To: Edge
From: Christian
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in Kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
To: Eve Torres
From: Kelly Kelly
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
To: Lita
From: Trish Stratus
About: Matt Hardy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
To: Matt Hardy
From: Jeff Hardy (and Edge)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
To: Chris Jericho
From: Shane Helms
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
To: Natalya
From: Beth Phoenix
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
To: Kelly Kelly
From: Melina
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
To: Christian
From: Edge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
To: Ken Anderson
From: Brian Kendrick
About: RVD
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
To: Twitter
From: Reby Sky
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To: AJ Styles
From: James Storm
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
To: Randy Orton
From: Ted Dibiase (and Cody Rhodes)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
To: Sting
From: Hulk Hogan
About: Dixie Carter
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
To: Angelina Love
From: Velvet Sky
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
To: CM Punk
From: Jeff Hardy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
To: Evan Bourne
From: Randy Orton
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
To: Edge
From: Jeff Hardy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
To: RVD
From: Ken Anderson
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?
To: Jeff Hardy
From: Matt Hardy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
To: Shane Helms
From: Matt Hardy
About: Shannon Moore
he ran through my sliding door
To:Matt Hardy
From: Shane Helms
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
To: Shane Helms
From: Chris Jericho
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits
To: Edge
From: Christian
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
To: Randy Orton
From: John Cena
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
To: Heath Slater
From: Wade Barrett
About: Justin Gabriel
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
To: Jeff Hardy
From: CM Punk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
To: Matt Hardy
From: Evan Bourne
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
To: Mickie James
From: Layla
About: The McTaker Wedding
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Alex Riley
About: Eli Cottonwood
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
To: Beth Phoenix
From: Natalya
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
To: HBK
From: HHH
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
To: Ted Dibiase
From: Cody Rhodes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
To: Shannon Moore
From: Jeff Hardy
Oh dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
To: Matt Hardy
From: Shane Helms
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course you were a shit show
To: Justin Gabriel
From: Heath Slater
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
To: John Cena
From: Randy Orton
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.