with a message full of hope –that she herself had lost long ago- to cheer the former Queen up a bit had left her even more frantic. She hated lying. Especially to a friend.
After two months of holding on, she felt like she was actually going to burst. "I cannot cry now..." Padmé had always told her not to show her inner feelings, for it was dangerous making oneself more readable to the eyes of others. Once again being reminded of her friend caused her to finally give in. A lone tear fell down her cheek, soon followed by another one. She was alone there, on Artaxx, and couldn't open her heart to anyone; she'd been torn apart from her friends and relatives, and she felt so lonely... her shoulders were shaken with violent jolts, as a small sob escaped her lips.
Everything was so hopeless now... the Republic had clearly lost its power, and she sensed soon their efforts would be blown away by the Commercial Guilds, and that would be the end of democracy. And what could she do about it? Nothing! Absolutely nothing.
She tried to hold back the tears as she stood up and walked to her room. But as soon as she got there, she heard a soft voice speak from behind her.
"Is everything alright?" she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, then, with her back still towards the Jedi, she replied, as calmly as she could.
"Yes. I've hurt myself by bumping into a chair... that's all. I'm fine."
He turned her to face him by gently placing a hand on her arm.
"Then why, if I may ask, are you crying?"
She furoiusly swept away some tears with her hand, pressing so hard that it left her skin swollen and red, only worsening the situation.
"It's okay. I just... I just need some rest. I do not need your help and, most of all, I don't need your dammn pity! Now... Leave me alone. And that's an order."
With that she walked in her room, shutting the door right behind her. He sighed, but didn't go back to his own room.
Ash-Lynn sat on her bed, her elbows on her knees, and her forhead in her hands. "Calm...down. Calm... down." She kept telling herself, but there was no point in even trying. Now that she'd started she couldn't stop so easily... "Damn everyone. Damn Anakin, damn Tattooine, damn Darth Sidious, damn the Commercial Guilds!" She threw a pillow to the wall. Then, there was a soft knock on the door, soon followed by another one.
"Go away! I think I gave you an explicit order!"
"Let me in. Let me help you." Came the soft reply.
"You cannot help me. No one can!"
"Open the door, or else I'll do it myself." A slight change in his voice. A touch of anger in his tone, maybe. Enough to make her do as he'd bidden. As soon as he was free to enter, he took a few steps towards her, but she'd rushed to the opposite side of the room, and now pretended to be gazing outside the window.
"Listen. I'm not asking you to like me. I'm just saying that I am concerned for your state of mind, and that I am a bit worried about y-"
She finally turned to face him. At the sight before him he abruptly stopped. She was shaking, and desperately trying to hold back tears. She looked like a frightened frail young woman, although he knew she was trying to look (and be) as tough as she could manage.
"I'm sorry", he spoke in the end. "I should not have said that."
He ventured farther into the room, step by step, until he got close to her, then placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I'm losing it" she moaned.
"Come here" He pulled her in his arms, as she'd finally burst into tears. Being held by him almost reminded her of when her father used to hold her as a little girl, it might have not seemed passional, but surely comforting, and safe. Protecting. On his part, he was finding it hard to keep that calm when he was not being surveyed directly by Master Yoda. He WAS a Jedi Master, indeed, but he sure had not Yoda's experience, in the old Jedi's opinion he had become a little too *impulsive*, compared to his long-dead master, Qui Gonn, who'd been quite impulsive himself.
He thought he could easily handle this situation, but now... He led her to sit on the bed, without letting go of her. Her head was buried in his chest, her hand had seized the hem of his tunic (which she'd begun to soak with tears) and she was practically holding on to him. Words were useless.
After a few minutes her sobs finally turned to sniffs... it was all over, as quick as it had all begun, though he didn't let go of her too soon, and instead, after a moment of hesitation, placed a hand on her head, as if to protect her more. After a while he finally broke her silence.
"Are you feeling a little better, Ash-Lynn?"
"It's Lynn..." came a muffled voice.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Lynn. Lynn alone will do..." he smiled, than replied softly.
"Okay. Are you feeling a little better, Lynn?" He nodded against his tunic, still not pulling away.
"A little" His hand still on his head, he slowly began to stroke her hair. "Good."
"I'm sorry for addressing to you in such an irriverent manner before." He got back in full control of the situation, and gently pulled away; she was afraid to look directly at him. "I know this is not how I'm supposed to behave, but..."
"Don't say that"
Her eyes shot up.
"You needn't worry. You've been through a lot lately. We both have. Sometimes to give vent to your feelings is better than keep it all inside..." His eyes suddenly revealed a glimpse of deep sorrow, that was soon replaced by his usual coolness.
"And what about self-control? The-"
"Let's keep this between us", he leaned down so that his mouth was dangerously close to her ear. She shivered feeling his warm breath tickling that sensitive spot.
"...but I don't always agree with Master Yoda. And I am not ashamed to say it. When he doesn't hear, at least..." A small smile appeared on her lips now. He straightened himself up and kept on gazing at her.
"I suggest that you take some rest now, Lynn. You must be indeed very tired."
He helped her onto the bed, then pulled her covers up to her chin.
"I won't breathe a word with anyone about this." He whispered and now she thought she saw the corners of his mouth curling upwards for a moment. He then stood up with a "Goodnight, milady".
"Obi-Wan?" He turned to face her. She could clearly see his dark silouhette in deep contrast with the lights out in the corridor. A bit late came the answer:
"Don't call me that. Obi-Wan is dead. You can –you can call me Ben. Just Ben."
"Well... Thanks, *Just Ben*... she said with the softest voice she could come up with.
"You're welcome" he said to himself while shutting the door behind him as he exited the room.
She wanted to reflect about what had just happened... for once he'd been "human" towards her, he hadn't tried that force-crap on her, saying things could improve because of its power... He'd been honest, and she knew it must have been hard for him, so used to hide his innermost feelings to everyone as she was. He hadn't promised her it would soon get better, because he didn't think it possible. He'd just comforted her, without making any philosophical or metaphysical speeches, just holding her. But she was too tired to wonder how he would behave the following morning, and soon fell asleep, overwhelmed by a sudden weariness.
It was a dreamless, restful sleep, like she hadn't had in months.
Ben kneeled down on the floor of his room, deep in concentration. He needed to meditate. "Master Qui-Gonn", he thought. "I've made so many mistakes in my life, and I'm afraid it could happen again. I wish I could tell Yoda about it... but how can you easily admit to others that you're not as detached as you want and are supposed to be? What am I saying... I'm sure he knows all about it. But he hasn't told me anything... So I don't know what to do. It's so hard to live carrying this weight. That I wasn't strong enough to prevent my padawan from-" He stopped, for suddenly the voice of Qui-Gonn filled his ears with wise words that I cannot tell, for it is something between them, and them alone. Truth is, though, that it didn't soothe Kenobi's burning soul, but it gave him much comfort, and for the first time in months he could clearly forsee the presence of a hope, (thin as the light of a candle in the sea of darkness, as an embry in a woman's womb, but still, it was there), a hope that would become reality over twenty years later, when he would finally be able to make up for his past mistakes by training Luke Skywalker, the one who'd bring light where darkness dwelt. And even though he still didn't know the things we know now, his heart could rest in peace for one night, and his expression was not troubled when he finally fell asleep. He'd made peace with the Force, finally accepting that he was still not ready to become a hermit, as he'd longed for weeks. Not now. A task had been appointed to him, that is, protecting Lynn Gwaijin. He could keep his promise to Padmé Amidala, to a friend, and he would do it with all his strength, and all the cleverness and wisdom he could rely to, even if Yoda himself had anything to argue with it.
**************************************
So... what do you think of it? Is it *that* crappy??
By the way, I've ended it here because I honestly don't know how to continue it, but if you liked it, or have any suggestions... then please review and tell me what you think, okay?
Thanks so much in advance!!!