AN: So, this is kinda a mildly incoherent (though nothing compared to how incoherent some of my oneshots have gotten) ramble of what I think it'd be like if Uryu kept a diary. With a slightly humorous edge and some pointing out of serious character flaws that I noticed while actually just trying to refresh myself on Bleach material. Because you really have to admit, there is some seriously unnecessary violence and rough treatment that is really ironic coming from a guy who claims his goal is to protect as many people as he can. And yes, there are some issues with Uryu claiming the moral higher ground here, but I'm fairly sure the Hollow bait wasn't intended to be that effective, it was supposed to be something manageable by the two of them without hurting others (considering that he's usually quite moral, I have a hard time believing he would purposefully endanger random people), so I personally believe his crime was a complete accident, whereas Ichigo's actions were just so many levels of deliberate. So, this will also attempt to lampshade any problems I find with Bleach while also remaining in character. I, er, hope this works?

Updates here are going to be very irregular, depending on when I have the time and the inspiration, cause this does require combing through canon a bit to get my facts as straight as possible, and god, I have zero motivation. I'm not even exaggerating. I came up with this idea in July and then wrote part of this chapter before giving up. The rest of it was all written today.

Anyways, since I'm writing this, I might as well point out I have a poll/contest/thing on A Bored Shinigami is a Dangerous Shinigami that should've ended in June, but since no one has voted in months, is still ongoing. Seriously, people, this is getting ridiculous, and some characters (including Uryu) only need one more vote to win.

Someone please suggest a better genre for this story than General

Okay, I'll shut up now. On to the story.

I moved out of home today. When I told Ryūken, he just adjusted his glasses and said something about expecting my imminent failure and not to come crawling back to him. Honestly, the man. I can tolerate his insults about the Quincy (just barely), I can deal with the way he disrespects Grandfather (if I tune him out). But sewing? That, when combined with all the others, I cannot stand for! How dare Ryūken demean my favored past time! My kingdom for a horse, indeed. Only, I never liked this place anyways.

And sewing is an excellent hobby. So f*ck you, Ryūken.

. . . even in a private journal, I cannot bear to write out swears.

I went to see Don Kanonji's live TV program. I'm not sure why. That man is an utterly insipid fool and the ability to see spirits is wasted on him. The idiot actually stuck his staff inside the Plus' hole and turned it into a hollow! Grrr! D*mn you, universe! At least give the spirit seeing to someone harmless, if you won't give it to someone useful!

I was going to intervene, but then that delinquent with radioactive hair from my school showed up in a shinigami shihakushō (why am I not surprised that he is one? They, like him, are all brute force numskulls lacking functional brains) and started taking care of it. So I left. Might as well let the idiot do the work for me; then a shinigami could actually be of some use to a Quincy for once. And I could've always handled it if he screwed up.

Surprisingly enough, he didn't.

I saw the shinigami and his friends talking and laughing after getting off scot-free from punishment for the Don Kanonji debacle. Honestly, they shouldn't be so proud of that! Fleeing from authorities — they're such delinquents! They cannot always run away from their problems! What do they expect to do when they grow up?

Then the short shinigami girl he was with dragged him off for a second and they went Hollow hunting. There wasn't a Hollow; I had already handled it by the time they arrived. But their tactics! The shinigami was most upset that he had to get "dressed up for nothing" and completely ignored the anguish of the sobbing spirit in front of them. And when they wanted information, they spoke in threatening tones, grabbed the spirit roughly and even kicked him twice! And again, the shinigami! He said he didn't care about the spirit's issues and then performed konso without explaining what it was, leaving the poor spirit confused and frightened about what was happening to him, especially since the shinigami was pointing a huge sword at him! What kind of immoral monsters are they?

On second thought, I can answer that. The kind who left my grandfather to die.

. . .

I was going to check my ranking on the list today when I heard the shinigami call me "Ametatsu". Ametatsu. Really? For God's sake, my name is read as Uryū. Even Ryūken isn't so cruel as to name his son Ametatsu! Hmph. Well, I guess I couldn't have expected any better from a shinigami. I'm surprised he even got my surname right.

. . . my God, the shinigami is ranked twenty-third on the list. The world is ending. Call the army.

. . .

They ran past me in the hall to get to the next Hollow. Have they no concern for the people around them? What if they crashed into someone?

No matter, I will beat them to this Hollow as well. Without being a reckless idiot. I will never allow a shinigami to defeat me.

I've heard that the principal wants the shinigami's autograph. For what? Being an emotionally-stunted unnecessarily violent moron?

. . .

I ran into them tonight. And again, the shinigami only seems to care that he expended unnecessary effort, not that there could've been (and was) danger. I revealed to them that I know who they are, though I'm not quite sure what the point of that was. I'm sure it seemed cool, though. I also showed them my bow technique and basked a little in the wonder of my glory. Silently, of course.

Take that, Ryūken! Mr. "Being a Quincy is not a proper life path"

It seems, though, that he is even stupider than I thought. He cannot even comprehend something as simple as, "Shinigami are my enemy." There are quite literally four words in that sentence.

Inoue-san brought the shinigami to the Handicrafts Club today. I could hear him saying, "He's not a real member because he's not doing macrame," or something along the lines. Hpmh. Well, I certainly showed him. I made it especially dramatic just for that.

. . .

The shinigami followed me home. And he thought he was being subtle. There was quite literally no one else in the area; how could I not notice? Especially with how ridiculous his spiritual pressure is!

. . .

. . . I am utterly speechless.

At Kurosaki's sheer stupidity.

To settle the matter once and for all, I used some Hollow bait to summon a few to Karakura Town. He should've been able to handle it easily. I will admit the Menos Grande wasn't supposed to show up, but that's not the point.

The point is that Kurosaki is a moron!

Who thinks their power is on full-throttle all the time? For that matter, who would put their power on full throttle all the time? That's just an easy way of getting yourself killed! Not to mention, what kind of dimwit decides a good way to defeat an enormous Hollow is rushing at it and cutting its legs off from the bottom up? His sword was absolutely puny in comparison, he was lucky he wasn't killed! Even once his farce of a plan ended up with him getting kicked away mercilessly (served him right!) he ignored the one I carefully devised and did something of his own idiotic measure! Who's the one who kept preaching about teamwork, again? And then I had to go and save his stupid shinigami life!

Alright, I know the situation was my fault to begin with, now shut up, conscience!