Disclaimer: I don't own the Percy Jackson or Heroes of Olympus series, RR does.
Suggested listening: Avril Lavigne - Runaway (the story came out a bit different than it was supposed to, but the song had been my source of inspiration anyway)
Runaway
She'd had enough.
Yeah, she was the head Hunter of the Hunters of Artemis. She was supposed to look after her fellow hunters, help them out, make sure they always had enough of everything. But, for gods' sake, she too could have weaker moments! She too could have enough of Rose's moaning and Beth's complaints. She could be tired of them, right?!
On nights like that she'd be sitting in front of her tent, gazing at the stars and basking in the sweet silence of the sleeping Hunt. She'd look for Zoë's constellation in the navy-blue sky and ask her How the hell did you manage not to freak out with them?! Then she'd fall deep into her thoughts and analyze, argue with herself... Recall the old times...
That night she was doing it again. Sitting on cool grass of the evening deep forest, she allowed herself to have her own, personal moment of reflection. No Hunt to care about. No obligations she had to fulfill. Just herself and her thoughts.
Her mind had immediately run across a topic to dig into. How long hadn't she seen them all? Life as an eternal runaway didn't help her keep in touch with her nearest and dearest. Other than her fellow hunters, that was.
As far as she was concerned, Jason and Piper had long finished their studies, had got engaged and were looking for their own place near Camp Half-Blood at the moment. Of course, they weren't on duty but were trying to help Chiron in whatever they could. Like a part-time job in one's relative's small shop on the corner. Only the shop didn't really sell anything and the corner meant the east coast of the US. She sighed. Or maybe everything had changed since she'd last been updated with the news?
Percy and Annabeth had been working for New Rome when she'd last met them, and that was on their wedding. They hadn't wanted to wait and had started the preparations long before their age had allowed them to become Mr. and Mrs. Jackson. Thalia smiled. It was good that they could have a happy ending after all they'd been through, including literally living in hell for some time. She knew they'd never leave each other's side and be happy together.
Frank and Hazel, whom she'd got to know at the celebration after the war, were leading their peaceful life together in Camp Jupiter. They had no serious rows or conflicts, understood one another without words and got their perfect relationship praised to no end. There was even a rumor that he would soon propose to her but was too scared she'd decline. Ugh. Sweet boredom, she thought. But sometimes her mind quietly wondered if she wouldn't like to have some of that tedium for herself, for a change...
Reyna, the kickass Roman girl she'd grown quite fond of (it was a real shame she wouldn't join the Hunt), left her position as a praetor to some Apollo's legacy or whoever, named Octavian. The guy had been surprisingly useful to the camp, Jason had once told her. Not that she was the one to judge, not even knowing what could have gone wrong with that blond in charge. Reyna had then moved to Camp Half-Blood to nurse her newly started (and widely gossiped about) relationship with the former Camp Jupiter bomber (oh, sweet irony). And, of course, no one had been supposed to know about their wooing. Right.
She stretched her back and yawned. She was dead tired but didn't quite feel like going to sleep yet. Instead, her mind became throwing itself into the deepest lane of thoughts she'd always been trying to avoid - regrets. It was always like that. Those thoughts attacked her when her mind was most defenseless and never wanted to let go. She sighed, buried her face in her hands and run her fingers through her hair. Be strong, Thalia. If there's no running away from them, at least face them with dignity.
Immediately, an image of young Jason displayed itself in her head. He'd been playing with toy cars on the soft yellow carpet in his room and she'd been sitting beside him, smiling. She'd had to keep an eye on him, to prevent any more incidents like the one with the stapler. Fortunately, the wound had been healing quickly. He'd then lifted his head to look at her with those huge, shining electric-blues of his and give her a warm smile that had still lacked some teeth.
She wished she hadn't lost all those years with her brother. When they'd reunited, he was a grown-up teen, almost older then herself, in some way, as when she had stopped aging, her body had been about 16 years old. It was still weird to her, how she could have missed so many moments almost in a blink of an eye.
Sometimes, like that night, just for few instants, she thought about leaving the Hunt and joining Jason in his settled life. Spending time with that blond sweetie, taking care of his and Piper's children, getting old together, as a family? Yeah, she'd certainly have enjoyed that.
But she couldn't.
She wanted to be there for him, to be a good big sister he'd barely ever had, but she just couldn't. Not then, when she had a group of teenage girls to look after. To make the matters worse, she really loved her life like that. Always on run, not getting used to familiar places and faces, with which and whom cutting the bonds had always hurt. It was her life now and she couldn't imagine it another way round. She would see them a few times in a year and it had to be enough, because there simply wasn't any other appropriate solution.
But sometimes she dreamed it could be different... Maybe, only maybe... If only she'd found out he'd been alive earlier... Or if he hadn't got taken away at all... Everything could have been different.
She wouldn't have run away. She would have stayed. Maybe their mother wouldn't have fallen as much as she had. Maybe they could have been happy. So she wouldn't have had to leave.
Then she wouldn't have met him and her. Luke and Annabeth. Her second attempt to create a family.
She wouldn't have learnt what it felt like to be getting used to trusting a total stranger, to spend every minute of your existence with them, fight for your lives together. She'd never have got to know what it was like to find somebody who understood, somebody you'd gladly die for. As she'd almost done.
She felt a single tear roll down her cheek and rubbed it off with her jacket's sleeve. He'd hurt her, hurt her like nobody had ever tried to. Their family had been killed by his hands. She'd been dying for him and what he'd paid her with?! He'd stuck to Kronos. He'd made the mistake that had destroyed them.
She snorted. Had there even ever been anything like them? Had he felt anything similar to what she'd felt? What she was still feeling? Because if he had, why hadn't he been with them, with her and Annabeth, back then, on Mount Orthys? Wouldn't it have been the elementary need for one to live then, maybe just after breathing? Hadn't he felt what cleaving pain it was to oppose him, to fight against him, instead of by his side? She smiled sadly.
Seemed like she was the only dupe that had ever believed that in that dragon's cave they'd found the one they wanted to spend their life with. She chuckled bitterly at her own stupidity and closed her eyes, feeling even worse then before she'd treated him like dirt.
Because no matter what she'd been telling herself, what she'd wanted to believe in, she'd always felt he'd had his rights. What he'd done hadn't been chosen because he'd been bad, no. He'd just felt it would have been the sacrifice needed to finally make something, anything better. The only way to do that, that was. So, all in all, he had been a hero, disguised in a villain's gold-eyed cloak.
So why hadn't she gone to him? Why had she declined? They could have been happy together, right? It had always been them against the world, what had been different then?
The answer was simple, she felt. One word covering the unlimited feelings to one person.
Annabeth.
If she hadn't had anyone to stay with on the good side, she'd gladly crossed the fine line she'd felt when him and her had been talking for the last time. If it hadn't been her, she'd probably have changed her outlook, no matter how ridiculous it would have seemed first. Annabeth had been what had kept her in her common sense. Because, really, if she'd been alone, she'd have sticked to him, only to him, no matter how lethal that path would have been to the world. She just wouldn't have been able to stop herself. She shivered at the terrifying thought of how narrow the escape she'd made had been. Annabeth had been what had saved her. She'd had to stay to protect her friend, her sister. Her daughter..?
And if she was her mother, then Luke was...
She shook her head, trying to get rid of that thought. Their family was gone now. Nothing could change that. He'd chosen his path. She'd chosen hers.
The only question was, what cruelty had made them go in the opposing directions..?
Had he been good or had he been bad? Had she made a good decision? The never-ending loop of dilemmas she'd been trying hard to escape...
Suddenly, a strange vision approached her.
She could see herself and him, relaxing in the shade of the trees near Camp Half-Blood lake. She was trying to read some book but he didn't let her, lifting himself on his elbows from laying flat on the ground on his stomach and covering the pages with his scarred face's grin.
She'd never been turned into a tree. They'd never been separated.
"C'mon, Thalia! I've asked a question!" he almost whined. She rolled her eyes.
"What's the topic again..?" she asked, trying to push him away from the book. He sat up straight in one swift motion and grabbed his ankles, swaying a bit and looking her deep into the eyes with the blue, blue pools she adored so much.
She felt a blush creeping onto her face. She marked the page and put the reading away for the time being. "Would you join somebody... bad, if they offered you to have an opportunity to make a change..?" Luke asked quietly with a serious look on his face.
Gods, he was so handsome... And his slightly raspy voice was such a mesmerizing melody... Damn it, Thalia, focus! She blinked a few times to blur his image in her eyes (as if she hadn't already known his looks and every other part of him by heart) and chuckled nervously. "You're saying it as if you've already been offered something like this..!" she tried to sound cheerful.
His expression fell even more. She frowned. No way he had, right? "Don't tell me you've met... somebody..?" she questioned quietly. He looked away and fastened his eyes on Annabeth playing with her Athena siblings - meaning building one marvel of sandcastle architecture after another.
"And if I have..." he mumbled, not looking at her "What would you say..?"
"Who..?" she croaked out. She'd always believed in his words, so then it wasn't any different. Luke grabbed some twig and started peeling it like he did when he was nervous.
"Kronos..." he whispered, blushing. Thalia's eyes widened. He couldn't see it, his sight plastered on his hands and the piece of wood. "He visited me in me dreams..."
She couldn't help but snort. He looked at her, seeming slightly offended. "And you believed him? My lovely grandpa who couldn't even come to you in person?" she asked, trying to sound certain, which she wasn't. Would Luke really go for that geezer's deceiving?
It seemed that he would, as his expression remained serious. "Why shouldn't I?" he asked quietly, hurt heard in his voice. "He hates the gods as much as we do, he's an ally in that way" his voice remained quiet, but she noticed a disturbing twinkle in his eyes.
He really believed Kronos. Or at least wanted to believe him.
She did the first thing that came to her panicking mind. She grabbed his hand, which caused him to shudder and his eyes to regain their normal look. "You can't believe him" she said, her voice shaking. It couldn't be happening, Luke couldn't become bad. "He'll use you and do... A lot of harm to the world..." she tried not to look in Annabeth's direction, like doing that could already send Kronos' army upon her.
"So you wouldn't join me..?" he asked, his voice sad, but not as sad as his eyes. He was looking at her in a way that made her think she was the wrong one. Leaving him, betraying him. But she wasn't, right?!
"Luke..." she whispered through tight throat threatening to be the first sign of an upcoming sob "Please... We'll find another way... You and I, together... We can do anything, right..?" she tried to smile at him. He frowned, anger appearing on his face. He clutched her fingers stronger and pulled her hand fiercely to make her touch the scar on his face.
"Really? They are just going to use us over and over again. We alone are too weak, Thalia" his calm voice sent arrows towards her heart.
She forced her imagination to stop the scene and rubbed the smudged eyeliner off her cheeks.
Would she have been able to stop him? Or would he have made her join him, in the end?
Could it have been even more of a nightmare than it already have? Or could they have had a happy ending?
She inhaled deeply. It was no use thinking about those things anymore. Not then, when he was gone and nothing could change that.
She stood up and slowly walked to her tent. Shooting one last look at the dark sky, she mumbled quietly "I'm sorry for not being there for you when it could have changed anything... Luke..."
X
I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
I just want to fall and lose myself
Laughing so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and runaway yeah
ZJeM, 15-25.01.14
From author:
I'm not a good one to write Thaluke, 'cause they are really tragic, I think. My optimistically idiotic brain can't seem to get the mood right. Sorry.
And I'm double sorry for the amount of mistakes I probably made. Too much past sentences and verb changes have overpowered me. ;)
THANKS FOR READING!
PS. To those of you that are reading In the Rhythm of Calypso: I'm sorry for the delay, chapter 6 is on its way. ;)
PSS. Do polskich fanów Leyny: powoli zbieram się z nową wielorozdziałówką. :D