The Nature of Happy Endings, a misc. tv shows fanfic

The Nature of Happy Endings

Yuri Mita was sitting in a café in Heaven, sipping tea and minding his own business, when a strange woman walked up to him, bitch-slapped him across the face, and screamed, "Your psycho wife tried to drown my daughter!"

Or, the story of how Mita's husband met the Asuda family's mother—after they were both dead.

(Because Kaseifu no Mita needs more love!)

Warning: spoilers for the entire drama, from the beginning to the last episode. Also, will not make sense unless you have watched the drama.

XXX

Attempting to brush tea off his shirt and his face with a napkin, Yuri said weakly, "What has Akari done this time?"

"Akari? Oh, you mean Mita-san? My daughter asked if she could see me again if she died, and that crazy bitch just started walking her into a lake! She was seriously going to drown them both!"

"Um. But she's not dead, is she?" Yuri asked anxiously.

"Of course not, if she was I'd be beating the crap out of her instead of settling for you! Or do you mean my lovely Kii? She's fine, her wonderful brother Kakeru saved her. No thanks to that deranged women."

Yuri would have liked to defend his wife, but since he really didn't have any doubt that she'd done exactly what this woman said, there wasn't much he could say. He settled for not apologizing to her about his wife's behavior while fixing her with a pointed glare.

The glare seemed to have no effect, but she was already calming down. Crossing her arms across her chest, she said, "What is with your wife, anyway? Does she really do anything anyone tells her? Was she like that when you married her? Does the housekeeping service know about this? Are my children in any danger? Can't we do anything?"

Yuri sighed, and, giving up on his white shirt (which from this day forth would forever do white with tan splotches), deposited the soggy napkin on the table. "Yes, no, yes, only if they do something stupid, no. And for the first one: it's complicated."

Yuri did not intend to tell the woman (who later introduced herself as Nagiko Asuda) everything about his wife and the private nature of his death, especially not when she kept calling Akari a psycho-bitch despite clearly being no Yamato Nadeshiko herself. And she kept dragging him off to the living world with her, as if he didn't have an underage son to look after upstairs, and as if they could do anything as ghosts anyway. If she didn't seem satisfied with the explanation that Mita-san had gotten a little depressed after her husband and son died in front of her, then that was her problem.

"But really, there has to be a better way to deal with grief than lighting things on fire," she grumbled. "First she burns all my stuff, not that I'm using it anymore, but that butsudan was expensive. Now my husband has her lighting papers on fire in the house, the hopeless idiot."

Seeing Akari like this was…hard, and Yuri was feeling just bruised enough to speak without thinking. "I really don't think you're one to talk about coping with grief, seeing how you killed yourself over a lousy affair."

"WHAT? How did you find out about that?"

"Your husband just spilled the beans while your daughter was eavesdropping."

Every ounce of color drained from Nagiko's transparent face. "Oh crap…"

Yuri sadly attempted to wipe the remains of his orange juice off his head. At least this time it was a cold drink. He probably wouldn't feel safe to drink tea again until Nagiko Asuda stopped feeling the urge to pour his beverages over his head.

"What now?" he asked wearily.

"She's actually going to kill him!"

"Did another of your children try to commit suicide? Look, they'll only back out at the last minute—kids that young don't really want to die."

"No, you fool! Kaito told her to kill the boy who's been bullying him at school, and she looks like she's actually going to do it! How can my son have to bear that kind of guilt for the rest of his life? What if he's charged by the police as an accomplice?"

"WHAT?" Yuri shrieked, jumping to his feet, all attempts to wring orange juice out of his hair forgotten. "Do you mean to tell me that your sadistic little brat has my Akari trying to kill a middle-schooler?"

"Are you trying to blame this on Kaito?"

"He knows full well that Akari does everything that she's ordered to!"

"It was a joke! What kind of person actually kills someone? He had to think that she wasn't serious!"

She saw the look on his face. "She is serious, isn't she? Damn."

"See, look? The fact that he came to stop her proves the he knew full well that she was serious! This is all his fault."

"Aw, Kaito, I'm so proud of you!" Nagiko sniffled as he head-butted the bully.

Even Yuri felt a little sorry about what happened next. Nagiko was desperately sobbing as her children layered their scorn on her husband (widower) before leaving the house. He wanted to ask her, "isn't this what you wanted when you killed yourself? Weren't you trying to blame him, to ruin him with you?" But it seemed too cruel.

He had to leave. His son had a football game. American football, no less—Yuri blamed the influence of Eyeshield 21.

"She's kidnapped my daughter now," Nagiko wailed, her tears not doing anything to deter her aim as she kicked Yuri in the shins. "This is for you, you rotten kidnapper! If you seriously let Kii hurt herself then I will make your eventual afterlife miserable!" For some reason, she kicked Yuri again.

"Ow! Look, can we talk this out in private? Preferably without anyone getting kicked?" A bunch of highschoolers had gathered around to stare, but none of them looked interested in getting involved. What did this say about the moral fiber of today's youth?

"Dad?" Yuri's son appeared behind him, holding his backpack. "Can we go now? Why is a strange woman kicking you?"

"Ah, if you'll just give me a minute-"

"How can a woman with a child of her own be so heartless? And why hasn't anyone checked her into a hospital before now? You can bet if I was still alive I'd-"

"Is she talking about mom? Dad, what's going on? You said mom had gotten better, and we couldn't see her anymore because we'd get in the way of her new life!"

Yuri clamped a hand over Nagiko's mouth. "Mind if I talk to you in private for a bit?" He hissed.

"I'm glad your wife saved my daughter from falling to her death. Sorry I called her a psycho bitch."

"It's okay."

"Is your son still not speaking to you?"

"Yes."

"I, uh…sorry about that."

"It would have had to come out sooner or later. I just wanted to shield him as long as I could. No one should have to see their mother the way Akari is now, but I at least wanted him to be old enough to understand."

"He's Kakeru's age now, right?"

"Yes."

"I thought…I was hoping that they would all reconcile. At least try for Kii's sake. Instead Yui is just alienating her father and her grandfather now. I keep talking to her, but nothing seems to get through."

Yuri sighed. "You can't talk to them, Nagiko-san. No matter what you say or do they can't hear you. All you can do is watch and not affect anything, and that quickly becomes too painful to bear. They will make their own choices and their own mistakes. It's no good watching over the living, they are beyond our touch. Believe me, I know. From bitter experience."

"You're a really nice guy, aren't you, Yuri-san? Too nice for your own good. Thanks for trying." Nagiko blinked back her tears as she faded away.

Yuri grabbed Nagiko by the front of her blouse and screamed, "Do you know what your pervert son is doing to my wife?"

Nagiko shot a glance behind her at the other members of her bookclub and said, "If you'll excuse me for a moment, ladies?"

"What kind of mother raises a boy with such complete disrespect for women, to take advantage of someone mentally vulnerable, only a worthless piece of human trash would-"

"No, I can handle it. I probably deserve it even. Now if you'll just excuse me…"

Nagiko patted Yuri on the arm. "There, see, it's alright. I told you he wouldn't go through with it. Even before Yui stopped him, he was already backing off."

"I guess you're right. I'm terribly sorry for my earlier behavior, Nagiko-san. In fact, next time I saw you I wanted thank you for talking to my son."

"Least I can do, given I'm the one who created that mess to start with. I always did act without thinking. By the way, your wife is a pretty cool lady."

"I always liked her."

"Look, I get that we can't change anything, but it doesn't do them any harm for us to watch them, does it?"

"No, it doesn't."

"I thought I was decent at cooking, but damn. Mita-san is far too perfect. My kids are going to remember me as a failure of a mother because they're going to compare me to her!"

Yuri patted her on the back comfortingly. "Don't worry about it, people never remember any of your bad points once you're dead. Akari only obsesses about how wonderfully happy we were together. She never remembers the times when I forgot to pick up something she asked for on the way home, or that time I worked late because I forgot we had plans to see a movie that evening, or the many days I forgot my bag at home and she had to bring it to me, or the time I forgot to put on the brake and we went crashing into the back of the garage-"

"So basically, you're a very forgetful person, Yuri-san?"

"Err, I feel I should apologize for this one."

"Not your fault, not even her fault. We already established that my kids should know better than to ask Mita-san for anything they don't mean."

"But Yui couldn't have-"

"Having someone who will do whatever you want is a temptation for your worst impulses. But I raised my children well enough that they should know that the person who gives into their impulses is to blame. And I have a feeling that Mita-san wouldn't really have killed Yui."

"She has a black-belt in akido, so it's possible she wasn't putting her full effort into it."

"Is it weird that when she was trying to stab my daughter with a knife, I thought that Mita-san looked kind of cool?"

"…I feel strongly that everything that is wrong with your children comes from your side of the family."

"Heh. I always wanted to send a bomb threat to my school. But to do it after you've already graduated, Keiichi really is a late bloomer."

"I thought it was very responsible of him to admit to it, even though he could have gotten away with it."

"But he got Mita-san taken away by the police. What a tattle-tell. Oh Keiichi, if you get Mita-san arrested, who will do all the housework? You never could so much as boil water."

"Nagiko-san, even if you whack him over the head, he can't hear you."

"Pity I didn't do it when I was alive. If I hadn't been trying so hard to be the perfect wife, if I'd just been myself occasionally, I might have made Keiichi feel less smothered, and maybe we could have had a real relationship. Worked things out one way or another."

"Regrets are-"

"Useless now, yes I know."

"She's right, you know. Your wife. I didn't really kill myself. I thought about it, sure. But when I wrote up that note I was just trying to scare Keiichi into compliance. And then when he didn't believe me, well he was right that I was bluffing, which just made me more angry. I thought I would make him believe that I would actually kill myself, and then he'd be sorry. I told him I'd drown myself at the river, but he didn't come, and I was so angry and stubborn that I just stayed there waiting for him. Then I went in a little too deep and the current got strong so fast. Such a stupid way to die. Maybe suicide would be less embarrassing."

"At least your children know the truth. They understand that you didn't mean to leave them."

"I wish I could thank Mita-san. Gods, what she told them, she's suffered so much more than I ever had. And Yuri, I'm so sorry. What your family went through makes my family look pathetic. And unlike us, none of it was your fault."

"That's not true. I share a large portion of the blame. I knew Akari wasn't comfortable with her brother, and I kept letting him come over. I had some arrogant idea about reconciling them, single-handedly giving Akari back her family, when I didn't know anything. I didn't even know about her stepfather's harassment until now. And then, when I found out about her brother's real nature—I was so angry. I was angry at Akari for not telling me the truth. But at the same time I knew why she had done it, I knew how deep her scars were where her family was concerned. So I was angry at myself for not seeing it. And I was angry at Akari for not trusting me enough to know I wouldn't blame her. And deep down, I blamed myself for not being the person who she could tell this to. It made me feel like a bad husband.

I was the one who started the violence. I just had to punch her brother in the face, make myself feel like a man. I should have handled the situation carefully. Maybe I even should have called the police. But I punched him, in order to protect my own pride. I let things escalate and I couldn't protect them when he set the house on fire. My son's death and my wife's suffering are both my burden to bear."

"Maybe it's foolish to assign guilt and blame in these situations. I'm sorry."

"I've come to terms with everything a long time ago. You aren't to blame either, Nagiko."

"Yuri, is Mita-san going to come back to my family?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I think that's the only way she can be saved."

"The house next door? Really?"

"Really."

"You don't think Mita-san did that on purpose, do you?"

"No, not her. Akemi Harumi is a very clever woman."

Much later…

"I apologize for ever calling your family dysfunctional."

"Hah. We're not as crazy as that hag next door, at least."

"Oh, kids, I'm so proud of you!" Nagiko sobbed.

"I thought you'd be furious. I can't deny that Akari put them in danger."

"Oh, I want to be furious. But I can't, I'm just too proud of them. Even my worthless husband Keiichi really came through. He had the backbone to get angry at Mita, to challenge her, and then to tell her to come home. Finally not running away from his problems. Oh, Yui, Kakeru, Kaito, Kii, the way they grabbed that candle, not one of them would back down."

"I know."

"I don't have to worry about them anymore, do I?"

"With that kind of strength, they're going to be fine."

"Someday I'll be able to tell them how proud I am. They're going to live long and happy lives, and by the time they die they'll be old grandmothers and grandfathers, but I'm still going to tell them how proud I am for this day."

"So she's going to be the mother now? I feel like I can accept her."

"I wonder about that. Akari isn't the type to forgive herself so easily."

"Does this mean she's going to marry Keiichi?"

"It seems your children have the same question."

"Ha ha ha! She had the marriage certificate already filled out! Look at his face! Your wife is one absolutely amazing woman. I think I'm in love."

"Humph. Keiichi-san has no idea how to propose to a woman. That's no way to treat a lady, not an ounce of romance."

"You got that right. He never even proposed to me!"

"I proposed to Akari by hiring a magician to make the ring appear out of a bouquet of flowers. After respectfully making my intentions known in advance to confirm that she was receptive, of course. It's rude to surprise a woman in public."

"So, now that your wife is marrying my husband, how are we planning to handle that after they die?"

"Well, it's a common situation up here and-"

"I feel this situation could best be solved with a four-way open relationship."

"Eh?"

"Is Mita-san the type to be a strict mother?"

"It's the opposite. She was completely doting, which left me to provide the discipline."

"Can't really see you in that role."

"Sadly, you're right. I had to talk to her about the fact that Hiro was getting spoiled."

"So if it's not tough love for the kids, should I assume that she's trying to light my picture on fire because she hates me?"

"I think Akari is trying to make a point, actually. She can be pretty passive aggressive. I forgot our anniversary one year, and I went around with my tie crooked for a week before I realized what I'd done wrong."

"Maybe she wants to drive them away. I'd hate to see her succeed, after all we've been through."

"I wonder about that. I feel that Akari wouldn't leave the children without a mother, after having promised to act as one. She must have something in mind."

"I can't believe Mita-san deliberately set my husband up with my sister. There goes my dream of a threesome with her. And I could never share with my sister."

Yuri said, "I saw Akari smile, and that's all I need. Hope, after so long. I can let her do anything as long as it gives her a little happiness."

"You don't think she's still running away?"

"Oh, she's running. But those amazing kids of yours won't let her become a stranger. And now that she's let herself smile, she can't pretend she's not human anymore. Thank you so much for everything, Nagiko. I had given up before you started dragging me back to see her again. If it weren't for you, I never would have been here to see this. And I'm sorry you didn't manage to set Keiichi up with Akari."

Nagiko looked at him speculatively. "On second thought, Urara can have my dolt of an ex. I just want Mita-san. So how about it? You, me, we'll keep a place open for her?"

"How do I know that you don't just want me for my wife?"

"I want you for your great taste in wives!" They both laughed, but then Nagiko sobered up. "Actually, I like you for many reasons. Because you're kind, because you're wise, because you raised an amazing son, because you're the only person I know who bears all his sorrow without taking it out on anyone else, because you helped me accept my death and find a reason to be glad I still exist, and because I already know that you like crazy women."

"Is that a proposal?"

"Nonsense, I want you to propose to me; every girl deserves one decent proposal. Surprise me."

"In the meantime, may I kiss you?"

"I thought you'd never ask." She tackled him.

The End