Chapter One: Hey Jealousy
Okay so one day, the sun was shining bright and the birds were chirping and whatever the fuck. A small cluster of pals were chillin' in a room at Canterlot High School, having band practice. It was not a school-endorsed band practice, they were just in a band. So why were they practicing at school, you ask? Well I don't know. I guess because it's just a stupid random school where everyone walks around doing whatever the fuck they want. I mean, have any of them ever even been to CLASS? No, not that I know of. Oh, they have lockers. They have a school library. They have a lunch period, and they have school dances but nope, no class. It's just a fuckin building where everyone just….goes for some reason.
Well anyway these friend-os were named Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash was the guitarist, Applejack was the bassist, Pinkie Pie was the drummer, and Fluttershy played tambourine. Yeah, it's obvious they just threw her in so she wouldn't be left out. Everyone was there except for a very important addition…..the keyboardist/pianist.
"Where the hell is Rarity?" Rainbow Dash demanded furiously.
"Heck if I know," Applejack replied, sitting on the floor with her bass guitar. "She's probably just waiting to make a dramatic entrance."
Just then, Rarity bursted in, with two guys pushing in a piano for her.
"Hello, darling friends!" Rarity said dramatically.
"Rarity, that was the stupidest dramatic entrance ever!" Rainbow Dash complained. "You know, if this System of a Down cover band is ever going to make it, then we need to actually be ON TIME to band rehearsals! And quit with the frigging dramatic shenanigans. It's getting really old!"
"Oh Rainbow, quit being such a McCartney," Rarity yawned. "We all want this band to work. Of course I don't really know why we need to play songs by those dreadful System of a Down rapscallions. I'll just never understand you with your hard rock."
"Well you know what Rarity?" Rainbow Dash said, getting angry. "You're the one who volunteered to play keyboard in this band, and it's MY band, I'm the frontwoman, and, you can just shut up, because I should be allowed to have a say in what kind of music we play…."
"Yeah but don't WE get a say too?" Applejack asked. "I mean, I don't mind your ideas and all, Rainbow, but why do we have to be a cover band at all? Why can't we make our own music?"
"We'll get to that, AJ, but for now we're just trying to get ourselves out there!" Rainbow dashed. "Y'know, we start off playing covers so we can get a hang of it and learn to play. Then we can start writing our own music."
"I'm shy," Fluttershy bitched.
"Well anyway," Applejack said, "I have a question. This is our first band practice by the way."
"Yes we all know that," Rarity said. "Why did you need to say that?"
"Well y'know, just to be sure everyone is aware of the background of what's going on here," Applejack said. "So anyway Dashy Rainbow Lady, I was just wonderin'...who is gonna be the lead singer? I mean, we can all sing fairly well and all."
"Well, me obviously," Rainbow Dash said. "I'm the frontwoman. And it was my idea to start a band. And you know, Fluttershy's too shy, Pinkie Pie's too hyper, you have too much of a country accent, Rarity has a snobby stuck-up rich girl accent, so of course, my awesome voice is the most suitable for rock music. Plus I do a great impression of Serj Tankian."
"Hey," a voice said from the doorway. "You gals got room for one more?"
Everyone looked up to see their old friend Twilight Sparkle chillin' by the door, lookin' cool and whatnot.
"oh my god its twilight oh wow yay," they all screamed excitedly hugging her and being excited or whatever the fuck.
"Twilight!" Applejack exclaimed. "I thought we'd never see you again!"
"Haha yeah," Twilight said, "me too. But you see I am a magic unicorn and so I figured out to magically create a magical portal that goes to and from the pony world to the human world magically. Whenever the heck-a-roonie I want. So yeah! Now I have TWO sets of best friends!"
"Yay," Fluttershy said shyly.
"Oh my god you know what I just realized I haven't even talked this whole time and I'm Pinkie Pie so I'm supposed to talk all the time lmao so yeah guys what's up are you excited that Twilight's here cause I'm excited man I wish I could be a pony hey Twilight what's it like being a pony can I visit the pony world some time man this band is gonna be so killer," Pinkie Pie said.
"Yeah cool," Rainbow Dash said. "So Twilight I'm so happy you're here! Wanna be in the band? We could use a rhythm guitarist!"
"Well I don't really know how to play guitar," Twilight said. "Especially since I'm not used to having hands and all. I was thinking maybe I could….like, sing."
Rainbow Dash laughed nervously.
"Haha good one, Twi," she chuckled. "We all know I'm gonna be the-"
"OMG Twilight that's a GREAT idea!" Pinkie bounced. "That would be SO AWESOME! Yeah YOU should be the singer!"
"Darling!" Rarity annoyingly said. "Why don't you sing something right now? You can consider it your audition!"
"Oh guys I'm too shy," Twilight said, blushing.
"But you're not even Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie said. "Come on Twilight just sing a little!"
"Well okay," Twilight said and she sang part of some song about her big brother best friend forever or something.
"Oh wow that was awesom1!" They all said except for Rainbow Dash, who was gettin' a little mad.
"Hey now," Rainbow Dash said, "let's not go crazy. She can't even sing System of a Down very well probably not."
"Oh, we're supposed to sing System of a Down?" Twilight asked. "I didn't know. Well in that case I can also do that."
She started to sing "Sugar" by System of a Down and she sounded JUST LIKE Serj Tankian.
"Wow!" Applejack gasped. "What talent! She can sing with a beautiful female voice, AND the voice of a crazy male Arab singing heavy metal very weirdly! She is definitely the winner of who gets to sing in Rainbow's band."
"You guys…." Rainbow whined, but before she could talk more, they heard a voice talking from the doorway for like the second time.
"What's up, you sluts?" said Sunset Shimmer, chillin' like a villain by the door. "Making your stupid retarded little band for ugly whores who no one likes?"
"Get lost, Sunset Shimmer," Applejack said angrily.
"Wait, I thought you were nice now!" Twilight Sparkle said, lost and confused.
"Ha! As if," Sunset Shimmer laughed. "People don't just CHANGE like that, Twat-light Sparkle. And you haven't changed either. Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry that'll never change."
"Hey!" Twilight Sparkle whined. "I'm not a whore….."
"Why do you even hang around here, Sunset Shimmer?" Rainbow Dash snarled. "No one even likes you. Canterlot High is no longer under your evil reign, and now everyone hates you cause you're a bitch!"
"Haha you're fat," Sunset Shimmer laughed. "Are you really that dense? It's not like I'm just gonna forget what you brats did to me. Nope, I will not rest until I destroy you guys and take back my place as rightful ruler of this school! And then everyone will know that you're all just some fat bitches who need to starve yourselves and commit suicide and you're probably all gonna get knocked up by Twilight's stupid boyfriend. L8R!"
She walked away, leaving the six girls to shake in anger.
"What….a…..fucking…...BITCH!" Rainbow Dash bursted. She began to angrily kick the microphone stand that was in there.
"She's right," Fluttershy sniffled. "I….I AM fat….."
She began to cry.
"You know what?" Applejack said. "Don't even listen to that cunt! We do NOT have to stand for any of her hootenanny shenanigannies! Why did we start this band, guys?"
"To be awesome?" Rainbow Dash suggested.
"Well that's a part of it I guess," Applejack said. "We started a band to have fun and bond over our love of music. But that's not the ONLY reason to start a band. It's not about money, or fame. And it's not COMPLETELY about music, neither. A TRUE band is about REBELLION. We are gonna start a music revolution. We're gonna take this whole cotton-pickin' world by storm, and all the Sunset Shimmers of the world are gonna be cryin' in their panties! We'll show her up one of these days. We will unite the world with love, tolerance and MUSIC!"
"YEAH!" Twilight agreed. "The world has no place for meaners like Sunset Shimmer. Our music will take a stand against all the hatred and cruelty in the world. We're gonna make this whole world a better place!"
They all agreed.
"Oh man I can't wait until this thing takes off," Rainbow Dash said gleefully.
"I know right?" Pinkie Pie said excitedly. "We're gonna be the bestest band in the whole wide world! After all, we have a super great guitarist, and an AWESOME singer!"
They all began to laugh and clap Twilight on the back and stuff, except for Rainbow Dash. At Pinkie Pie's last few words, her smile had faded, and she now stood alone in the corner, withdrawn, her mind clouded in envy.
She was almost envious enough…...TO KILL.
Just kidding.
Later that day, Twilight said goodbye to her friends and headed off back to Ponyville, promising to return the next day for band practice. She sighed heavily in her pony form as she stepped into her house.
"Hey Twilight!" Spike greeted cheerfully. "So how was your visit with the human friends?"
"Pretty awesome Spike!" Twilight beamed. "And, I'm going back tomorrow. We….are starting a band!"
"What?" Spike said. "No fair! I wanna come!"
"Relax, Spike," Twilight chuckled, ruffling his cute lil' dragon head with her purple hoof. "I'll bring you along tomorrow. I'm sure the gang will miss cute little puppy Spike!"
"Awesome!" Spike exclaimed. "Does that mean I get to be in the band too?"
"Of course not," Twilight laughed, crushing his little dragon dreams. "Don't be silly. Dogs can't be in people bands. Now, I'm going to bed. Remember, I want this house perfectly clean when I wake up!"
Spike bitterly began to mop the floor as she went upstairs to bed.
Twilight yawned, thinking excitedly about the awesome day she had ahead of her. Ever since she had been a little filly, she had secretly dreamt of singing in a rock band…..
She looked up at the poster she had hanging over her bed. It was a poster of her favorite rock star, Jon bon Poni. When she was a filly, her time would usually be spent reading books and studying, but when it wasn't, she would be found in her room, rocking out to her favorite song, "You Give Hooves a Bad Name." Man the pony puns just keep comin' don't they! They're pretty lame though. Lololololololololololol
Twilight laid down in bed, tucked her wings under the blanket, and closed her eyes. That night, her dreams were filled with visions of her up on the stage with her good friends, singing for crowds of millions, with her boyfriend Flash Sentry sitting next to Jon bon Poni himself in the front row.
Yes….that was the life for her.
As soon as Rainbow Dash got home, she threw her jacket down on the floor and went up to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Her day had been absolutely RUINED. First Sunset Shimmer had been a raging bitch, and now Twilight, one of her best friends, just had to SABOTAGE her entire band?! It had been HER idea to start a band! She was the frontwoman, and the frontwoman had to be the singer. Why don't we just pull a Fall Out Boy and have the stupid bassist do all the talking? Rainbow Dash thought bitterly. Ha! As if. She supposed Twilight would be taking complete control over the band now.
And of course her friends would let her. Some friends they were! Sure, she was as happy as the next girl to see Twilight come back, but did they HAVE to let her just take Rainbow's place? I mean, come on. Doesn't Rainbow matter too? Wait, why am I talking like the narrator is the one thinking this? It was Rainbow Dash who was thinking this way.
So obviously they liked Twilight better than her. Why doesn't Twilight just start her own damn band, Rainbow pout-thought.
They are all against me, Rainbow thought, eyeing the butcher knife she kept on her bedside table. She sighed. Sometimes pretending that she was a psychopath and was going to kill all her friends helped her relax a little bit.
Of course, she would never do anything to hurt her friends.
Especially killing them horribly. Cause that's just sick.
But yeah she was pretty pissed off though.
Man, Rainbow thought, if this house was the hotel from The Shining, I would totally just go crazy and murder all my friends! That'd show them! But it's not. It's just an ordinary house that I live in. All alone. Do I even have parents? Guess not. Oh well. I'd probably just think about killing them too.
Rainbow Dash sighed and closed her eyes. That night, her dreams were plagued with visions of herself up on the stage, singing…..but suddenly the crowd was booing. Twilight suddenly began to sing instead, and the crowd all cheered. Her friends were all clapping…..for Twilight. They handed Twilight the guitar….Rainbow Dash's own guitar, that she had gotten for her sixteenth birthday.
As Rainbow Dash's best friends began to cheer for Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow was suddenly plunged into Twilight's shadow, alone and forgotten.