Growing Up: Omi Years

by Deutschrocker

All the crazy things happened on Omi's birthdays. Whether it was Ken, Yohji, Aya or Omi himself, something comedic and zany always exploded in their faces on February 29th. WARNING: Includes flying paint, rescue missions to the moon and sugar high chibies

Growing Up: Omi Years

Omi Tsukiyono had been only at the age of 7 little wobbly years when he was kidnapped and held for ransom. Robbed of his innocence, his entire childhood stolen; he was bound and gagged, his pleas for his father unappreciated and ignored. Only held for a week, a mysterious man, dubbed Persia transformed into his saving grace; rescuing him from his captors. Now at the age of 17 years, practically an adult, it was once again his birthday, his 17th. He hadn't planned anything, nor did he actually believe that Weiss had planned anything for him. It was a Friday, the opener to the weekend, dressed impeccably, he grabbed his school bag and just enough money to buy a small breakfast on the way to school at McDonald's. He marched down the stairs, writing a note on a handy Post-it note, and sticking it to Ken Hidaka's forehead, as he lay draped over the couch in the mission room; watching some random soccer game as he usually did when he had free time. Ken sneezed gently, his nose twitching. Omi quickly wondered why Ken hadn't made it to his room last night, and stopped the search party in his brain when his eyes uncovered Ken's foot badly bandaged; Yohji's work, no doubt. Omi hissed inwards, his mind searching for some explanation on how this couldn't be Ken's fault; due to his klutziness, and if it was; Omi's brain began hyperventilating with the overload of possibilities on how it happened.

"Another run-in with the moon?" Omi guessed to himself, giggling. It was his 12th birthday when Ken Hidaka had actually crashed his motorcycle into the moon.

~flashback~

"How the hell did you manage that one Hidaka?!" Yohji barked into the phone

"Yohji! There is a chibi in the room!" Manx scolded him, attempting to wipe the mud off of Omi's forehead after he fell on his way home from the bus stop

"What did Ken do now?" Aya complained, putting the broom back

"Uh, anybody got a rocket?" Yohji said

Omi stared at the assassin. He cocked his head like an intrigued puppy and said, "Why does Kenken need a rocket?"

Manx stooped down to Omi's level.

"Yohji's being silly. Ken doesn't need a rocket."

"Oh yes he does!" Yohji argued back, waving the phone in Manx's face

"Gimme that!" She snapped, "Now be nice to Omi. It's his birthday."

"Hey chibi," Yohji said, walking towards the 12 year old, "How old are you as of right now?"

"I am 12 years old!" Omi declared proudly

Manx's voice broke the silence, "You did what?! Hold on, I'm putting you on speaker phone."

"I wished I had paid attention to 6th grade science." Ken said, "Then this wouldn't have happened."

"What did you do, Ken?" Aya questioned

"I crashed my motorcycle into the moon."

Aya turned bright red with laughter and could not control himself, he started laughing so hard and so suddenly it scared Omi into jumping back 5 feet, landing on his ass, which in turn gave the poor chibi a bad case of the hiccups. Tears started welling in his eyes and streaming down his face, occasionally interrupted by a hiccup or two.

"You broke Omi!" Manx cried, running over and Omi cried into her shoulder until the hiccupping stopped; and Yohji was about ready to strangle Aya; which we would never get away with… After all, razor wire vs. katana…. Katana always wins. Unlike Aya, Yohji Kudoh actually had a conscience. Or maybe it was the fact that Omi's crying would subsequently ruin his day and any plans of being laid later that night. Yeah, let's just go with the second one. Yohji's not THAT good of a person.

"Nice going Yohji, break the chibi." Aya mocked

"I did not! It's your laughter!" Yohji defended, "I always knew you were masochistic and psychotic."

"Where the fuck did masochistic come from? Psychotic I may be, but that is very mean to single me out."

"And since when did you get feelings?!"

Aya pretended to look hurt.

As the duo continued fighting, Omi had dug his head out of Manx's blazer and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Manx?" he asked

"Yes, Omi?"

"In school today, my teacher told us about this thing called crack and how it makes you crazy. Are Yohji and Aya on crack, Manx?"

"Uh…" Manx's voice trailed off, because she really didn't know the answer to that.

"Uh… guys?" Ken's voice shattered

"What?!" Aya and Yohji snapped at the same time

"Are aliens real?" Ken asked, his voice high pitched and full of anxiety

"Only the ones in your head, Kenken." Yohji said

"Shove it Kudoh." Ken snapped, "I'm serious there are ALIENS here!"

"I think you forgot your pills this morning." Aya said

"Those are for migraines!" Ken exclaimed

"Oh sure they are." Aya mocked

~end of flashback~

Kritiker had actually had to send a rocket to collect Ken. No aliens were ever found, and Ken had forgotten his pills that morning. After leaving the note, Omi climbed back up the stairs and walked out the door, taking Ken's motorbike keys. It was a Friday, and Ken let Omi use his bike on Fridays. Mounting the bike, he took off to buy his breakfast. On his way, he noticed the steel stop sign with the imprint of a human face embedded in the center. It suddenly occurred to him that all the crazy things seemed to happen on his birthdays.

~flashback~

"Come on Ken!" Yohji egged Ken, who was wobbling back and forth on this bicycle, "You can do it!"

Ken was only 12 years old, Omi was 10, Aya was 18 and Yohji was 20. It was again Omi's birthday, and Yohji had promised Ken how to ride a bike. It was this day that Omi learned never to take Yohji up on something he promised when he was smirking uncontrollably. Aya was holding Omi's hand on the sidewalk, while Yohji and Ken were in the road. Yohji was holding the back wheel of the bike with his knees and Ken was balanced on the bike.

"Come on Yohji! Lemme go! I can ride now!" Ken exclaimed excitedly

"You sure chibi? I'll be running behind you the whole time."

"I can do it!"

"Okay!" Yohji let go of the bike, Ken went speeding away, paddling like there was no tomorrow, but what Ken didn't expect was a steep, downhill slope appearing out of nowhere. Ken screamed, and Omi broke free of Aya's hand and started running after his friend. Omi screamed, followed by the sound of crying. Aya and Yohji started running fast down the street, but started laughing when they saw Ken's face deeply smushed into the stop sign, his limbs spread out like road kill, the bike wrapped around the pole like rope candy. Yohji could hear Ken groaning, he fell backwards, his body flopping like a rag doll. Aya looked at his eyes and groaned.

"Nice job Kudoh, the kid's got a concussion." Aya snapped at the assassin, grabbing his cell phone and calling 911

~end of flashback~

Omi laughed, speeding up. He bought his breakfast, and then realized that he had more money, saved it and decided to use it to buy Weiss dinner that night. Omi parked the bike around the corner by his school; he ate his breakfast in silence on the bench, as he had done many mornings. A painting van passed, and Omi giggled again, recounting his 13th birthday. Aya let Omi paint his room as a present, and Yohji had been forced to help by penalty of the katana.

~flashback~

"Hey Yohji, can you pass me that sponge? I just spilled paint on my arm."

"Sure chibi." Yohji said, passing Omi the sponge

"Yohji, I am 13 years old. I am not a chibi anymore."

"Omi, you've been living in this house since you were 8 years old. You'll always be the chibi."

Omi frowned.

"I guess."

Omi threw the sponge backwards, he turned, and tripped, face plowing right into the lime green colored paint. Yohji started laughing, and Omi began searching for the spork he'd had in his desk drawer.

~end of flashback~

That was four years ago, and Omi could laugh about it now, but after Aya was done scraping and pulling the dried paint out of Omi's hair, he wanted to kill Yohji. Tears riddled the floor, and Omi's hair was embarrassing enough, and Yohji taking a picture just made him mad as hell.

~flashback~

Aya walked into Omi's room, horrified. Omi was covered in paint, head to toe. Tears left uber-shiny streaks on his face and his hair was matted solid. Aya groaned, realizing it was him who was going to be helping Omi get the now waxy paint out of his hair.

"What happened?" Aya asked, attempting to sound calm

"Omi fell in the paint." Yohji giggled

"Shove it you masochistic bastard!" Omi cried through tears

"I'd prefer masochistic womanizer, chibi." Yohji said

"Kudoh stop it!" Aya snapped, "You're only making it worse!"

"I am not a chibi!" Omi yelled at Yohji, picking up a paint can and dumping it on Yohji, "I am not a chibi!"

"Okay, Omi!" Aya said, removing the sticky weapon from the assassin, "Let's go downstairs and get this paint off you, and then we'll order anything you want for your birthday, okay?"

Omi nodded, sniffling. Ken walked into the room, Aya nodded, and then Ken took Omi downstairs.

"Since when did you become sweet?!" Yohji hissed

"I am human, Kudoh."

"And since when did you started calling me by my last name?!"

"Since it pisses you off, Kudoh, Kudoh, Kudoh, I know this makes you mad, Yohji."

"Manx was right! You're on drugs!" Yohji cackled

"I have a chibi to de-paint." Aya said, walking out of the room

"AND SINCE WHEN DID YOU START HELPING PEOPLE?!" Yohji screamed, arms flailing, flinging paint onto the wall

"And while you're at it, finish the room." Aya said, closing the door and wedging a chair underneath the knob

"BUT THIS ISN'T FAIR!"

"I don't care Kudoh!" Aya's footsteps were heard stalking down the stairs. When he arrived at the kitchen, Ken's hands were covered in paint and Omi was hysterical.

"Go take a shower, get some of that paint out." Aya said, Omi walked up the stairs, "And while you're there, USE ALL OF YOHJI'S SHAMPOO!"

"Why?" Omi asked, perking his head around the corner

"Because I said so." Aya said

"Works for me!" Omi said cheerfully

Two hours and 5 bottles of Yohji's shampoo later, Omi walked down in his favorite pajamas, and hair still speckled with paint.

"It didn't come out?!" Ken gasped

"No." Omi said sadly

"And why do your pajamas have little ducks on them?" Aya asked, looking at Omi's two piece footsie pajamas littered with little yellow rubber duckies.

"They're my favorite! Don't you like them?" Omi asked, his mastered puppy dog eyes opening wide, filling with tears

Aya and Ken looked at each other, stuttering. It was practically a sin to make Omi cry.

"Of course I like them!" Aya said

"Who wouldn't love these pajamas?" Ken asked pointing to one of the ducks, "How cute are those rubber ducks?"

Omi smiled ear to ear.

"I know! They're really warm too!" Omi said

"Now how are we going to rid your hair from this paint?" Aya said

"We could always brush it out." Ken suggested

"Or cut it." Aya said

"Maybe we would pick all of it out." Ken said again

"Okay, let's try that." Omi said scratching at his scalp

Another hour later… All the paint was FINALLY out, and Omi was crying again. Aya then ordered pizza, Omi's favorite and sent a still paint covered Yohji to get a movie.

"But I don't wanna go!" Yohji whined at Aya pushed him out the door

"K.A.T.A.N.A. I have a katana, and I am not afraid to use it! Now go to the damn movie store or so help me I will-" Aya snapped

"Please, don't fight!" Omi cried into Ken's shoulder

"Yeah Aya, don't fight!" Yohji mocked

"Shove it womanizer! Ken, hand me my katana!" Aya snapped

Yohji ran out the door screaming like a little school girl.

~end of flashback~

Yohji hadn't screamed like a girl since that day. The school bell rang, and Omi threw out his trash as he ran inside the building.

First period was hysterical. Omi hadn't laughed so hard in years. The teacher was actually bribing the students to do better with candy. Candy, chocolate and sugar.

"I have chocolate, and I'm not afraid to use it!" The teacher told the class

Omi broke out laughing. On his 8th birthday, Aya had invited Schwarz to Omi's birthday party, and little 6 year old Nagi had cause so much mayhem, he almost topped Farferello.

~flashback~

"Happy birthday Omi-kun!" Nagi said, hugging his best friend

"Wanna see the cake that Aya bought?" Omi asked Nagi

Nagi's eyes lit up like fireworks.

"You can see it but you can't eat it yet!" Aya said

"Aw, when can we eat it?" Nagi asked

"After we humiliate Omi once again with 'Happy Birthday'." Yohji said

"I was not humiliated!" Omi said, "What's humiliated mean?"

Schuldig couldn't help but laugh, Crawford smacked his forehead and Farf was just being Farf.

Omi dragged Nagi to the kitchen where Aya had put the cake out on display.

"You ever want kids?" Schuldig asked Crawford

"Why would I when I have you to look after?" Crawford said, walking up to Aya

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Schuldig barked back

"It means you are immature and childish!" Crawford said

"I'm 15 you idiot!" Schuldig said, "I'm allowed to be like that!"

"I'm not caring, besides, Aya is here." Crawford snapped at the assassin

"Oh sure, go screw your boyfriend!" Schuldig yelled, and in return Aya shot him a death glare

"Watch it pal, there are kids in this house." Aya growled

"I AM A KID!" Schuldig yelled back at Aya, "And besides, I could kill you."

"Telepathy versus Katana…. I'd have to go with katana there Schu." Crawford said

"Oh meine Gotter, FUCK YOU CRAWFORD!" Schuldig raved, jumping up and down, and then Farferello slapped him.

"Watch it you German! Crawford's happiness reflects on Nagi's happiness which reflects on your happiness which reflects DIRECTLY on my happiness. And if I'm not happy, NO ONE IS!"

"Go kill a priest."

"Crawfoo, can I kill him now?" Farf begged Crawford

"Be my guest." Crawford said

"Brad! I can't believe you! After all the times we've spent together, laughing, giggling and having a good time!" Schuldig said

"We're assassins! We kill people!" Crawford said back

"That falls directly under 'laughing, giggling and having a good time' if you haven't noticed." Schuldig said

"Shut up so I can smack you!" Farferello snapped

"Make me Farfie." Schuldig said, sticking his tongue out

"You are such a stubborn bastard!" Farfie yelled back

"I know what you are but what am I?" Schuldig said calmly

In the kitchen, Omi and Nagi where staring down at the cake.

"I want to eat it!" Nagi said, sticking his finger into the icing and licking his finger

"Nagi! Aya-kun said not to eat the cake yet! He says I have to be humiliated first!" Omi exclaimed

"I know, but Schuldig wanted me to see if I got this thing called sugar high. I'm sure what it is, but Schuldig seems to think it's funny."

Aya and Crawford walked into the kitchen.

"Hello chibies." Crawford said, "Happy birthday Omi!"

"Thank you Crawford!" Omi said, "Aya have I been humiliated yet? I want cake!"

Crawford giggled.

"Yohji was just kidding when he said that. How about you go call everyone to sit at the table, and I'll bring the cake out?" Aya said

"Okay! Come on Nagi-kun!" Omi said, running out of the kitchen

"Wait up Omi!" Nagi called after him, running close behind

"I swear having Schuldig, Farferello and Nagi around, it's like being a father. I have to watch them constantly." Crawford said

"Yea you do. It's the same with Ken and Omi. Ken's a klutz and Omi's just a little kid." Aya said, picking up the cake and walking into the mission room, and he actually started singing happy birthday.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Omi, happy birthday to you!" they all sang

Omi's eyes filled with tears of happiness and thanked everyone. Yohji cut the cake and Schuldig and Farf laughed hysterically as Nagi's and Omi's faces were soon covered in cake and icing.

Half and hour later, they were all chasing Nagi around because he was so sugar high.

~end of flashback~

Omi spent the rest of the day recounting all the funny memories. When he got home, he was doing his homework when he realized that no one was home. He walked slowly into the mission room, turning on the lights when everyone cried:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY OMI!"

THE END

A/N: The whole idea of Kenken crashing into the moon was actually SchwarzShifter and Icey of the Black Rose's idea. This was just a short funny that popped into my mind during math class… Please review!